40 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
40 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
Thoughts about life:
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1. I started out with nothing....I still have most of it.
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2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
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3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
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4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
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5. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
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6. If all is not lost, where is it?
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7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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8. If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
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9. The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
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10. I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
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11. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through..
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12. It was all so different before everything changed.
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13. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
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14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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15. Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
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16. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
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17. I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few...
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18. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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19. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
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20. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
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21. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
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22. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
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23. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
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24. Never knock on Death's door: ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
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25. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
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26. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
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27. If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
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28. There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick and the dead.
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29. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
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30. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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31. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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32. It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.
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33. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
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34. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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35. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
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