263 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
263 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
I think you mean jokes like this!
|
|
|
|
Q: What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside?
|
|
|
|
A: An inside out elephant.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What is grey and not there.
|
|
|
|
A: No elephants.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
|
|
|
|
A: Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be asprins.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
|
|
|
|
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats?
|
|
|
|
A: So they can sneak across snooker tables unobserved.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
|
|
|
|
A: He paints his chuckies red and climbs up a cherry tree.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
|
|
|
|
A: A giraffe eating cherries.
|
|
|
|
|
|
STOP PRESS:
|
|
An elephant did a Ton on the motorway yesterday.
|
|
Police advised motorists to treat it like a roundabout.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?
|
|
|
|
A: An elephant's foreskin.
|
|
|
|
Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
|
|
|
|
A: four, two in the front, two in the back.
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you get 8 (!) elephants in a fridge, with only
|
|
enough room for two?
|
|
|
|
A: put four in a mini, four in another mini,put the two
|
|
mini's in the fridg, as a fridge large enough to hold
|
|
two elephants, surely can hold two mini's!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
|
|
|
|
A: open door, get two mini's out, put tarzan in, close door.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
|
|
|
|
A: you can hear tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
|
|
|
|
A: You cant, silly, there is only one Tarzan!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the
|
|
jungle ?
|
|
|
|
A: Tarzans fridge is not large enough to hold them all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
|
|
|
|
A: Depends on the number of elephants.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q. What has the Fifth elephant in a Mini discovered ?
|
|
|
|
A. The sunshine roof.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q. What do you call two elephants on a bicycle ?
|
|
|
|
A. Optimistic !
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into the city ?
|
|
|
|
A. Free Parking.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into work ?
|
|
|
|
A. Sole use of the lift.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
|
|
|
|
A: It's bike is outside.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
|
|
|
|
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
|
|
|
|
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
|
|
|
|
A: It doesn't, You get down from a duck.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
|
|
|
|
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
|
|
|
|
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkley?
|
|
|
|
A: Because, if it was small round and white it would be an Aspirin.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
|
|
|
|
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What's big, red and slimey?
|
|
|
|
A: An inside-out elephant.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why do elephants wear sandles?
|
|
|
|
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
|
|
|
|
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandles.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What did Hannibal say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
|
|
|
|
A: "Look, There's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What did he say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over
|
|
|
|
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why shouln't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
|
|
|
|
A: Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What is a furry alligator?
|
|
|
|
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why don't elephants like penguins?
|
|
|
|
A: They can't get the wrapper off.(Too whom it may concern: Penguins are biscuits)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
|
|
|
|
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
|
|
|
|
A: No? Well, it must work so.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
|
|
|
|
A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: How did Tarzan die?
|
|
|
|
A: Yup, Picking cherries.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What do elephants use as vibraters?
|
|
|
|
A: Epileptic pigmies.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
|
|
|
|
A: Swim for your life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in
|
|
her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by.
|
|
So the elephant says "Help me, help me."
|
|
But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his
|
|
wicked way with her. Replys the elephant, "Anything! Anything!"
|
|
So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself.
|
|
|
|
Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the
|
|
whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree
|
|
on top of the elephant.
|
|
Says the elephant "Ouch!"
|
|
Says the ant, in his own little frenzy, "Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|