150 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
150 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #7
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So I manage AT LONG LAST, to get a couple of hours off for lunch, AND, because
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I can't leave my desk unattended, I get the janitor in and have him sit in
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my chair. I tell him that all he has to do is make sure the receiver doesn't
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accidentally get put back on the hook. He agrees and I'm off.
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First stop, the bank. I change a $50 note into quarters and then ask to see
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a balance of my account. Then I yank the power lead out of the teller's vdu.
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It dies. I say I'm in a hurry and is the manager around?
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He rolls over like a man-sized twinkie and asks what the problem is. I say
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that all I want is a balance of my accounts. I cross my fingers. YES!
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He finds the vdu lead out, plugs it in, and logs in, TO THE MANAGER'S ACCOUNT.
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Now's my chance - I slip up against the counter, slopping 200 coins across the
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counter. The manager ignores it, but all the tellers dive for the money. I
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watch, unobserved, as the manager types in his password at the breakneck speed
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of one character a minute. At that rate I should've got $100 worth....
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He finishes typing. "MONEY". What a toughy! Well, that's my mortgage taken
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care of tonight...
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A user that I recognise from "D(eletion) day '89" approaches. I think he's
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going to talk to me. Even the bank manager is shaking his head furiously.
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But it's too late, he stops.
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"Um, excuse me, Could you tell me what is the best computer to buy to do my
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thesis on?
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?!
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Right.
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"You've heard of Commodore 64's?" I ask
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"Yes?.."
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"Avoid them like the plague! Not many people know this, but computers aren't
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made to handle that much memory - it's over 64,000 things, more in some cases.
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It's a recipe for disaster!"
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"Oh!"
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"Try something safe and proven. A ZX81 with dual cassette drive if you can
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get it. The 1K ram model. Write that down. Don't buy a disk drive - You
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know how they're always failing, but music cassettes last forever!"
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"Hey thanks!"
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"No worries. What was your username again?"
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He tells me. Just in time for D-Day 92. You'd think they'd learn.
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I get back to work and the janitor's asleep at the terminal. I ask him if he
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wants to work here too, but he likes the ability to bust in on people when
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they're in the toilet...
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I put the phone back on the hook, and straight away it rings. I hate it when
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it does that, it takes me AGES to get my walkman phones in.
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It's the hottest hosemonster I've ever met, and she's got a computer problem!
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I love it when that happens!
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"What's your username?" I ask
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She tells me (as if I didn't know)
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Quick as I can I read all her e-mail (mostly boring stuff), then grep everyone
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else's mail files for her username. Nothing. Excellent!
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"What's the problem?" I ask, all smiles and charm.
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"I can't save my documents, it says something about space."
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"Not a problem for long" I say, and delete everyone else on the same disk as
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her. "You should be fine now.."
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"Thank you so much" she gushes.
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I make a mental note to do something to her account again tomorrow.
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"No worries."
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The phone rings almost before I've got it on the hook.
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"My files are all gone!" a voice whines out at me.
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"When did this happen?" I ask.
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"Just now..." he says, through the tears
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"I see. Well, I wouldn't worry, there's three days till the end of the
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semester, if you work day and night until then, you should get at least a C-"
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He sobs a couple more times then hangs up. What a wimp.
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THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN!
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"The screen on my PC is really dim" The woman at the other end says "Should I
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wind the brightness knob up?"
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"NO!" I scream "Don't touch that knob! Have you any idea of the radiation
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that comes out of that thing when the knob gets wound up?!!!!"
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"Well I..." she says, all uncertain
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"TAKE MY ADVICE!" I say "There's only ONE way to fix a dim display, and that's
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by power surging the drivers"
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The words "power surging" and "drivers" have got her. People hear words like
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that and go into dummy mode and do ANYTHING you say. I could tell her to run
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naked across campus with a powercord rammed up her backside and she'd probably
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do it... Hmmm...
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"Have you got a spare power cord?"
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"No.."
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"Oh well, never mind, we'll have to do the power surge idea... Ok, quick as
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you can, I want you to flick the power switch of your PC on and off 30 times"
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"Should I take my disks out?"
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"NO! Do you want to lose all your data!?!"
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"Oh. No! Ok.."
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I listen carefully.. ..
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...clicky..clikcy...clikky.. .. .. ...clicky. ...cliccy..
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. . BOOM!
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Amazing, it probably made it to 27 - the power supply usually shits itself
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at 15 or so...
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"MY COMPUTER BLEW UP!!!" she screams at me down the line
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"Really? Must've been a dodgy power supply! Lucky we found out now! Is your
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machine still under warranty?"
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"NO!"
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"Dear oh dear. Well, Best get it repaired then. Did you backup your files?"
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"Yes, to the system, Yesterday, but all this morning's work is gone!"
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"Oh dear. What was your username, I'll just check that your backups worked
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ok?"
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She tells me....
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spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
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