textfiles/drugs/ALT.DRUGS/joy-and-pain

I had taken acid a few times before. A guy was staying at my girlfriend's 
(share) house, named Andrew. He was travelling Australia (where I live). I think he 
was a Canadian who had known one of the house members in New Orleans. I suppose the 
acid came from Canada, but at the time I assumed it had come from New Orleans, 
about which I have romantic notions. He had brought it over in a glass vial around 
his neck. He then must have poured it onto recycled brown notepad paper. In 
exchange for a gram of dope, he gave me two trips, each about 2cm sqare. (The 
experienced will recognise that this is big. I didn't fully appreciate this..)

I had had fun on acid before, and was interested in what would happen if I took a 
lot. My friends have called me a drug pig, but I like to think of myself as an 
explorer. So anyway, I decided to take both these trips at once.

A strangely relevant episode had occured earlier on the day that I decided to take 
them. I had to go to the unemployment office in a distant suburb. Because of road 
works, the bus had been rerouted, and the bus stop moved. Because of this badly 
publicised state-of-affairs, I was stuck in a stinking hot unhospitable place for 
several hours. I felt lost and stranded.

At the time I was living with my mother and stepfather. I decided to take advantage 
of the fact that my mother was away for the night. Normally she would have been 
checking in on me, but my stepfather left me to myself.

I took the trips, as always anxious that they might have little or no effect. 
Things started getting pretty wierd pretty soon. I cannot really describe it all in 
any proper order, so I'll just elate random fragments.

The universe was a mass of swirling multicoloured atoms, all swirling ferociously 
around a central point in an orbit reminiscent of escher's three-looped moebius 
strip. I was but one atom among these. And since all atoms are indistinguishable, 
it didn't which one. I was any of them, all of them, swirling in this cosmic orbit.

I experience all the joy and pain of human existence. I was the rapist and the rape 
victim. I was the parent and the child. I was born and I died. I lived every moment 
of my life a million times over, but knew that in the end I would have to die.

I was unconscious of the fact that I had taken a drug.

I got up and walked naked into my stepfather's bedroom. I had previously 
masturbated, and was later worried that this may have had some sexual conotation.

It turns out he called the ambulance. I was experiencing only glimpses of 'reality' 
and the notion that I was dying wasn't helped by flashing lights (I think) and 
ambulance personnel talking over me and taking blood pressure etc.

I thought I was other people. A guy in a magazine, my stepbrother, my mother (I 
think) etc. I called for my girlfriend, in the hope that she could save me.

When I regained some consciousness of reality, I was confused and unsure of what 
had transpired. I was scared of my stepfather and what had gone on. I steeled 
myself and dashed to the study, where I could lock the door and make some phone 
calls. My stepfather knocked on the door, and I eventually came out and spoke to 
him. I arranged for my brother to pick me up. As I was waiting outside for him, a 
fly was buzzing in a spider's web. This had a big impact.

I was still tripping for the next three days, although I didn't know it. I was 
scared about what I was going to do with my life. My girlfriend helped me a lot.

Just after that I went and stayed at my dad's farm. I'm not quite sure, but I think 
that it was that time, about a week after the trip, that we took half an E each, 
but that's another story.

It was totally intense and scary. But I'm kind of glad it happened. I learned a 
lot. I have taken acid since, I even insisted on taking more of the same batch. I 
will taking some more soon, red dragons. If you like, maybe I'll let you know how 
it goes...

                    Xero.