103 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
103 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
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o Zhit Axis Nation (ZIT) o
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o Presents ... o
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o o
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o HOW TO FAKE SICKNESS AND GO HOME EARLY! o
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o o
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o By Homocidal HitchHiker o
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OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
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School is coming up soon, <sigh> so this file
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is for all of you who long to go home and call
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out! Hopefully by the end of this file you'll
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be ditching <legitimatly> like the pros. (Me)
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First you will need:
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3 GULLABLE ADULTS
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1 Parent
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1 Teacher
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1 School Nurse
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AND A STRAIGHT FACE.
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STEP ONE: While going into the class of your
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choice, do the following:
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Put your hand to your head or stomach
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let your eyelids sag
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Walk slowly to your desk
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Rest your head
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Okay, Rest your pathetic little head on your
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desk for about five or ten minutes, or until
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your gullable teacher says "Are you feeling OK"
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Then reply in a weak voice, "Hell no bitch!" or
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something to that effect. If they ask whats
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wrong, make up some shit about your head/stomach
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within realitic boundries. (i.e. NOT "I ruptured
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my spleen!") If she sends you to the nurse,
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GOOD! You're on your way! If not just say "Fuck
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you then!" and go slash her tires or firebomb
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her house.
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STEP TWO: The Nurse's Office
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Okay, you've faked out your sorry teacher and
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you're on your way to the nurse... Think about
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what you're going to tell her (or him? Yech!).
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Tell her that you feel weak and nauseous and
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you just want to go home and rest. They'll
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probably let you call your parental figure after
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taking your temperature. Now, when they take
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your temperature, make sure to put it under your
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tounge and then suck on it real hard (oooh!). No
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seriously, this will reduce the amount of air in
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your mouth and it will rise faster. Just don't
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suck too hard, or you'll end up with a mouth full
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of mercury! (Yech!)
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So, no matter what your temperature is, call your
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parent anyways. (That wasn't so hard was it?)
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NOTE: DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT say your throat
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hurts unless you have a strange urge to get a
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giant Q-Tip shoved down your throat!
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STEP 3: YeR DUm StOOpId PerEntz
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This is by-far the funnest part. Okay dial up
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your parent, or better yet call some of your
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friends in the Orient (It's not YOUR phone
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bill! <grin>)! Okay keep your soft voice and
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ask for your parent. When they say some dumb
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thing like "Where are you?" say something like
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"Where do you think ?@#%!" Or tell them that
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you're in the Nurse's Office and you don't feel
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well. if they ask what's wrong, feed them the
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same bullshit that you fed the other gullable
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adults. After which, have them talk to the
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nurse so she can verify your pitifulness. If
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That doesn't work and your parent won't let you
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go home, keep coming back to the nurse and
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calling your parent EVERY period until they are
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so sick of you that they will FINALLY send you
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home!
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NOTE: If your parent sends you to the doctor,
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just put on the act and lie like a dog and they
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will say "Yes, your son/daughter has the Flu" or
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something and then you will be snickering under
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your "sickly" breath! Muuuhahahahahaha!!!!
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>>>>>>>>>>> DISCLAIMER <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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This File WORKS! But should anything
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happen to you, I'm not responsible so
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there!
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**************************************
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This File Was Written by:
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/-/omocidal /-/itchHiker
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07/22/91
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Greets to: Erasmus, Eightball, Ronnieman,
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and all ZANists everywhere!
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OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
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