97 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
(-- The life of --)
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a
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new user
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----
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(- Written By: -)
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Surf Rat
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...An Anarchy Inc. File...
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(C)opy freely
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This file is being written to give a humorous description of the common new
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user, that we all know and hate so much. Hopefully it will be accurate enough,
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but hey, what do I care if a bunch of new users get mad at me? Onward..
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Soon after the New User gets his new shiny generic modem, and learns how to
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dial it, after thoroughly memorizing the entire booklet, it will attempt to call
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the local 'Homosexual BBS'...something he/she/it can relate to easily. After
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enjoying making many new friends, who keep trying to coerce the new user to
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'Come over to see something', the new user might attempt to call an exciting
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Commodore or Atari board..gee, what fun. As IT logs on, and is discovered to be
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using an Apple, the sysop quickly realizes that he is very lucky to be so
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honored by an Apple user, despite the New User's lameness, he will give him
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levels..ooh! Our New User is now a macho-stud, because he has a 'Super-wizzy
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level 8 access'..watch out world, for here he comes..
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One unfortunate day, our new user discovers an Apple board, with decent users,
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and a cool sysop. As soon as our macho-stud New User logs on, he sends the
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sysop a threatening letter:
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HEY! I HAVE LEVEL 8 ACCESS ON THE
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COMMODORE CAVERNS! AND YOU HAD
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BETTER GIVE ME A LEVEL 8 ACCESS
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HERE, BECAUSE I AM C0000L!
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The poor sysop, upon reading this, quickly dismisses the matter and deletes
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the fool.
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The next day, right after the New User gets home, he calls up to find that he
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doesn't have a password at the system he called the night before! Shocked and
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outraged, he logs on again and sends the sysop a 'Really nasty and mean letter'
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(A quote taken from a notorious New User around here..)
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HEY! YOU DELETED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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DONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!!11!!1!
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(~~ SORRY ~~
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I DIDNT MEAN
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TO PUT IN
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THOSE 1'S!!1!)
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YOU HAD BETTER VALIDATE ME AND
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APOLOGIZE BEFORE I GET MAD! I'M
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WARNING YOU!
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The sysop, annoyed by this nuiscanace sends him back an appropriate letter,
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and validates him for the hell of it. Now the New User has gained access to a
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board. Little do the users know that this fag has access..
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The New User makes his grand entrance by telling everyone what a neato-swell
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guy he is, and asking everyone if they know how to put up a board with a
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Neo-Nothing Generic 13409AB generic modem with 110 and 300 baud! (Isn't he
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special?) Most of the users respond by either telling him/her/it to fuck off, or
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just plainly asking the sysop to delete the scum. Somehow the New User finds
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out that poeple don't like him, and he has a fit..He posts on all boards..:
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YOU ARE ALL DUMB! I HATE YOU ALL!
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I AM GOING TO GET YOU!!!!11!!!1!!
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I AM NEVER GOING TO CALL BACK
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AGAIN..!
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Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. But, very cleverly the New User sneaks
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back on under a different name! Probably something like:
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Little Al
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Bill The Cat
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Gandalf The Grey <<--Very original!
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He then sends all of his new 'enemies' 'nasty hate mail'..'I hate you! Why
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don't you just go and die please?' (oh god..) Soon everyone knows he is back,
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but he still thinks that no one knows who he is.. Eventually, after being
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ragged on for months, he retires, defeated, and slinks back to his beloved
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Commodore boards, where even the geeks call him a 'l000ser'..
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If you know of anyone that I have just described..Show this file to him so he
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can have 1 more enemy.
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"Like wow..I didn't know I was ever that lame"-Matt Ackeret; alias Gandalf the
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Grey and Bill The Cat.. the person that I modeled this file after..(Trivia-
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Matt Ackeret is 4'7 inches tall, 16 years of age, and still sings in Alto key..)
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Call The Twilight Zone:
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408-253-2140
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-Have you kicked your new user today?-
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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