707 lines
30 KiB
Plaintext
707 lines
30 KiB
Plaintext
From samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:34:33 EST 1992
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Article: 49000 of talk.bizarre
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Xref: samba news.groups:39045 alt.flame:36766 talk.bizarre:49000 news.admin.policy:586 rec.music.synth:31830 rec.music.makers.synth:69 rec.humor:57848
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Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
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Path: samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
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From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
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Subject: =0= Prologue. '92 Usenet Winter Olympics.
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Message-ID: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
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Followup-To: rec.humor
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Summary: "Prologue" is not a computer language
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Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
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Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
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Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
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Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 08:35:17 GMT
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Lines: 71
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Status: O
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Gene:
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>Okay, let's get down to business. The 115th meeting of the USENET
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>Backbone Cabal is hereby called to order, President-for-Life
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>Spafford presiding. Our first order of business is the size of
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>the net: It's *still* growing out of control, with new newsgroups
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>popping up like rabbits, and the number of people reading netnews
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>is going up way too fast.
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Dave:
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>The average IQ of the net readership is dropping like a stone.
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>Most of these newbies don't even have Computer Science degrees,
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>and some of them are even [shudder] Liberal Arts majors. At this
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>rate, brethren, people like ourselves -- the elite, the brilliant,
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>the vanguard of the New World Order -- could become outnumbered
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>and lose control of the net.
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[A collective moan echoes around the table.]
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Peter:
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>So far all of our efforts to drive away the riff-raff have been
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>unsuccessful. I've got news.groups bent into contortions trying
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>to rewrite the Guidelines -- which we still control, of course --
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>and so far nobody's caught on. But it hasn't slowed the number of
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>new groups being created.
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Brad:
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>I've been making rec.humor.funny more and more uninteresting, and
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>posting jokes that only a CS professor would understand, much less
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>laugh about. But the number of readers keeps going up. I don't
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>know what else to do: How can we drive people away from the net?
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Gene:
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>Last year's noble sacrifice by Brother Kent bought us time, but
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>it was far from enough to rectify our situation -- and it left us
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>with a vacancy on the Cabal. [Nods to the Cabal's fifth member,
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>who is lost in thought and does not respond] We must take action,
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>and it must be soon.
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Dave:
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>Chaos. The net will fall apart; complete chaos in a matter of
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>years, maybe even months. None of this would have happened if we
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>hadn't broken up AT&T, Peter.
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Peter:
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>Don't start blaming me again. YOU're the one who deregulated
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>cable TV, and I'm not even going to bring up Ross Perot --
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Gene:
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>Gentlemen, this is getting us nowhere. We need a plan, something
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>that will send the rabble packing and put USENET back in the hands
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>of the ruling class, of the kind of people who designed it. Ah,
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>for the good old days, when we ruled the net with an iron fist...
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[A collective wistful sigh echoes around the table.]
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Rich Kulawiec: [snaps fingers]
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>Gentlemen, I have it. I've developed a cunning plan, one that
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>will drive the newbies away from the net AND reduce the number of
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>readble newsgroups at the same time. And, best of all, we'll use
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>the Guidelines to make it work!
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Gene:
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>Brilliant! Nefarious! Rich, you've made a fine addition to the
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>Backbone Cabal. Do you have a particular newsgroup in mind as you
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>start putting your plan into effect? [rubs hands together]
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Rich:
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>I know *just* where to begin.
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[Fade to black, and to the sound of evil laughter...]
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From samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:37:41 EST 1992
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Article: 49107 of talk.bizarre
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Xref: samba news.groups:39223 alt.flame:36822 talk.bizarre:49107 news.admin.policy:605 rec.music.synth:31866 rec.music.makers.synth:94 rec.humor:57948
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Path: samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
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From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
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Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
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Subject: =1= The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
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Summary: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guidelines
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Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
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Message-ID: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
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Date: 14 Nov 92 07:22:12 GMT
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References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
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Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
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Followup-To: rec.humor
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Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
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Lines: 159
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Status: O
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\\
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//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
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(____)
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\ /
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||
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\\ || \\ || \\ || \\
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//// || //// || //// || ////
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The 1992 Usenet (____) (____) (____) (____)
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W I N T E R \ / \ / \ / \ /
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Olympics \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
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//// || //// || //// || //// ||
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(____) (____) (____) (____)
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\ / \ / \ / \ /
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\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
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//// || //// || //// || //// ||
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(____) (____) (____) (____)
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\ / \ / \ / \ /
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\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
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//// || //// || //// || //// ||
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(____) (____) (____) (____)
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\ / \ / \ / \ /
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\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
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//// || //// || //// || //// ||
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(____) (____) (____) (____) Brought to you by
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\ / \ / \ / \ / the Betty Ford clinic
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|| \\ || \\ || \\ || for chronic net.abusers
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|| //// || //// || //// ||
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Bryant:
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>Hello sports fans and welcome to the '92 Usenet Winter Olympics!
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>This is Bryant Gumbel here at USPN headquarters, where we've put
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>together one of the most exciting telecasts in Usenet Olympic
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>history -- featuring our new AsbestosCam (TM), a special camera
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>that lets you see the action as the athletes themselves see it!
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>And as a special treat we also have our EgoCam (TM), which lets
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>you see the athletes as they see themselves!
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>Our coverage begins with one of the most thrilling spectator
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>sports in the entire Usenet Olympics, one that puts 32 athletes
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>on the playing field at the same time, and doesn't end until
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>there's only one athlete remaining! Stay tuned...
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"HEY! You can't move
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in that direction! *
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It's against the rules!" O
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"Yeah? So |__| \ -+-
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what are you || O |
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gonna do ||.............-+-....................../ \......
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about it?" .(__)//// //// | //// //// //// (_) ///.
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\ o.//// //// / \ //// //// //// .
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-+- //// //// //// o //// //// ////.
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.| // //// //// //-+- //// /|__| .
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./ \ //// // o //// | // //// || //.
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.//// //// -+- / /// / \ //// // || .
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. //// //// | //// //// //// (__).
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.//// //// // \ //// //// //// .
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..................................................
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C H E S S
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The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
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Charles Jaco: [asleep]
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>Hmph? Oh! Hello, sports fans, and welcome to USPN's exclusive
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>coverage of the 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics. We're here at the
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>exciting Chess competition, where things have bogged down while
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>the players try to settle a rules dispute. Let's go down to the
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>playing field and see how things are going...
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Chip Salzenberg: [Red Knight]
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>-- but paragraph 416 of the Guidelines says that no newsgroup will
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>be renamed on a Friday, which means that the 100-vote rule doesn't
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>apply unless the CFV is issued on a Saturday, so that the five day
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>waiting period doesn't contain a Friday. But there's a full moon
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>this weekend, so --
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Dave Hayes: [Black King]
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>Wait, hold it: I can't find my copy of paragraph 416.
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Tim Pierce: [Red Queen]
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>That's too bad; you can't expect the entire net to stop what it's
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>doing and wait while you get your act together. The Guidelines
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>were followed to the letter, and that's what's important here.
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Gordon Van Huizen: [Black Bishop]
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>I could care less about the Guidelines. What's important is the
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>opinion of rec.music.synth's readership, not some silly rules.
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Jay Maynard: [Red Pope]
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>Blasphemy! The Guidelines are much more important that you are!
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Francis Uy: [Pink Elephant]
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>Woe! This terrible renaming has prevented one person from reading
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>the rec.music.synth group! The connection to SYNTH-L will be
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>lost, lost forever! The horror!
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Bill Fenner: [Scarlet Pumpernickel]
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>Oh, GIVE it a rest. If the readers of rec.music.synth cared about
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>these things, they would have learned what "CFV" stands for, read
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>halfway through an article with a misleading Subject line, and
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>mailed in a vote against the change. They didn't do this, so
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>obviously they choose to be ignorant of the USENET voting process.
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Dave Hayes: [Pearl Jam]
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>Are you NUTS? No one in their right mind would know to do that!
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John Stanley: [Indigo Girls]
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>*I* would have known.
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Joel Furr: [Red Hot Chili Peppers]
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>*I* would have known.
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Dave Hayes: [Toad the Wet Sprocket]
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>See?
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Laird Nelson: [The Replacements]
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>Dave, you're being unreasonable. Before posting, reading or even
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>subscribing to a newsgroup, every person on the net should read
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>and memorize the Guidelines, just like we have. It's only fair.
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Dave Hayes: [Peter Gabriel]
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>You can't be serious. You people are trying to turn the net into
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>a world of haves and have-nots, where the people who know the
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>Guidelines run the network and the ignorant are beaten down --
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Chip Salzenberg: [Mojo Nixon]
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>Oh, stop being so melodramatic. We're just browbeating you into
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>conformity, that's all...
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Charles Jaco: [yawning]
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>As you can see, Bryant, the competition is running a little slow.
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>We may have better luck tomorrow. Then again, maybe not.
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Bryant:
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>Charles, I'm surprised this game doesn't have a referee of some
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>kind. Wouldn't it help in settling disputes like these?
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Charles:
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>Bryant, this is a highly intellectual game, and the players all
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>pride themselves on being able to work out the intricate rules
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>and trip each other up on minor technical points. If there were
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>an unbiased third party involved in these disputes, it would take
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>a lot of the fun and excitement out of the competition.
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Bryant:
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>I see. Well, thanks for the update, Charles. Stay tuned to USPN
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>for more coverage as the Usenet Winter Olympics continue!
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Don Pardo:
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>Coming up next: The Bogus Analogy competition!
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[stay tuned!]
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From samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:39:49 EST 1992
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Article: 49207 of talk.bizarre
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Xref: samba news.groups:39383 alt.flame:36835 talk.bizarre:49207 news.admin.policy:620 rec.music.synth:31894 rec.music.makers.synth:110 rec.humor:57986
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Path: samba!concert!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
|
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From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
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Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
|
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Subject: =2= Night of the Usenet Winter Olympics
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Summary: It's too dark to see!
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Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
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Message-ID: <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
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Date: 15 Nov 92 07:24:36 GMT
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References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
|
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Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
|
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Followup-To: rec.humor
|
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Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
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Lines: 97
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Status: O
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\\
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//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
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(____)
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\ /
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||
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||
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.----.
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o o o o | -> | "WHAT the -- ?!"
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+=_. | | |__ '----' . o
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/ / \-------\ \ || x
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_____-'|_\_________/_/_____||________ -/ '
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.--'' | __
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.-' / / o
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/ \ \ / o
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/ \ \ / o
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/ \ \ /
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| \ \/\
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| \__/
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F L A M E S L E D D I N G
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The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
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Arthur Kent:
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>Hello and welcome back to USPN's exclusive coverage of the 1992
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>Usenet Winter Olympics. This is Arthur Kent reporting live from
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>Sarajevo, where the Flamesledding competition is underway.
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>Flamesledding is one of the most dangerous events in the Olympics,
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>and this year's competition has been very exciting. Let's take a
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>closer look as the news.groups team enters the gate:
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Ken Arromdee:
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>If everybody else were bobsledding off a cliff, would you?
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Karleenus Schwartz Davis:
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>Well, of course! I mean -- AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
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Ken:
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>Next! If everybody else were bobsledding off a cliff, would you?
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Jesper Lauridsen:
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>Umm... I suppose if everybody were doing it, there must be some
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>good reason for it, right?
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Ken:
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>Sure. [ AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ] Next! If everybody else
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>were bobsledding off a cliff...
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Arthur:
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>It looks like we could set a record this year, sports fans. Stay
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>tuned as the Olympics continue!
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*
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[Meanwhile, two men watch the proceedings from a nearby slope...]
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Gene:
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>Your plan is working flawlessly, Rich. The sysadmins have turned
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>against each other, and are trying to enforce the Guidelines where
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>they were never meant to apply. In a few days they'll be ready --
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>perhaps even eager -- to return to the days of the Backbone Cabal.
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Rich:
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>Indeed. There's nothing like a little threat to the status quo to
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>make people feel insecure, and make them want to force a little
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>order and structure onto the net. By the time they realize what
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>they've put into place, we'll be in control again.
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Gene:
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>And then we'll rebuild the net -- in our image. Heh heh heh heh.
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>No more rabble-rousing talk.*, soc.* or misc.* groups... just
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>comp.*, sci.*, and only those rec.* groups that we approve.
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Rich:
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>And, of course, with the Cabal making all the decisions, there
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>won't be a need for news.* anymore, will there?
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Gene:
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>Of course, of course. You know, the time is coming soon when I
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>will step down as head of the Cabal... and I'm starting to think
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>that I may know who my successor will be. Keep up the good work,
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>Rich, and you may find yourself in the top spot someday. But
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>enough about that now: While we're in Europe we have some Cabal
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>business to attend to. Last month's currency crisis was a great
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>success, but we need to do something about the Bundesbank...
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[to be continued....]
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From samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!agate!spool.mu.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:41:47 EST 1992
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Article: 49277 of talk.bizarre
|
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Xref: samba news.groups:39525 alt.flame:36851 talk.bizarre:49277 news.admin.policy:627 rec.music.synth:31921 rec.music.makers.synth:130 rec.humor:58014
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Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
|
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Path: samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!agate!spool.mu.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
|
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From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
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Subject: =3= Attack of the Usenet Winter Olympics
|
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Message-ID: <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
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Followup-To: rec.humor
|
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Summary: Only the spectators survive.
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Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
|
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Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
|
||
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
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References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
|
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Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 06:05:08 GMT
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Lines: 53
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Status: O
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||
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||
\\
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//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
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(____)
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\ /
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||
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||
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Vin Scully: | _ _
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>Hello again, sports fans! This is | ||| | | |||
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>Vin Scully with an update on today's | (||| |==============| |||)
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>events in the Usenet Winter Olympics. | ||| | \ O / | |||
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> | '-' '__|__' '-'
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>The Altlifting competition, after a | |
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>fast start by Michael Nolan of the | |
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>group alt.humor.oracle (now "rec"), | |
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>was marred by tragedy when athlete | / \
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>Joel Furr was crushed during an | / \
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>attempt to move the alt.folklore.* | / \
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>hierarchy. Furr is in critical but |
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>stable condition, and is expected to | "Put that DOWN!"
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>recover. | o o o
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> | o -+-' -+- o -+-
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>A subsequent attempt by Mark Brader | -+- | | '-+- |
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>of comp.society.folklore to move only | | / \ / \ | / \
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>the alt.folklore.computers group also | / \ / \
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>met with failure today, leaving Nolan |
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>as the only athlete to have succeeded | A L T L I F T I N G
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>at this difficult, challenging event. |
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|1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
|
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Vin: |============ @ ===========
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>Meanwhile, the semifinal round of the |||||||||| o / * ||||||||||
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>Hockey competition began today as the ||||||||| -+- -+- |||||||||
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>group soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya |========= | == | ==========
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>was flattened 17-0 by news.groups. | / | / \ @__ :
|
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> | \ / :
|
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>When asked for an explanation of the | .__|_o :
|
||
>lopsided victory, news.groups team | \ :
|
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>captain G. Wolfe Woodbury told us, | @ :
|
||
>"We had the regular ice replaced by | "Where's the
|
||
>frozen Holy Water, and while the SRIA | #%$!! PUCK?!" o
|
||
>people were standing around arguring | : -+-
|
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>over who would still be able to skate,| : / |
|
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>we scored 17 goals." | @ : @ / \
|
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> | o / :
|
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>News.groups goes on to face the | -+- :
|
||
>heavily favored rec.sport.hockey team | | "What puck?"
|
||
>in the championships. | / \ :
|
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> |
|
||
>Stay tuned to USPN for more updates | H O C K E Y
|
||
>and for exclusive coverage of the |
|
||
>Downhill Arguing competition, coming |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
|
||
>up right after these messages. |
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||
|
||
|
||
From samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewse!cbnewsd!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 01:45:02 EST 1992
|
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Article: 49443 of talk.bizarre
|
||
Xref: samba news.groups:39708 alt.flame:36892 talk.bizarre:49443 news.admin.policy:654 rec.music.synth:31974 rec.music.makers.synth:160 rec.humor:58153
|
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Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
|
||
Path: samba!concert!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewse!cbnewsd!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
|
||
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
|
||
Subject: =4= Planet of the Usenet Winter Olympics
|
||
Message-ID: <1992Nov17.072636.13387@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
|
||
Followup-To: rec.humor
|
||
Summary: A world where metaphors collide and sanity has no meaning
|
||
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
|
||
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
|
||
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
|
||
References: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
|
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Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 07:26:36 GMT
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Lines: 93
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Status: O
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||
|
||
\\
|
||
//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
|
||
(____)
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\ /
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||
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||
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/\ /\ /\ /\ /\
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/\ / |_____|\/\ /\/\ / \/\ /\ / \/ \
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/ \ /\ / | RFD | \ \ / / \ /\/ \ \ / \/ \ \ /\
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/ \/ \/ |-----| \ / .\/ / . \/ \ \/
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\ | | \ |-------| /
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| | | CFV |
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|_______|
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| |
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| |
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\ | | |
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\___----''''|
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\ announce |
|
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"Oops!" \results |
|
||
o \__---'''|
|
||
\ -+- \ | "Start over."
|
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\ || \ | o o
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\/ \ \ | -+- o -+-
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\ | | -+- |
|
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\| / \ | / \
|
||
/ \
|
||
S L A L O M
|
||
|
||
The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
|
||
|
||
Peter Arnett:
|
||
>Welcome back to USPN's coverage of the Usenet Winter Olympics!
|
||
>Today's broadcast of the Slalom event includes interviews with
|
||
>past medal-winners in this thrilling event, including last year's
|
||
>rookie sensation from sci.virtual-worlds.apps. But first, let's
|
||
>take a look at the history of this unusual sport, which began...
|
||
|
||
|
||
*
|
||
|
||
Rich:
|
||
>I don't understand it! News.groups should be *demanding* a way to
|
||
>enforce the Guidelines by now, some way to handle errant sysadmins
|
||
>and create a more orderly net -- but there's NOTHING! In fact,
|
||
>there are suggestions popping up everywhere to make the Guidelines
|
||
>*easier* to read and use!
|
||
|
||
Gene:
|
||
>They don't realize the consequences of simplifying the Guidelines:
|
||
>The less intimidating the Guidelines, the more newsgroups created.
|
||
>And the more newsgroups created, the more Usenet descends into the
|
||
>lawless anarchy it is swiftly becoming. I don't know where you
|
||
>found this "Dave Hayes" character -- he's very convincing, by the
|
||
>way -- but so far your plan appears to be backfiring.
|
||
|
||
Rich:
|
||
>We need more time! I'll tell Dave to propose a new RFD, one that
|
||
>conflicts with the original, and deliberately forces the issue...
|
||
|
||
Gene:
|
||
>You'd better hurry. The Cabal is losing patience. If your plan
|
||
>fails -- YOUR plan, which the Cabal has put considerable time and
|
||
>effort into backing -- I don't need to spell out the consequences.
|
||
|
||
Rich:
|
||
>I'll do everything I can. There must be something...
|
||
|
||
|
||
*
|
||
|
||
Peter:
|
||
>--next competitor is Mansoor A. Jaffery, from soc.religion.islam.
|
||
>It looks like Mansoor is having a little trouble as he makes it
|
||
>around the second turn...
|
||
|
||
Mansoor:
|
||
>Post to groups: news.announce.newgroups, news.groups,
|
||
> soc.religion.islam, soc.culture.*
|
||
>Subject: That's not the CFV! *This* is the CFV!
|
||
>Reply-To: /dev/null
|
||
|
||
[...rumble...]
|
||
|
||
Peter:
|
||
>Mansoor's started an avalanche of angry postings! It's --
|
||
|
||
[Peter is buried under several thousand tons of snow. After a few
|
||
moments, the camera returns to USPN studios.]
|
||
|
||
Bryant:
|
||
>Thanks for that exciting update, Peter! USPN's coverage of the
|
||
>Usenet Winter Olympics will continue right after these messages.
|
||
|
||
|
||
From samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!ames!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Wed Nov 18 17:26:35 EST 1992
|
||
Article: 49578 of talk.bizarre
|
||
Xref: samba news.groups:39881 alt.flame:36929 talk.bizarre:49578 news.admin.policy:681 rec.music.synth:32022 rec.music.makers.synth:184 rec.humor:58280
|
||
Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor
|
||
Path: samba!concert!rock!stanford.edu!ames!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
|
||
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
|
||
Subject: =5= The Last of the Usenet Winter Olympics
|
||
Message-ID: <1992Nov18.073649.23538@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
|
||
Followup-To: rec.humor
|
||
Summary: Not that the competition actually *stops* or anything, but...
|
||
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
|
||
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
|
||
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
|
||
References: <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov17.072636.13387@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
|
||
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 07:36:49 GMT
|
||
Lines: 115
|
||
|
||
\\
|
||
//// The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
|
||
(____)
|
||
\ /
|
||
||
|
||
||
|
||
|
||
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\
|
||
//// || //// || //// || ////
|
||
The 1992 Usenet (____) (____) (____) (____)
|
||
W I N T E R \ / \ / \ / \ /
|
||
Olympics \\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
|
||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
|
||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
|
||
\ / \ / \ / \ /
|
||
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
|
||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
|
||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
|
||
\ / \ / \ / \ /
|
||
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
|
||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
|
||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
|
||
\ / \ / \ / \ /
|
||
\\ || \\ || \\ || \\ ||
|
||
//// || //// || //// || //// ||
|
||
(____) (____) (____) (____)
|
||
\ / \ / \ / \ /
|
||
|| \\ || \\ || \\ || Closing Ceremonies
|
||
|| //// || //// || //// ||
|
||
|
||
Bryant:
|
||
>Once again the Usenet Olympics draw to a close -- the athletes
|
||
>burned out, the facilities destroyed -- and we here at USPN give
|
||
>you our special thanks for watching with us as we recorded these
|
||
>exciting moments in Usenet sporting history. As always, we look
|
||
>forward to the next Olympics in Summer 1993, and hope you'll join
|
||
>us then for another thrilling spectacle.
|
||
>
|
||
>We'd like to leave you with this collection of highlights from
|
||
>Usenet Olympic history past and present -- a collection of hopes
|
||
>and dreams, and moments to remember in net.history. Have a safe
|
||
>and flame-free holiday season, and we'll see you in '93.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
_______________________________________________
|
||
| |
|
||
| | | |
|
||
The 1992 Usenet | | | | | [ ] |
|
||
Winter Olympics | | | | | | o |
|
||
| | | | | |--+-- |
|
||
| ._-+---__. /| | | |
|
||
brought to you | / /| '---' /| | |
|
||
by | --. / | / \ |
|
||
| 'xx'--' / * / \ |
|
||
Scott Forbes | vv-----------------------'--' |
|
||
'_______________________________________________'
|
||
|
||
|
||
____________________________________
|
||
| .__________. |
|
||
| | | | With help from
|
||
| | ____ | |
|
||
| | ^____^ | |
|
||
| '---\\//---' | caffeinated soft drinks
|
||
| "Did not!" \\// |
|
||
| U U U | sugar frosted cereal
|
||
| -+- U -+- U -+- |
|
||
| | -+- | -+- | | Music Television
|
||
| / \ | / \ | / \ |
|
||
| / \ / \ | etc.
|
||
'____________________________________'
|
||
|
||
________________
|
||
Inspiration provided by | . o |
|
||
Dave Hayes Chip Salzenberg Tim Pierce | x |
|
||
Joel Furr Rich Kulawiec Jay Maynard | -/ ' |
|
||
Francis Uy Gordon Van Huizen Laird Nelson | | __ |
|
||
Bill Fenner Jesper Lauridsen John Stanley | / / o |
|
||
Ken Arromdee Karleenus Schwartz Davis | \ \ / o |
|
||
Samuel Ko G. Wolfe Woodbury Michael Nolan | \ \ / o |
|
||
Mark Brader Gene, Dave, Brad, Peter and Kent | \ \ / |
|
||
| \ \/\ |
|
||
the _Illuminatus!_ trilogy by Wilson & Shea | \__/ |
|
||
'________________'
|
||
|
||
____________________
|
||
| | Producer.....................Robert Redford
|
||
| "En garde!" | | Director..........................Spike Lee
|
||
| | |
|
||
| O) * | Oh, you wanted credits for *this* movie
|
||
| --+--' |
|
||
| | | Equipment..............Allied Office Supply
|
||
| / \ | Catering by..................Domino's Pizza
|
||
| -------/ \----| Power provided by.......Commonwealth Edison
|
||
| -----------------| Mr. Forbes' wardrobe
|
||
'____________________' selected by.....................Gail Stern
|
||
|
||
____________
|
||
| |
|
||
The preceding events are fictional, sort of. | |-__-''. |
|
||
There is no secret Backbone Cabal trying to gain | | /\ | |
|
||
control of the net and drive normal people insane | | ( ) | |
|
||
with silly Guidelines and anal-retentive policies | |-__-'' |
|
||
written in stone by a committee of lunatics. | | |
|
||
| |
|
||
| . U . |
|
||
I think. | -*- |
|
||
| | |
|
||
| / \ |
|
||
'____________'
|
||
|
||
"Usenet Winter Olympics" copyright (c) 1992 by Scott Forbes.
|
||
All rights reserved. May not be reproduced for profit without
|
||
prior consent of the author. Void where prohibited or taxed.
|
||
|
||
|