191 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
191 lines
9.0 KiB
Plaintext
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Anarchy inc. .. presents ..
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------------
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[%:. Matt's Day at CAMP! .:*] Written by ... Matt!
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03-11-1986 9:57 am Distributed by ... The Ware Brigade!!!1
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<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
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MOM'S LIST OF THINGS TO DO WHEN MATTHEW GETS BACK FROM CAMP:
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. Clear out Matt's sleeping bag of all comic books, bubble gum,
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pine needles, cow-pies (put there by those mean bullies), and
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"accidents"
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. Make 100% sure that everything Matt brought with him is here at
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home. ("Awww...Mom, somebody stole my Rubix Cube...")
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. Make 100% sure that none of those mean boys put anything in his
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knapsack. ("Hey guys, who put this in my bag? Gosh, this is a funny
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looking cigarette.") ("Hey! Who put these bricks in here!")
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. Have Dad give Matt a sponge bath to get rid of the poison oak he
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slept in on Thursday
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. Call the Camp Supervisor and complain about all those other mean
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kids that made fun of Matt when his mattress squeaked every night.
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("Doesn't anybody ever knock anymore? Goddamn perverts.")
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<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
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Dialogue between Matt and his Mother on August 1st, Friday, 1986, 3:17 pm.
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The scene is somewhere in Sunnyvale, California, a thriving town in Silicon
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Valley. Looking further, we can see into our hero's living room. There he
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is, sitting behind his terminal, happily downloading the newest in pirated
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software from a local ae line. Munch happily on your potato chips, and guzzle
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your Pepsi, and occasionally masturbate between transfer blocks, Matt, because
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your day is about to be ruined..
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"Matthew! I'm home, and I have good news for you!"
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Looking up from the green screen, quickly and sheepishly zipping his fly up,
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Matt stares at his mother, as only Matt knows how.
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"Yeah?"
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"Matt, your father and I have decided to let you go to camp this year!" The
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look on his mother's face is the same as a thirteen year-old boy having his
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first orgasm. Matt's odd little smile fades quickly.
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"Mom! I don't want to go there!" The squeal in his voice, mixed with what
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seems a very bad case of a sore throat, is annoying, to say the very least.
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"But you had such fun last time!" A sweeping motion is made with her arms,
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and she gives that CREST-type of smile that only Matt's mother could give.
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"No I didn't!" The quality of Matt's voice turns adamant, and it might as well
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have been a three year-old child exclaiming how she did not want to go to bed.
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"Oh, but Matt--" His mother looks hurt, crushed by the idea that her son would
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not want to go have some "fun in the sun" for a week.
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"No! They're mean to me, and last year I had this really gross bunk partner
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who did gross things with the sheep and one time he got down from the top
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bunk and started to--" Matt begins to ramble on, as he tends to do from time
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to time.
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"Don't start that again with me, young man! You're going!" So then, Mom
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puts the groceries away, ignoring the pleas from her son. What a firm parent
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she is, and a good one at that.
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Too bad Matt. We leave Matt's home, leaving Matt upstairs in his room,
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disgusted with life, and even more mad that the sysop of the local transfer
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line waited until he was on the second-to-last block before disconnecting
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Matt. "Now I'll never get a copy of Dung Beetles II." Good luck at camp,
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Matt, you're going to need it.
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<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
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MATT'S LETTER TO HOME, August 4th, Monday, 1986, 2:32 pm.
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Dear Mom,
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I don't like camp very much this year, I got the same bunk partner that
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I got last year. He's really mean to me, and he takes drugs. They should shoot
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him for being so mean to me. I haven't been here very long, but it is nice to
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know that they remember me from last year. I even have the same nickname as
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last year. What does 'prostrate' mean? I didn't bring my 'Hello Kitty'
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dictionary with me. Oh, I said a mean word, it begins with 'c' {sorry mom},
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and now I have to clean the toilets for the rest of the week. They listen to
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strange, satan music, it sounds like torture to me! It sounds like that movie
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you wouldn't take me to once {I didn't want to see it anyway, even if it only
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was 25 cents!}. Please send me some 'Screaming Yellow Zonkers' and 'Watermelon
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Bonkers', because they confiscated every bit of food I had on me, all my
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G.I. Joe comix, too! {I don't really read those!} Next time I come up here,
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don't put my name on my underpants! They all stare at my fanny, and put itching
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powder on me {in my special place, remember that?}. Well, I hope you don't
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forget how to use my macros because I don't want to miss any new messages.
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Don't read my mail, it's mean.
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- Love and kisses,
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Your son Matt.
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ps. The nice guy that's always smiling at me says that he's going to ream me
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at the end of the week and I asked him what that was and he says it's good.
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Well, bye.
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pps. Be sure to record the cartoons on channel 44, 3:30 pm, Monday through
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Friday. Scooby-Doo and Transformers, and cut out "U.S. Acres" every day for
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me!!
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pps. I love you, I want to come home, and save some 'Snickers' for me!
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<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
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HIGHLIGHTS IN MATT'S WEEK AT CAMP ..
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[Monday/March 4th]: Matt recieves a large box filled with 'goodies from Mom',
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and returns to his bunk, finding the box full of wet moss instead of his
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treasures. Everybody else keeps thanking him.
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[Monday night/March 4th]: Tonight was the 'Counselor Hunt Night'. He snuck into
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the computer room and played MINER 2049'er. Upon being called a computer geek,
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Matt sticks his tongue out, and is threatened to have his tongue and other
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less important organs drawn and quartered. He doesn't argue, much. He walks
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funny now.
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[Tuesday night/August 5th]: His bunkmates hide Matt's asthma inhaler
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somewhere, and decide not to return it until he turns blue. Matt turns
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blue, and is forced to suck the contents out instead.
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[Wednesday afternoon/August 6th]: Matt cannot call his favorite bulletin
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board systems, and he is deleted, according to a letter from his mother.
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Matt cries, and is offered warmth from his bunkmates, in the form of
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illegal substances. Matt promptly decides to sleep in the bushes, and
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his 'friends' snort his allergy pills in the meantime.
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[Thursday late afternoon/August 7th]: While swimming, one of the meaner
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kids attempts to drown Matt. Matt ends up floating downstream, and is
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attacked by rabid beavers. When protesting hours later, he gets the
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camp leader's bunk all wet. He cleans the toilets again.
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[Thursday night/August 7th]: During archery practice, Matt is shot in the
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rump with an arrow. It seems that he was on the range examining a pound
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of feces closer, and was attacked. The arrow is removed, Matt does not sleep
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well that night. The camp doctor laughs at his 'Wonder Woman' Underoos.
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[Friday morning/August 8th]: Matt wakes up to a bright new morning! The
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sun is shining, the birds are mating {yuck!}, and it seems a female moose
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has taken up residence in Matt's tent. Matt walks funny for the rest of
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the day. Again.
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[Friday afternoon/August 8th]: Matt meets a girl at camp. Cindy is on
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quaaludes, and lowers herself to talk to him. Matt tells her about the
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secrets of VT-52 emulation and his 1200 baud modem. After accepting an
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'asprin' from her, he wakes up Saturday morning with a headache.
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[Saturday morning/August 9th]: Matt discovers to his horror that he is
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pregnant. His mother, furious with him, decides to send him to a Wayward
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Home for Girls. Matt agrees to go if there are modems there.
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[Saturday night/August 9th]: Matt is home, snug in his bed, surrounded by
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dirty magazines, a copy of Dr. Spock's latest book, and "G.I. Joe" comic
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books. (That would explain his twisted fantasies..)
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<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
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Dear Matthew,
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Hello from your Mommie! We didn't record those nasty
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cartoons for you, but we filled the tapes with 'Mr. Rogers' instead.
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Your father and I have a surprise for you! We're going to spend the
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rest of the summer in Hawaii! Isn't that wonderful? Oh, as for you,
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you get to stay at camp! Keep in touch, pookums.
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-Sincerely,
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Mom.
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ps. Are you still having those..."problems"?
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<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------->>
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.... and so ends our hero's week at camp. Tune in next time, and we'll
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talk some more, about MATT. A legend in his own backyard.
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(Ai) Anarchy inc.(tm) All Tables Reserved. Matt(tm) is a fictional
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character (c) 1983-86 Anarchy inc. Any similarities between any of the
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names or characters in this story is a living shame.
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------------
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ANARCHY INC. Dedicated to Alex, who said we couldn't do it.
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------------ "Shut up and keep sucking, bitch.."
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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