textfiles/drugs/MARYJANE/psalm-102

Psalm 102

Hear my prayer, O Lord!
And let my cry for help come to Thee.
Do not hide Thy face from me in the day of my distress;
Incline Thine ear to me;
In the day when I call answer me quickly.
 (verses 1-2.)

It was late last fall.  I'd taken a couple months off to stay at a 
friend's house and write a novel, the first couple chapters of 
which I had hanging on strips of computer print-outs on the wall 
above the mattress I slept on.  Late at night I'd roll long joints 
half-filled with tobacco from torn-up Camel Lights, with pieces 
of cardboard rolled up as filter tips.  While I smoked them I'd 
look the story over and make changes.  Sometimes I'd use the 
computer my brother'd lent me and I'd write, sometimes I'd just 
lay in bed thinking life over, sometimes I'd read the Time-Life 
books I'd bought at the Public Library book sale.  The people 
downstairs would let the cat out, and after a while the cat would 
come jump up in my window and I'd let it in and pet it and tell it 
what I thought was wrong with society and make speeches to it.  
It didn't seem to mind.  It was a peaceful time.

For my days have been consumed in smoke,
And my bones have been scorched like a hearth.
My heart has been smitten like grass and has withered away,
Indeed I forget to eat my bread.
Because of the loudness of my groaning
My bones cling to my flesh.
I resemble a pelican of the wilderness;
I have become like an owl of the waste places.
I lie awake,
I have become like a lonely bird on a housetop.
 (v.3-7)

But some times all I could think about was something I'd heard.  
About this guy who'd been smoking pot, watching TV, and the 
cops came in and shot him because he had a remote-control in 
his hand that they thought was a gun.  I don't know...  I guess I 
might be convinced that there are some people who deserve to be 
shot dead like that.  Sure, there are probably some people who 
deserve to be absolutely removed from society once and for all.  
Serial killers, terrorists, people like that.  Society's got to protect 
itself.  But why would folks want to kill folks like me?
  Sometimes it was all I could think about.  What if, right at that 
moment, a team of cops came bursting through the door, guns 
pointed my direction.  Would I jolt, and be shot?  Would I sit 
there passively as they came over and handcuffed me and 
dragged me off to 'save me'?  I seriously did not know.
  One time I turned the lights off and looked out the window at 
the quiet street outside, waiting for the cat to come in.  It was so 
peaceful.  I love America.  It has all these great ideas about 
people, and the space they deserve; it can be fast-paced New-
York-style in the day, and be quiet Wyoming-style in the night.  
And Americans aren't defined by race like, say, the French or 
the Portuguese typically are: Americans are defined by love of 
democracy, love of freedom, love of community.  So what's up 
with those police raids?
   I huddled into a corner, sad and confused.  What would I do if 
the cops burst in, RIGHT THEN, guns drawn and ready to 
shoot with all the righteousness of a wrathful God?  I didn't 
really think I'd turn out well in jail, so I figured it would 
probably be best if I got shot.  But I didn't want to own a gun, 
and cops are OK for the most part.  Then I got it: if I grabbed for 
my Bible when the cops came in, I'd die with it in my hands!
    I turned the light on and digged for my Bible, and sat back in 
my corner.  But I was still sad.  There are so many people going 
to prison, I thought.  People losing jobs because of drug-tests, 
even though they'd been doing a good job.  At my last job I'd 
gotten the highest marks possible at evaluation time, and my 
boss had asked me not to leave, even though I'd been smoking 
pot every night after work.  Why were people like me being 
oppressed like this?
    I remembered something my pastor had said: when you're 
confused, lost, or have a question, open the Bible at random and 
read the first thing you see.  If the Lord wills it, you'll get the 
answer to your question.  So I opened my Bible, and read:

My enemies have reproached me all day long;
Those who deride me have used my name as a curse.
For I have eaten ashes like bread,
And mingled my drink with weeping,
Because of Thine indignation and Thy wrath;
For Thou hast lifted me up and cast me away.
My days are like a lengthened shadow;
And I wither away like grass.
  (v.8-11)

 Obviously the Lord had chosen that moment to bless me with a 
revelation, because this described my situation perfectly.  "My 
enemies", meaning the cops and the people who hate pot-
smokers, think all kinds of evil against me and people like me.  
And I had just "eaten ashes like bread" (i.e. smoked) even 
though I was miserable about the unjust situation, represented in 
this verse by "Thine indignation and Thy wrath".  I looked back 
to the third and fourth verses, and confirmed that this did indeed 
describe my situation: I was like an owl up all night, like a 
lonely bird looking over the porch roof to the street.  So 
obviously it was not right for me to become intoxicated when 
there was this injustice in the world.  After all, I'd read the 
government studies that said that policies of incarceration were 
excessive for pot smoking, and I'd heard about the medical 
studies that said that pot smoking was no more harmful that any 
other kind of smoking.  So what was the solution?

But Thou, O Lord, dost abide forever;
And Thy name to all generations.
Thou wilt arise and have compassion on Zion;
For it is time to be gracious to her,
For the appointed time has come.
  (v.12-13.)

  I realized: I had not had faith in God.  I should have trusted that 
He would be gracious to us, and that the appointed time (of and 
end to America's misunderstandings about drugs) was soon to 
come.  God's name abides forever; who am I to doubt that 
eventually he would have compassion on Zion (America, in this 
case) and bless us with a better understanding of drugs?  One in 
which drug-users and non-drug-users can co-exist in peace?  

Surely Thy servants find pleasure in her stones,
And feel pity for her dust.
 (v.14)
 
 Meaning that we Americans can both find pleasure in the 
physical parts of the world (such as the various drug 
substances), while at the same time feeling pity (or compassion, 
or understanding) for it.  And once this happens,

So the nations will fear the name of the Lord,
And all the kings of the earth Thy glory.
For the Lord has built up Zion;
He has appeared in His glory.
 (v.15-16)

  Meaning that once America overcomes what basically amounts 
to a Drug Civil War (imprisoning more of its own citizens than 
any other industrialized nation, making drug-distribution a 
criminal activity so that violence in it becomes commonplace, 
weakening our civil rights, and so on), our nation will once 
again be well with God, and our country will be stronger than 
ever before.  Futhermore, people who smoke pot won't be 
ashamed to tell their smoker friends that they're Christians;  as it 
is now, any time you tell someone you're a Christian they think 
you're some fundamentalist who won't let you live free unless 
you're like them.

He has regarded the prayer of the destitute,
And has not despised their prayer.
This will be written for the generation to come;
That a people yet to be created may praise the Lord.
  (v.17-18)

  The answer will not come from those already created, those 
smug in their certainty that they know the answer (be it: 'drugs 
are all evil' or 'drugs are all that's worth living for') but from 
those who acknowledge the compassion of the Lord, and from 
this create a solution.  And it will come from those who pray to 
him in humility.

For He looked down from His holy height;
From heaven the Lord gazed upon the earth,
To hear the groaning of the prisoner;
To set free those who were doomed to death;
That men may tell of the name of the Lord in Zion,
And His praise in Jerusalem;
When the peoples are gathered together,
And the kingdoms, to serve the Lord.
 (v.19-22)

 God will end this War on Drugs that is tearing our nation apart, 
and the glory of God may be preached in its peace.  All the 
peoples, users and non-users alike, will be "gathered together" 
to serve the greater good.

He has weakened my strength in the way;
He has shortened my days.
I say, "O my God, do not take me away in the midst of my 
days,
Thy years are throughout all generations.
 (v.23-24)

 I realized that it was imperative for me not to get shot in a drug-
raid.  After all, if I had faith in the Lord I should have faith that, 
through humble work, I could help America come to a greater 
understanding of drug-use.  After all, over a third of all 
Americans have smoked pot; there's no way we could all be put 
in jail.  A saner solution has to be arrived at.  I had to have faith 
in God.  He lived through all generations; through those which 
suffer Drug Wars, and those which don't.  Even though I 
should pray to God for protection from those who would shoot 
me, I should also realize that he would lead me from days of 
persecution to days of freedom, for He spans them all.

"Of old Thou didst found the earth;
And the heavens are the work of Thy hands.
"Even they will perish, but Thou dost endure;
And all of them will wear out like a garment;
Like clothing Thou wilt change them, and they will be changed.
But Thou art the same,
And Thy years will not come to and end.
The children of Thy servants will continue,
And their descendants will be established before Thee."
  (v.25-28)

 The Drug War has put fear and hate in all our hearts.  It has 
made us think ill of minority communities, it has made us fear 
our police, it has spread suspicion and distrust.  It has washed 
its hands of drug use like Pilate, thus increasing the amount of 
harm done by drugs.
  But if we have faith and become servants of God, our children 
need not live in such an environment, and their children will be 
established before God without fear of such things.  Drugs must 
not be used outside of the view of God (i.e. illegally) because 
this causes the wrath that was mentioned before and only 
perpetuates the Drug War and its evils; they must be accepted 
and controlled and used only in the light of the glory of God.

 OK, for all I know I may have read it completely wrong.  But 
I do know that I slept well that night, and that I've kept reading 
the Bible since.  I also kept reading more about the facts about 
drugs, and the studies, and so on.  And I honestly think, even 
after much prayer, that the way we deal with drugs today is wrong.
True; worshipping drugs would be putting them before God; we 
shouldn't make them the center of our lives.  But at the same 
time,God is one of compassion, and that he will have mercy on 
those who use drugs, and guide them, as he guided me, to a 
greater understanding of them.
  I don't believe drugs should be illegal, but I also don't think 
we should use drugs while they are illegal.  We should have 
faith in the Lord, and try to come to a better understanding of 
these substances.  When that happens, he will have compassion 
on us.  Can you imagine an America without a Drug War?  
Where there is no violence because those moving drugs are 
living outside of the view of the Lord?  Where the flow of drugs 
is controlled and watched over, by all citizens who find 
"pleasure in her stones / And pity in her dust"?  Where people 
use drugs safely, intelligently, and productively?  I can, now, 
and I work for it every day.  Thank you for reading this.