118 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
118 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
Excerpts from ~The Notebooks of Lazarus Long~ by Robert A. Heinlein
|
|
|
|
----------------
|
|
|
|
A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic one should
|
|
be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she
|
|
deserved.
|
|
|
|
|
|
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
|
|
|
|
|
|
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!
|
|
|
|
|
|
A "pacifist male" is a contradiction in terms. Most self-described
|
|
"pacifists" are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When
|
|
the wind changes, they hoist the Jolly Roger.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Of all the strange crimes that human beings have legislated out of
|
|
nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing--with "obscenity" and
|
|
"indecent exposure" fighting it out for second and third place.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
|
|
|
|
|
|
There is only one way to console a widow. But remember the risk.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites.
|
|
Moderation is for monks.
|
|
|
|
|
|
An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
|
|
|
|
|
|
The more you love, the more you CAN love--and the more intensely
|
|
you love. Nor is there any limit on how MANY you can love. If
|
|
a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who
|
|
are decent and just.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs--sex especially.
|
|
When they are growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent
|
|
(quite properly) any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they'll
|
|
make mistakes--but that's THEIR business, not your's. (You made
|
|
your own mistakes, did you not?)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all
|
|
over, before he is born and long before he learns to use sight,
|
|
hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it. Keep
|
|
your children short on pocket money--and long on hugs.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors--
|
|
and miss.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yield to temptation--it may not pass your way again.
|
|
|
|
|
|
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course
|
|
it is none of my business but--" is to place a period after the
|
|
word "but." Don't use excessive force in supplying such a
|
|
moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary
|
|
pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
|
|
|
|
|
|
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds
|
|
up his morale. After a while he realizes that she IS beautiful--
|
|
he just hadn't noticed it at first.
|
|
|
|
|
|
A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to
|
|
its quality. Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit
|
|
one might grant keelhauling. But staking him out on an anthill
|
|
should be reserved for the very wittiest.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other
|
|
"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful--
|
|
just stupid.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
|
|
|
|
|
|
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
|
|
|
|
|
|
"I came, I saw, she conquered." (The original Latin seems to
|
|
have been garbled.)
|
|
|
|
--------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
I hope you all enjoyed them.
|
|
|
|
Tom Newcomb | "In the life of one man, never
|
|
c8-rl@franny.Berkeley.EDU | The same time returns." (T.S. Eliot)
|
|
|
|
|