147 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
147 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
\\=======================================================================//
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// ___ ___ \\
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\\ \\_\\ //_\\ //_\\ //
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// // //ow to connect // \\nything to // \\nything \\
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\\ //
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// (Alright, so I'm a sucker for weird text title graphics!) \\
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\\ //
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// Written with estranged pride by \\
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\\ The Slipped Disk //
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// \\
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\\ Call Milliways 10Meg/BBS/AE/CF........................(609)-921-1994 //
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// \\
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\\ (*) Everything you wanted to know about connecting anything (*) //
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// (Don't you hate infinitives and living up to them?) \\
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\\=======================================================================//
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If you aren't an idiot, You are aware that this file is called "How to
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connect anything to anything." This is no small task. Let's get started....
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\===/
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Intro
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/===\
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What many people don't realize is that the illusion of genius can be created
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with little or no intelligence at all. You see, when people talk about someone
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being "Oh, so smart." They aren't referring in fact to his/her ACTUAL
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intelligence, but to their EXPOSED or ASSUMED intelligence. Let's
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demonstrate...
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Jimmy Carpenter in Butfuck, VA. His greatest technological achievement is
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screwing in his lightbulb. Everybody thinks he`s a complete idiot, but little
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Jimmy has an IQ of 145. Nobody knew.
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Mark Dman of Boston, MA. He hooked up his phone to his stereo to his christmas
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tree to his left leg. Everyone thought he was a complete genius. Everyone was a
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bit surprised when he got stoned (as usual) and rammed the family camaro into a
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7-11 front window.
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These two cases (Fictional, asswipe!) in one way or another show that while
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not showing brains can make people seem like idiots, acting like you have brains
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can make people think you're a genius. Simple enough? Good!
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\====================================================/
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The ten commandments of hooking anything to anything
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/====================================================\
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I. Thou shalt remember that in order for anything to work, thou must have a
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complete circut in there somewheres.
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II. Thou shalt remember that there must be connections of + to -, else thou
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shalt look idiotic.
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III. Thy tool-kit must be complete and ready, for it's nasty to get shocked
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because thou hadt spliced wire with thy teeth.
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IV. Thou shalt always have an ample supply of wire at thy command, for it's
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aggravating to be unable to finish a project for want of two feet of wire.
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V. It is always divine to stick LED's in there somewheres, for flashing and
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multi-colored lights bring illusion of genius.
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VI. When working with circuts of more than 90 Volts, fuck it, for shocks are
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a pain in the ass.
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VII. If screwing with thy fone wires, be reminded that the holy repairmen
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look down on "independent finanglers".
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VIII. Never screw with something thou cannot replace.
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IIX. Always be sure that thou art not making irreversible changes when thou
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might want to put back.
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IX. Always set aside an ample amount of time to do thy work, for what looks
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simple now, might not look so simple 2 hours later when thou comes back from
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wherever thou came.
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X. Remember that if thou are hurt because of info in this file, thine holy
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writer takes NO responsiblity for thou being a fuck-up.
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\============================/
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Some Examples of connections
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/============================\
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Most parts of a connection (We'll call them components) can be separated into
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three different classifications:
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I. Powered
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Examples:
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Radio Phone TV
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Computer Light Tape player
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II. Non-powered
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Examples:
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Speakers LED Microphone
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Motor Screen Strobe
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III. Line Affections
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Examples:
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DPST switch Timer Signal Splitter
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Together, these different components add up to some sort of interesting
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connections for everyone to marvel at. Let's see how...
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\=======================/
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Examples of connections
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/=======================\
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To make this easier, I'll give a list of some ideas. See if you can tell
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what "Trick" they cause. Create some others as you wish! It's your life!
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Component type I Component type III Component type II
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>----------------< >------------------< >----------------<
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TV Switch Stereo
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Phone Signal splitter TV & Stereo
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Phone LED Phone line
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Stereo Timer Phone
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Answering Machine Timer TV
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\\===========================================================================//
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// This little dazzling bit of authorship was by The Slipped Disk. \\
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\\ Member of the 99th Percentile! //
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// Look for the SlippedParodies from any good BBS, Including this one.... \\
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\\ //
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// Call..................Milliways...........................(609)/921-1994 \\
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\\===========================================================================//
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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