48 lines
2.6 KiB
Plaintext
48 lines
2.6 KiB
Plaintext
A DOG NAMED "SEX"
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Usually everyone who has a dog either calls him "Rover" or "Boy" or something
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similarly familiar. I called my dog "Sex." Well, Sex proved to be a very
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embarrassing name. For example, one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away
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from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A cop came along and asked me what
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I was doing in the alley at 4:00 A.M. I told him "I'm looking for Sex." My case
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came up that very Thursday.
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I went to City Hall to get a dog license for Sex. The clerk asked what I wanted
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and I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one
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too." I explained, "But Sex is a dog." He replied that he didn't care how she
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looked. "You don't understand," I said, "I've had Sex ever since I was two
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years old!" The clerk looked at me and said, "Maybe we should license you."
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When I decided to get married, I told the minister that it was very important
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for me to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to be patient and wait until
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after the wedding. I explained "But Sex has played a big part in my life and
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my whole existence revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear any
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more about my personal life and decided he wouldn't marry us in his church. I
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protested by telling him how I was convinced that everyone coming to the
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wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we went to a
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Justice-of-the-Peace to be married. My whole family is now barred from the
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church.
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My wife and I took the dog along with us on our honeymoon. When I checked into
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the motel I told the desk clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and I, and a
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special room for Sex. The clerk replied that every room in the motel was for
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sex. Then I explained "Look, I need that extra room because Sex keeps me awake
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all night." The clerk said "Me, too, but sex in more than one room keeps me
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awake all week."
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One day I told a friend that I had had Sex on TV. He told me he thought I was
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an exhibitionist. "But you don't understand," I said, "It was a contest."
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He told me I should've sold tickets.
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When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
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I went before the judge and pleaded "Your honor, I had Sex before I was
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married." The judge said "Me, too. So what?"
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Well, now I've been thrown into jail, been married, divorced and had more damn
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trouble with that dog's name than I ever expected. Why just the other day I
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went to a psychiatrist to discuss all my troubles. During the first session she
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asked me what my main problem was. I said "Well, Doctor, Sex has died and left
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my life." She said "Listen, both you and I know that sex isn't man's best
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friend so my advice is to go and get yourself a dog."
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