150 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
150 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
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From lauren Tue Jul 12 01:18 PDT 1983 remote from vortex
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Date: Tuesday, 12-Jul-83 01:18:19-PDT
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From: Lauren Weinstein <vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM>
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Subject: "The Day Bell System Died"
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To: TELECOM@ECLB
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Greetings. With the massive changes now taking place in the
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telecommunications industry, we're all being inundated with
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seemingly endless news items and points of information regarding
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the various effects now beginning to take place. However, one
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important element has been missing: a song! Since the great
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Tom Lehrer has retired from the composing world, I will now
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attempt to fill this void with my own light-hearted, non-serious
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look at a possible future of telecommunications. This work is
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entirely satirical, and none of its lyrics are meant to be
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interpreted in a non-satirical manner. The song should be sung
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to the tune of Don Mclean's classic "American Pie".
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I call my version "The Day Bell System Died"...
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--Lauren--
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**************************************************************************
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*==================================*
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* Notice: This is a satirical work *
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*==================================*
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"The Day Bell System Died"
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Lyrics Copyright (C) 1983 by Lauren Weinstein
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(To the tune of "American Pie")
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(With apologies to Don McLean)
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ARPA: vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM
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UUCP: {decvax, ihnp4, harpo, ucbvax!lbl-csam, randvax}!vortex!lauren
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**************************************************************************
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Long, long, time ago,
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I can still remember,
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When the local calls were "free".
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And I knew if I paid my bill,
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And never wished them any ill,
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That the phone company would let me be...
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But Uncle Sam said he knew better,
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Split 'em up, for all and ever!
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We'll foster competition:
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It's good capital-ism!
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I can't remember if I cried,
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When my phone bill first tripled in size.
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But something touched me deep inside,
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The day... Bell System... died.
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And we were singing...
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Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
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We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
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"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
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Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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Is your office Step by Step,
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Or have you gotten some Crossbar yet?
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Everybody used to ask...
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Oh, is TSPS coming soon?
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IDDD will be a boon!
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And, I hope to get a Touch-Tone phone, real soon...
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The color phones are really neat,
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And direct dialing can't be beat!
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My area code is "low":
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The prestige way to go!
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Oh, they just raised phone booths to a dime!
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Well, I suppose it's about time.
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I remember how the payphones chimed,
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The day... Bell System... died.
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And we were singing...
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Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
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We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
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"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
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Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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Back then we were all at one rate,
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Phone installs didn't cause debate,
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About who'd put which wire where...
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Installers came right out to you,
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No "phone stores" with their ballyhoo,
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And 411 was free, seemed very fair!
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But FCC wanted it seems,
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To let others skim long-distance creams,
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No matter 'bout the locals,
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They're mostly all just yokels!
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And so one day it came to pass,
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That the great Bell System did collapse,
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In rubble now, we all do mass,
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The day... Bell System... died.
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So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
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We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
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"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
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Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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I drove on out to Murray Hill,
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To see Bell Labs, some time to kill,
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But the sign there said the Labs were gone.
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I went back to my old CO,
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Where I'd had my phone lines, years ago,
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But it was empty, dark, and ever so forlorn...
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No relays pulsed,
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No data crooned,
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No MF tones did play their tunes,
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There wasn't a word spoken,
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All carrier paths were broken...
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And so that's how it all occurred,
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Microwave horns just nests for birds,
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Everything became so absurd,
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The day... Bell System... died.
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So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
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We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
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"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
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Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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We were singing:
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Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
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We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
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"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
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Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
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***********************************************************************
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