80 lines
2.0 KiB
Plaintext
80 lines
2.0 KiB
Plaintext
Subject: Spokes: BEER WARNING LABELS
|
|
|
|
|
|
Due to increasing product liability litigation, American beer
|
|
brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the
|
|
> following
|
|
warning labels be placed immediately on all beer
|
|
containers:
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may make you
|
|
think you are whispering when you are not.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
|
|
The consumption of alcohol is a major
|
|
factor in dancing like an asshole.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may cause you
|
|
to tell the same boring story over and over again
|
|
until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN !!!
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may cause you
|
|
to thay shings like thish.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may lead you
|
|
to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you
|
|
to telephone them at four in the morning.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may leave you
|
|
wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may make you
|
|
think you can logically converse with other members
|
|
of the opposite sex without spitting.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may make you
|
|
think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting
|
|
in you getting your ass kicked.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may cause you
|
|
to roll over in the morning and see
|
|
something really scary (whose species and
|
|
or name you can't remember).
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol is the leading
|
|
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may create the
|
|
illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more
|
|
handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may lead you
|
|
to believe you are invisible.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may lead you
|
|
to think people are laughing WITH you.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may cause a
|
|
disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby
|
|
small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
|
|
literally disappear.
|
|
|
|
WARNING:
|
|
The consumption of alcohol may actually
|
|
CAUSE pregnancy.
|
|
|