191 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
191 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
The protection mechanism is a special contractual clause, the soulcatcher
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clause, which is part of the MJSS software license agreement. It simply
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states that, upon violation of the program license agreement, ownership
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of the violator's soul passes to the software vendor. Further, the
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software vendor may "negotiate the sale of said soul to the first
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smoking, blood-drenched apparition with fangs (SBDAWF) that meets our
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price. The SBDAWF may collect your soul at any time of his/her/its
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choosing."
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Bennett explains the evolution of his soulcatcher clause: "Traditional
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diskette copy-protection mechanisms just make people mad. They are not
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that hard to crack, and create an adversary relationship between
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customer and vendor. Electronic "keys" for computers will make customers
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equally mad, and will probably limit potential success of a software
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product. I've been working on a contractual solution to this problem
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since I was a college freshman in 1965.
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"One of my college buddies loudly and often proclaimed he was an
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atheist. One evening, while reading Alfred North Whitehead (as most
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all college freshmen get around to doing), I decided to test his
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committment to atheism.
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"I went to his room and offered him a quarter for his soul. The
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argument was simple. If he really was an atheist, he'd think me
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a fool for wasting a quarter and accept my proposition. But if he
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were really an agnostic,merely a doubter, he'd refuse my quarter.
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Overome by intellectual pride, he took the quarter and I bought
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his soul. The fun started about a month later.
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"He really wanted his soul back. Part of my experiment was to see
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how badly. By the end of the semester, he paid $100 for his soul,
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and admitted that he was an agnostic after all. That got me thinking
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about the possibility of putting a soulcatcher clause in certain
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types of legal contracts.
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"over the years I'ver purchased many souls. With only one exception,
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the previous owner always wanted his/her soul back, and is willing
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to pay a premium. The one above-referenced exception was a stranger
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next to whom I was sitting on an airplane, and he's probably been
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trying to find me ever since.
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"Recently in New York, one of my friends had occasion to buy a soul at a
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black-tie dinner party. He sat next to a former nun, who claimed now
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to be an atheist. Familiar with my soulcatcher story, he offered here
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a quarter for her soul. The entire room went silent until the
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negotiation for the nun's soul was concluded. By the end of the
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evening, she bought the soul back for $10 and admitted to the entire
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group that she was abdicating her atheism."
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Bennett concluded: "Ive been waiting for an advertiser to try this
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approach ever since I got into the computer business in 1969. It's
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worth a try, since the software industry is really out of ideas for
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protecting their intellectual revenue. I finally found both a software
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product and some investors willing to bet on the soulcatcher clause.
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"My experiments worked on the hard-core minority, so maybe the average
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citizen will have the same reaction. As a bit of insurance, the
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Twilight Zone theme plays from the computer's speaker each time the
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program is loaded.
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"As the investors approved the final ad copy, someone lifted a line
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from the popular movie Ghostbusters. He said, 'Perhaps, we'll have
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a success of biblical proportions.' All I can say is, the first
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SBDAWF that knocks on my front door will have to follow me through
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the hole I make as I go crashing out the back of my house."
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=====================================================================
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>From the attached ad copy:
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-------------------------
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FOR $30 YOUR COMPUTER WILL RESPECT YOU IN THE MORNING
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Your computer thinks you're a real moron. So do the big-ticket
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software packages like Synphony, 1-2-3, Wordstar, etc. Every
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morning, when you boot your IBM PC or compatible, both hardware and
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software treat you as if you had a two-digit IQ and the reflexes of
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a turnip.
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First, you plod your way through all those nested menus. Once into
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your application, the software thinks you're too ignorant to care about
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multiple-keystroke commands. And the hardware assumes a screen cursor
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that moves at ten characters per second is the fastest thing you can
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handle.
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Even before you invoke insulting software packages, the system assumes
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you are one lousy typist who can't possibly exhaust the capability of
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a 16-character type-ahead buffer. If you do get more than 16 characters
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ahead, it just throws all those characters away. But then, someone as
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stupid as yourself can't possibly be doing anything important.
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And heaven forbid you should want to leave your computer unattended.
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If some co-worker doesn't blither by and inadvertently reformat your disk
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or type garbage into your spread sheet, you should still plan to return
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soon. Nobody [!?] has seen fit to protect the phosphor on your screen with
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a blanking mechanism.
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Announcing Mother Jones' Son's Software
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---------------------------------------
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About thirty-two years ago, Mrs. Jones was just getting over a large
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bellyache. She gave birth to a son, Morris. Several months ago,
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Morris got rid of a large bellyache of his own. He gave birth to
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about 2000 lines of assembly language code that slapped a little
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respect into your computer. For $30 you can adopt one of Morris's
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babies. For a little more, you may even have the source code.
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The you can really do some genetic engineering on your rude little
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bucket of sand.
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We call the package "MJ". It gives MS-DOS much more respect for you.
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A serious attitude adjustment. It downright burns new synapses into
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Symphony, 1-2-3, Wordstar, and every other package we know of.
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It even gives Sidekick a kick in the rear end.
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...
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Mother Jones' Son's Software Pedigree
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-------------------------------------
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Morris Jones' brilliance became legendary at Amdahl. Singlehandedly,
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within 90 days, Morris wrote the design-entry and simulation program
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that produced the Amdahl 5860. That accomplishment earned him the
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title of Principle Engineer. There were just a few such individuals
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in all of Amdahl. As you might guess, there's now one fewer.
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As for MJ's 2000 lines of PC brain surgery - how good is it? Let's
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put it this way. Most of the really good silicon surgeons learned
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assembly language by studying other people's well-written assembler
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source code. MJ code is good enough, tight enough, that we're not at
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all ashamed to make it available to you. An evening with MJ source
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code could will beat a whole semester of reading the swill you'll
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find in the local college book store.
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Copy Protection and Program Licenses
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------------------------------------
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If it weren't enough that your system treats you like a moron,
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how about those absurd copy protection mechanisms? And license
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agreements you sign, knowing you have no choice but to violate
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them or risk going out of business?
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MJ code is not copy protected. We even offer you the source code.
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Copy the software for your friends, if you wish, provided you send
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us the discounted price when you do. Here's our individual program
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license agreement...:
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You agree to treat this software as if it were a book, with
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the exception that you are granted the right to make backup
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copies. You are free to take it with you to another
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computer, provided there's no possibility somebody might be
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using it on your computer. You are free to loan it to
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someone, provided you cannot use it while it is on loan.
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You are free to sell it, so long as the new owner agrees to
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all these conditions. Unlike a book, you may even copy it
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and give it to a friend, provided your friend signs this agreement
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and that you send us the list price of the software less than
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$10 in handling and processing you've saved us. If you build
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our source code into your own integrated application, for
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resale, we won't be unreasonable in negotiating a royalty
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arrangement.
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As for warranties, you may return defective software within
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thirty days for a replacement. But just like any other
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self-help book, its value to you is what you make of it.
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No matter how badly it damages your life, or that of your
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customers and friends, we're not obligated to do anything
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about it.
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Now for the, ah, fangs. Violate this agreement and our
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attorneys will see to it that life on earth, as you know it,
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is completely ruined. Also, you agree that, 30 days after
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you violate this agreement, ownership of your eternal soul
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automatically passes to us, and we have the right to
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negotiate the sale of said soul to the first smoking,
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blood-drenched apparition with fangs (SBDAWF) that meets
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our price. The SBDAWF may collect your soul at any time
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of his/her/its choosing.
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Given the remotest chance some supernatural entity could actually
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enforce the "soulcatcher" clause, you'd be a real bozo to take
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any chances. But then we give you more credit for intelligence
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than does our competition. So does Mother Jones' Son's Software.
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Mother Jones' Son's Software
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6310 Cabellaro Blvd.
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Buena Park, CA 90620
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(714) 522-7762
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