97 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
and now...The Daredevil Anarchy Inc. proudly presents:
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of somewhat
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HOW TO ROB A BANK -=- A How-To TextFile (c) 1984 Anarchy Inc.
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--- -- --- - ----
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Well, now. You say that you want to go and rob a bank, eh? You say that you
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need easy money, eh? This entertaining little text file will give you
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information and tips about how to easily rob a bank, and get away with it.
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First off, you'll need a bank(obviously). Well, I would suggest something
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famous, like Wells Fargo, or Bank of the West. At least you're certain you'll
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get in the newspaper. For about four weeks, stake out the place, without
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attracting attention to yourself. In other words, don't open an account there.
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Next, you'll need a gun. I would hardly recommend a small pistol, or a
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shotgun. Machine guns and armed missiles are not recommended, as they usually
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end up making up quite a mess. (Remember, if you ARE caught, you don't want a
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vandlism count, do you?)
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Finally, before you begin, you'll need a partner. Choose somebody you know
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well, but not too well. If worst comes to worst, you might have to shoot him,
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take him for hostage, or turn him in. Pick somebody dull-witted, like Little
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Al, or Matt Ackeret.
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(In other words, somebody you won't miss too much.)
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Now, you're ready to get started. But you'll need a "get-away" car...I
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recommend a Buick, or a van. VW's and Mack Trucks just won't do. Get something
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with a lot of pickup, like BSBAL the Wise's station "the boat" wagon. You might
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want to remove the lincense plate numbers, so the police won't have any
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information about you and your party.
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What? Did I say the word "police"? Well, I'm not talking about Sting and
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friends. I'm talking "The Blue Knight"/"Dirty Harry" type buggers. They can
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get nasty, with those little guns, and nightsticks. They can be rude too.
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Inside the bank, you'll have to rob it quick, as people tend to scream when
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others with Ski Masks enter...I would also recommend dressing all in black.
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There will be security cameras there...Nasty things. Get rid of them. Also,
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there might be a security guard or two in there. I would suggest shooting them,
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as they make lousy hostages, and make sure you kill them. Remember, if you
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can't stand the sight of blood all over the neat little carpets they keep, don't
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bother robbing banks. Stick to something like Credit Card fraud, or fone
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phreaking.
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Now, when you first enter the bank, there will be some fool shouting "Oh my
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God! Oh my God!" all over the place. Reply with some snappy phrase like:"He
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can't help you now..." and then shoot him/her. They were giving you a headache,
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wern't they?
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While standing there with gun in hand, make it very clear to people that you
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will shoot them. You WILL, won't you? Demonstrate this fact by shooting
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several innocent by-standers, and potted plants. You might even take out a desk
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while you're at it. Don't you love this feeling of power?
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Money. That's what you're here for, right? Well, if you arn't, you've just
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blown away several people and a plant for nothing. You might as well just leave
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the place.
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Money is obviously kept in drawers, where tellers can make change and such.
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That's what you're after. Go to the farthest teller from the door. That's
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where they place all "Tellers in training"...They're usually pushovers...
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Another problem comes to mind. Bait money. What the f--- is bait money, you
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might ask? Well, when the stupid teller hands you all the money from the
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drawers, one of the little slots that the money is in, trips a silent alarm.
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Not fun. Well, the only thing it I would suggest is to pick and choose. Good
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luck, as you really can't tell when a silent alarm goes off.
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Next problem. Let's get the hell out of this place, shall we? Okay, let's
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go! I would suggest running like hell to the outside, and once in the car,
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finding the car's speed limit in the parking lot. Look out for speed bumps...
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You're off! You've made it! Now, you are onto the road of becoming a
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hardened criminal! Congratulations...Wait...What's that? You're reading this
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in prison? Gosh, I forgot to tell you about those cruel policemen, and the
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OTHER security guards. Oops. Oh well, enjoy the prison life...
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...This text file was not written from personal experience ...The Daredevil,
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Anarchy Inc., and all members within, are not in any way responsible for actions
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that people might take against banks and such. We do not supply lawyers, or
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post bail. If you were jailed because of this text file, well, that's your
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problem, not ours.
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...Friendly tip of the day: Try practicing on 7-11's and Burger King before
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moving up to banks. It gets you psyched up for your job. We do not recommend
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taking hostages, because I might be at a bank someday, when some idiot runs in
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with a shotgun and...
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(c) 1984 Anarchy Inc. All rights reserved. Have a nice day!
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(I hear the food's pretty good in prison...Good luck keeping an even number of
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fingers...)
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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