361 lines
8.0 KiB
Plaintext
361 lines
8.0 KiB
Plaintext
An unabridged, uncommon, and
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unnecessary dictionary of computer
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terms
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snagged off a vax system by:
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--->king herman
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array:
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what comes out of buck roger's
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gun.
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Assumed decimal point:
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located two positions to the right of
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a programmer's current salary in
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estimating his own worth.
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Basic:
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1) what programs appear to be but
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never are.
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2) Achronym for "beginners
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all-purpose society for
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incompetent computing"
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bit:
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the increment by which computer
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programmers slowly go mad.
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Buffer:
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1) a job for out of work programmers
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consisting of polishing floors.
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2) The active ingredient in the
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programmer's favorite drug:
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aspirin.
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Bus:
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as in greyhound or pdp, upon which
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all data commute to work.
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Card reader:
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woman who tells fortunes.
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Chaining:
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a method of attaching programmers to
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desks to speed up output.
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Character set:
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a group of qualities that programmers
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begin to lack after many years of
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overflows and head crashes. (See: any
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term above that you don't know or
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understand, because if you don't,
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then you probably still have one.
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Checkpoint:
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the location from which a programmer
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Š draws his salary.
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Cobol:
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two bols working together on a common
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project.
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Comments:
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see fixed word length.
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Compiler:
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program that continually finds fault
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with your work. (See also: wife.)
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Complex:
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adjective used to describe problems
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to be avoided.
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Computer crime:
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a system without star trek,
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adventure, vaxman, and the like
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installed on it.
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Concatenation:
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catholic ritual performed once a year
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to bless programmers.
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Constant:
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anything but a,e,i,o or u.
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Core storage:
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a receptical for the center section
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of apples.
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Counter:
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a device over which martinis are
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served.
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Cpu:
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acronym for "central pulverizing
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utility."
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Debugging aids:
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insecticides.
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Dequeue:
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southern reference to queue. Example:
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"where'd you put de queue, man?"
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Dummy arguements:
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discussion betweeen programmers.
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Dump:
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slang term for computer building.
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(I.E. "Why do I spend so much time in
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this dump?)
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Š
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Dump list:
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list of branch offices.
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Edt:
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pesticide for getting rid of cute
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little aliens.
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Error:
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what someone else has made when they
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disagree with your computer output.
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External storage:
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wastebasket.
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Fixed word length:
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four-letter words used by programmers
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in a state of confusion.
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Floating control:
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a characteristic exhibited when you
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have to go to the restroom, but can't
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leave the computer.
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Floating point:
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the absolute limit before floating
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control is lost.
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Flow chart:
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a graphic representation of the
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fastest route to the restroom.
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For:
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a good conditional statement for
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initializing a loop. (See: loop. See
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also: watfor.)
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Format:
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what you wipe your feet on before
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entering the computer building.
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Fortran:
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answer to watfor
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free:
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an obsolete expression.
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Function:
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what a program never does on the
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first run.
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Global variable:
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a variable who likes to travel.
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Goto:
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Š often used in conjunction with
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biblical locations. (See also: fixed
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word length.)
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Hardware:
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frozen software.
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Head crash:
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last step before computer goto,
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usually executed by programmer
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crashing his head against the nearest
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wall.
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Hex:
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a spell cast on anyone deciding to be
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a programmer.
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Infinite loop:
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see: loop.
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Input:
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food, whiskey, beer, aspirin, etc.
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Interface:
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the area between a programmer's chin
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and hairline.
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Interrupt:
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usually the result of a keypunch.
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(See also: head crash.)
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Job queue:
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input file for operating system
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random file loss utility.
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Keypunch:
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error solving procedure used by
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programmers; consists of applying
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one's fist to the teletype terminal.
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Line printer:
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machine that prints lines on blank
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paper, also known as a paper
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shredder.
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Lisp:
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the language of variables.
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Logical operater:
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extinct species.
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Loop:
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see: infinite loop.
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Looping:
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Š feeling experienced by drunk
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programmers.
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Machine language:
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grunts, groans, squeaks, shudders,
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etc.
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Macro:
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the last half of an expression of
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suprise: "holy macro!"
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Mass bus:
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a very large bus, sometimes a gmc
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motor coach. (See also: bus.)
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Memory dump:
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amnesia.
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Node:
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1) useless apendage.
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2) Any programmer that refuses to
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write anything but serious code.
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Similar to a four-letter word
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beginning in the same letter, but
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ending in "erd".
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Operator:
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the person who always rips your
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program in half when removing it from
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the line printer. (See also:
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inefficient.)
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Output:
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see also: floating conrol.
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Overflow:
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condition resulting from exceeding
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floating point.
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Pascal:
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traveling between utah and mexico (or
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the other way around).
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Pinbol:
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most widely used language. Terminals
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usually found in pool halls, bars,
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etc.
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Pointer:
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a breed of hunting dog.
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Post mortem dump:
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place for dead programmers. (See
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also: dump.)
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ŠProgrammer:
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1) red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable
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of conversing with inanimate
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objects.
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2) People who pass themselves off as
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exacting experts on the basis of
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being able to turn out, after
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innumerable debugging sessions, an
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infinite series of incomprehen-
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sible answers calculated with
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micrometric precision from vague
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assumptions based on debatable
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figures taken from inconclusive
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documents of problematical
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accuracy by persons of dubious
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reliability and questionable
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mentality for the purpose of
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annoying and confounding a
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hopelessly defenseless department
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that was unfortunate enough to
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have asked for the information.
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Queue:
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stick used for the playing of pocket
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billiards.
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Register:
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often found in stores.
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Significant digit:
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middle finger of either hand,
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commonly used by programmers when
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talking to operators. (I.E.He gave
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the operatror two significant
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digits.)
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Sin:
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not attending concatenation services.
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Serial:
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what you pour milk (or whatever) over
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and eat for breakfast (e.G. Frosted
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flakes, cheerios, sugar pops, fruit
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loops, oatmeal, etc.).
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Serial interface:
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what happens when a programmer's
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breakfast misses his (or her) mouth.
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(See: interface, serial.)
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Snobol:
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what programmers throw at operators
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during the winter.
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Spitbol:
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Š what programmers shoot in class.
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Stack pointer:
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pointer used in hunting buxom women.
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Symbol:
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loud percussion instrument.
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Tape:
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sometimes used to chain programmers.
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Tape drive:
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device best known for its ability to
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have lunch in the middle of reading
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the only copy of a source tape.
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Terminal:
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condition programmer reaches just
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before a post mortem dump is
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required.
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Text editor:
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employee of the local newspaper.
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Trapezoidal rule:
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country ruled entirely by trapezoids.
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Underflow:
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symptom of an impotent programmer.
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Variable:
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bisexual programmer.
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Watfor:
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statement frequently uttered by
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computer science students.
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