1066 lines
52 KiB
Plaintext
1066 lines
52 KiB
Plaintext
What is:
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Gooooo, Goooo, Click, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Yaaaaa, Yaaaaa, Tick,
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Tick, Tick, Ding.
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Baby playing IN a Microwave.
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What is:
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Gooooo, Gooooo, Click, Yaaaaa, Yaaaaaa, Whirrrrrr, Whirrrrrr.
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Baby playing IN a Bender.
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As the cowboy swung down into the narrow ravine, he saw a thin wisp
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of smoke ahead. Going cautiously along the trail, he came into a
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clearing where the remains of a burning wagon met his gaze. As he
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came around the wagon, he saw a naked woman spread eagled on the
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ground and sobbing. "Oh thank goodnes," she said. "Indians killed
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my husband, burned our wagon, stripped me, raped me and left me to
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die." The old cowboy looked around as he climbed down out of the
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saddle and walked towards her...... "Well Mam," he said as he
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started unbuckling his gun belt, "this just ain't your day."
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Did you ever get caught masturbating in the closet?????
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You must be prety good at it then.....
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What is:
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peck, peck, peck, BANG, peck, peck, peck BANG??
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A chicken in a mind field...
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What is:
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I got it.....I got it.....I got it.....I got it......
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A blind guy with a rubicks cube...
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What is:
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Bop, Bop, Bop, YELL, smush...
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Someone plucking a baby's soft spot on his head
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Jesus and Moses are sitting around Heaven one day, bored. "Waddya
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wanna do today, Moses?" Jesus asks. "I don't know," Moses replies.
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"We've seen all the movies already..." Eventually, they decide to
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go back and visit the Earth.
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While wandering across the surface of the globe, they come to the
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Red Sea. Moses stands on the shore, gazing across the waves. "You
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know," he says, "I'd like to see if I still have the old 'juice' in
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me."
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With these words he draws himself up, concentrates, and flings his
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arms toward the skies. The clouds roil, the waters rumble, and then
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-- in one huge, convulsive movement, the waves roll back and the sea
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parts!
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Moses gazes with satisfaction at the path leading through the sea.
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"Yeah, nice to know I've still got what it takes!" He lets his arms
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drop, and the waters crash back into place.
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Later, the two men find themselves by the Sea of Galilee. "My turn
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now," Jesus says, "Let's see if I've still got my stuff. I haven't
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walked on water in years!" So saying, he marches toward the shore.
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He strides out right onto the surface of the water, turns around and
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grins toward Moses. Another few steps farther out, he sinks in just
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a little bit -- perhaps as far as his ankles. A few more steps, and
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he sinks in up to his knees.
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Gamely setting his face, he pushes forward another couple of steps
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when all boyancy suddenly abandons him, and he drops abruptly below
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the surface of the waves.
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Jesus swims back to shore and hauls himself out of the water -- a
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wet, bedraggled mess. Moses is rolling around on the sand, pointing
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and laughing fit to bust a gut!
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Jesus shakes his head sadly. "I just don't understand it. What
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could have gone wrong?"
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"Shmuck!" Moses whoops, "You forgot about the HOLES in your feet!"
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A man was seriously injured in a car accident, severely damaging
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his legs. As soon as the emergency room doctor examined him, he
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knew the one of the man's legs must be amputated. He was taken to
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surgery, where, due to an administrative error, the good leg was
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amputated. The mistake was discovered while the man was in the
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recovery room, so he was taken back into surgery and the bad leg
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also amputated.
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When the man found out what had happened from a nurse who was
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present during the entire procedure, the man decided to sue the
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doctor and the hospital. He consulted the best attorney in town,
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who, after going over the man's claim, advised him against seek-
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ing damages.
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"What," the man exclaimed, "this is the most clear cut case of
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outright negligence I have ever heard of."
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"That may be true," the lawyer replied, "but frankly you don't
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have a leg to stand on."
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Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a woman with PMS?
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A: Jewelry!
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As a result of the reduction in the availability of funds budgeted for
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departmental areas, we are, unfortunately, forced to cut down on our
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number of personnel.
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Under the plan, older employees will be encouraged to accept early
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retirement thus permitting the retention of younger personnel, who
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represent our future plans.
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A programme to phase out older personnel by the end of the current
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fiscal year, via retirement, will therefore be put into effect, as soon
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as possible. The programme will be known as Retire Aged People Early
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(RAPE).
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Employees who are RAPE'd will be given the opportunity to look for other
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jobs outside the company. Provided they are being RAPE'd they can
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request a review of their employment records before actual retirement
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takes place. This phase of the operation will will be called: Survey of
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Capabilities of Retiring Early Workers (SCREW).
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All employees who have been RAPE'd or SCREW'd may file an appeal with
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upper management. This operation will be called: Study by Higher
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Authority Following Termination (SHAFT). Under the terms of this new
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policy employees may be RAPE'd once, SCREW'd twice, but may be SHAFT'd
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as many times as the company deems appropriate.
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If the employee follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to
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get Half-Earning for Retired Personnel's Early Severence (HERPES). As
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HERPES is considered a benefit plan, any employee who has received
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HERPES will no longer be RAPE'd or SCREW'd by the company.
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Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain, that the
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company will continue it's policy to ensure that employees are well
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trained through our Special High-Intensity Training programme (SHIT).
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The company takes great pride in the amount of SHIT that our employees
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receive. We have, and will continue to give, our employees more SHIT
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than any other company in this sector. If you feel that you are not
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receiving enough SHIT please see your immediate supervisor. Your
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supervisor is specially trained to make sure that you receive all the
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SHIT you can handle. (and then some!!)
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The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday
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afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded
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to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude.
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Seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and
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happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any panties
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under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "Lady, if
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that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite." Well, she was
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understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was
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going to do about it.
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The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The
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wife became histerical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go
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downtown and punch the rude salesman right in the nose.
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"Well", the husband replied. "There are three reasons I don't punch
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that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been
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shopping for shoes, since you have a whole closet full of them.
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Secondly, you have no business going shopping downtown with no panties
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on. But most of all, I'm not going to punch any guy in the nose whose
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big enough to eat that much ice cream!"
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Man is in a bar with his dog watching the Cowboys play on
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TV. The 'Boys score a TD and the dog starts barking like
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crazy. The barkeep comes up and says, "Gee, does he do
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that every time the Cowboys score?" "I don't know. I've
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only had him two seasons..."
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At the other end of the vegetable patch was a row of cabbages; one
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was bored with life as a cabbage and when his fairy godmother
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appeared to grant a wish, he asked to become a knight in shining
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armor. Done! Riding off for adventure, he finds a damsel held
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captive by a dragon, so he attacks the dragon with a view toward
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rescuing the lady. The dragon breathes fire the on hapless knight,
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instantly turning him into a cinder of charcoal. What is the moral of
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this story? He should have quit while he was a head.
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What did Teddy Kennedy say to Gary Hart after the latter was linked
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with Donna Rice:
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"You should have let me drive her home."
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Q: What's more dangerous than a pit bull with AIDS?
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A: The guy who gave it to him.
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The new breakfast cereal marketed to blacks?
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-- It's called "Nut'n, Bitch!"
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A girl goes to her doctor and says "Doctor Doctor, I have a Y on my beast"
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and the doctor says "well how did it get there" and she says "I was doing my
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boyfriend and he was wearing a his College T-Shirt, Yale", so the doctor says
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ok take this medicine you'll be fine, so the next day she goes back to the
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doctor and says "I have a BC on my breast" and the doctor asks how she got it
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there, and she says "I was being done by my other boyfiend and he's from
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Boston College" so he tells her to take the medicine, and the next day she is
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back and she tells the Doc she has a W on her breasts and her doctor said "let
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me guess, you have a boyfriend from Winscinson University" and she says "no
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I was with my girlfriend last night and she from Michigan University!"
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It really bothers me when people cut me o
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Improve your memory, forget about work
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An eldrly couple decided to get married. The old gentleman had been
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after her for years, and she agree on the condition that they both get
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complete physical exams.
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They went to the doctor's office together, and he was called first.
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After a short time the man and doctor returned. She ask about his
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health. The doctor said he is in good health for a man his age; just a
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little hard-of-hearing. Then she went in. The wife-to-be and doctor
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returned.
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The future husband ask about her condition. The doctor said that she is
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in fairly good health for a woman her age, just a little angina. The
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husbant-to-be said, "Oh boy! Oh boy! I can't wait to see what the rest
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of her looks like!!"
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Q: What's the difference between a Pit Bull and a woman
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with PMS?
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A: Lipstick (though I can't recall seeing many Pit Bulls
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wearing it).
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It's been a business doing pleasure with you
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A guy has SEVERE constipation and he goes to his docter for help. After the
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doc looks him over, he prescribes some suppositories for the patiant. A week
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goes by and the guy still hasn't taken a dump. The guy decides to go back to
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the doctor to see what was up.
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He steps into the docters office, and tell him the problem
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Well, says the doc, how have you been taking the pills??
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With a glass of water, what do you want me to do???? shove them up my ass?
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Best pickup line in a gay bar:
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"May I push your stool in?"
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Gay guy walks into a gay bar, sees a fellow he likes, so he
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says: "Say, you don't have AIDS, do you?" The fellow says: "No,
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I've never had any venereal diseases at all." The other guy says:
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"Well, then, you're just the asshole I'm looking for!"
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186,000 miles a second -- it's the Law! (speed of light)
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This lady was a big fan of Elvis. And to show this, she decided to
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go and get a tattoo on her upper theigh. She went to the tattoo parlor
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and had it done. When the guy finished she look at it and said "That
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is not Elvis, it looks more like Roy Orbison! I'm not giving you a
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penny!" The tattoo guy tells her that he'll make another one on the
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other leg and she would only have to pay for one. She agreed. When he
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finished, she said the same thing and that she wasn't going to pay for
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either of them. The man says "You're gonna have to pay for one of
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them. How about if I got a total stranger off the street, and if he
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says one of the tattoos looks like Elvis, then you will have to pay
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for one of them." She agreed, again. They got an old man in and asked
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him who he thought the tattoos looked like, and the man said "I don't
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know who the two twins are, but the one in the middle looks like Willie
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Nelson."
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What excuse did Marion Barry give the judge to explain why he was
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late for his cocaine trial?
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-- There was a line in the bathroom.
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Three vampires walk into a bar. the first one says "I'll have a pint of
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blood". The second one says "That sounds good! I'll have the same".
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The third one says "I think I'll have a pint of plasma". The bartender
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says "Let me make sure I've got this right: Two Bloods and a Blood
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Lite?"
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How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
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Three, .. IT JUST DOES!!!!
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A man and his wife had decided to move to the country to enjoy the
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country life. They enjoyed it so much that eventually she became
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pregnant. Not wanting to be unprepared when the baby came, the couple
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went through all the basic training.
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One day the expected labor pangs came and the couple set off for the
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hospital. Soon it was apparent that they wouldn't make it to the
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hospital on time. The man noticed a familiar vetrinary clinic and
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decided to stop there in hopes that the Vet would be able to help with
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the birth.
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After talking with the old country Vet for a few seconds he replied "Of
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course I can deliver it, I've delivered hundreds of babies in my time."
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The man was set to waiting while the Vet did what was nessesary. Hours
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and hours the man waited. He was finally about to go in when the Vet burst
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out tired and sweating "You have a fine baby boy."
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"Was it a hard birth Doctor?" the man questioned.
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"No," the Vet replied, "the birth only took 15 minutes."
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"Then why were you in there for so long?" the man quized.
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"Well it took her four hours to eat the afterbirth."
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A little old Jewish man and women are discussing marriage.
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They spend hour upon hour talking about their likes and
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dislikes. He likes Mogan David, she likes sherry. They both
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prefer a quiet time at home...together. He wants to leave his
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estate to his kids and she agrees that since her dearly
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departed husband left her well off and she wants to leave it to
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her kids. After several hours they have exhausted every
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possible subject and are pretty well agreed and comfortably
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compatible.
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"You know, Irving" she said "There is one subject we haven't
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talked about. Sex!"
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"Not to worry Martha! With me that's infrequently."
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"Just one more question, Irving. Is that one word or two?"
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This man was in a fancy restaurant when he all of a sudden begins to
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choke on a piece of food. He stands up and gives the sign that he is
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choking, but no one comes to help him.
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He's turning blue and about to pass out when this pretty woman comes
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over to him. Pushes him over a chair, pulls down his pants, and begins
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licking his rear end. All of a sudden the food comes flying out of the
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man's mouth. After a few minutes, he gets his composure, and thanks the
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woman for all her help. He asks her how she ever learned to do that, to
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which she replies, " Everyone knows how to do the heiny-lick manuever"
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..ring...ring..jingle...Zaaaap...Aieeee
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Italian politician and porn star Illona Staller rose to fame when
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she campaigned for Parliament topless.
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Not one to rest on her laurels, she recently showed up at the Vatican
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for a meeting with the Pope... again, topless.
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The Pope met her at the gate. "Dear lady!", he said, "You can't
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come in here like that!"
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"And why not?", Staller asked. "This is a church, and I have a
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divine right!"
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"Hey," the Pope replied, "You have a magnificent left, too, but you
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STILL can't come in here like that!"
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Years of dieting had failed to return Betsy to the slim
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figure she enjoyed as a youth. She had tried every diet
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known to man and women kind. So naturally when she heard
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there was a doctor new in town that could help her loose
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weight she was very skeptical. But she was still grossly
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overweight and desperate so she called at his office.
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He explained that any and all foods were allowed on his diet
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and in any quantity. Also there was no exercise program
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involved in this diet plan. And ... it was guaranteed with a
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100% money back contract. She will lose all the weight she
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wanted to.
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This all sounded too good to be true. There has to be a
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catch. Well of course there was one aspect of the diet that
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was not pleasant. True you can have all the food you desire,
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BUT you shove it up the rectum.
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Well she was desperate and agreed to the diet. Sure enough
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the fat just melted away. Soon she was slim and trim. On
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her last visit, concluding the treatment she seemed calm and
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relaxed but could not sit still. She rocked gently from side
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to side continuously. The doctor was getting a little
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worried and asked if there were any side effects. She
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replied no.
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"Well then can you explain why you can't seem to sit still?"
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"Oh, that's nothing, Doc. I'm just chewing gum."
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Christina Applegate Fan Club -- Go Kelly Bundy!
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An old woodsman gives this advice about catching a
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porcupine: "Watch for the slapping tail as you dash in and
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drop a large wash tub over him. The washtub will give you
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something to sit on while you ponder your next move."
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A computer salesman, a hardware engineer and a software developer
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were riding in a car down the freeway. The software developer was
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asleep in the back, having been up all night programming. Suddenly,
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the car began to shudder, and the hardware guy (who was driving)
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pulled over to the shoulder. The salesman got out and discovered that
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they had a flat tire. "Time to buy a new car!" he said. "The new ones
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are much faster and have more features, anyway." The hardware guy
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said, "Let me look at it." He got out, inspected the tire, and returned,
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saying, "I think we should rotate the tires." The software guy, who
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was awake by now, then said, "Look, it's not doing it now. Let's take
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her back out on the highway and see if it works."
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Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
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Q: What's the difference between an Iraqi woman and a catfish?
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A: One has whiskers and smells bad, and the other is a fish.
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Did you hear about the <ETHNIC> who moved his entire house
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six inches to the side?
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-- He needed to tighten his loose clothesline!
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A young boy dressed in a pirate costume rang the doorbell of
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an elderly womans home. The woman being mostly lonely tried
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to make conversation with the young lad by saying, "My what a
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cute pirate costume... and where are your fellow buccaneers?"
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The boy was not amused and in fact was put out by this question
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since he was being held up so he simply replied, "There under
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my buccing hat!"
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A young couple from the back woods get married and are on their
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way to Disneyland for their honeymoon. When they got within 20
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miles the man put his hand on his wifes' knee. She said "Oh,
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darling, were are married now. You can go further."
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So he drove to Miami.
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The farmer tells his son to go out in the back 40 and watch
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the bull. Then come and tell me when he services the white
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cow. (Only he is a back wood farmer and does not say service).
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The farmer goes back to the house to find the preacher and his
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wife have dropped in unexpectedly. He is having tea with them
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(if you can believe that) when the son comes home and tells his
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father that the bull serviced the Brown cow. (Only he did not
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say serviced.)
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The preachers wife heard the son's language and asked "What did
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he say?" To cover up the farmer said "He said the brown cow
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bucked." (Which of course rimes with what he really said.)
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So the farmer took the son aside and told him to go watch the
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bull and let him know when he serviced the white cow. (Only he
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did not say serviced.) "But son when you come back tell me the
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bull 'surprised' the white cow, and I'll know what you mean."
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A little while later the son runs up excitedly and the farmer
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is prepared to avert another disaster. He says "Don't tell me
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son, the bull 'surprised' the white cow."
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"He sure did, he serviced the brown cow again!" (Only he did
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not say serviced.)
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|
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Two drunks are sitting in the gutter watching a dog lick his
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private parts. One says to the other "Gee I wish I could do
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that."
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||
The other says "Better pet him first."
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|
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How many Aggies does it take to have
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sex. 5. 1 to do the job and 4 to bounce the bed.
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|
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3 guys in a boat fishing. a catholic, a methodist, and a baptist.
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The catholic says to the others "I'm getting hungry and my lunch
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is on shore". So he jumps out of the boat, runs across the top
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||
of the water to the shore and begins to eat lunch. Well, the
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baptist was just amazed. "Did you see that!", he said. The
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methodist says "O, that's nothing. I'm hungry to". So he jumps
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out of the boat, runs across the top of the water and sits
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||
beside the catholic and begins to eat his sandwich. Now the
|
||
Baptist is just dumbfounded' "I can't believe it. It's
|
||
impossible". Be the good Baptist he is, he thought to himself
|
||
"My faith is just as strong as theirs, no it's stronger. I have
|
||
nothing to fear". So he shouted to his friends on shore,
|
||
"I'm hungry to, I'll join you". So he stands up, steps out of
|
||
the boat,falls flat on his face, and begins to climbs back into the
|
||
boat. The Catholic turns to the Methodist with a smile and says,
|
||
"Gees, don't think we should have told him about the rocks"
|
||
|
||
A baby chick ask his mother.
|
||
"Am I people?" "No, you are a chicken."
|
||
"Was I born?" "No, you were laid."
|
||
"Are people laid?" "Not all - some are chicken."
|
||
|
||
After thirty years of marriage, John's wife died. Two years
|
||
later he was beginning to adjust and at the suggestion of a
|
||
friend decided to investigate a local nudists camp.
|
||
On his first visit he was walking around the grounds when he
|
||
spotted several 20 - 24 year old girls obviously in their
|
||
prime. Much to his surprise he soon had a full blown
|
||
erection. Some what embarrassed he ducked behind some
|
||
bushes. One of the young ladies had noticed his condition
|
||
and followed him, and proceeded to alleviate the problem.
|
||
Feeling very pleased with himself he continued his stroll and
|
||
lit up a cigar. Without realizing it his little walk took
|
||
him into the "gay" section. He only realized his mistake
|
||
when bent over to pick up the cigar he had dropped, and
|
||
one of the gay men nailed him.
|
||
This incident so upset him that he sought out the director
|
||
and explained the two events and his decision not to return.
|
||
The director took some time explaining that there were all
|
||
kinds at the camp.
|
||
"You don't understand", John replied "I may only get an
|
||
erection once or twice a week. But I'm likely to drop my
|
||
cigar three or four times a day!"
|
||
|
||
|
||
Telecommunications Dictionary.
|
||
Term Definition.
|
||
----- ---------------
|
||
Modem What landscapers do to dem lawns.
|
||
Token Ring A virtual engagement gift.
|
||
Ethernet A device for catching the Ether Bunny.
|
||
DataPac A size 14 girl in a size 8 bikini.
|
||
Asynch A place to wash your hands.
|
||
Bisynch The place where Elton John washes his
|
||
hands.
|
||
BBS Tall tales told by insects that
|
||
produce honey.
|
||
ASCII Ancient god of Telecommunications.
|
||
Rumored to give vast amounts of data to
|
||
believers. Hence, the phrase "ASCII and
|
||
you shall receive."
|
||
Block Parity One heck of a good time.
|
||
Carrier Detect Raison d'etre for premarital blood tests.
|
||
File Transfer Procedure followed by INFORMATION CENTER
|
||
staff who are tired of their present
|
||
jobs.
|
||
Hayes Compatible Prone to riding with a grizzled old
|
||
cowhand who sings off-key. Gene Autry is
|
||
the industry standard.
|
||
Serial Interface A spoon.
|
||
Terminal Emulation A function performed by a canary that
|
||
lays on its back with its legs in the
|
||
air.
|
||
XMODEM A device on the losing end of an encounter with
|
||
lightning.
|
||
|
||
At 3:00 sharp a lady came into Jim's friendly tavern and
|
||
ordered a Bud in a bottle. She picks up the Bud and downs
|
||
it, takes one look at Jim, her eyes roll back in their
|
||
sockets and she falls off the bar stool. Jim rushes around
|
||
the bar to see what assistance he can give her. She is
|
||
laying there passed out but otherwise seems all right. He
|
||
doesn't want to leave her laying on the floor and decides
|
||
to carry her back to the office and let her sleep it off on
|
||
the couch.
|
||
As luck would have it the bar was deserted and that left
|
||
the task of carrying her dead weight all by himself. If
|
||
you have ever tried to lift a grown person that was passed
|
||
out you will have some idea of his plight. Well he
|
||
struggled along and by the time he got to the couch he was
|
||
pretty hot (in more ways than one) since in the process her
|
||
clothes had slipped here and there reveling her firm, round
|
||
luscious body. He also noticed she was not wearing panties
|
||
and figured what the hay, what she doesn't know won't hurt
|
||
her. So he took off his clothes and "had his way with
|
||
her".
|
||
Later that evening he relayed the story in strict
|
||
confidence to a good friend. The next day just before 3:00
|
||
his friend came into the bar. At 3:00 sharp the same girl
|
||
came in and ordered a Bud in a bottle. She picks up the
|
||
Bud and downs it, takes one look at Jim, her eyes roll back
|
||
in their sockets and she falls off the bar stool. Jim's
|
||
friend helps carry her back to the office and they both
|
||
have their way with her.
|
||
The next day at 3:00 sharp the same girl came in and
|
||
ordered a Bud in a bottle. She picks up the Bud and downs
|
||
it, takes one look at Jim, her eyes roll back in their
|
||
sockets and she falls off the bar stool. Jim's friend and
|
||
two of his friends and two of their friends help carry her
|
||
back to the office and they ALL have their way with her.
|
||
Some of them twice.
|
||
The next day Jim's place has about 20 guys who come in
|
||
just before 3:00. At 3:00 sharp the same girl comes in and
|
||
orders a Bud Light. Jim asks why she switched.
|
||
"Well", she replies "I've got to lay off it for a while.
|
||
It was making my pu$$y sore!"
|
||
|
||
<groan>
|
||
|
||
When all else fails, try Tequila...
|
||
|
||
One: What are the famous words of the giant?
|
||
Two: FEE FI FO FUM
|
||
ONE: O.K. Pick any three of them in random order.
|
||
Two: How 'bout FO FO FEE
|
||
One: Good. Now Pick any four in random order.
|
||
Two: O.K.... FI FO FEE FEE
|
||
One: So we have FO FO FEE-FI FO FEE FEE
|
||
Two: Yup.
|
||
ONE: Do you know what that is?
|
||
Two: Nope.
|
||
One: Well Its..........
|
||
One: Its Mike Tyson phone number!
|
||
|
||
Lockheed Aviation files Copyright-Action against Texas Condom
|
||
Maker!
|
||
Seems a Texas-Firm, making the "Stealth-Condom" got on the wrong
|
||
side of Lockheed!
|
||
Causing the Condom-Maker to state:
|
||
Our Stealth-Condom provides a lot more protection
|
||
for much less money .....
|
||
|
||
A newfie goes to Toronto to seek his fortune and after a
|
||
couple of years is doing very well for himself. His brother
|
||
calls from Newfoundland to to tell him their father is very
|
||
ill and probably won't survive." Well if he dies I'll pay
|
||
for the funeral, the best of everything, spare no expense,
|
||
just send me the bill" says the Toronto newfie.
|
||
Two weeks later he gets a bill in the mail for $7500.00
|
||
He sends the cheque off to his brother.
|
||
The following week he gets a bill for &75.00
|
||
He sends the cheque off to his brother.
|
||
The following week he gets a bill for &75.00
|
||
He sends the cheque off to his brother.
|
||
The following week he gets a bill for &75.00
|
||
He sends the cheque off to his brother.
|
||
The following week he gets a bill for &75.00
|
||
He calls his brother and says"What the hell is going on; why
|
||
do keep get a bill for $75.00 every week?"
|
||
His brother tells him "Well you said spare no expense so we
|
||
rented Dad a tux."
|
||
|
||
Buster Douglas: "I've FALLEN, and I can't get up!"
|
||
|
||
"NIGERIANS FEAR DISMEMBERING AS TALES OF GENITAL THEFT GROW
|
||
(Agence France-Presse)
|
||
LAGOS - A bizarre rumor of disappearing male genitals has gripped black
|
||
Africa's biggest city, leading to mob attacks in Lagos on suspected
|
||
organ-robbers and extensive coverage in Nigeria's news media.
|
||
The rumor, whose origins are unclear, states that some unscrupulous
|
||
people use bodily contacts such as handshakes to make genitals disappear.
|
||
According to the rumor, the stolen organs later reappear in possession of
|
||
those people who sell them for thousands of dollars.
|
||
Dozens of suspects have been beaten up by irate mobs or arrested by
|
||
policemen in various parts of this city of an estimated seven million
|
||
residents in the past two weeks.
|
||
Many Lagos residents now go about the streets checking from time to time
|
||
their genitals immediately after a handshake or after a bodily contact
|
||
with a stranger.
|
||
Reacting to the rumor, the Lagos state police issued a statement last
|
||
Thursday. It described the rumor as the work of mischevious elements who
|
||
create a panicky situation to enable them to loot, steal or commit other
|
||
atrocities against innocent citizens.
|
||
Beside bodily contact, the rumor says, another method used by the
|
||
"evildoers" involves asking their victim for the time of day or for
|
||
directions.
|
||
"Once they succeed in arresting their attention, the genitals vanish
|
||
immediately," a firm believer in the rumor said.
|
||
Because bodily contacts are impossible to avoid at such crowded spots as
|
||
bus stops and markets, that is where the popular fears most often
|
||
crystalize into mass violence."
|
||
|
||
Why did the bald man have a hole in his pants?
|
||
ANWSER: So he could run his fingers through his hair.
|
||
|
||
What is biker foreplay?
|
||
"You awake, bitch?"
|
||
|
||
"Did you hear about the Mexican disk drive salesman that named his twin
|
||
boys Jose and Jos-b?"
|
||
|
||
The new priest was so nervous at his first Christmas Mass that he could
|
||
hardly speak. Before his second appearance in thee pulpit he asked the
|
||
Monsignor how he could relax. The monsignoe said next sunday it may help
|
||
if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips everything
|
||
should go smoothly.
|
||
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was
|
||
able to talk up a storm. He felt great, however, upon returni8ng to the
|
||
rectory he found a note from the Monsignor which read as follows:
|
||
1. Next time sip rather than gulp.
|
||
2. There are 10 commandments not 12.
|
||
3. There are 12 Disciples not 10.
|
||
4. We do not refer to the cross as The Big T.
|
||
5. The recommended grace before meals is not Rub a dub dub, thanks for
|
||
the grub, Yeah God!
|
||
6. Do not refer to our saviour Jesus Christ and his apostles as J. C.
|
||
and the boys.
|
||
7. David Slew Goliath, he did not beat the shit out of him.
|
||
8. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, are never referred to as Big Daddy,
|
||
Junior and the Spook.
|
||
9. It's always the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the cherry.
|
||
10. Last but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy puulling
|
||
contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's
|
||
|
||
A dead Pitbull is a good Pitbull
|
||
|
||
Now where did I park my hard drive?
|
||
|
||
Sing this to the Everly Brothers' tune "Wake Up, Little Susie":
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi, wake up!
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi, wake up!
|
||
|
||
Our country's sound asleep
|
||
Japan is buying us cheap
|
||
They're taking over, we're in a wok
|
||
and they're turning up the damn heat
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi!
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi!
|
||
|
||
Well, how we gonna talk to kids who say
|
||
ko nee-chee-wah?
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi!
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi!
|
||
They're buying our home
|
||
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi, wake up!
|
||
|
||
Columbia Pictures went first
|
||
and then it even got worse
|
||
They bought up all of our Seven Elevens
|
||
They even bought the next verse:
|
||
|
||
"You people so stupid
|
||
You buy a Suzuki
|
||
We buy up youl home"
|
||
|
||
Wake up or eat sushi, wake up!
|
||
|
||
"Oul movies alen't so hot
|
||
We buy Corumbia's rot
|
||
Now Godzirra is dliving Miss Daisy
|
||
And we don't haldry pay squat
|
||
We hope you rike sushi
|
||
We buying youl home
|
||
We hope you rike sushi, Amelica
|
||
We hope you rike sushi, Amelica
|
||
We hope you rike sushi, Amelica ..."
|
||
---
|
||
|
||
Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretty nasti!
|
||
|
||
Q: What's nu?
|
||
A: "C" over Lambda.
|
||
|
||
Once there was a man who went all through college and decided he didn't
|
||
like it, so he dropped out to become a trolley car conductor...He loved
|
||
the trolley cars...he had loved them since he had been a child in San
|
||
Francisco...every day he would watch the trolley cars go up the hill and
|
||
down the hill; up the hill and down the hill...and he loved to watch
|
||
them...except when old people got on the trolley cars, because they used
|
||
to complain about the littlest (sic) things...as the man grew older he
|
||
developed a hatred of old people, while retaining his love of trolley
|
||
cars.
|
||
So it was no surprise that the man, upon dropping out of school, decided
|
||
to become a trolley car conductor...he spent his days going up the hill
|
||
and down the hill; up the hill and down the hill, ringing the trolley
|
||
car
|
||
bell as he went...UNTIL...one day an old lady got on the trolley car and
|
||
demanded change for the money she had put in the vend-o-matic, even
|
||
though
|
||
there was a sign clearly posting that the conductor did not make
|
||
change...
|
||
the conductor refused to make change for her, and this infuriated the
|
||
old
|
||
lady...at this point she began screaming at him and making such a scene
|
||
that he lost control and threw her out on the trolley car tracks and ran
|
||
over her...needless to say, he was arrested, tried, and found guilty...
|
||
He was sentenced to die in the electric chair, and when the warden came
|
||
to ask him what he wanted for his last meal, he responded "a dozen
|
||
bananas".
|
||
The warden was a bit surprised at the request, but honored it and the
|
||
man
|
||
promptly smashed up the bananas and smeared the juice all over his
|
||
body...
|
||
He was then taken to the electric chair and strapped in...ZAP...the
|
||
executioner threw the switch, but the man lived...the executioner
|
||
checked
|
||
all the connections and threw the switch again...the man still lived...
|
||
the executioner tried a third time, but the man still lived...now at
|
||
this
|
||
time, the law stated that if you didn't die by the third time, it was an
|
||
act of God that you were still alive and you were released, so the man
|
||
went
|
||
free...
|
||
He returned to his job at the trolley car...(go through the deaths of
|
||
two
|
||
more old people and trials and bananas smashed on bodies and three tries
|
||
and man going free from electric chair)...after the man was set free for
|
||
the third time, the warden approached him..."Three times you've been
|
||
sentenced to die in the electric chair and three times, you've gone
|
||
free...
|
||
tell me why...is it the banana juice that you smear all over your body
|
||
before going to the chair??"
|
||
The man thought for a moment, and then slowly replied, "No, I don't
|
||
think
|
||
it's the bananas...I guess I'm just a bad conductor..."
|
||
|
||
Politics make strange bedsores
|
||
|
||
Hear's to you. Best joke of the day. Reminds me of a story
|
||
told in sunny Florida a couple of years ago. First a little
|
||
background. Gov. Martinez was still fresh in office and was
|
||
becoming very adept at making people mad at him. There was a
|
||
very unpopular tax introduced on the entertainment industry
|
||
that affected anyone that did any advertising in the state.
|
||
First he supported the tax, then opposed it, then supported
|
||
it. This soon became a life style with him (up, down, up:
|
||
this, that, this, that) until no one could stand him. Which
|
||
probably gave rise to the following post:
|
||
A C A S E O F R A P E !!
|
||
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
||
Dateline: Tallahassee, Florida.
|
||
Police report the rape of a young women. When questioned she
|
||
stated that the assailant came from behind her and blindfolded
|
||
her. She said that he never spoke a word and she was not sure
|
||
of any physical characteristics. The police officer told her
|
||
that with so little to go on that they would never be able to
|
||
catch the villain.
|
||
"Oh," she replied "I know who it was!"
|
||
"Who was it?" asked the officer.
|
||
"It was Gov. Martinez!" she replied.
|
||
"Now just a minute, young lady! You cannot go about saying
|
||
important people like the Gov. raped you just like that. You
|
||
already told me you never saw or heard the man that attacked
|
||
you so how can you claim it was the Gov.?"
|
||
"Easy" she replied "He changed positions on me three times!"
|
||
|
||
Q. How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
|
||
A. Two. One to hold the lightbulb and the other to drink beer until the
|
||
room spins.
|
||
|
||
Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree in Alabama??
|
||
A: Cut the rope.
|
||
|
||
Here's a question:
|
||
What do resterants do with frog arms?
|
||
|
||
re: I am fallen and I can't get up!
|
||
After the lady had uttered her well-known call,
|
||
"Poof!", two burly guys appeared.
|
||
Standing over her, asking:
|
||
"Did yuo fall?"
|
||
She replied: "yes, I fell"
|
||
"Can you get up?"
|
||
"No, I can't get up!"
|
||
"So, stay put!" and they proceeded to rob the home ...
|
||
|
||
What do call a steer without legs?
|
||
Ground Beef!
|
||
|
||
What do you call a cow that just had a calf?
|
||
Decalfinated!
|
||
|
||
Q: What's the NEW use Montana boys have found for sheep?
|
||
-- They use them for wool!
|
||
|
||
Why don't more blind people skydive?
|
||
Scares the heck out of their dogs!!
|
||
|
||
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
|
||
|
||
Did you hear about the young, newly married couple who didn't know the
|
||
difference between vaseline and putty?
|
||
-- Their windows fell out.
|
||
|
||
How do blind skydivers know when to pull their ripcord?
|
||
When their dogs' leash goes slack.
|
||
|
||
A man crawled into town along the gutters looking for work. A kindly
|
||
priest found him, and discovered that the man had come from the previous
|
||
town and found no jobs. He told the priest he would do anything. To the
|
||
kindly priest, the man was a god send. He bell tower ringer had quit that
|
||
very day. "I will house you and feed you, if you will ring my tower bells
|
||
for me. They are very loud." Anything, agreed the man. That Sunday on cue
|
||
from the priest, the man rang the bells. He had to ring them from the top
|
||
to the tower. However the heavy bells swung back hit the man on the nose.
|
||
The man complained to the priest. "Well, stand on one side of the tower",
|
||
suggested the priest. The man did just that next sunday, but the bells
|
||
swung back anhit the man on the face. The man enjoyed working for the
|
||
priest and did not want to quit. The priest suggested the opposite side
|
||
this time. The man tried just that, but the tower bells swung back and
|
||
scraped him. Exasperated, the man asked the priest for more suggestions.
|
||
The priest did not want to lose his best bell ringer so far, and he was
|
||
getting frustrated. "Well, let's try this. Leave the tower doors open, and
|
||
when you ring the bells, go downstairs immediately. Does that sound
|
||
workable?" It did sound workable to the man. He would not let the priest
|
||
down.
|
||
That next sunday, right on cue from the priest, the man rang the tower
|
||
bells. The bells sounded, and along with it a scream from the old man. It
|
||
seems that the bells swund back, and he could not move fast enough to get
|
||
downstairs. The bells knocked him out of the towers.
|
||
"Let me through, let me through. I am an officer." The officer studied the
|
||
man, and upon not recognizing him, began asking questions as to who he
|
||
was. Finally he got to the priest. "Do you know who he is, Father?"
|
||
The kindly priest studied the man. "No I do not, Officer. But is it funny.
|
||
He face seems to ring a bell."
|
||
|
||
Here about the guy getting his first piece? Her ma catches them and goes
|
||
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
|
||
|
||
How do you avoid falling hair???
|
||
...step to the side!
|
||
|
||
A cowboy rides into town and decides to pull his horse up to the
|
||
local saloon to have a few drinks. The bartender sees him through the
|
||
window as the cowboy gets off his horse (that's not the joke).
|
||
The cowboy ties his horse to the hitching post in front of the bar,
|
||
walks behind the horse, lifts its tail, puckers up, and kisses the horse
|
||
where the sun don't shine. The bartender is watching this happen it total
|
||
amazement. The cowboy walks into the bar and grabs a stool at the bar.
|
||
The bartender says to the cowboy, "Hey cowboy, why did you kiss your horse
|
||
there?". The cowboy responds by saying, "I have chapped lips". The
|
||
bartender says, "I don't understand. How does kissing your horse there
|
||
help your chapped lips?". The cowboy says, "Well, at least I don't lick
|
||
them anymore!"
|
||
|
||
Here lies the bones of ol' Screwy Dick
|
||
Blest at birth with a corkscrew prick
|
||
Spent his life in a fruitless hunt
|
||
For a woman with a corkscrew cunt
|
||
At last he found her, poor Dick fell dead
|
||
For the corkscrew cunt had a left hand thread
|
||
|
||
St. Peter is doing his usual thing in heaven (this is a genre in itself)
|
||
and Salvador Dali appears at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "Your
|
||
name please?" and Dali gives his name and Pete says, "I see that your
|
||
name is listed, do you have any ID?" Dali says, "I have no ID, but if
|
||
you'll give me a piece of paper,I can demonstrate." Withall he takes
|
||
the paper and draws a clock neatly draped over a chair and Peter says
|
||
"That looks like something only Dali could have done, You're in."
|
||
The next candidate to appear at the gates is Albert Einstein
|
||
who (to shorten things) says that he also has no ID, but with a
|
||
piece of paper is able to demonstrate the general theory of relativity
|
||
to Peter who is a man of earthy and not intellectual means. Pete says,
|
||
"You've convinced me and only Albert Einstein could have done as well,
|
||
You're in."
|
||
Then comes Dan Quayle to the Pearly Gates (I pray after his current
|
||
term of office has expired) and St. Peter repeats his request for an ID.
|
||
Quayle, indignant,says that he is the Vice President of the United
|
||
States and is not used to carrying around an ID. To which Peter replies,
|
||
"Well, Salvador Dali and Albert Einstein were both here and they made
|
||
their demonstrations eventhough they had no ID." To which Quayle
|
||
replied, "Who are they."
|
||
St. Peter said, "You're in."
|
||
|
||
Seems there was one Hulda and one Heinrich Ulrich and they were very
|
||
close. They were both homebodies. One day Heinrich didn't come home for
|
||
dinner and that was very unlike him. . .
|
||
so Hulda went out looking for him. (Here we need your best Milwaukee
|
||
German accent). She went from shop to shop saying, "WAHSH MY HEINIE HERE?
|
||
She got to the barber and stuck her head in the door saying, "WAHSH MY
|
||
HEINIE HERE?" To which the barber said, "No ma'm chust a shave and a
|
||
haricut."
|
||
|
||
There's this guy who decides to send his 16 year old son to a prostitute
|
||
to become properly initiated into sex. The prostitute takes him to the
|
||
bedroom and starts taking him through various routines, straight sex,
|
||
back, front, oral, anal, etc. Finally, she says "It's time to try some 69"
|
||
So they get into position and as soon as they get started she breaks
|
||
wind. The boy gets up and says, "God, how gross!" The prostitutue
|
||
apologies, says "Let's try it again". So they get into position, get
|
||
underway and she lets go again. This time the boy jumps up, runs to the
|
||
phone, calls his dad and says, "Pop, I don't think I can do this 67 more
|
||
times!".
|
||
|
||
Two male surfers were gloriously bronzed except for their genital
|
||
areas.One of them said, "Let's go down to the end of the beach tomorrow
|
||
and bury ourselves in the sand with our pricks exposed. A couple of
|
||
sessions like that and out tans ought to <20><>even out nicely."
|
||
While the surfers were were putting this idea into pratice the following
|
||
morning, two vacationing spinster schoolteachers happen<65><6E>ed on the unusual
|
||
sight.
|
||
"Oh, look Martha!" exclaimed one. "What I wouldn't have done to get one
|
||
of those when I was younger- and now, my God, ther're growing wild!"
|
||
|
||
There was this guy who won the lottery. He immediately calls his
|
||
wife and says to her, "Honey, I won the lottery, pack your bags."
|
||
And she says, "Well, we only have one suitcase."
|
||
And he says, "No, just pack your bags,I want you gone when
|
||
I get home!"
|
||
|
||
Why do they teach sex education in law school only on Monday, Wednesdays,
|
||
and Fridays?
|
||
Because they use the donkey for drivers ed. on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
|
||
|
||
Did you hear that they found Buckwheat alive and well?
|
||
He is now a Muslim and changed his name to Kareema Wheat!
|
||
|
||
A Mexican, a Spaniard and a South Side Milwaukeean (SSM) died and found
|
||
themselves at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greeted them and said
|
||
that they would have to pass a small test in order to be admitted into
|
||
heaven. The test consisted of St. Pete uttering a common phrase leaving
|
||
off the last word... the candidates were to finish the sentence and spell
|
||
the word.
|
||
The Mexican was first. <St. Pete> Old McDonald had a ____?
|
||
<Mexican> "Ranch" R-A-N-C-H
|
||
<St. Pete> You're a good speller but the word was wrong so go to the back
|
||
of the line.
|
||
The Spaniard was next. <St. Pete> Old McDonald had a ____?
|
||
<Spaniard> "Villa" V-I-L-L-A
|
||
<St. Pete> Sorry, but the word was incorrect although you too are a good
|
||
speller. Go to the back of the line.
|
||
Next the SSM. <St. Pete> Old McDonald had a ____?
|
||
<SSM> "Farm" E-I-E-I-O.
|
||
|
||
Report #2: All American Terrorists
|
||
Subject: The Deer Hunter
|
||
|
||
Case: The Novice. The guy who's taken up a new hobby, killing.
|
||
The one listening to all the stories, asking what's best
|
||
for killing the big bucks (and buck's). The one who walks
|
||
into K-Mart and drop a few hundred on the counter for
|
||
everything required for an Alaskan polar bear outing.
|
||
Case: The Buck-Fever's. The guy who shoots at sounds, through
|
||
trees, around corners, at anything that's not wearing
|
||
Blaze Orange... Usually the ones with Semi-Auto weapons,
|
||
so they can empty the gun shooting at the deer running full
|
||
speed across the field, almost out of shootable range.
|
||
Case: The Dominant's of the Camp. The guys that tell you where to
|
||
sit, what to eat, where not to go, how to shoot the deer, how
|
||
to gut it, and how to drag it... Yet to help you drag it...
|
||
Case: The Followers. The ones who follow you wherever you go, hoping
|
||
you'll see 2 deer instead of just 1, but usually cause enough
|
||
ruckus that you don't see any!
|
||
Case: The Smokers. They usually find a spot upwind from you and spook
|
||
the deer well before you have a chance to.
|
||
Recap: I am a hunter, both rifle and bow, a smoker (who leaves the cig's
|
||
at camp), and am fortunate enough to hunt on a privately owned 40
|
||
acre plot.
|
||
|
||
Did you hear that George Bush is planning to rotate 130,000 troops? Yeah,
|
||
he decided to send in 130,000 women with severe PMS to replace our sandy
|
||
troops.
|
||
The reason George gave was as follows:
|
||
"...they'll be mean as hell, and besides, they can hold water for at least
|
||
a week."
|
||
|
||
Did you hear about the new radio station here in town? It's called WPMS,
|
||
and has only women D.J.'s. They play the blues for about three weeks,
|
||
then play a week of rag-time.
|
||
|
||
You made it to heaven and God sneezes, what do you say.
|
||
Or.
|
||
You made it to hell and you are angry because the guy next to dropped a
|
||
hot coal on you foot. Where do you tell him to go?
|
||
|
||
A taxi driver sees a man, obviously intoxicated, hailing his cab. The cab
|
||
driver pulls over, and the schnockered man gets in. The man asks, hey
|
||
driver, have you got room for a pizza and a six pack? Sure, the driver
|
||
replies. HHHUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHUUUMMMMPPPPHHHHAAAAAAAHHHH.
|
||
|
||
18 UNNATURAL LAWS
|
||
1. O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN
|
||
Clenliness is next to impossible.
|
||
2. LIEBERMAN'S LAW
|
||
Everybody lies; but it doesn' matter, since nobody listens.
|
||
3. DENNISON'S LAW
|
||
Virtue is its own punishment.
|
||
4. GOLD'S LAW
|
||
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
|
||
5. HANDY GUIDE TO MODERN SCIENCE
|
||
If it's green or it wiggles - it's biology
|
||
If it stinks, it's chemistry
|
||
If it doesn't work, it's physics
|
||
6. CONWAY'S LAW
|
||
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what
|
||
is going on. This person MUST be fired.
|
||
7. GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE
|
||
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
|
||
8. STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION
|
||
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
|
||
9. FIRST RULE OF HISTORY
|
||
History doesn't repeat itself --- historians merely repeat each
|
||
other
|
||
10. FINSTER'S LAW
|
||
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
|
||
11. OLIVER'S LAW OF LOCATION
|
||
no matter where you go, there you are.
|
||
12. LYNCH'S LAW
|
||
When the going gets tough - everyone leaves.
|
||
13. GLYME'S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS
|
||
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake thet,
|
||
you've got it made.
|
||
14. MASON'S FIRST LAW OF SYNERGISM
|
||
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
|
||
15. THE SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE
|
||
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch
|
||
either one being made.
|
||
16. HARRISON'S POSTULATE
|
||
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
|
||
17. HALON'S RAZOR
|
||
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
|
||
stupidity.
|
||
18. MUIR'S LAW
|
||
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to
|
||
everything else in the universe.
|
||
|
||
A FEW LESSER KNOWN FAMOUS QUOTES
|
||
Here is a list of famous quotes and words of wisdom developed by
|
||
the engineers from the (now defunct) Salt Lake City Operation of
|
||
Hewlett-Packard. Over a period of several days they slowly appeared on a
|
||
centrally located white-board. One day I copied them down to save them
|
||
for posterity. --- Brett Carver, HP, Palo Alto, 5 May 90
|
||
01 "Code so clean you can eat off it."
|
||
02 "Learned more from a three minute bug fix than we ever did in school."
|
||
- Bruce Sprinsteen
|
||
03 "Four score and seven (hundred) bugs ago, our fore-fathers brought
|
||
fourth a new application." - Gettysbug Address
|
||
04 "If we can't fix it, it isn't broken." - Lab Manager
|
||
05 "Never test for a bug you don't know how to fix." - QA Manager
|
||
06 "Don't break it if you can't fix it." - Marketing Manager
|
||
07 "I think therefore I create bugs." - Descartes
|
||
08 "Debug is human, de-fix devine."
|
||
09 "There's a bug born every minute, and two to replace him." - P.T.Barnum
|
||
10 "The Bugs of Wrath" - John Steinbug
|
||
11 "There are two ways to write bug-free code; only the third way works. -
|
||
unknown consultant
|
||
12 Final Message from the Titanic: "Fatal crash due to icebug"
|
||
13 "Bugs Bunny was an optimist."
|
||
14 "One small bug for man, one great program for mankind." - N. Armstrong
|
||
15 "The bug is mightier than the fix." - Cyrano deBuggerac
|
||
16 "Man does not live by bug fixes alone." - The Super-user
|
||
17 "For every bug fixed, there is a bigger bug not yet discovered."
|
||
18 "The bug stops here." - Harry Trubug
|
||
19 "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't have a fix." - Rhett Buggler
|
||
20 "I regret that I have but one fix to give for my country."
|
||
- Nathan Hale
|
||
21 "I have just begun to debug." - John Paul Jones
|
||
22 "... Jesus cried with a loud voice; Lazarus, come fourth; the bug hath
|
||
been found and thy program runneth. And he that was dead came
|
||
fourth. - John 11:43-44
|
||
23 "Bugs, bugs everywhere, and not a fix in sight."
|
||
24 "I never met a bug I didn't like." - Will Rogers
|
||
25 "A feature is a bug with seniority."
|
||
26 "This time I'm going to get that cwwwazzy ewwwor." - Elmer Fudd
|
||
|