196 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
196 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ݱ19 Mar 91±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±_ROR_-_ALUCARD_±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Ý? Þ°
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Ý Ý A Þ°
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Ý Ý ?Þ°
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Ý A ßßßßß°
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Ý SCHOOL IS HELL -- Lessons 1 through 3 Tfile Þ°
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Ý Distribution Þ°
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ÜÜÜÜÜ Centere Þ°
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Ý? Þ By: Powerful Paul - RoR - Þ°
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Ý A Þ_____________________________________________________________________Þ°
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Ý ?Þ Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúÞ°
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ÝÜÜÜÞÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÞ°
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°°°The HQ of SDBP, inc - 415/849/2688°°The Electric Pub - 415/236/4380°°°°
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°Primary Drop Sites°°°°°°Rat Head - 415/524/3649°°°°°Primary Drop Sites°°°
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SCHOOL IS HELL
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(Adapted from the cartoon by Matt Groening.)
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Good morning, pupils. It's time for School is Hell -- So can the chatter,
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you monkeys, and listen up.
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[> Lesson 1: Is School Hell? <]
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Quotes from those who know:
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"Yep. School is hell."
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"It ain't heaven."
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"The concept makes me nervous."
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"Hell school is."
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"Will this be on the test?"
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Teacher: "School is a place of learning. Where the sacred traditions of
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our culture are passed on. Where children become acquainted
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with today's ever-changing modern world. Where the adults of
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tomorrow are prepared for fruitful employment and independent
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thinking. You know, the only place where success comes before
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work is in the dictionary."
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Student: "And the only place where a diploma comes before mind-crushing
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boredom is fantasyland."
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What school does to your brain:
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Infancy: "What's happening?"
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Emotional state: Happy, confused.
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Nursery school: "Something going to happen."
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Emotional state: Jumpy, screechy.
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Grade School: "Very little is happening."
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Emotional state: Hopeful yet fearful.
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Junior high school: "Nuthin's happening."
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Emotional state: Psychotic
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High school: "Nuthin's still happening."
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Emotional state: Giddily depressed.
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College: "In an uncaring, meaningless universe, what can possibly
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happen?"
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Emotional state: Drunk or despairing.
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Adulthood: "What happened?"
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Emotional state: Unhappy, confused.
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An honest teacher speaks out to the youth:
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"School is teachers who don't knowing teaching facts that aren't true
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to kids who don't care. Any questions?"
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Unfortunately, the class is asleep.
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[> Lesson 2: Nursery school-The hellishness begins >]
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"Cheer up, my little one. You have only 14 to 18 years of school to
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go."
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Oh boy! Nursery school!
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At last! An escape from home, from the endless hours of TV game
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shows and soap operas, from the tedious crawling over the same boring
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floors, watching the same boring dust balls--An escape from isolation
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and forced naps and hidden cookies. WELCOME! WELCOME TO THE
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ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE WORLD OF NURSERY SCHOOL HIGHJINKS!
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"You mean to say it's not a jail for children?"
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For goodness' sake, no. That won't begin for another year or two.
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Those other little creatures--Are they demons or what?
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Those little creatures who are poking, pinching, and hitting you are
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not monsters, animals, or TV images--They are small, powerless human
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beings just like yourself. You might wish to poke, pinch, and hit
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them to make sure.
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Fatigued? Nervous? Freaked out?
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Try rocking back and forth, rolling your head around, sucking your
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thumb, or clutching at your genitals. DRIVES ADULTS CRAZY.
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Things to do:
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1. Form small tribes.
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2. Set up a hierarchy, complete with rules, bosses, and taboos.
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3. Disdain the opposite sex.
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4. Forage and hoard. (blocks, dolls, etc.)
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5. Brutalize outsiders.
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6. Take breaks for juice and cookies.
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This is probably your last chance to be artistic!
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That's right!! Seize the opportunity to experiment with gleeful
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abandon, before they show you how to do it right, and ruin
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everything. Hold a brush in each hand! Paint on the table! See
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what paint tastes like! Paint on the floor! Paint on other kids!
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Paint on yourself! Spend the rest of your life futilely trying to
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recapture the spontaneity!
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Secret Nursery school fun.
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During naptime, lie on your little blanket on the floor and feign
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sleep. When the teacher walks by, you can look up her dress.
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Your education has now begun.
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[> Lesson 3: The wild, wild world of kindergarten >]
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"Remember: What's learnt in the cradle lasts till the tomb."
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"Tomb? Tomb? What's this about a tomb?"
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Welcome! Welcome to kindygarden, or, as some of the less mature among you
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call it, kindygardy. That's right! No more wimpy little baby school for
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little babies--This is the big time.
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What they do to you in kindygarder:
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First, they make you leave all your cool shiny war toys and sexy
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plastic dolls at home. Instead, they give you a bunch of clunky,
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dirty, worn, boring toys made out of dumb wood or something. True,
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these toys have fascinating chew marks on them, but they are really
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really really really really hard to break. Okay, then the lady makes
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you do stuff, like march around and sit still and sing songs and
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listen to stories about bunnies. The bunny stories can be quite
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amusing, actually. Then you go outside to play. Go for the
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swings--they're the funnest. Then it's back inside for crackers and
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warm juice. You can cause a ruckus by calling it "worm juice."
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Kindergarden is the last place you'll be able to ask any question that comes
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to mind without fear of getting smacked in reply.
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"Can dogs meow?"
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"Is up down?"
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"Is tomorrow today?"
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"Why is your nose so big?"
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"Will you be dead when I grow up?"
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"If God is everywhere, is he in the toilet?"
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"Can cats oink?"
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WARNING: You may be smacked anyway.
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Big mean grown-ups and their sneaky tricks
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They will try to get you to incriminate yourself:
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"Did you break those bottles?"
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"NO!!!!"
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It is easy to see through this tactic.
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Beward of their crafty manuevers. Don't let them catch you off-guard
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"How did you break those bottles?"
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"I pushed them off the table."
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A common blunder.
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Here's the tried-and-true response to all blame-seeking queries.
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"Who broke those bottles?"
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"HE did!!!"
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So kindygarter is fun, even though they don't have any TV there and the big
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lady talks too much and she pins notes to your clothes because she thinks
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you're so stupid you'll lose'em on the way home. The good part is
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kinnergarten lasts forever but the bad part is it really doesn't.
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ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ÜÝÄ’œ<E28099>›Š úúúúúúúúúúúúúúú THE HOLLOW'S ALLIANCE úúúúúúúúúúúúúúú AliceÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄ (415)849-2688 Ÿ‰‰ë æ”<C3A6>r hîŽë (415)849-2688 ÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝ ÄÄ Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä T-file Distribution Cent-a-RoR Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä ÄÄ ÞÜ ú
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ÜÝDr. Murdock ú Powerful Paul ú RatSnatcher ú Sir Death ú Pressed RatÞÜ ú
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ÜÝ ÄÄ Ä Ä Ä R o R - A l u c a r d Ä Ä Ä ÄÄ ÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄ The Corporate Headquarters of Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.ÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄúúúú Ø úúúúSmooth is the Descent and Easy is the Wayúúúúú Ø úúúúúÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÛßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßÛÜ ú
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úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúú
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
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The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
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The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
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Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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