73 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
73 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
Real Computer Scientists Don't Write Code
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Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with
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'programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count (and
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rarely count accurately; precision is for applications.)
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Real computer scientists don't comment their code. The identifiers are so long
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they can't afford the disk space.
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Real computer scientists don't write the user interfaces, they merely argue over
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what they should look like.
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Real computer scientists don't eat quiche. They shun Schezuan food since the
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hackers discovered it. Many real computer scientists consider eating an
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implementation detail. (Others break down and eat with the hackers, but only if
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they can have ice cream for desert.)
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If it doesn't have a programming environment complete with interactive debugger,
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structure editor and extensive cross module type checking, real computer
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scientists won't be seen tinkering with it. They may have to use it to balance
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their checkbooks, as their own systems can't.
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Real computer scientists don't program in assembler. They don't write in
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anything less portable than a number two pencil.
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Real computer scientists don't debug programs, they dynamically modify them.
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This is safer, since no one has invented a way to do anything dynamic to
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FORTRAN, COBOL or BASIC.
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Real computer scientists like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious
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of it because its compiled. (Only Batch freaks and efficiency weirdos bother
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with compilers, they're soooo un-dynamic.)
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Real computer scientists play go. They have nothing against the concept of
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mountain climbing, but the actual climbing is an implementation detail best left
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to programmers.
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Real computer scientists admire ADA for its overwhelming aesthetic value, but
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they find it difficult to actually program in, as it is much too large to
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implement. Most Computer scientists don't notice this because they are still
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arguing over what else to add to ADA.
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Real computer scientists work from 5 pm to 9 am because that's the only time
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they can get the 8 megabytes of main memory they need to edit specs. (Real work
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starts around 2 am when enough MIPS are free for their dynamic systems.) Real
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computer scientists find it hard to share 3081s when they are doing 'REAL' work.
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Real computer scientists only write specs for languages that might run on future
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hardware. Nobody trusts them to write specs for anything homo sapiens will ever
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be able to fit on a single planet.
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Real computer scientists like planning their own environments to use bit mapped
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graphics. Bit mapped graphics is great because no one can afford it, so their
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systems can be experimental.
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Real computer scientists regret the existence of PL/I, PASCAL and LISP. ADA is
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getting there, but it is still allows people to make mistakes.
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Real computer scientists love the concept of users. Users are always real
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impressed by the stuff computer scientists are talking about; it sure sounds
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better than the stuff they are being forced to use now.
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Real computer scientists despise the idea of actual hardware. Hardware has
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limitations, software doesn't. It's a real shame that Turing machines are so
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poor at I/O.
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Real computer scientists love conventions. No one is expected to lug a 3081
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attached to a bit map screen to a convention, so no one will ever know how slow
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their systems run.
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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