203 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
203 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
Note: The Truly Tasteless BBS has the pleasure of providing you with the
|
||
following humor. Please direct any updates, comments, improvements, etc. to
|
||
TTT BBS at (415)-364-4339, or by mail at
|
||
|
||
1583 Cordilleras Road,
|
||
Redwood City, CA 94062
|
||
|
||
Thanks!
|
||
|
||
Richard Lane
|
||
Sysop
|
||
|
||
##########################################################################
|
||
|
||
|
||
What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom?
|
||
Hey, I'm a fun guy!
|
||
|
||
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed that all the women were paying
|
||
attention to this real geeky guy. He was 4'11", fat, bald, and pimply,
|
||
not to mention the coke-bottle glasses and that he sniffled a lot. He
|
||
motioned to the bartender, "Hey, what gives? Why are all the chicks
|
||
interested in that lump over there?" "Dunno," replied the bartender,
|
||
"He came in here, sat down, and didn't say anything to them. Just
|
||
stared into space licking his eyebrows."
|
||
|
||
How can a women lose lots of ugly fat quick?
|
||
DIVORCE HIM!!!!
|
||
|
||
Like my brother is so stupid he has to take his pants off to count to
|
||
21.
|
||
Like he is so stupid when they were handing out brains he thought they
|
||
said trains so he asked for a slow one.
|
||
|
||
What do waterfowl use for bondage?
|
||
DUCK TAPE!!!!
|
||
|
||
Who killed more Indians that General Custer?
|
||
Union Carbide.
|
||
|
||
Who was voted the MVP in the 1984 Hockey season?
|
||
Indira Gandhi: she stopped 10 shots in 7 seconds.
|
||
|
||
How do you stop a JAP from craving sex constantly?
|
||
Marry her.
|
||
|
||
What's an ideal JAP house?
|
||
15 rooms, no kitchen, no bedroom.
|
||
|
||
What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
|
||
|
||
A: "Darling."
|
||
|
||
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOAN COLLINS AND THE TITANIC?
|
||
ONLY 1500 WENT DOWN ON THE TITANIC.
|
||
|
||
How many computer mainframe support people does it take to screw in
|
||
a light bulb?
|
||
At least fifty...One to screw it in...the other forty-nine to study
|
||
the security and networking implications!!!
|
||
If you are on a centrally supported mainframe - you'll understand.
|
||
|
||
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
|
||
NONE!! That's a hardware problem!
|
||
|
||
What do the initials PLO stand for? Push Leon Overboard
|
||
|
||
Heard about the new drink called a Klinghoffer?
|
||
Two shots and a splash.
|
||
|
||
<EFBFBD>Why didn't Leon Klinghoffer take a shower the night before the hijacking
|
||
He figured he'd wash up on the beach.
|
||
|
||
What do you call an Iranian fanatic on a roof?
|
||
Shiite on a Shingle. <That one's not that funny>
|
||
|
||
Heard about the WASP who turned into a store and left the door ajar....
|
||
|
||
There is an old story about Prime Minister Gladstone, who was having a
|
||
chat with Benjamin Disraeli, while getting a blow job by a young
|
||
British Army Regular. Gladstone was so intent on his discussion that
|
||
he had to be interrupted by the youngster, who informed him, "Excuse me
|
||
sir, but you've come." "Why, by George, so I have!" he replied
|
||
cheerily, and tipped the lad a sovereign.
|
||
|
||
What's the difference between a light bulb and a nymphomaniac?
|
||
You can unscrew the light bulb.
|
||
|
||
A DRUNK WAS STAGGERING DOWN THE STREET WITH A BOX UNDER EACH ARM.
|
||
A POLICEMAN STOPS THE DRUNK AND ASKS:
|
||
"EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THOSE BOXES UNDER YOUR ARMS?"
|
||
"well, occifer, under me left arm i've got a 5 bottles of whiskey,
|
||
just in case of snake bite, don't ya know"
|
||
"THAT'S JUST FINE, SIR. NOW WHAT'S IN THE OTHER BOX?"
|
||
"oh, just snakes..."
|
||
|
||
How can you tell the difference between the drunks and everyone else
|
||
during and earthquake?
|
||
- The drunks are the only ones able to walk halfway decent
|
||
Re: JOKE
|
||
|
||
Mark Twain's assessment of the music of Richard Wagner:
|
||
"It's not as bad as it sounds."
|
||
|
||
Bumper Sticker Seen in L.A;
|
||
|
||
"Fresh Air Smells Funny"
|
||
|
||
WHAT WAS PELLE LINDBERGH'S NICKNAME?
|
||
(HARVEY WALLBANGER)
|
||
|
||
What's the difference between midget bank robbers and the Radcliffe
|
||
track team? One's a group of cunning runts...
|
||
|
||
What's the difference between a magic show and a porno show?
|
||
One's a cunning array of stunts...
|
||
|
||
THIS ONE'S FOR ALL THE GUYS OUT THERE: Any of you know the difference
|
||
between sashimi and cunnilingus? If not, I know this great Japanese
|
||
restaurant...
|
||
|
||
A man, feeling rather self-satisfied after his performance, asked his
|
||
new-found lady friend if he was her first lover. "I think so," she
|
||
replied, "Your face did look familiar."
|
||
|
||
<EFBFBD>What's this? <Stomp on the floor 3 times>
|
||
CPR for an AIDS victim.
|
||
|
||
HOW MANY SOLDIERS DOES IT TAKE xDTO WIN THE WAR?????
|
||
200 ONE TO DO THE SHOOTING AND 199 TO USE THE $600.00 TOILET SEATS.
|
||
|
||
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PROSTITUTE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
|
||
FULL!!!
|
||
|
||
|
||
WHAT DO YOU CALL A HALF-WIT AT TEXAS A & M? GIFTED!
|
||
|
||
HOW MANY 'REAL MEN' DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
|
||
NONE - REAL MEN AREN'T AFRAID OF THE DARK.
|
||
|
||
DID YOU SEE THE NEW ROCK HUDSON DESIGNER JEANS?
|
||
THEY HAVE ZIPPERS ON BOTH SIDES.
|
||
DID YOU HEAR WHY ROCK HUDSON'S CAR INSURANCE WENT UP?
|
||
HE GOT REAR ENDED TOO MANY TIMES.
|
||
WHAT DID ROCK HUDSON SAY TO DORIS DAY WHEN SHE WAS CRYING?
|
||
ROLL OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
|
||
WHAT DID ROCK HUDSON SAY WHEN HE WAS ASKED WHO GAVE HIM AIDS?
|
||
HE SAID "I DON'T HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD."
|
||
|
||
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PRETTY GIRL IN MINNESOTA?
|
||
A TOURIST.
|
||
WHAT IS THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF MINNESOTA?
|
||
INTERSTATE 35.
|
||
|
||
WHAT DO ELEPHANTS USE FOR TAMPONS?
|
||
SHEEP.
|
||
WHAT DO ELEPHANTS USE FOR VIBRATORS?
|
||
EPILEPTICS.
|
||
|
||
So, the doctor goes into the sick man's room...
|
||
|
||
"I have some GOOD news and some BAD news", the Doctor said.
|
||
"Well, let's hear the GOOD news frist", the Man said
|
||
|
||
the doc pauses... "you have 24 hours to live !" he blirs out.
|
||
"WHAT ??" the man gasps, "that's the GOOD news... what's the
|
||
BAD news??"
|
||
|
||
|
||
"I should have told you yesterday...", said the doctor.
|
||
|
||
I'VE HAD SUCH A BAD DAY I COULD HAVE FALLEN INTO A BARREL OF TITS
|
||
AND COME UP SUCKING A THUMB.
|
||
|
||
Did you hear about the new strain of AID?
|
||
its called hearing-AIDS
|
||
|
||
You get it by listeni to Assholes.
|
||
|
||
A YOUNG LADY AMERICAN TOURIST IN EDINBURGH APPROACHES AN ELDER SCOTSMAN
|
||
<EFBFBD>AND SAYS, "fORGIVE ME FOR ASKING SUCH A PERSONAL QUESTION, BUT I'VE
|
||
ALWAYS WONDERED--IS ANYTHING WORN UNDER THE KILT?" HE REPLIES, "NAY,
|
||
LASSIE--GOOD AS EVER."
|
||
|
||
Ok folks. 1. Everybody stand up.
|
||
2. Now, bend over and grab your knees.
|
||
3. Good, next spell RUN very slowly.
|
||
4. ...Another sucker born every minute.
|
||
|
||
A man having just purchased a gold mine sight unseen shows up at the
|
||
diggings to survey his holdings and be sure everything is in order.
|
||
Upon arrival he finds 3 men doing nothing, so he quickly sizes up the
|
||
workers and assigns them each a task...To the big Swede>> the job of
|
||
pushing the wheelbarrow...To the strong pollock>> the pick and shovel
|
||
duties...and to the little Chinaman...???...In charge of Supplies.
|
||
A few weeks later he returns to se how it's going. The Swede and the
|
||
Pollock are slaving away dutifully but the damn little Chinaman is
|
||
NOWHERE to be found! He looks high and low, inside and out, but to no
|
||
avail. Suddenly, out from behind a nearby rock, the Chinaman leaps out
|
||
and yells "SUPPLIZE!!!"
|
||
|
||
You know, most men aren't born Gay, but many are sucked into it.
|
||
|
||
WHAT'S BAD: BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY THE PLO
|
||
WHAT WORSE: BEING RESCUED BY THE EGYPTIANS
|
||
|