289 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
289 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
Date: Sun, 30 Aug 87 14:20:41 EDT
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From: Alan Bawden <ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU>
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Subject: Deja vu
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To: GUARD-JOKES@AI.AI.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <248327.870830.ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU>
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On Friday evening the Chief Guard insisted on seeing ID cards of
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everyone entering the building. He did this despite the fact that
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the guard-on-duty was insisting that he recognized us and we shouldn't
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be hassled. As usual he was spouting off about this being a "new
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policy", etc. This afternoon, of course, nobody blinked when I just
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walked right in without stopping...
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Date: Thu, 26 Mar 87 20:57:27 EST
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From: Alan Bawden <ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU>
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Subject: Brainless Security Procedures
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To: BUG-S&S@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU, PHW@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU
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cc: GUARD-JOKES@AI.AI.MIT.EDU, FEATURE-ENTENMANNS@AI.AI.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <174364.870326.ALAN@AI.AI.MIT.EDU>
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I just had the Guard give me a real hard time because I used the "wrong"
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door to enter the building. I entered from the courtyard side, rather than
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from the parking lot side. The door was -not- locked, but the Guard
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claimed that in the future (when they get the lock fixed) it would be, so I
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should start using the parking lot doors now. I find this to be the
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ultimate mickey-mouse regulation, and I certainly intend to disobey it at
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every opportunity.
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I presume that what is going on here is that the Guard company has
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mis-understood the procedure that we arranged with S&S where two of the
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-inner- doors were to be blocked so that people would be forced to pass in
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front of the guard's desk. Locking the doors on one side of the building
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implies that the guard is incapable of turning his head to the left.
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Date: Thu, 26 Feb 87 00:07:33 EST
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From: "Devon S. McCullough" <DEVON@AI.AI.MIT.EDU>
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To: GUARD-JOKES@AI.AI.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <159700.870226.DEVON@AI.AI.MIT.EDU>
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I finally figured out what one problem with the elevators is last week
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when I boarded an elevator full of elevator repair men with alcohol on
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their breaths. They were in a jolly good mood but when they noticed
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they were going down instead of up they punched the next floor and got
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off. Well well well. Just now I went down to the basement to get a
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drink, since the machine in the 7th floor lobby is delivering frozen
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treats tonight, but I had to change elevators in the main lobby to go
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all the way down. The freight elevator door was partly ajar and I had
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to push it open to get in. The captain of the guards watched me, and
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lectured me about safety and told me never to push open elevator
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doors again. I replied with my tale of happy elevator repair crews, and
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said that if we are to use the facilities in their present condition,
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we have no choice, he said that wasn't his department but I should
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always call the guards if there is a problem like this. When I told him
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this was not acceptable he took my name, so I guess I'm now on some S&S
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blacklist. Oh well. Next time I'll let the guard open the door for me.
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--Devon
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Received: from MC.LCS.MIT.EDU by AI.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 3 MAY 86 14:27:02 EDT
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Received: from REAGAN.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 3 MAY 86 14:26:16 EDT
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Received: from SID.AI.MIT.EDU by MIT-REAGAN.ARPA via CHAOS with CHAOS-MAIL id 30873; Sat 3-May-86 14:27:02-EDT
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Date: Sat, 3 May 86 14:25 EDT
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From: Daniel Weise <DANIEL@MIT-AI.ARPA>
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Subject: Sleeping guard.
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To: guard-jokes@MIT-MC.ARPA, karen@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <860503142518.1.DANIEL@SID.AI.MIT.EDU>
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Right now, 2:30 pm on Saturday, the lobby guard is asleep.
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Daniel
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Received: from MC.LCS.MIT.EDU by AI.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 30 APR 86 23:14:04 EDT
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Date: Wed, 30 Apr 86 23:13:48 EDT
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From: "David M. J. Saslav" <SAZ@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU>
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To: KAREN@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU
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cc: GUARD-JOKES@MC.LCS.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <[MC.LCS.MIT.EDU].900428.860430.SAZ>
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In the past two weeks I have encountered one guard smoking (twice),
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and another guard *sleeping* at the entrance desk. I hope the Lab is
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saving a bundle with this "People's Express" security service...
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saz
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Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 14 MAR 86 09:15:44 EST
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Date: Fri, 14 Mar 1986 09:12 EST
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Message-ID: <ELIZABETH.12190637701.BABYL@MIT-OZ>
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From: ELIZABETH%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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To: rms%PREP.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU (Richard M. Stallman)
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cc: guard-jokes%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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Subject: [John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>: Building Security]
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In-reply-to: Msg of 13 Mar 1986 23:01-EST from rms at PREP.AI.MIT.EDU (Richard M. Stallman)
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We will simply have to train the new guards. A sop to Cerberus?
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[``Friend, Bill, FRIEND! Goooood Bill...here, have a biscuit...'']
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Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 MAR 86 23:10:27 EST
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Received: from XX.LCS.MIT.EDU by OZ.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 Mar 86 23:08-EST
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Received: from PREP.AI.MIT.EDU by XX.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 Mar 86 23:01-EST
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Received: by PREP.AI.MIT.EDU; Thu, 13 Mar 86 23:01:34 est
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Date: Thu, 13 Mar 86 23:01:34 est
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From: rms@PREP.AI.MIT.EDU (Richard M. Stallman)
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To: ELIZABETH%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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Cc: guard-jokes%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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In-Reply-To: "Elizabeth Willey"'s message of Thu 13 Mar 86 12:06:30-EST
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Subject: [John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>: Building Security]
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What a shame. All those nice guards who know everyone, gone.
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Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 MAR 86 21:19:54 EST
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Date: Thu 13 Mar 86 12:06:30-EST
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From: "Elizabeth Willey" <ELIZABETH%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>
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Subject: [John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>: Building Security]
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To: guard-jokes%OZ.AI.MIT.EDU@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <12190407157.8.ELIZABETH@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU>
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Received: from MC.LCS.MIT.EDU by OZ.AI.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 13 Mar 86 10:40-EST
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Received: from XX.LCS.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU 13 Mar 86 10:39:04 EST
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Date: Thu 13 Mar 86 10:25:55-EST
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From: John J. Hynes <HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>
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Subject: Building Security
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To: *mac@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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cc: tina@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <12190388845.74.HYNES@XX.LCS.MIT.EDU>
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Spaulding & Slye, has just terminated it's contract with 1st Security.
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The termination is to be effective April 14, 1986. After that date
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guard duty will be performed by Burns International Security Service.
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In the meantime, if you notice any deterioration in the service provided
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by 1st Security, please bring it to my attention as soon as possible.
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Thank you.
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John Hynes
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-------
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-------
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Received: from OZ.AI.MIT.EDU by MC.LCS.MIT.EDU via Chaosnet; 5 JAN 86 17:49:51 EST
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Date: Sun 5 Jan 86 17:46:39-EST
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From: "David M. J. Saslav" <SAZ@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU>
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Subject: Smorgasbord!
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To: guard-jokes@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU
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Message-ID: <12172905430.57.SAZ@OZ.AI.MIT.EDU>
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For a time today there was a sign (and nothing else!) at the guard's
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desk in the 1st floor lobby:
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"Guard is on rounds -- back in ten minutes"
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If the guards aren't there the entire 24 hours each day, what's the
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purpose? I wonder how many randoms took advantage of this spontaneous
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hardware smorgasbord...
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saz
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-------
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Date: 6 November 1984 08:53-EST
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From: Daniel Weise <DANIEL @ MIT-MC>
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Subject: Reagan hasn't been reelected yet...
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To: GUARD-JOKES @ MIT-MC
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but the war has already begun. Remember to send your stories
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to GUARD-JOKES. (For those of who who don't know yet,
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we are supposed to sign in at night and weekends again.)
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Date: Thursday, 19 May 1983, 23:50-EDT
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From: Christopher C. Stacy <CStacy at MIT-MC>
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Subject: friendly
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To: guard-jokes at MIT-MC
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When I came in tonight, the friendly guard who recognizes me told me
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that if I signed my first name in the book, he would not ask me to do
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so again. So (of course) I did. He seemed real happy about it.
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Date: Fri, 13 May 1983 23:13 EDT
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From: Leigh L. Klotz <KLOTZ@MIT-OZ>
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To: guard-jokes@MIT-OZ
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I came in about 8:30 tonight and two of the elevators were in the basement
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with the ``Emergency Stop'' buttons on. That's supposed to make an alarm
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go off, but it wasn't going off. The two other elevators were stopped on
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the 9th floor. I don't know what they were doing.
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Many floor buttons were pressed on the ones in the basement, indicating
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that people had tried to get them to work but couldn't. I just happened
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to look at the emergency stop button. I saw Seymour and Sherry here, and
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heard that Seymour had to carry a pizza up seven flights of stairs!
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Meanwhile, back at the desk, the guards were protecting us -- as long as
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they knew our names (first and last).
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Leigh.
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Date: 13 May 1983 13:15 EDT
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From: Christopher C. Stacy <CSTACY @ MIT-MC>
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To: GUARD-JOKES @ MIT-MC
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The guards who hasslme me each day usually insist on
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full first name and last name, and get very upset when I
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sign in or out with a first initial and last name.
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Last night on my way out, the guard threatened to write me
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down on some "bad" list for someone or another. I encouraged
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him to do so, exaplaining that whoever started this silly stuff
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should be aware that I do not intend to along with it.
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I intend to start showing and using an official ID card
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I have (from MIT) which lists my name only as "CSTACY",
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if this keeps up.
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Date: Thursday, May 12, 1983 9:10PM-EDT
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From: Kent M. Pitman <KMP@MIT-OZ>
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Subject: by the way,...
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To: karen at MIT-OZ, guard-jokes at MIT-OZ
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On the way out, I was standing in line behind Jeanette Wing. She signed
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out J. Wing. No doubt because the guard on the way in had been quite clear
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that "First initial; last name" was what was called for. Anyway, this was
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a different guard and said in a very nasty tone of voice "Sign your whole
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first name please." She very reasonably pointed to all the names above hers
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and said "How come none of these people before me had to do that?" It was
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true; there were all last names, login names, etc. above her because a
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different guard (now on rounds) had been taking names. He didn't answer
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her and just told her to put down her full name. She did. So I wrote "KMP"
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and he said I should sign my first name. Carfully inspecting the sign below
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the desk, I noticed that it didn't specify the format and figuring that
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since I'd signed in KMP, it would confuse things to sign out with a different
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name. Besides, what was he going to do? Keep me from leaving? Signing out
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is obviously only a matchfix operation so they can tell when people leave
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the building. Anyway, he asked for my ID (which I figured was compeltely
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reasonable) and I showed him that and he wrote me down on some "bad list"
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to show his boss. I am again not sure what it proves to show ID to say my
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initials are valid when I wouldn't have to show ID to prove a longer name
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was valid.
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At least on the way back in I was able to just sign my initials since I
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pointed out that he already had my name down on his "bad list" (still
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in plain sight) and therefore knew I was "good". He agreed and let me go.
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Date: Thursday, May 12, 1983 8:39PM-EDT
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From: Leigh L. Klotz <KLOTZ@MIT-OZ>
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Subject:
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To: guard-jokes at MIT-OZ
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KMP speaks the truth. The guard was so busy chasing the polaroid
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babbit that people came and left without signing the book -- some
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were unaware that it was time to do it. Corbato&Fano were ahead
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of me in line, and saw the incident too. The guard made the polaroid
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person get at the back of the line!
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Date: 12 May 1983 18:37 EDT
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From: Kent M. Pitman <KMP @ MIT-MC>
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To: GUARD-JOKES @ MIT-MC
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On our way into the building tonight (at exactly 6pm) Klotz, who was on
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his way out, stopped us and told us he'd just seen an over-enthusiastic
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guard chase a Polaroid employee out into the parking lot and make him come
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back and sign out ... and that while he was away, others had been able to
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walk up to the guard desk and sign out or not as they chose since no one
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was watching...
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We (Daniel, Fleck, and I) continued on and got to the desk. As I was about
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to sign in, the guard said in a tone that suggested that I might be walking
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in the opposite direction "Sign in please. First initial and last name."
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I signed "KMP, Fleck, Daniel AI 7,8 6:05" or some such and turned and left.
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We weren't carded and the guard evidently didn't even look at what I'd written
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because he asked Daniel and Margaret to come back and sign in. Upon being told
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I'd signed in for them, he said I couldn't do that. So they went back and
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wrote something and we continued on our ways ...
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Will someone please tell these idiot guard that their job isn't to make life
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hard on us? They should:
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* Try to learn our faces and not card us if they know us.
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* Not give us a hard time about bringing guests in, or give our guests
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a hard time when we aren't sitting downstairs to greet them.
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* Not bitch at what we sign in the guard book since they don't even
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bother to check when we write real names if they are the same names on
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our ID cards anyway. I'm sure that if I wrote "M. Mouse" they would be
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happier than my writing "KMP".
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--kmp
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