150 lines
7.5 KiB
Plaintext
150 lines
7.5 KiB
Plaintext
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-=*=-HOW TO TERRORIZE MCDONALDS-=*=-
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- Written By: - (converted to lowercase by the one,
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- MODEM UZER - the bored, Mr. Pez.)
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-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=----=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-
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Now, altho McDonalds is famous for it's advertising and making the whole world
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think that the Big Mac is the greatest thing to come along since sliced bread
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(buns?), each little restaurant is as amateur and simple as a new-found
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buziness. Not only are all the employees rather inexperienced at what they're
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=supposed= to do, but they will just looze all control when an emergency
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occurs....here we go!!!
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First, get a few friends (4 is good...i'll get to this later) and enter the
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McDonalds restaurant, talking loudly and reeking of some strange essense that
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automatically makes teh old couple sitting by the door leave. If one of those
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pimply-faced goons is wiping the floor, then track some crap all over it (you
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could pretend to slip and break yer head, but you mite actually do so).
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Next, before you get the food, find a table. Start yelling and releasing some
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strage body odor and =anybody= would leave their table and walk out the door.
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Sit 2 friends there, and go up to the counter with another.
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Find a place where the line is short, or if the line is long say "I only wanna
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buy a Coke" and you get moved up. Now, you get to do the =ordering=...Heh heh
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heh.
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Somebody =alwaze= must want a plain hamburger with absolutely nothing on it
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(this takes extra time to make, and drives the little hamburger-makers
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insane)..Order a 9-pack of chicken mcnuggets...no, a 20 pack...no, three 6
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packs...wait...go back to the table and ask who wants what. Your other friend
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waits by the counter and makes a pass at the female clerk. Get back to the
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thing and order three 6-packs of chicken etc....now she says "What kind of
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sauce would you like?"..of course, say that you all want barbecue sauce (one of
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yer friends wants 2) only if there are only 2 containers of barbecue sauce
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left. Then they hafta go into the storeroom and open up anudder box. Finally,
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the drinks...somebody wants Coke, comebody root beer, and somebody diet Coke.
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After these are delivered, bring them back and say "I didn't order a diet Coke!
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I ordered a Sprite!" This gets them mad...better yet, turn down something
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terrible that nobody wants to drink, so they hafta throw the drink away; they
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can't sell it. After all the food(?) is handed to you, you must =neffer= have
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enuff money to pay. The clerk will be so angry and confoosed that she'll let ya
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get away with it (anudder influence on her is your friend asking her "If you
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let us go I'll go out with you" and giving her a fake fone number).
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Now, back to your table. But first, somebody likes ketchup. And mustard. And
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plenty (too much) of napkins. Oh, and somebody likes forks and knifes, so
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alwaze end up breaking the ones you pick outta the box. Have your friends yell
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out "Yay!!!!! We have munchies!!" as loud as they can. That'll worry the entire
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restaurant. Proceed to sit down.
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So, you are sitting in the smoking section (by accident) eh? Well, while one of
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the tobacco-breathers isn't looking, put a sign from the udder side of the room
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saying "do not smoke here" and he'll hafta move...then he goez into the real
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non-smoking section, and gets yelled at. He then thinks that no smoking is
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allowed in the restaurant, so he eats outside (in the pouring rain)
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After your meal is finished (and quite a few splattered-opened ketchup packets
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are all over yer table), try to leave. But oops! Somebody has to do his duty in
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the men's room. As he goez there, he sticks an uneated hamburger (would you
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dare to eat one of their hamburgers?) inside the toilet, flushes it a while,
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until it runs all over the bathroom. Oops! Send a pimply-faced teenager to
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clean it up. (He won't know that brown thing is a hamburger, and he'll get
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sick. Wheee!)
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As you leave the restaurant, looking back at your uncleaned table, somebody
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must remember that they left their chocolate shake there! The one that's almost
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full!!!! He takes it then says "This tastes like crap!", then he takes of the
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lid and throws it into the garbage can...Oops! He missed, and now the same poor
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soul who's cleaning up the bathroom now hasta clean up chocolate shake. Then
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leave the joint, reversing the "yes, we're open" sign (as a reminder of yer
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visit)
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There you have it! You have just put all of McDonalds into complete mayhem. And
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since there is no penalty for littering in a restaurant, bugging peeple in a
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public eatery (or throw-upery, in this case) you get off scot-free. Wuzn't that
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fun? Well, my fingers are tired so I big you all a doo and see ya at Dune!
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-UZER
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The Following was made by The
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Daredevil sometime after Uzer's
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File...
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I'd like to amend Modem Uzer's "Phun in McDonalds" a bit. He mentioned quite a
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few fun things, but left out a few. I spent 8 months of my life there, and
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learned alot of tricks from the inside. The overflowing toilet gag is always a
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good one, but the hamburger, when stuffed in the sink with the water on,
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produces a much more gratifying result. One greatly fun thing that I personaly
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was sucker to, was the ol' Upside-Down Drink gag. You get a milkshake, take off
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the lid, and quickly flip it upside down. Clean up any mess arounf the edge,
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and there you have it. I mess waiting to be born. When the poor McPeon comes
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over to clean the table, he lifts the cup and get and instant Choco-mess! Even
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if he is aware of this gag, there isn't a whole lot he can do.
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Also, if you come in before 11am, you can cliam your complimentary salt and
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pepper shakers. These are beautifully hand-crafted designer shakers made from
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high quilty plastics, and they're yours, FREE! Take as many as you want. On a
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good day, you can usualy claim as many as 20-30. These are great for picnics
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and family outings.
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And finally, a MUST for all McTerrorists, throw away the plastic trays. As
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you leave, be clean. Dump the food, tray and all, in the trash can.
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I almost forgot! You Rootbeer Float lovers might like to know that McDonalds
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now serves them. Order a medium rootbeeR, an empty LARGE cup, and an ice cream
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cone. Ask for a spoon. Mix it together, and you have one pretty good root beer
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float.
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This textfile was composed on the spur of the moment by: Michael DeCaye
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(C) 1984 ANARCHY INC. NO RIGHTS RESERVED
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(--------------)
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(Anarchy Inc. )
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(>--------------<)
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(Surf Rat )
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(Ruby Tuesday )
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(The $hiek )
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(The Moon Roach)
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(Havoc Chaos )
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(Teeny Bopper )
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(D.B Cooper )
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(Dread Star )
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(The Bullseye )
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(Space Ace )
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(Grim Jack )
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(Modem User )
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(--------------)
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Surf Rat's AE
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415/949-1049 pw/fondle
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The Realm Of the Rogues 20 Megs
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415/941-1990
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By the way, Matt Ackeret is the
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biggest sub-humanoid Life Form this
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side of Russia! (Next to the Itch
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-The Juggler, and Surf Rat)
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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_ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground
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And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents
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you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud
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the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles
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like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez
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