99 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
99 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
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Microsoft Corp. Announces Latest Acquisition:
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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PROJECT OLYMPIA
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by Rex C. Williams
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OLYMPIA (DF) -- Microsoft Corporation purchased the State
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of Washington for a reported $256 Billion. Code named "Olympia,"
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this seems to be Bill Gates' latest step on his way toward "Total
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Integration". Microsoft plans to turn the northwestern State into a
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"Virtual State" where all public services and utilities will be
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integrated into the Windows operating systems. For example, in order
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to call a police officer for help, rather than having to go through
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an archaic 911 telephone system, you simply drag the Police icon from
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the Emergency Services folder and drag it over to the icon of your
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home.
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Microsoft promises that ISDN lines will be available throughout the
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"Virtual State" to allow for better services via modem. By using a
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combination of Microsoft technologies including OLE, MAPI, and TAPI,
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a citizen will be able to call for an ambulance (by the same method
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as shown above), edit an Excel spreadsheet within a Word document,
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download his E-mail, and print a large document all at the same time.
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An IBM spokesman was quoted as saying "He [Gates] will never
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succeed. We tried to do the same thing with South Florida a few years
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ago and it was a terrible disaster." Historically speaking, this
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bodes well for Microsoft. IBM and Apple are expected to file a joint
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suit against Microsoft.
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The State of Oregon was also acquired for beta testing which
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is expected to begin the second quarter of next year. Microsoft
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promises that the necessary software will be able to run on existing
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hardware, but early reports show that one will need a multi-processor
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P6 or RISC based machine with 128MB of RAM and at least 3.6GB of free
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disk space. When questioned about this an anonymous source from the
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company said that even if they aren't able to knock down the system
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requirements, "It still shouldn't be a problem as this configuration
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will be considered an entry-level machine, if not completely outdated
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altogether."
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Bill Gates held a separate press conference for the concerned
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citizens of the newly acquired state. He declared that the people
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had nothing to fear. Registered citizens would be permitted to
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re-enter the State for a nominal upgrade fee. Oregon and California
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citizens will be offered a slightly higher priced competitive
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upgrade, while all other citizens will have to pay full price. Exact
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pricing has not yet been set. Microsoft plans to have the project
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completed by the first quarter of 1998. But . . . the acquisition
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prompted Congress to take actions as well.
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(See related story, Washington DC Goes To MS-Washington.)
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WASHINGTON DC GOES TO MS-WASHINGTON
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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BEGINNING TO ABEND
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by Rex C. Williams
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WASHINGTON DC (DF) -- With the announcement of Microsoft's
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acquisition of the State of Washington -- vice-president Al Gore
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shifted his national agenda on the Information Superhighway into
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overdrive. Congress announced the formation of the Subcommittee on
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Superhighways And All Things Virtual. The subcommittee was given $512
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Billion to determine how much the government would be obligated to
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spend on the Information Superhighway. Computer industry leaders were
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invited to join in the first closed sessions.
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The first item on the agenda was the "Look and Feel" of the
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road signs. Conservative Republicans proposed that it should stay
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in keeping with the signs found on conventional interstates. This
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immediately brought objections by representatives from both Novell
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and Microsoft. Novell felt that the Blue colorings for the shields
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would inevitably be linked to IBM and would therefor give them an
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unfair advantage.
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Novell suggested red for its easy readability. The matter was
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passed on to the Securities and Exchange Commission for further
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review. Microsoft objected to the even numbered numbering scheme
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from coast-to-coast citing their own regrettable misfortunes with
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even numbers. Neither issue is expected to be resolved before
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Congress convenes for Spring Break.
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{DREAM}
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Copyright 1995 Rex C. Williams, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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Rex C. Williams is a Full-time Desktop Publishing Coordinator. He has
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previously worked as a Programmer/Analyst/Database Developer. In his
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spare time he operates the EPiTOME BBS from a secret location in
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Savannah, Georgia. He may be reached by E-Mail at The EPiTOME BBS
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(912) 234-1181, or by Snail Mail, 154-B Buckhalter Road, Savannah, GA
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31405. Home Phone: (912) 236-4105 (rarely home) Work: (912) 927-1181
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=====================================================================
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