188 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
188 lines
9.2 KiB
Plaintext
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/----------------------\
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| Shadow Stories, Inc. |
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| is proud to present |
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| "The Robinsons" |
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\----------------------/
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[Voice over: Rod Serling.]
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We offer for your perusal the home life of one typical suburban family.
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The Robinsons, like many other families, have settled down to watch television
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after a leisurely dinner. However, this particular family is about to embark
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on an adventure for which it is totally unprepared...
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[Scene: a typical American family. Not your average American family, because
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0.6 children and 0.8 dogs is rather hard on the rugs, but a typical American
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family. After a large dinner, they have sat down to watch TV after a tiring
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day. The members of the family:
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"Dad" -- about 40.
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"Mom" -- about 40.
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"Betty" -- 12 year old precocious female runt. Note: must have freckles.
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"Sam" -- 8 year old precocious male runt. Note: must have freckles. Named
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after uncle on the mother's side.
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"Sam" -- 3 year old precocious neutered (previously male) dog. Note: must
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not have freckles, and must be housebroken. Named after the uncle on the
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father's side.
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Everybody except Sam is sitting down in the TV room, eating a large bowl
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of popcorn. Or rather, eating the popcorn inside the large bowl. Sam comes on,
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flicks on the TV as he goes by, and licks Betty on the face as he curls up.]
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TV (young female voice): "Steel, it wasn't my fault! After I was kidnapped
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by those Moonies, you weren't around for me anymore. Burt was there, and
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caring, and warm. He didn't have your hangups about crumbs in bed, either."
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TV (young male voice): "Marsha, you slut! The Carvingtons are going to buy
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out mother's grave for a 7-11 franchise, and all you can dwell on is your
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kidnapping! Why, that was two weeks ago!"
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TV (explosions): "BOOM! BOOM!"
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TV (young male voice): "Get down, Marsha. I'll show those Moonies!"
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TV (explosions): "BOOM! BOOM! BANG! CRASH!"
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TV (screams): "Eeeeek! Auuuugh!"
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[Fadeout sound of TV. Increase volume of father's voice.]
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Dad: "What the hell is this?"
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Mom: (checking TV guide) "It's one of those silly 'Dynasty' shows. Ah,
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here it is. 'Empire,' on ABC. Experience the thrills as the Carvingtons,
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richest family in Washington, use money and sex to..."
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Dad: "Okay, dear, we get the idea. Normal Americans would watch this
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trash, but we aren't just an *ordinary* family! We're the Robinsons, and damn
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proud of it! Right, kids?"
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Betty: "Right!"
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Sam: "Right!"
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Sam: "Ruff!"
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Dad: "Thanks, kids. Sam, get your finger out of your nose. What else is
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on, dear?"
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Mom: "Oooh, this sounds good. 'Dreyfuss,' on NBC. Experience the thrills
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as Ace Spade, the richest and sexiest private detective in Washington,
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investigates the Mob... will he bring down the Mob leader, or be brought down
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himself?"
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Dad: "Wow! Sounds good! Sounds like something we haven't seen before."
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Betty: "Ace Spade is so cute!"
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Sam: "I'm going to barf."
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Sam: "Ruff!"
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Dad: "Okay, the majority have it. We'll watch 'Dreyfuss.' Sam, get your
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fingers out of your mouth. Where's the controller?"
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Mom: "Oh, I just saw it around here..."
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Dad and Mom look casually around for the controller, moving aside old TV
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guides and paper plates as they search.]
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TV: (young female voice) "Oh, Burt, why won't you divorce Phyllis? We could
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be so happy together, you and I."
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TV: (young male voice) "I thought I explained this to you, Darleen.
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Phyllis' brother, Burt, is blackmailing me for my participation in a Communist
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rally while I was doing undercover work at Berkeley..."
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Dad: "Damn, where is that thing?"
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Mom: "Let's check under the cushions."
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Sam: "'Tis but a flesh wound!"
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[Dad and Mom start disassembling the couch, finding thirteen matchbooks, forty
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feet of dental floss, about 48 cents in pocket change, and a number of
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unidentifiable objects, only a few of which are actively mobile. However, they
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do not find the controller.]
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Dad: "Sam, go check over on the table."
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Dad: "Not you, Sam! You, Sam! And get your finger out of your nose."
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[Sam checks the table, finding three comic books that he had forgotten to read
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under the day's newspapers, but not finding the controller.]
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TV: (older female voice) "So, you see, Harold, I'm going to destroy your
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petty little empire and bring it down around your ears while you watch.
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Nothing can stop me!"
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TV: (older male voice) "Gwen, I love you! Why are you doing this to me?
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Those three teenagers meant nothing to me!"
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[Betty moves Sam, but doesn't find the controller. Dad looks under the couch,
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while Mom checks among the plants.]
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Dad: "Have you seen the controller around here, Betty?"
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Betty: "Nope."
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[Betty's subconscious, wringing in Freudian agony, attempts to do an end run
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around the conscious mind so it can take control of Betty's tongue and say,
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"Well, actually, Frieda and I took it apart to see if there were Japanese
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chips in it, because, well, um, you see, we had seen this program, right
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before 'A-team,' that said the Japanese were taking over the electronics
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industry with their, um, fifth regeneration program, and we said *we* didn't
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want the Japanese to take over our controller! Geez! So we took it apart by
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cracking it with Sam's water bowl, but Frieda had to go to the bathroom, and
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when she stood up, she crunched the chips with her foot, so, of course, well,
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um, we had to bury it in the backyard. Well, golly. I didn't know Frieda would
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smash it with her foot! It isn't my fault!" Alas, to no avail, for Betty's
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conscious, having repressed the entire incident, doesn't remember anything of
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the sort, and it blockades Betty's subconscious. This horrendous and intense
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internal war is signaled on Betty's face by a slight crinkling of her nose,
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and massive marital problems when she's about 30.]
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Mom: "Maybe it's under Betty. Betty, move, would you?"
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[Betty moves, but the controller is not to be found. Sam licks her on the
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face.]
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Dad: "Sam, get your tongue off Betty. I've told you before, it's not
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sanitary. I thought you had it last, dear."
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Mom: "Well, I used it to watch that program just three hours ago..."
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Sam: (humming the theme to the "Spuds McKenzie" commercials) "Spuds
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McKenzie! He's just one happening dude!"
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TV: "So, Alex Carvington, it's you who has been going around, slandering
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me, ensuring that I couldn't do another corporate raid scheme as long as I
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live! Say your prayers, Alex! I'm having you committed to a Muldavian insane
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asylum for the rest of your life. Or until the series is cancelled. Whatever."
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Dad: "Sam, why don't you turn it to channel 4?"
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Sam: "Ruff!"
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Dad: "Not you, Sam. You, Sam!"
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Sam: (whining) "Oh, dad! Betty never has to do anything! I have to do
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everything!"
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[Scene notes: At this point, Sam should look like his subconscious mind,
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unbeknownst to anyone, is whipping into action, and starting to investigate
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possible statements to best get Sam out of actually getting up and changing
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the TV. Sam's expression should appear as if his subconscious has looked at
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the possibilities, and decided that it would be best to distract his father. A
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crinkled nose is suggested for the perfect effect.]
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Sam: "Where is the controller?"
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Dad: (pause) "Well, um, I don't know. Mom's looking for it."
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Mom: "Well, I don't know where it is. Look behind you, dear."
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Sam: "Gee whiz! Where is the controller?"
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Betty: "Come here, Sam! Come here, boy!"
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[Dad turns around, and starts searching a large pile of newspapers for the
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controller. Sam's subconscious snickers, and this positive reinforcement of
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Sam's id cause Sam to undergo a large number of paternity suits in later
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life.]
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Dad: "SAM! I told you never to do that in front of other people! Now, go
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wash your finger!"
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Dad: "Where is that darn thing? Where did you see it last?"
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[Closing: dampen the sound of the television set. Voice over: Rod Serling's
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voice...]
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The Robinsons. Your typical American family, unexpectedly finding
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themselves in a situation that they had never anticipated. Some say that the
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Robinsons are still searching for the controller, still listening to the same
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program, doomed to watch the exploits of the Carvingtons for the rest of
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eternity. They are unwilling visitors into that gray area of the imagination,
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the Twilight Zone.
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[Fade out. Credits.]
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Copyright (C) 1986 by Shadow Stories, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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the Progressive Underground
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Although I haven't ||||||\\ ||| ||| |||||\\ Dissidents
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heard from him, ||| )))||| ||| ||| \\\ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4
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maybe this file's ||||||// ||| ||| ||| ))) Running: Citadel v2.17
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author would =WANT= you ||| ||| ||| ||| /// About 20 Megs of TextFiles
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to call... ||| \\|||// ||||||/ and the SysOp is Mr. Pez.
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