160 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
160 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
--
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The Hacker's Song
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By Dave Touretzky and Don Libes
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(with no apologies whatever to Monty Python)
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--
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I'm a hacker and I'm OK
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I work all night and I sleep all day.
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--
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I wrote some hacks in APL,
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each on a single line.
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They're mutually recursive,
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and run in n-squared time.
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(chorus)
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Oh, he's a hacker and he's ok,
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He works all night and he sleeps all day.
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I'm a hacker and I'm ok,
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I work all night and I sleep all day.
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--
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I wrote two hacks in Macro,
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with UUO's galore.
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One plays Nim on the console lights
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while the other zeros core.
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(chorus)
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I wrote a hack in SNOBOL
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with FORTRAN subroutines.
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It spits out trashy stories
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for ladies' magazines.
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(chorus)
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I wrote some hacks in InterLisp,
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they barely fit in core.
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The swapper thrashed its guts out,
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So now it runs no more.
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(chorus)
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I wrote a hack in microcode,
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with a goto on each line.
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It runs as fast as Superman,
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But not quite every time.
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(chorus)
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I wrote some hacks in Ada,
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and still can't run them yet.
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Do you suppose we'll see that day?
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On it I would not bet.
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(chorus)
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I wrote a hack for UNIX,
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when it was still in vogue.
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It knows the tricks to PacMan,
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and plays mean games of Rogue.
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(chorus)
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I wrote some hacks, distributed,
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across our neat gateway.
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Each one of its 10 functions
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kills RIG in a different way!
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(chorus)
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I wrote some hacks in Mlisp,
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to edit files of root.
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It writes them back no-execute,
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and now it won't reboot!
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(chorus)
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I wrote some hacks to manage jobs
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with PLITS and IPC.
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Its very first activity
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was firing the faculty.
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(chorus)
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I wrote some hacks with P and V
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to synchronize my life.
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Now I can't use the bathroom,
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I'm deadlocked with my wife!
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(chorus)
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I wrote a hack(in theory),
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it may not ever halt.
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But if it does, just watch out...
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[Fatal Error: Infinite Page Fault]
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(chorus)
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I wrote a hack with hough transforms
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for the folks at DoD.
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It'll guide their fancy missles
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to Washington D.C.
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--
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I'm a hacker and I'm OK
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I work all night and I sleep all day.
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I'll have a system of my own someday,
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that'll run my code in a hacked up way.
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--tvr
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------
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This is a copy of some amusing stuff from ARPAnet. It is old, but
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good.
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------
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Date: 7 October 1983
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from Pat O'Donnell
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To: info-cobol
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Subject: LAIDBACK
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--
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[Excerpts from a paper (journal unknown) by John Unger Zussman.]
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--
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BASIC, FORTRAN, COBOL ... these programming languages are well known,
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and more or less well loved throughout the computer industry. There
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are numerous other languages, however, that are less well known yet
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still have ardent devotees. In fact, these little-known languages
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generally have the most fanatic admirers. For those who wish to
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know more about these languages -- and why they are obscure--
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I present the following catalog.
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-> SIMPLE
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SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiots Monopurpose Programming
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Linguistic Environment. This language developed at the Hanover College
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for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to
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write code with errors in it. THe statements are, therefore, confined
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to BEGIN, END and STOP. No matter how the statements are arranged,
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you can't make a syntax error.
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Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus, they achieve the
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results of programs written in other languages without the tedious
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frustrating process of testing and debugging.
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-> SLOBOL
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SLOBOL is best known for the speed, of lack of it, of its
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compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break
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while they compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to fly to Bolivia to
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pick the coffee.
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-> LAIDBACK
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Historically, VALGOL is a derivative of LAIDBACK, which
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was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi,
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mellowness and Computer Programming, as an alternative to the more
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intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley.
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The center was ideal for programmers who like to soak in hot tubs
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while they work. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there
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for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC cola in favor of
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bean curd an Perrier.
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Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a
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gentle and nonthreatening language. For example, LAIDBACK responded
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to syntax errors with the message "Sorry man, I can't deal behind that."
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-> SARTRE
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Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an
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extremely unstructured language. Statements is SARTRE have no purpose;
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they just are. Thus, SARTRE programs are left to define their own
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functions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are
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no fun at parties.
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-> C-
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This language is named for the grade received by its creator
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when he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.
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C- is best described as a "low level" language. In fact, the language
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generally requires more C- statements than machine-code statements
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to execute a given task. In this respect it is very similar to COBOL.
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-> LITHP
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This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by
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the absence of an "S" from its character set. Programmers an users
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must substitute "TH." LITHP is said to be useful in protheththing
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lithtth.
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-> DOGO
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Developed at the Massechusettes Institute of Obedience
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Training, DOGO heralds a new era of computer literate pets. DOGO commands
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include SIT, STAY, HEEL, and ROLL OVER. An innovative feature of DOGO
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is "puppy graphics," a small cocker spaniel that occaisionally leaves
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a deposit as it travels across the screen.
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