83 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
83 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
Article: 9806 of alt.folklore.computers
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Path: duke!mcnc!stanford.edu!morrow.stanford.edu!decwrl!uunet!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!van-bc!ubc-cs!unixg.ubc.ca!kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca!alberta!cpsc.ucalgary.ca!acs.ucalgary.ca!jsbell
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From: jsbell@acs.ucalgary.ca (Joshua Bell)
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Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
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Subject: Murphy's Laws...
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Message-Id: <1991Sep26.212135.16840@acs.ucalgary.ca>
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Date: 26 Sep 91 21:21:35 GMT
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Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta, Canada
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Lines: 67
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Status: RO
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Okay, pulled of out our old Multics Jokes Forum...:
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This list seems to be even more comprehinsive than /usr/games/fortune's
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contributions to the discussion...
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__________Anything Below This Line is Not My Fault___________________
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[0367] (50 lines) Donovan.Service 03/13/85 1013.5 mdt Wed Jokes
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Subject: Murphy
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I looked and did not find these in this meeting, so here goes:
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A few laws of computer programming:
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1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
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2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
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3. If any program is useful, it will have to be changed.
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4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
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5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
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6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
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7. Program complexity always grows until it exceeds the capability of
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the programmer who must maintain it.
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8. If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems
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will malfunction.
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9. Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper
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order will be.
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10. If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an
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ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
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11. Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
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12. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
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13. A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete
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than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.
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14. (Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology) There is always one more
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bug.
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15. It is impossible to make any program foolproof because fools are
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so ingenious.
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16. When things are going well, something will go wrong.
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17. When things just can't get any worse, they will.
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18. Anytime things appear to be going well, you have overlooked something.
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19. Test functions and their tests should be reproducible -- they should
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all fail in the same way.
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20. If it looks easy, it's tough.
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21. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.
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22. You always find any bug in the last place you look.
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23. Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
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24. A terminal usually works better if you plug it in. 25. If all else
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fails, read the documentation.
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26. If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical
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writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it.
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27. No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
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28. What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
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29. Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there
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is nothing important to do.
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30. Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
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31. No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
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32. Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do it himself.
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33. If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs,
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then the first woodpecker than came along would destroy civilization.
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34. Programmers will act rational when all other possibilities have
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been exhausted.
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---[0367]---
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+------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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| "Comedy, for me, it's cheaper than therapy." R. Williams |
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| jsbell@acs.ucalgary.ca Internet Academic Computing Services |
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| bellj@cpsc.ucalgary.ca (alternate) University of Calgary, Canada |
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