61 lines
2.1 KiB
Groff
61 lines
2.1 KiB
Groff
From: bobmon@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu (RAMontante)
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Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
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Subject: More prog. lang. Help (follow-on)
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Date: 8 Jul 90 10:30:04 GMT
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The lovely explanation of how to identify a programming language by
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its effects, missed a few languages. Herewith:
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FORTRAN:
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You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out
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of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run
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out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-
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processing ability.
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Algol:
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You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is
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esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent
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medic in the emergency room.
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COBOL:
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USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
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ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN
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return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check whether shoelace needs
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to be retied.
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BASIC:
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Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue
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until entire lower body is waterlogged.
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PL/I:
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You consume all available system resources, including all the
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offline bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles
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its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and
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drops the original one on your foot.
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SNOBOL:
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You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to
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be a bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then
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changes your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).
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lisp:
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You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
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which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
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with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
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gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
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scheme:
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You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
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which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
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with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
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gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
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...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.
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English:
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You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.
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--
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