72 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
72 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
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File : BEAU.TXT
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Author : Trillion
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BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
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Baron Beauregard of the Baskervilles "The Bastard"
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A Gothic saga, the story of Beau Banana, recently encountered in Australia
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and, at present staying in my courtesy cell, introduced and commended to my
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care by El Presidente (all hail our glorious leader!)
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Beauregard's story begins in Barcelona where he read in an English
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newspaper one day of the search for the lost heir of the Baskervilles.
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Some few weeks later headlines in London read "Baron Beauregard Banana
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of the Baskervilles reveals brown birthmark-claims inheritance."
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At Baskerville Hall, Beauregard also known as "The Bastard" formerly
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believed to be born on the wrong side of the baronial blanket is now proved
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to be the true son begotten by bawdy Baron Brian Banana, whose demise during
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a baronial banquet had brought much relief to the burghers of his benighted
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barony.
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Beau (The Bastard), settled right in to the life of an aristocratic
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banana - breakfasts brought to the bedside by Bracegirdle the Butler banana
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and bountiful banquets every evening in the baronial banquet hall. He
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disported himself around the village of Baskerville, sinking many a barrel of
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beer at the Baskerville Bull and Bush Beef and Burgundy Bar, and bonking
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Beryl Banana the Barmaid between exercising his rights of droit de seigneur
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much to the fury and bafflement of the bucolic bachelor bananas about to be
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wed.
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BUT!!!!!
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One morning he woke up and discovered he was BROKE, basically bankrupt!
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No further supplies could be bought from the Butcher, the Baker or the
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Brewery banana without BIG BUCKS!
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After consulting with the British Old Boys Banana vine (like a grapevine
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but more yellow than blue-blooded), he heard of the beautiful blonde Lady
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Barbara Banana, sole beneficiary of the Bumper Biscuit Business, because
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her only brother Barri was missing, believed battered during a spell as a
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mercenary in some Bahamanian Beaurocracy.
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Beau (The Bastard) cunningly contrived to have this beauteous blossom of
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British bananahood invited to what was a seemingly above board Banana Ball,
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but was in fact a bizarre bacchanalia attended only by the basest of bananas,
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whereupon her honour being compromised, she was forced to agree to become
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betrothed to Beau and call the banns.
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So, the blushing bride Barbara became bound to Beauregard the Bastard, the
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Blackguard!
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Betrayed and bewildered, once Beau got his hands on her business and
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cleaned out the balance of her bucks, broken-hearted Barbara was unable to
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bear Beau's brutal behaviour, SO...one breakfast-time she balanced on the
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balcony, before biffing herself off the building, breathing her last as she
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bashed into the blackberry bushes beneath.
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Beau was briefly belligerent at having to bear the brunt of a burial, but
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banked on being able to bowl ahead with his natural pursuits unencumbered
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thereafter by his bewailing bride.
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BUT
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Bastions of British Blue Bloods were not about to let Baron Beauregard
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remain blameless over his behaviour.
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Extreme pressure was brought to bear, not the least of which were loud
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broadcasts of "The Ballad of Lady Barbara" by the Bard, until Beau the
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Bastard just couldn't be bothered battling it anymore.
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Bundling up his ill-begotten bounty he bought a berth on a Brazilian
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bound brigantine, boarded, but disembarked while the boat was berthed in
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Brisbane.
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How he encountered El Presidente is quite another story.....
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AUTHOR: Trillion
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Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
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