572 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
572 lines
19 KiB
Plaintext
**********************************************************************
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*GS#008 <FNORD> *
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* *
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* More Things About the Illuminati *
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* by *
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* Guido Sanchez *
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* *
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* Written: July 14, 1991 *
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* *
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* Greets to: White Lightning, Erasmus, Ninja, Baron, Psycho (don't *
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* kill yourself), and <FNORD>. *
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* *
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* The All-Seeing /\ And also the sign of the *
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* Pyramid is / \ *
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* a trademark of SJG. / () \ ILLUMINATI! *
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* / \ *
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* /________\ *
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**********************************************************************
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Well, this new phile is a compilation of many different files about
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the Illuminati. You probably will not understand ANY of this if you
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have not DLed or played Illuminati. Included are bits of literature
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about the Secret Masters, and new Illuminatis and other groups. Have
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fun with this stuff!!!!!
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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49 Awful Things About The Illuminati by Steve Jackson
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1. There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret
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knowledge. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be
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false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only
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adds to the confusion and mystery.
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2. The Illuminati infiltrate and take over organizations of all
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kinds, from churches to the post office to the corner grocery store,
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and turn them to their own ends.
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3. And, just as a black joke, some of their subject organizations
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<MI>advertise<M> themselves as Secret Societies!
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4. They have agents and ``sleepers'' planted everywhere. Many of
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these people have no idea who they are really reporting to. Others
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are active members of the conspiracy, working their way ever deeper
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into the fabric of society.
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5. They control the schools in order to make sure that young people
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learn to enjoy strange tuneless music and weird outlandish games, and
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that they dress oddly.
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6. They also try to recruit the best and the brightest young people
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as agents, to insure the next generation of the Conspiracy.
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7. They constantly feud among themselves and war with other groups
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and organizations. Each group of Illuminati is constantly striving to
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increase its power base and undermine the competition.
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8. Their first means of dealing with opposition is to buy it off. To
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any group as rich as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are
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nothing.
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9. Next they try threats. Danger to possessions, status or loved ones
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has dissuaded many a would-be foe of Illuminati schemes.
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10. And, of course, murder is an ancient political weapon. The
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Illuminati have been responsible for some of the most shocking
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assassinations of modern times.
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11. They also replace people with doubles. For many years they
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recruited look-alikes who would serve their ends. Now they are
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perfecting cloning technology that will let them replace
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<MI>anybody.<M>
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12. Those who can't be dealt with any other way are discredited or
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driven mad.
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13. The Illuminati conspiracy is hundreds, if not thousands, of years
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old. Many of the most famous names of history have been Illuminated,
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or Illuminati agents. Indeed, all of history is nothing more than an
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outside view of the schemes and struggles of the Illuminati.
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14. And, of course, the Illuminati are constantly rewriting history
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to serve their own goals. For instance, modern schoolchildren are
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taught that there is no historical evidence of Jesus Christ, and they
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learn nothing about the Russo-German War or the state of Arcadia.
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15. They control the news media, so you hear what they want you to
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about today's news. Any event that doesn't fit in with their program
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will be quickly hushed up.
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16. In particular, they control television. They don't permit
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intelligent shows to survive; they encourage mind candy that will
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keep people from thinking. The only reason good shows are permitted
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to appear at all is to convince intelligent people that nobody else
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likes such material, and that there must be something wrong with
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<MI>them.
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17. The Illuminati manipulate the stock market and control currencies
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on an international level. Your paycheck is worth just what the
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Illuminati want it to be.
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18. Likewise, the entire ``energy crisis'' is an Illuminati
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invention. There's no shortage of energy, of a dozen different kinds,
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but plentiful free energy might threaten the Illuminated power base!
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19. The Illuminati are doing their best to hold back the space
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program, for the same reason. If mankind was spread out through the
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solar system, they'd be much harder to control. [Not all the
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Illuminati agree on this. Some of them lust after the mineral wealth
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of space, and some want (literally) new worlds to conquer.]
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20. And some of them are in touch with aliens from outer space. Some
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of them ARE aliens. Why would ``advanced beings'' want to meddle with
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the affairs of Earthlings? Good question.
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21. Worse, some of them have actual magical powers and are in league
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with forces from . . . elsewhere. Great huge beings that are madness
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to look upon, or tiny, malicious things that glare and gibber from
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dark corners. They have pins and dolls; they know old names.
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22. Other Illuminati have embraced technology. Their files of
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information are much more useful when backed by the power of the
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computer. They are also conditioning everyone to believe that
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computers are so complicated and dangerous that only the Experts
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should play with them. Next time you get an electric bill for
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$666,666.66, you know who's behind it.
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23. And some of these technophiles have gone a step farther, creating
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actual machine intelligences. These sentient computers are now,
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themselves, a force amoung the ruling Illuminati!
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24. The Illuminati don't like war; it's expensive and wasteful. War
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only happens when two groups of Illuminati are very evenly matched
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and neither is willing to negotiate. But then they whip a few nations
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into a patriotic fervor and go at it.
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25. They send secret messages through the newspapers and airwaves -
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in the classified ads, and even buried in news reports. They have
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other, even stranger forms of secret communications . . . all around
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you, all the time.
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26. They keep everyone - yes, <MI>everyone<M> - under constant
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surveillance. Every time you fill out another questionnaire, you're
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weaving another strand of the net that binds the world.
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27. They are working to make the law as confusing as possible, so
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everything will be illegal or potentially illegal - then they have a
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hold on everybody and everyone will fear the laws.
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28. They encourage resistance to authority among young people and
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political dissidents, to distract government attention from the real
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enemy within.
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29. But when they reach a satisfactory level of control, they turn
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their efforts toward extinguishing independence and encouraging
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mindless obedience to whatever orders come from the Illuminati or
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their servants.
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30. They commit random atrocities - poisoning food at grocery stores,
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murdering old blind ladies, sniping on the freeway - just to make
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people vaguely confused, frightened and paranoid.
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31. They suppress inventions which might change the status quo. The
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100-mile-a-gallon carburator, the perfect contraceptive, and the
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cornucopia plant are all lying in Illuminati vaults, waiting for the
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day when it will suit the Secret Masters to release them. What
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happened to the inventors? Bought off, intimidated, or just vanished.
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32. On the other hand, they also maintain secret laboratories where
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they develop new weapons and devices of all kind.
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33. Their arcane investigations cause all sorts of mysteries. Ever
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wonder about the Loch Ness Monster? The ``cattle mutilations?'' The
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Oregon Crud?
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34. And they require hundreds of <MI>human<M> victims every year for
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their experiments. Ever wonder why there are so many Missing Persons
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reports, and why so few of those people are found?
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35. They are constantly experimenting with new types of mind control.
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They put drugs in drinking water, flash subliminal messages during
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movies and TV shows, and play instructions that you can't quite hear
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over supermarket loudspeakers. They experiment with microwaves and
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ultra-low-frequency devices, too.
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36. And every wire in your house is a potential pathway for
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Illuminati messages, attacks or controlling rays. Did you ever stop
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to think just how many wires lead to your house? And do you have any
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idea where they <MI>really<M> come from?
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37. Naturally, they discourage investigation of the strange and
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unusual, because it might lead to them. But they encourage people to
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joke about the Illuminati.
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38. They also publish supermarket tabloids, just to make sure that
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everybody thinks ``Hitler's Brain Is Alive!'' and ``Bigfoot Seen In
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Hawaii'' are just jokes.
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39. And they encourage the craziest pseudo-science ``researchers''
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they can find, because this tends to discredit legitimate
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investigators into the unusual.
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40. A popular belief is that the Illuminati want power for its own
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sake. This is true of some of them. But other Illuminated groups
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exist to support an ideology, to achieve a particular goal, or simply
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to oppose some other group of Illuminati!
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41. One of their chief preoccupations is life extension by any means
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possible. Nobody who has held ultimate power for fifty years is eager
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to let it go. Anything you can think of . . . yoga, cryogenics,
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body-exchange, magic, cloning, goat (or other) glands, transfusions,
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computerized personality duplication . . . has been tried by the
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Illuminati at one time or another. And some of them work!
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42. Furthermore, powerful Illuminati from past centuries lie waiting
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to be revived when science allows it. Mummies, pickled corpses,
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frozen bodies, <MI>conscious brains in jars . . . <M> you would
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recognize the names if we could mention them.
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43. You're not cleared for this one.
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44. They use disease as a weapon to discipline their own populations
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or destroy competing ones. Black Death in Europe, smallpox among the
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American Indians . . . The swine flu, a few years ago, was thwarted
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by opposing forces, or you probably wouldn't be reading this.
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45. They have a variety of unhuman and inhuman servants. The dreaded
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Men in Black are perhaps their best-known agents. No one knows
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whether the MIBs are androids, golems, or something even worse.
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Perhaps they were <MI>once<M> human . . .
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46. And they really are breeding a Master Race. The Nazis had no idea
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how they were being used, or why. And they'd be horrified at the
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Illuminati's idea of perfection!
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47. The Illuminati know weird sexual techniques undreamed of in the
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Kama Sutra. They also know <MI>why<M> those techniques are used.
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48. The next time you spend too much money to buy something you
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didn't want or need, and it breaks in a week, you can be sure you've
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just contributed to an Illuminati fund-raising project.
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49. They start chain letters. They also plant rumors that if you send
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a million cigarette packages to the Red Cross, they can buy an iron
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lung. No one knows why they do this.
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If you know any other secrets of the Illuminati, let us know . . .
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before it's too late . . .
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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THE PYTHONATED ILLUMINATI
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This material, written by Bill Cassel, originally appeared (by the
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kind permission of the Python folks) in SPACE GAMER #72. The
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Illuminati extend their sincere thanks to Bob Schroeck for retyping
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this material for us. Unfortunately, Dan Willem's illustrations
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couldn't be input - not on this year's computers.
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The Pythonated (British) Illuminati are taking over the world not
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for power, but for laughs. Therefore, they *cannot* be destroyed,
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even if they control no groups; and groups in their power
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structure are also immune to destruction! Their special victory
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condition is to control six Silly groups.
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NOTE: The stats of the groups below are as follows:
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Name of Group or Illuminati
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P=Power
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R=resistance
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I=Income
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Alignment(s)
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All Pythonated groups except the Colonel and the Piranha Brothers
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are of Silly alignment. Silly has no opposite alignment. Silly
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groups cannot make or aid any attack to destroy, but CAN play the
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Killer Joke card.
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The British Illuminati
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P 9/9
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I 6
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+3 on Any Attempt to control Silly groups; cannot make or aid any
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attack to destroy; its groups cannot be destroyed.
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(The illustration for this card, for those of you who have never
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seen it, is very cute: A pyramid with an eye, wearing a bowler
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hat.)
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The Pythonated Groups
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Argument Clinics -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 5
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I 2
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Silly
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The Bishop -- 1 out
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P 3
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R 3
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I 1
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Criminal Violent Silly
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Blancmanges -- 3 out
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P 4
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R 5
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I 3
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Communist Silly
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British Dental Association -- 2 out
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P 4
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R 3
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I 3
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Straight Silly
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Bruces -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 6
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I 3
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Silly
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Camel-Spotters -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 2
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I 3
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Peaceful Silly
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Church Police -- 2 out
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P 3
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R 4
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I 0
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Fanatic Silly
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Fish -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 2
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I 0
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Silly
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Flying Sheep -- 0 out
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P 0/1
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R 2
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I 1
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Silly
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D.P. & R.J. Gumby -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 0
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I 0
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Silly
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Mr. Edward Heath -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 3
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I 1
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Government Conservative Silly
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Hell's Grannies -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 6
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I 3
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Violent Silly
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Killer Cars -- 1 out
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P 3
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R 5
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I 0
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Violent Silly
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Llamas -- 1 out
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P 2
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R 3
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I 2
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Peaceful Silly
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Lumberjacks -- 1 out
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P 1
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R 3
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I 2
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Weird Silly
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Micemen -- 0 out
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P 0/2
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R 3
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I 1
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Weird Liberal Silly
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Ministry of Silly Walks -- 3 out
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P 5/2
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R 4
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I 2
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Government Straight Silly
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Pantomime Horses -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 3
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I 2
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Silly
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Society for Putting Things On Top of Other Things -- 1 out
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P 3
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R 5
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I 1
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Silly
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Spam -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 0
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I 4
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Silly
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The Spanish Inquisition -- 2 out
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Special Power: Their attacks are automatically privileged. (*No
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one* expects the Spanish Inquisition!)
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P 4/3
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R 5
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I 0
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Fanatic Silly
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Upperclass Twits -- 0 out
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P 0
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R 1
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I 4
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Conservative Silly
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The Colonel -- 1 out
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Special Power: +3 on any attempt to destroy any Silly group.
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P 2
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R 8
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I 1
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Conservative Straight Fanatic
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The Piranha Brothers -- 2 out
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Special Power: +1 on any attempt to destroy any group
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P 4/2
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R 6
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I 5
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Criminal Violent
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(I'm surprised there isn't a Spiny Norman card... RMS)
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Special Action Cards
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NOT BEING SEEN
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May be played when any attack is announced. The target group of
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that attack is then "not being seen" and may not be attacked on
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that turn. The attacking group may make another attack instead.
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Does not count as an action.
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KILLER JOKE
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May be played on the owning player's turn, affecting any group of
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that player's choice of Power 0 or 1. That group immediately
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laughs itself to death and is considered destroyed. *Can* be
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played by a Silly group. Counts as an action.
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SELF-DEFENSE
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May be played by any defending group in an attack. Adds 6 to the
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attacker's die roll. Does not count as an action.
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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Groups Illuminated" by Russell Grant Collins in Space Gamer #72.
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These are some normal groups given the powers of an Illuminati.
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The Illuminated IRS
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Power 7/7. Income 4.
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Special power: Once per turn may suck the money from any one non-
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Illuminati treasury (in its own power structure or another's) to
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its Illuminati treasury. This counts as an action.
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Special Victory Condition: Gain control of groups with a total
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income of 30 or more (including its own).
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The Illuminated Moral Minority
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Power 7/7. Income 9.
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Special power: +3 to control any Conservative group; immune to
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any attacks from Communist or Weird groups.
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Special Victory Condition: Control five Conservative groups.
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SSFTASS
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This group isn't in any of the Illuminati games. It is mentioned
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in the works of Robert Anton Wilson that helped inspire the game.
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I thought that it'd fit in the games as well. SSFTASS stands for
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the Secret Society For The Abolition of Secret Societies.
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Power 8/8. Income: 9.
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Special power: For 5MB may cancel any other Illuminati group's
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special ability for one turn. Does not count as an action, and
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can be done during another player's turn.
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Special Victory Condition: Neutralized thirteen groups owned by
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other players. (Dropping your own groups doesn't count.)
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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ILLUMINATI
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(to the tune of "Eleanor Rigby") updated 11-07-88
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Steve Jackson, Joe Vail, Creede Lambard
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Illuminati . . .
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They put a thing made of tinfoil on top of my door . . .
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What is it for?
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Illuminati . . .
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Shooting a ray at my cornflakes to make them turn green . . .
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What does it mean?
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The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
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The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
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Illuminati . . .
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Doing unspeakable things in the night to a cow . . .
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Where are they now?
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Illuminati . . .
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Sent an impostor in place of the Popsicle man . . .
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What is their plan?
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The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
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The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
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Illuminati . . .
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They cancelled Star Trek, The Fonz, and My Mother, the Car . . .
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Are they bizarre?
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You can't escape them;
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Even if you take a plane to Nepal or Peru . . .
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They'll be there, too . . .
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The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
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The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
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I know that they know all about me . . .
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They know that I know all about them . . .
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Illuminati . . .
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Hide their assassins' instructions in newspaper text . . .
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Who will be next?
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They're all around us . . .
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Underline every third word in the Times and you'll see . . .
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How can it be?
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The Illuminati . . . They're watching me, I know.
|
||
The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere I go.
|
||
|
||
They're in the attic and the cellar . . .
|
||
Bigger than Hunt or Rockefeller . . .
|
||
|
||
Illuminati . . .
|
||
Go through my garbage and count all the pop bottles there . . .
|
||
Why do they care?
|
||
They're out to get me . . .
|
||
They're fluoridating my water from their UFO . . .
|
||
What do they know?
|
||
The Illuminati . . . They're everywhere, I see.
|
||
The Illuminati . . . And no one knows but me.
|
||
|
||
]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
|
||
|
||
Well, I hope this has saited your appetite for plagurized Illuminati
|
||
stuff!! If you have any compliments, suggestions, compliments,
|
||
regrets, compliments, subpeonas, or even compliments you can leave me
|
||
voice mail in my Voice Mail Box at 1-312-839-3196. Love you all,
|
||
|
||
or do I???
|
||
hehe
|
||
|
||
Guido Sanchez
|
||
Minister of Philosophy
|
||
ZA/\/
|
||
|
||
]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
|
||
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