204 lines
8.7 KiB
Plaintext
204 lines
8.7 KiB
Plaintext
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ݱ19 Mar 91±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±_ROR_-_ALUCARD_±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Ý? Þ°
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Ý Ý A Þ°
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Ý Ý ?Þ°
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Ý A ßßßßß°
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Ý SCHOOL IS HELL -- Lessons 4 through 6 Tfile Þ°
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Ý Distribution Þ°
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ÜÜÜÜÜ Centere Þ°
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Ý? Þ By: Powerful Paul - RoR - Þ°
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Ý A Þ_____________________________________________________________________Þ°
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Ý ?Þ Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúÞ°
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ÝÜÜÜÞÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÞ°
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°°°The HQ of SDBP, inc - 415/849/2688°°The Electric Pub - 415/236/4380°°°°
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°Primary Drop Sites°°°°°°Rat Head - 415/524/3649°°°°°Primary Drop Sites°°°
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SCHOOL IS HELL!
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(Adapted from the cartoon by Matt Groening.)
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[> Lesson 4: Wake up! You'll be late for your first day of school! >]
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"Welcome to school, students. Would you like your education the quick way,
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or would you like it spread out over a dozen years?"
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"QUICK WAY!"
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"THEN SIT STILL AND SHUT UP. Your squirming days are over. First:
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Learning has nothing to do with life. Learning is passive. It must always
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be tedious. So don't sass back. You're all basically worthless little
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creeps fit only to take orders. Your concerns count for nothing. What is
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important is what WE say is important. So do what you are told and you
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will stay out of trouble. Everyone knows you won't do anything unless you
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are bribed, tricked, or forced. Because nothing is worth doing for its own
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sake. So learn to be bored. We're bored, so you should be too. If you
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live in a daze, you'll be less unhappy. Any questions?"
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"That's it? That's our education? We can go now?"
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"Of course not. We have some time to kill. Have to keep you tiny monsters
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off the street till you're 18, you know. Open your books to page 1, and
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we'll begin."
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[> Lesson 5: What I learned in school. >]
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"Why is it that all you failing students have such negative
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attitudes?"
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1st grade:
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"We're all going to put our heads on our desks until the nasty little boy who
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defecated in the urinal comes forward."
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2nd grade:
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"You say your grandmother is from Russia? I'm very sorry to hear that. You
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know, they don't believe in God in Russia, and Christmas is against the law
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there."
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3rd grade:
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"The class has been divided into three reading groups. The gold group and
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the silver group will stay here. The brown group will go to a special room
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in the basement."
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4th grade:
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"And you'll stay in the garbage can until you can be a good citizen."
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5th grade:
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"Draw a small circle on the blackboard. Now stick your nose on it while the
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rest of the class goes out for recess."
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6th grade:
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"Thank you for writing "I must remember to be cheerful and obedient" 500
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times. Now watch while I slowly rip it up before your eyes."
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7th grade:
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"OK. Sex education. Um, is there anyone who doesn't know? Good. Next:
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dental hygiene."
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8th grade:
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"You little brats are laughing now--but you won't be laughing when you get to
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high school, where there are gangs, drug pushers, and negroes."
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9th grade:
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"Perhaps this flunking grade will steer you in the right direction."
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10th grade:
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"So you think marching in the hippy-trippy peace demonstration is more
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important than school, eh? Then I guess this "F" won't matter much."
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11th grade:
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"I'm afraid that insolent remark about our President will go on your
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permanent record, young man."
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12th grade:
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"If you think you can get through life drawing silly cartoons, you've got
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another think coming."
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1st year college:
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"Mr. Gru-nink, I'm getting very bad vibes from you. The rest of the class
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groks what is going on--why can't you?"
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2nd year:
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"The sooner you all face up to the fact that you are lazy, untalented losers,
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unfit to kiss the feet of a genius like Friedrich Nietzche, the better off
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you'll be."
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3rd year:
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"Listen, I'll give you full credit as long as you don't come around and
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bother me anymore."
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Final year:
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"You do what you do tolerably well, Mr. Gro-nig. Now you must ask yourself:
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Is it worth doing?"
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[> Lesson 6: The 9 types of grade school teachers >]
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"I'll say this for you: You're the worst student in the class."
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"Somebody's gotta be the worst."
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"You won't get anywhere in life with a defeatist attitude like that."
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The good mom:
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Quote: "Whoever admits putting the thumbtack on my chair will get a
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great big hug for being so honest."
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Advantages: Easy to please.
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Drawbacks: Makes being bad no fun.
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Warning: Often "bad mom" in disguise.
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Ms. Sunshine:
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Quote: "I think 'please' and 'thank you' are the most beautiful
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words in the English language--Don't you?"
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Advantages: Slow to rile.
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Drawbacks: Can be pushed over edge.
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Warning: Turns into "Miss Raging Tornado."
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The big pal:
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Quote: "I believe this next yo-yo trick will prove a very
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interesting scientific theory."
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Advantages: Acts like a kid.
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Drawbacks: Kind of scary.
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Warning: May be fired mid-year.
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Jumpy:
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Quote: "If you kids don't settle down in five or ten minutes I think
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I'm going to be slightly upset."
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Advantages: Easily manipulated.
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Drawbacks: May go berserk.
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Warning: Screams to restore order.
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The bad mom:
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Quote: "Sit down. Be quiet. Speak up. Hurry up. Pay attention.
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Do it again."
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Advantages: Predictable.
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Drawbacks: Repetitious.
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Warning: Has eyes in back of head.
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Grandma:
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Quote: "When I was a little girl we didn't give our teacher the
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finger when we were bored."
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Advantages: Slow-moving, poor memory.
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Drawbacks: Cranky as hell.
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Warning: Surprisingly fast and strong.
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The Sarge:
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Quote: "Rule #10: No late papers. Rule #11: No monkey business.
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Rule #12: Shape up or ship out. Rule #13: I am never wrong."
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Advantages: Plays favorites.
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Drawbacks: Torments scapegoats.
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Warning: When s/he smiles, look out.
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The martian:
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Quote: "You brats think I'm over the hill? I've got news for you:
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I AM the hill."
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Advantages: Acts weird.
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Drawbacks: Acts REALLY weird.
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Warning: Weirdness is contagious.
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The monster:
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Quote: "If you're all going to act like stupid little fools I'm
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going to treat you like stupid little fools. No recess for the rest
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of the year."
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Advantages: None.
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Drawbacks: Plenty.
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Warning: Run for your life.
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ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ÜÝÄ’œ<E28099>›Š úúúúúúúúúúúúúúú THE HOLLOW'S ALLIANCE úúúúúúúúúúúúúúú AliceÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄ (415)849-2688 Ÿ‰‰ë æ”<C3A6>r hîŽë (415)849-2688 ÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝ ÄÄ Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä T-file Distribution Cent-a-RoR Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä Ä ÄÄ ÞÜ ú
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ÜÝDr. Murdock ú Powerful Paul ú RatSnatcher ú Sir Death ú Pressed RatÞÜ ú
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ÜÝ ÄÄ Ä Ä Ä R o R - A l u c a r d Ä Ä Ä ÄÄ ÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄ The Corporate Headquarters of Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.ÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÝÄúúúú Ø úúúúSmooth is the Descent and Easy is the Wayúúúúú Ø úúúúúÄÞÜ ú
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ÜÛßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßÛÜ ú
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úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúú
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
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The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
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The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
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Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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