109 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
109 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
101 EASY WAYS TO SAY NO
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I'd love to, but...
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1 I have to floss my cat.
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2 I've dedicated my life to linguini.
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3 I want to spend more time with my blender.
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4 the President said he might drop in.
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5 the man on television told me to say tuned.
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6 I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
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7 I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
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8 it's my parakeet's bowling night.
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9 it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
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10 I'm building a pig from a kit.
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11 I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
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12 I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
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13 there's a disturbance in the Force.
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14 I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
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15 I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
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16 I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
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17 I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
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18 I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
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19 I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
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20 my crayons all melted together.
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21 I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
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22 I'm in training to be a household pest.
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23 I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
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24 my patent is pending.
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25 I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
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26 I'm sandblasting my oven.
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27 I'm worried about my vertical hold.
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28 I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
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29 I'm being deported.
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30 the grunion are running.
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31 I'll be looking for a parking space.
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32 my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
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33 the monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
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34 I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
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35 I have to fluff my shower cap.
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36 I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
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37 I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
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38 I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
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39 my plot to take over the world is thickening.
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40 I have to fulfill my potential.
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41 I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
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42 it's too close to the turn of the century.
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43 I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
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44 my subconscious says no.
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45 I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
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46 I left my body in my other clothes.
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47 the last time I went, I never came back.
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48 I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
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49 I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
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50 none of my socks match.
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51 I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
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52 I'm having all my plants neutered.
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53 people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
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54 I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
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55 I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My
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Refrigerator."
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56 I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
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57 my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
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58 I'm touring China with a wok band.
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59 my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
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60 I never go out on days that end in "Y."
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61 my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
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62 I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named
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Basil Metabolism.
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63 I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put
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it down.
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64 I'm too old/young for that stuff.
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65 I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
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66 I have too much guilt.
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67 there are important world issues that need worrying about.
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68 I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
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69 I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
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70 I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
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71 I feel a song coming on.
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72 I'm trying to be less popular.
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73 my bathroom tiles need grouting.
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74 I have to bleach my hare.
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75 I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
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76 I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
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77 you know how we psychos are.
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78 my favorite commercial is on TV.
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79 I have to study for a blood test.
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80 I'm going to be old someday.
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81 I've been traded to Cincinnati.
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82 I'm observing National Apathy Week.
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83 I have to rotate my crops.
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84 my uncle escaped again.
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85 I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
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86 I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
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87 I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
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88 I have to go to court for kitty littering.
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89 I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
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90 I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
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91 having fun gives me prickly heat.
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92 I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking
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for me.
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93 I have to jog my memory.
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94 my palm reader advised against it.
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95 my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
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96 I have to stay home and see if I snore.
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97 I prefer to remain an enigma.
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98 I think you want the OTHER [your name] .
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99 I have to sit up with a sick ant.
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100 I'm trying to cut down.
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101 ... well, maybe.
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