71 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
71 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
In the wake of continuing public awareness about the so called
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"Information Super Highway", or "Infobahn", here is a guide to the
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different protocols and applications which you can use to cruise...
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OSI
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This sleek black car has obviously been long years in the design
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process - almost everything has been thought of, down to the last
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detail. Unfortunately, it is 500 metres long, weighs 300 tons, and has
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no accelerator pedal. It takes a long time to get going, but once it
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reaches its top speed (15 mph), it takes a lot to stop it. A gentle
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hill will usually do the trick...
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TCP/IP
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This hillbilly pickup truck has the most crazy assortment of add ons
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you can possibly imagine, but underneath there is a deceptively simple,
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rust-free chassis. You can also hear the purr of an obviously
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turbo-charged V8 engine underneath the clutter, but it's getting
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harder to find. It'll do 0-60 in 4 seconds, but it has no
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brakes. Brakes? Who needs brakes? Just jam a crowbar in the axle and
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lock the wheels...
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WWW
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This is a huge freeway system, with roads crossing roads all over the
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place. Exits flash past at bewildering speed, and before long you can
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think you're lost beyond hope of ever being found. However, if you
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know where you want to go, you're okay, since you can guarantee that
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there will be at least a dozen ways to get there. Unfortunately,
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they're all off that road underneath you. So you just have to work out
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how to get there...
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Mosaic
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This is a huge tour bus, the very latest air conditioned, luxury
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model. It'll take you wherever you want to go, as long as there is a
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5-lane freeway right to the doorstep, otherwise get off and walk (it's
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quicker). Oh, and the highway is jammed with hundreds of other buses
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full of Japanese tourists busy taking photos and writing articles
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about the anarchic freedom of the highways, whilst sitting in a huge
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traffic jam waiting to get into Gracelands.
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ftp
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This is a sleek bare-bones sports car with an ultra aerodynamic
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body. It will take you where you want to go in the blink of a second
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and you can fill the boot with as much stuff as you want. However,
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there is no windscreen, 184 gears, and you have to type in a 12 digit
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number from memory to tell it where to go.
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telnet
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This is a reliable old family saloon car. It never breaks down, can
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fit down any road, no matter how small and twisty, and performs well
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no matter what the road conditions. However, it goes at the same speed
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on a 6 lane autobahn as on a dirt track, and it steers like a 12 ton
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truck.
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X Windows
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This is a flashy red convertible, with electric windows, doors,
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sunroof etc. Inside, you can alter the position of the steering wheel,
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the layout of all the controls and instruments, the sound of the horn,
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and the colour of any of the fittings. It is the ultimate accessory
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for the power user, and gives you many happy years of pleasure. It is
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only when you get out of the car that you realise that you never left
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the drive.
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Windows 95
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This car is in such great demand that your order cannot be delivered
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until next year. However, when you do get it, it looks great, a big
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improvement over the Windows 3 model, and it boasts a big "Highway
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Ready" sticker in the back window, which means you finally get to
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leave the car park. You get inside, and press the big red "Go
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InfoBahn" button on the dashboard. You wait for the g force. Nothing
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happens for 10 minutes, then the square wheels fall off.
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