166 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
166 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
BLONDE JOKES
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1. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
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Because they get their heads stuck in the jar!
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2. Why don't blondes like Kool-Aid?
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They can't fit two quarts of water into the little package!
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3. Why do blonde wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
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That's the right place to wash vegetables.
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4. Why do blonde have the letters T.G.I.F. on their shoes?
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To remind them - Toes Go In First!
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5. What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
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They are both empty from the neck up!
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6. What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
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Pull the pin and throw it back!
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7. How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
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Shine a flashlight in her ear.
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8. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
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Blow in her ear.
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9. What does a blonde say after you blow in her ear.
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Thanks for the refill!
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10. What do you call a pimple on a blonde's butt?
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A brain tumor.
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11. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
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Gifted!
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12. What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair black.
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Artificial intelligence.
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13. What's the advantage to being married to a blonde?
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You can park in handicapped zones!
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14. What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?
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An interpreter.
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15. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
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Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
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16. How do you murder a blonde?
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Put spikes on her shoulder pads.
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17. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
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White-Out on the screen!
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18. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
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You only have to put information in a computer once!
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19. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
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A WHINE cellar.
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20. What does a smart blonde and a dinosaur have in common?
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They are both extinct.
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21. What's the difference between Big Foot and a smart blonde?
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At least there are claims that Big Foot has been sighted.
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22. If there was a $100 bill lying on the ground and there were (A) Santa Claus, (B) A dumb
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blonde, (C) The Easter Bunny, and (D) A smart blonde all standing there, who would pick
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up the $100 bill?
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(B) The dumb blonde. The rest are all fictional characters!
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23. If a blonde and a brunette both fell off a building at the same time, who would hit the ground
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first?
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The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask directions.
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24. Two blondes were lost in the woods and they came upon some tracks. The first blonde
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said, "Look deer tracks". and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks to me".
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They were still arguing when the train hit them!
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25. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
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ONE - she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
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26. Why shouldn't blondes be given a coffee break?
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It takes too long to retrain them.
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27. How can you tell if a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?
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By the M&M shells on the counter!
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28. How do you keep a blonde busy for a week?
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Hand her a box of M&Ms and have her alphabetize them!
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29. What do you call five blondes standing in a row?
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A wind tunnel!
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30. Why do blondes wear their bangs combed upwards?
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To stop everything from going over their head.
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31. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tight over her ears?
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Trying to hold on to a thought.
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32. How do you drown a blonde?
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Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool.
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33. What do you call a freezer full of blondes?
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Frosted flakes!
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34. What is the mating call of a blonde?
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I think I'm Sooooo drunk!
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35. What is the mating call of a brunette?
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Are the blondes gone yet?
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36. What is the mating call of a redhead?
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NEXT!
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37. What do you say to a blonde to convince her to go to bed with you?
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Have another beer.
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38. How does a blond turn on the lights after love making?
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She opens the car door.
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39. What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
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The older they get the easier they are to pick up!
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40. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings.
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To have a place to rest their ankles.
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41. What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
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Introduces herself and goes home.
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42. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
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All you can eat for a buck.
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43. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
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Her ankles.
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44. Why do blondes wear underwear?
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To keep their ankles warm.
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45. Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
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More headroom!
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46. What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common.
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They both have "Black Boxes".
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47. What do blondes and turtles have in common?
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Once they are on their backs, They're gonna get screwed!
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48. What does a blonde and your computer have in common?
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You don't realize how much either means to you until after they go down!
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49. What is the difference between a blond and bowling ball?
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You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
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50. Why do blondes have square breasts?
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They didn't take the Kleenex out of the box.
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51. What dose a blonde say after sex?
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Are you guys all on the same team?
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52. How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
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Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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53. What does a blonde say after she is told by a doctor she is pregnant?
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Is it mine?
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