91 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
ATTENTION BULLETIN BOARD SYSOPS:
|
|
|
|
Tired of those annoying breakins?
|
|
|
|
Had it up to HERE with people hacking your board?
|
|
|
|
Has your user account been stolen by some little dweebot that
|
|
cracked your system so many times you need a Cray to keep count?
|
|
|
|
Then you need . . .
|
|
|
|
The ELIMINATOR 2000 (tm), (c), (r)!
|
|
|
|
Yes, that's right . . . The ELIMINATOR 2000!
|
|
|
|
The Eliminator 2000 is a revolutionary device, about the size of a
|
|
small sports complex, brought to you by the makers of the Nuclear
|
|
Powered Potato Peeler, the Spam Fork, the 2-ton Potato Masher and the
|
|
Apathetic Grenade. Just insert the custom controller card into your
|
|
BBS computer, after reading the clear and concise 2,500 page randomly
|
|
numbered instruction manual written in Swahili, and the Eliminator
|
|
2000 is ready to protect your system. Its patented nuclear core
|
|
keeps your system operational and secure for approximately 1200
|
|
years.
|
|
|
|
At the slightest indication of a hacker attempting to break into your
|
|
BBS, the Eliminator 2000 snaps into action. After making a snapping
|
|
noise it traces the call to find out the location of the villain
|
|
(Note: only in areas that support CALLER ID). Then, upon discovering
|
|
the intruder's location, the Eliminator 2000 feeds the navigational
|
|
data into an internal ICBM with a modest nuclear warhead. The ICBM
|
|
is launched and system security is assured mere moments later when
|
|
the missile bathes the rapscallion with the soothing rays of a 5
|
|
kiloton nuclear explosion.
|
|
|
|
Thus our credo, which should be your credo:
|
|
|
|
"The only good hacker is an irradiated hacker."
|
|
|
|
If your area does not support Caller Id then the Eliminator 2000
|
|
takes the following actions:
|
|
|
|
1. It launches a 5 kiloton warhead anyway (in a random direction
|
|
ensuring that wherever it explodes there won't be anyone there
|
|
that could *ever* think of hacking your board).
|
|
|
|
2. The Eliminator 2000 will protect the security of your data by
|
|
sending a pulse of 3 trillion volts through your serial port,
|
|
melting all computer components (not to mention the desk it rests
|
|
on) into a multi-colored river of molten slag, assuring that the
|
|
hacker cannot get anything out of your BBS.
|
|
|
|
If you purchase the Ernie Molding attachment, when the slag cools, it
|
|
will press your BBS remains into an attractive paperweight.
|
|
|
|
Comes is five attractive colors.
|
|
|
|
Rush out and order your Eliminator 2000 today!
|
|
|
|
Price: $2,045.92
|
|
Ernie Molding Attachment: $1,095,762,032,172.57
|
|
|
|
Furnished with four 5 kiloton ICBMs at no additional charge.
|
|
|
|
* Does not work under any version of DOS above 1.2, Windows (like
|
|
anything does?) and Windows/NT.
|
|
|
|
Send cash, check or money order to:
|
|
|
|
Oppenheimer Industries
|
|
RD1 Box1a
|
|
Los Alamos, New Mexico 87544
|
|
|
|
Makes a great gift for that sysop who is so hard to shop for. {RAH}
|
|
--------------
|
|
Vincent B. Navarino is some wacko from Monroe, NY, and the SysOp of
|
|
The Particle Board III BBS (FidoNet 1:272/60). After finally being
|
|
released from a local psychiatric center, he seeks out captive
|
|
Twinkies in order to release them back into the wild. Sometimes he
|
|
falls to his knees and sobs uncontrollably for no apparent reason.
|
|
Rumor has it he has not kissed a girl in over two years.
|
|
(Editor's note: Vincent didn't actually write the preceding
|
|
advertisement. We just thought you'd like to know this stuff.)
|
|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Real computer scientists love the concept of users. Users are always
|
|
real impressed by the stuff computer scientists are talking about;
|
|
it sure sounds better than the stuff they are being forced to use
|
|
now.
|
|
|