textfiles/drugs/ALT.DRUGS/dmtrpt.drg

well i went to Melbourne recently, (so recently i got back yesterday) and
i had the "opportunity" to try DMT.  i smoked it as crystals through a
crack pipe, and this is what i can remember: i had 3 and 1/2 maybe 4 tokes
before i couldn't smoke anymore.  this took about 20 seconds.  everything
around me faded out, and a guy shouting in the distance sounded like he
was shouting from a subway, (echoed).  the guy i was with told me to get
up and run around, and when i did that everything started melting and i
lost the outside world completely.  i thought that this is what it is like
to be god, i was very scared, there where two sort-of thoughts in my mind:
this is what a bad trip is like, and then i thought if this is a bad trip
then it can't hurt me cause it is all in my mind.  then i lost that
thought, and i have sitting in the middle of a great calm.  sitting
figuratively, cause i didn't have a body.  i opened my eyes, and i
had a glimpse of the outside world, for the breifest instant, and then
it started to move like a living moving escher picture. and it was
completely alien.  then i closed my eyes, and i saw these interlocking
frames of gold moving into each other and i was moving into them.  i
thought that i had been inside this place for eternity, and i thought that
i was never going back (to where?) i must have still known that there was
somewhere else.  i completely forgot words.  i couldn't think of what
things were because think of what to call them.  yesterday (three days
later), i was still remembering words.  the first that i remembered was
mother.  but i couldn't remember who she was.  i couldn't remember who i
was.  and then i slowly came back to reality.(Virtuality) i realised
that i had a body and the thing that i was staring at was my own leg.
i don't think that my Virtuality will ever be the same again.
nothing can prepare you for utter devastation, which is DMT, unless you
take lots and lots of LSD maybe.  i have taken that much LSD, cause my DMT
was nothing like.  my advice is to take it, with someone you trust in a
quiet, safe place.  and just do it man!  :)
see ya round the traps, and Don't Eat the Datura!  (you have to smoke it)

--
   The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the University of
     North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the Campus Office for Information
        Technology, or the Experimental Bulletin Board Service.
           internet:  laUNChpad.unc.edu or 152.2.22.80

=============================================================================

Newsgroups: alt.psychoactives,alt.drugs
From: mathers@sibelius.trl.OZ.AU (Steven Mathers)
Subject: a DMT trip
Message-ID: <1994Apr20.041644.20786@trl.oz.au>
Date: Wed, 20 Apr 1994 04:16:44 GMT

Posting this account for a FOAF.....

--------------------------

I lay back in the couch, feeling nervous anticipation and a little bit
like a lab specimen, with everyone forming a semi-circle around me
except for Jeremy who was 'packing' the pipe for me -- (with
malice and forethought, I now realize :-)

He held the pipe while I toked, which turned out to be a wise move.
The first toke produced nothing.  I held it in for a few seconds and
exhaled, and imediately went to take a second.  As I started to draw the
second hit, the effects of the first came down upon me.  I felt stunned,
and as Jeremy later accurately described, as if I had hold of a live wire.
Christian was sitting cross legged on the floor in my field of vision, and
a pattern like a single elongated slinky became part of all his limbs
and the rest of his body.  He was a spring man.

I became more disoriented as this picture began to frgament and reality
rapidly started to vanish.  From somewhere, Jeremy urged me to take the third
hit (the cad!) and I somehow managed to start to inhale in the vicinity
of the pipe.  I was told later that this was a good one, but I didnt feel
as if it was working.  In another almost instantaneous jump, it all became 
too much and I had to sit upright in the chair.  My eyes were said to
have been completely wide open, although I was not aware of it.  The last 
thing to make any sense was the sudden, surprised exhalation of the final 
lungfull of smoke.

What followed is dificult to describe because Im sure that my brain was
functioning normally enough for me to remember anything during only
a small percentage of the time spent under the influence of the DMT.
During that period I was not really aware of anything that makes sense now,
and Im not sure if it might have made sense at the time, but I doubt it.
Time certainly had no meaning, because although I was spaced for ten
minutes, I only have memories that might cover a few seconds here and there,
and even those seemed to happen simultanesouly in some instances. 

The bits that did make sense enough for me to be aware of them were very, very
strange indeed.  DM seems mainly to affect the sight, cognition and hearing.  
The only physical sensations I felt were a choking sensation for much
of the time that I was aware, and towards the end of the experience, a feeling
that I had had a bowel movement (I hadn't).  It turned out later that I had 
merely been hyper-ventilating.

The visuals, once I had gone from 'springland' to full on space-out, were
not of anything vaguely related to what was in front of my eyes.  In fact
it didnt matter if I had my eyes open or closed -- I had to ask if my eyes
had been open or closed during the main part of the trip, and was told
they had been both at various stages.  It was mostly intense flashes of 
solid pure colours -- no pastels or hues, just wham!  I described it to Ronny
as like being inside a cyber-simulation like 'The lawnmower man', only
it had crashed and was throwng garbage at me from all directions.

Sound had more meaning when I was able to perceive it.  At times I actually
caught and understood a few phrases of conversation that was going on 
around me.  More often though, the wrong buttons in my brain must have been
pushed, because it sounded as if people were speaking random sylables
at me.  The nearest I can come is 'Bill and Ben' floblle-obble-lop language
of a digital purity.  I later confirmed that the snatches of conversation
I interpreted as English did in fact occur.  One was probabaly Jeremy saying
something about choking, which was alarming becuase I felt as though
I was having trouble breathing at the time.  Whatever brain processes that 
are responsible for locating sound sources were also affected.  Sound came
from random directions, and from inside my head.  Suprisingly, volume
was not affected, other than for most of the time I was not able to 
hear anything.

If I felt any emotion at all, it was detatched terror, and I was definately 
sure that I wanted the experience to end.  It was all the more frightening 
because it seemed to be going on forever, and yet it was over in an instant.

My impression is that while LSD and more familiar pschadelics alter the
normal brain activity in some fasion or other, DMT works at a more   
fundamental level that alters brain chemistry to such an extent that it
does not function as a thinking brain for a large part of the 
time (well at least not for me).  Imagine that the part of your brain
responsible for speech is connected to the part responsible for breathing,
and the coordination part to your ears, and visuals to bowels, and that sort 
of thing -- completely differently arranged.  The resulting state is 
distinctly alien, and goes someway to explaining to me what the absolute 
limits of psychosis must be before one actually ceases to be able to think.  

After the instant/endless period of total crazinessi, normal cognitive reality
started to come back in waves.  The visuals returned back to 'spring land';
I became aware that I was now laying there with head thrown back, legs spread
and mouth agape.  People seemed to be asking me questions. I raised my head
a few times and then let it fall back again as reality waxed and waned.
For the next 5 minutes I gently returned to a shell-shocked state of
normality, accompanied by the now trivial pattern halucinations and
distortions in surfaces like carpet and walls. 

Jeremy asked me just before the first toke if I were ready for the trip,
and I said that I was.  Ha ha.  He said 'Oh no you're not', and he
was definately right.  Completely disregard this whole description because
it cant begin to describe the experience in anything but the most
vague terms.


------------------

s.mathers@trl.oz.au

=============================================================================

From: bkavanaugh@sc9.intel.com
Newsgroups: alt.psychoactives
Subject: dmt experience
Date: 4 Jun 94 18:14:18 PDT
Message-ID: <1994Jun4.181418.1@sc9.intel.com>

dmt --- isn't that an interesting memory!?

i had the good fortune of being turned on by someone that i trust
it taste like i was smoking plastic -- very strange
very quickly the trees outside began moving around wildly, as if
i could suddenly see some type of animism
things kinda melted -- i wasn't driving, had little control
as soon as i started to worry, it started to fade away, then was gone
(time for more)

there was something dark about it that bothered me a great deal,
mostly in a vague, can't put my finger on it way
i know this sounds funny, but it felt like i was tapping into the dark
side of the force (metaphor, not literal)

all in all a very interesting experience

not for the faint at heart
or those who fear being out of direct control

=============================================================================

Newsgroups: alt.drugs
From: cmg@mundil.cs.mu.OZ.AU (Christian Gersch)
Subject: 2 ayahuasca experiences
Message-ID: <9301421.12997@mulga.cs.mu.OZ.AU>
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1993 10:51:59 GMT

This is an informal description of Jeremy's and my attempts at making
and taking ayahuasca Australian style (talk about the dreamtime =). 
The first part is my experience with the ayahuasca, and the second 
part is Jeremy's experience with a semi-aborted ayahuasca trip followed
by smoking the extract of Acacia Maidenii bark.

---PART ONE

On Friday 8th January 1993, Jeremy, another friend (Nick) and I made the
pilgrimage to Mt Buffalo in Victoria to collect leaves of a rare plant
that contain 0.3% DMT. We also had peganum harmala seeds to make the DMT
orally active. Unfortunately, there was no way we could eat enough of
the fresh leaves for any effect, so we decided to head back to Melbourne
to brew and filter them in a vaguely similar way to traditional
ayahuasca. Jeremy will undoubtably post a more accurate and complete
description of our method. We ended up with a glass full of khaki filth
each. Our main concern was getting the stuff down, and holding it down.

Just before midnight on Saturday we swallowed 3g of ground peganum
harmala seeds (disgusting enough by themselves), and waited between 5
and 15 minutes, then drank the filthy green sludge. I felt no
significant nausea, although the others were not nearly so lucky. Within
5 minutes Nick had lost everything. Jeremy and I took 2 antacid
tablets, and Jeremy managed to hold out for maybe 10 minutes and then
succumbed to the inevitable. For some reason, perhaps because I ate the
antacid tablets almost straight after consuming the green grime, or
maybe because I waited the longest after swallowing the peganum harmala
seeds before drinking the green sludge, I managed to keep it down for 
the longest - perhaps 15 minutes. Just before I brought it up, things 
began to get quite weird. Walking felt difficult, things started to look 
a little strange, and then I threw up.

By the time I had finished throwing up the world had changed entirely.
There was some faint neurotic process reminding me to look after my
body, but it was of similar importance to looking after a possession.

Luckily, Nick had not managed to get any effect, and he guided me into
his living room, where I lay down, eyes open, and began to experience
absolute terror. I was in a completely different universe - it was in no
way similar to reality. Somehow the terror was not unpleasant. The
universe I was in did not have room for pleasant/unpleasant, happy/sad,
etc. There were 3 types of emotion: terror, euphoria, and the baseline
emotion which was like full awareness of the only important universe -
the one I had gained access to - the domain of the spirits/mind/
consciousness - whatever.

The visual effects were astounding. I wasn't perceiving things through
my eyes (I didn't have a body), I just knew what my environment was,
and therefore what it looked like. Closing my eyes did not change the
scene in any significant way. There were icons and images of things such
as a stylised eagle - all reminiscent of Inca or perhaps ancient
Egyptian religious art (not that I know anything about Inca or ancient
Egyptian art). These images were always moving and evolving in some kind
way. These images were like decoration for the place I was in. There
were worm/snake like things inside my legs (which were translucent), but
at the time I didn't realise they were my legs. The hallucinations were
in no way similar to LSD hallucinations. These things were real, ever
present and in perfect clarity. The quality of light had changed in some
indefinable way - not more intense colours, but more clear, more real
(the most real) - what I was seeing was pure and unadulterated reality,
not a rough approximation made by faulty perception mechanisms.

I knew that I, that is, my mind had left my body and was in the
realm of the basic entity of the universe - where consciousnesses
reside when they are not tied to a body on our Earthly reality.
I was aware that this is where spirits/souls reside if their body dies
and probably where they are before you are born. After you are born, it
is still there, but your mind becomes solely concerned with your body,
(until you are released by DMT). I knew that it was possible to enter
this "realm of the gods" without DMT - it just involved losing all
beliefs and constructs. At the time I called it "the realm of the gods"
for lack of any other way to describe it, but this is completely
misleading as the gods were just human consciousnesses/souls/spirits,
and they had no interest in the normal reality - they had not created
it, nor influenced it in any way. The realm of the gods involved
complete exposure and full awareness of the absolute chaos, power and
unboundedness of the universe (not the universe we know, but the one
where consciousnesses exist).

The first hour was indescribably intense - an unbounded (infinite
does not seem to be enough) number of things were happening at once
and my mind was being exposed to information it could not cope with.
I knew I was insane, and I doubted that I would ever recover. I did
not even know what being sane meant. I could not remember what it was
like to be normal. Most of the this time I was not terrified, but
terror-full, although this terror was not unpleasant (pleasure did
not enter into it) and it did not effect my thinking. It was not bad
or good - it just was.

During the second hour I spent more time at the baseline emotion, and
some time at the euphoric. The euphoria seemed to be because I had
"seen it all" and come through relatively unscathed - my mind hadn't
been completely unhinged by the experience. I was beginning to feel as
though my mind was now capable of dealing with the onslaught of this
"realm of the souls" - as if I now belonged there. I knew that some
madness is caused by being privy to the "realm of the souls". At this
stage, things had stopped happening so fast and speech became easier
(apparently my speech was mostly coherent all the way through - but I
was sure that my body was babbling in tongues).

At various times during the 3 hour duration, I had to ask Nick about
myself - it was as if I needed to be reminded of my values and beliefs
and "personality" (of course I couldn't make him understand this and
he could only tell me things that seemed insignificant such as my likes
and dislikes and my history). At one point I wanted to know about my
family (their beliefs, psyches and values). I think this was because I
felt like they had ceased to be important, but I didn't want that to
happen.

The third and fourth hours after ingestion were spent discussing, in
what seemed like profound detail, the experience with Jeremy - who I
felt had been at the same place as me. By the fourth hour, I was back
on Earth and not really suffering any effects, although I was
extremely shell-shocked, and still believed everything I experienced to
be absolutely real (more real than the rest of my life). Even the next
day this feeling remained, and I spent most of my time reliving, and
trying to deal with my experience. It was obvious to others who knew
me that I was extremely distressed. I knew where I would be when I
died, but I didn't know how I was going to deal with the rest of my
life - this reality seemed so unimportant and trivial compared to the
greater reality I had experienced.

Today is Monday, and I am beginning to reject the "realm of the souls"
reality in favour of our consensus reality. Yesterday I doubted my
sanity, and could not face another ayahuasca experience, but today
I think I have integrated the experience to a large degree, and hope
to experiment again - to see if I enter the same reality again, or
a different one.

I would not recommend this experience to anyone with any kind of
psychological difficulties, or anyone not prepared to be terrified
out of their brain. If LSD can trigger schizophrenia in susceptible
people, then ayahuasca almost definitely will. Likewise, I wouldn't
suggest it as a first psychedelic experience. At the time, trying to
compare the experience with an LSD trip, all I could think was that
LSD is just a toy compared with this. LSD seems to just play with
perception and thought, but the ayahuasca experience seems to leave
the mind clear, and create and incredibly real universe of mind
blowing dimensions (it is impossible to explain how real, but it was
much more real than this universe). Maybe DMT seeks out the 
"believe this" area of the brain and flicks all the switches, or
perhaps the other reality does exist. Either way, the result can be
extremely disturbing, and easily life changing.

        Christian.


---PART TWO

> I had previously calculated that 25 leaves weighed roughly 20
> grams when dried, and from the original Journal, that the dried
> material should be 0.3% DMT by weight. Thus, for the three of
> us, we allotted roughly 140 leaves, allowing for losses in the
> grinding and extraction procedures to leave something in excess
> of 100 mg of DMT each. We attempted to break up the leaves using
> various food processors, but this proved futile. We put them
> through a garden mulcher many times until the pieces were quite
> small. The total weight (wet) was around 250 g.
> 
> This was boiled in a saucepan with plenty of water, and the juice
> of a lemon. The purpose of the lemon juice was to raise the pH
> slightly and aid the solubility of the DMT. The mixture was 
> boiled for a little over an hour, and then strained through
> a coffee filter. The brown liquor was boiled down to a few
> hundred ml in another saucepan. The leaf residue was now
> blended in a food processor to a sludge, to which was added
> more water, and this mixture boiled for a further hour or more.
> It was again strained, but with a cloth since it could not be
> filtered. The resulting khaki liquid was boiled down and
> added to the first extract. More water was added to the residue,
> and it was boiled for a few minutes, strained, boiled down
> and added to the rest. The whole green liquid (around 700 ml)
> was chilled to just above freezing. This was equally divided
> into three portions.
> 
> I had little trouble swallowing the 3g of ground Peganum seeds,
> but took several tries to drink the leaf extract, despite
> its being chilled and holding my nose. I threw up maybe
> 10 minutes later, violently, and with very little warning.
> By this stage, I was feeling "wierd" - a little dizzy and
> having a mild trip, although quite different from other
> hallucinogens. I felt somewhat sedated, which I identified
> with the effect of the harmaline. By this stage, it was
> clear that Nick was totally baseline, and that Chris was
> in for a bumpy ride - he was lying motionless on the
> couch describing the god dimension he had entered.
> 
> I decided to test out the effects of smoked DMT, the
> alkaloid extract from another plant, Acacia maidenii,
> while under the influence of the activator harmaline.
> I smoked as much as I could before it hit, then ran 
> back into the room with Chris and Nick.
> 
> What happened next is difficult to describe. I will
> describe it as it seemed to me at the time, without
> claiming that it represents any part of our reality.
> 
> The first part of the DMT trip was as normal, i.e.
> massive visuals, strange feeling, etc. Then, as I
> reached the peak, I took off in another direction -
> I was thrown into severe convulsions, with waves
> of power, pain and pleasure, shooting through my
> body, and in and out of my body. I was having a fit
> and screaming and snarling uncontrollably. It was
> an incredible mix of ecstasy and terror. Then I suddenly
> realised what was happening as I was starting to come
> down - I realised that I had summoned a demon from 
> another dimension, and that my fit had been caused
> by the demon trying to gain hold of my body. For
> a few seconds, the demon and my body locked - synced
> in space and time, and it was able to speak through
> me: we snarled in a gutteral voice "If there is a demon,
> it is speaking through me now". I was awestruck by the
> sense of evil power - I felt as though I could cast
> power-bolts through my outstreched arms. I decided that
> I desperately did not want the demon to take me over
> and use me as a carrier to deliver its message, so
> I resisted it, and it descended howling into my interior.
> 
> I then collapsed exhuasted, crying "the demon! the demon!".
> I grew very cold, and heavily sedated, lying on the floor
> in a blanket. I believed that we were all going to die,
> poisoned by some agent in the leaves we had all eaten.
> I felt the demon bubbling round inside of me, hissing
> and begging to take control of me again. I felt that
> it would overcome me immediately if I let it. 
> 
> It took about an hour for the post-trip sedation, terror,
> and feeling of illness to subside, whereupon I felt
> comfortable and even entactogenically enhanced and
> euphoric. The possession experience started to seem less
> real. By this stage, Chris had recovered also, and
> we began discussing our experiences. Nick proceeded
> to eat another 3g of P.harmala seeds, and also smoke
> some DMT. His experience was likewise extremely intense,
> and he collapsed for a similar period in a blanket,
> and believed among other things that he was going to 
> stop breathing and die.
> 
> I experienced some residual tiredness and "spacedness"
> for a couple of days, that may or may not have been a
> result of the experience.
> 
> Disclaimer: experimentation with DMT in combination with 
> harmaline is obviously fraught with various kinds of danger, 
> to body and mind, and should not be entered into lightly
> or under inappropriate circumstances, especially by the
> inexperienced.
> 
> Jeremy

=============================================================================

Newsgroups: alt.drugs
From: Jeremy
Subject: Ayahuasca report (long)
Date: Tue, 29 Jun 1993 16:31:36 GMT

I am posting this anonymously for a friend. I didn't write it,
and had nothing to do with the experiment. Exact details of 
preparation and accurate quantites used are not given, and I 
can't provide them. The DMT source was Acacia phlebophylla
and the harmaline source was Peganum harmala. Ayahuasca is a 
very potent and profound drug with unknown side-effects and 
should not be entered into lightly.

*******************************************************************

Here it is... just a small note; thanks for discovering this. I know
you did all your own research and came up with the procedure, and
for that I'm grateful. It was nothing short of fantastic. I'm trying
at the moment to collect DMT trip accounts, so if you have one to add,
let me know please. Or write some up. Whatever. Thanks again.

===================================================================

------------------------------------------------------------------------
   DR D.M.T. (OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP REALITY AND LOVE PSYCHADELICS)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I got in contact with Chris through email, then phone. I was very
interested in his ayahuasca experience, and Jeremy, living in Sydney,
was too far away. Chris suggested that we meet somewhere, and his friend
Nick would come along. I picked them up from Chris's place, shook hands,
drove to the Central Club and saw "Inspiral Carpets". He shared some
joints, and talked for ages. We got along fine, so I decided it would
be ok to bring these guys back to my place to try out the ayahuasca
brew, which was sitting in a frozen lump in Chris's backpack.

	At 2:15am on Saturday morning I injested (rather quickly) a heaped 
teaspoon of ground harmala seeds, and flushed it down with water. 10 
minutes later, I drank a cup full of the ayahuasca brew, also rather 
quickly. 15 minutes later, things got really, really _wierd_.

	The three of us were sitting in the front room at my house. I had 
recently changed this room. It's where we kept a spare matress and all
my music gear, and it was the furthest room from where my girlfriend 
was trying to sleep. I was told to get comfortable, so I brought in
a bean bag from the living room, and I lay on that.

	I was on the bean bag, describing a dull cramp in my stomach to
Nick and Chris. I glanced over to the curtains, which are a see-thru
material with a floral pattern. They started moving. The flowers on
the curtains seemed as though they were at a different distance from 
the material itself. They looked different, almost brighter. The 
venetian blinds behind the curtains were breathing. My homemade speakers
(made of chipboard) changed. I noticed that every single object in the
room was made up of one colour only. Nick pointed out that this is 
"normal", that all objects seem to have all imperfections removed, so
that the chipboard seemed like Laminex. There was no shading, no shadows,
no scratches, no texture. Just a single colour for every single object.

	The flowers on the curtains were shimmering, the curtains started
breathing, and then they flowed down, onto the floor, just like the smoke
from a spilt bottle of liquid nitrogen flows down stairs. The colour
changes remained until the Closed Eye Visuals (CEV) started.

	I felt as though this was about as much as I could handle at that
moment, and if that trip stopped there and then I would have heaps to
talk about. But no...

	I felt vaguely nauseous, and I didn't want to throw up later because
I didn't know what to expect; my expectations were exceeded even at this
early stage through the trip (about 5 minutes since onset). I forced 
myself to throw up into a clear Tupperware container thing. I was very
comfortable at the start of the trip, now my surrounding were uncomfortable,
alien. I fell onto the floor (in a silly attempt to become more comfortable),
and asked the guys if the bucket had been tipped. I was beginning to 
hallucinate strongly, and was unsure what was a CEV and what was an Open
Eye Visual (OEV). I began to feel as though I'd lost my body, I didn't
know what it was doing at that time. I felt some bowel movement, and asked
if I'd defaecated. I was still ok, according to the guys, but I thought
it'd probably be best if I went to the toilet, "just in case".

	Things went up a level, it was no longer my house I was in. Everything
felt wierd, I was walking down some hallway thingy but I didn't know where
any of the doors led to. Someone must've got to the bathroom before me
because the light was on, and I went in there. I was now experiencing full
on hallucinations, but I didn't think it was a case of bad timing and
didn't attempt to abort the toilet visit. I had no sense of time at all.

	The bathroom certainly wasn't mine. Yes, there was a basin and a 
bath, and there was also a strange door that someone opened for me.
I was only very vaguely aware that I had to do something here. The
hallucinations were pretty heavy before I sat down, somehow I managed to
unzip myself and to drop my trousers, and sit down. Then the universe
changed...

	I left my body sitting on the toilet and was thrown into a universe
where nothing seemed to make any sense. The CEVs were absolutely
outstanding, freeforming, morphing from one complex scene to another.
I went through huge sliding doors, traveled in space vehicles, saw
incredibly complex and insane roads and highways, floating through
a space I could never fully describe. Beings were present, grey munchkin
like things with yellow stripes, and there were snake objects too. 
And especially eyes. Peeking out of every bend in the road, off every
snake, under every door. They didn't frighten me, I was just curious to
know what they all were doing, and what they all were seeing.

	These visuals came on with such an incredible intensity it was 
simply neuronically impossible to process all of them. I remember
thinking that nothing made sense, so I must've analysed these images
at one point, although I can never remember specifically doing so.
The colours for the CEVs remained the same throughout all of the
trip; striking pinks, grey, vivid yellows, deep dark blues, purple,
red. All tones had terrific contrast. There were no "boring colours",
as I later described to Nick and Chris. Colours seemed to be like
some wierd arcade game.

	My "field of vision" had significantly changed too. When in
a normal state, you can usually only look at one thing at a time.
(for all you mathematitians out there, a rather small number of
steradians make up your major cone of vision). During periods of
CEVs, my field of vision became an entire hemisphere, and my body
(rather, my being) became a point in this crazy universe. The point
didn't have a body, it just floated around in this virtual brainspace.
(and I had a field of vision of 2*pi steradians!!) I could accept input
from this hemisphere, but there was no way I could ever come close to
processing it, it was just too fast, too complex, and too intense.

	In the meantime, my body was trying to have a shit. I don't
know if that eventually happened, but I thought I'd give myself a
wipe anyway. As I turned to go to where I thought the toilet paper
was (I'd opened my eyes at this stage, the CEVs were simply too 
intense to comprehend, so I thought I'd go back to them at a later
time, and I wanted to see if I could make any sense, to try and to
work out where I was, I was so disorientated...) I glanced
at our Valhalla poster. What a mess! There were these letter things
all over it, and I could see the words, but I couldn't read. I couldn't
attach any meaning to the lettery things. I decided not to press that 
issue any further, so I kept turning towards the toilet paper (on my
right. On the left was the Valhalla poster). Directly in front of me,
however, was a blank, white wall. I stared at this for a while, and 
had some hallucination that I could never remember. I finally got to 
the toilet paper, but couldn't find the end of the roll. I grabbed
at the paper, clawing at it, but it felt like smoke. I eventually
managed to grab a fistful, and looking down at my hand, I couldn't
see anything, but I knew I had the paper. Somehow. I managed to wipe,
somehow, and while glancing down I noticed my legs had disappeared. 
Oh, no, it's ok, there they are. No, they've gone again. How the
fuck am I supposed to wipe when my asshole keeps disappearing!!!
They eventually came back, and somehow my hand completed the task.
I dropped the toilet paper in the bowl, and then, just for the hell
of it, I thought I'd look at my dick. Bad move.

	There he was, all blue and purple, covered in hair that seemed
to be matted in blood, dirty, sick, hairy. He was moving, too.
Aaaaarrgh! I mentioned this to the guys, who were just standing outside. 
I heard Chris say "What?!" and Nick replied "He just looked at his dick!". 
And they laughed. Which was kind of good in a way, because I found it funny
too, indicating to me that I was ok, even though I was somewhere
else entirely at the time. I don't remember standing up, zipping
up, washing my hands or anything like that. I remember telling
the guys that I wanted my favourite chair, which was in the living
room, but I didn't know where that was. I stumbled down the hall,
and somehow ended up in my chair. 

	Throughout most of this time, I was holding onto Nick's hand.
Nick was the babysitter for this trip; Chris had also taken the
brew and was starting to get into it while I was on the toilet.

	I was now in my favourite chair, a single seater couch with
the base removed, so your legs end up straight in front of you. 
I had somehow ended up with the clear bucket, now cleaned, in
my lap again, so I didn't have to worry about throwing up on
myself. I didn't have anything to throw up anyway, I hadn't eaten
since 1pm on Friday, and now it was 3am Saturday.

	The room I was in is definately my favourite. Nice, memorable
things on the mantlepiece, a heater, my favourite chair. I'll
start all my trips in here from now on.

	While I'm sitting in the chair, my body disappears again. I'm
back in the other universe. It seems like the entire trip was 
alternating CEVs and OEVs. During the OEVs, I realised that I was
supposed to have a body, and I was worried about what it was doing.
I'd grab Nick's hand and ask him what it's up to. "Your body is
fine", he tells me. "Am I breathing?" "Yes." "Have I made a mess?"
"No." "Does Jodie know I'm ok?" (there were sounds of yakking 
all through the house, and Jodie was next door, trying to sleep.)
"She's fine. She knows you're ok." I didn't really believe him,
I kept yelling "Jodie! I'm OK! Alright?! I'm OK!!!".

	I spoke to an acid user a while ago (Daniel), and he told me
about a little reference point that he uses, deep in his mind,
which he can pull out any time he feels like things are getting
out of control. During the periods of OEVs, I tried to find that
point. Daniel, on DMT, there is no such thing. When you know for
a fact that you're in your favourite room, in your favourite chair,
and there's all these aliens staring at you, you can't possibly
find a stable reference. As for finding a stable emotional state
deep in your mind, there is none; you have no emotions. Emotions
don't mean anything in amongst the crazy visuals. For example,
while we were all in the front room, before the crazy toilet
episode from hell, I was staring at a red blanket that Chris
had brought along. In a 15cm fold of blanket, I saw an alien
spaceship hanger. I could see way into this, and there were these
little elipsoid aliens, grey, with striking blue eyes and yellow
bands (like wasps, although not menacing by any means) staring out
at me, as if to comically say "What the fuck are you?". If they 
could really see me, they'd know I was saying the same thing. 
There is no stable reference on DMT.

	Nick's hand was a good one though. Nick has this incredible face,
the sort of face you could throw onto a statue and call art. I spent
a great deal of time looking at his face, I'll never ever forget it.
As a babysitter, he was excellent. He'd been to where I was now many
times, and he knew what I was going through. It was not unpleasant, just
so wierd that if it wasn't for him I may have had great trouble returning.
The babysitter on a DMT trip is so important, particularly if DMT is
the first psychadelic you ever try. I am not going to commit myself
to saying it should be the first psychadelic you should try, it's just
that in the end, it all worked out for me, and I have no emotional
or physical scars to show for it. People who are in the know recommend
against it. I don't know, it's the only psychadelic I've ever tried.

	After quite some time, the visuals decreased in intensity, and I
tried communicating with Chris. Although I was wary that he may well
be where I was during my CEVs, and I didn't think I could communicate
well with him. Eventually, we did, although all he did was giggle alot
and we seemed to spend more time actually working out if we could 
communicate than actually communicating. We were both going to be ok,
and Chris was lost in his visuals, so I thought I'd give up on that;
I just told Nick to keep him quiet (we share a wall with our neighbours,
the house is a duplex, and I didn't want any external interruptions,
be them neighbours, police, whatever. I viewed them all as the same,
irrelevant, and interruptions).

	I occasionally tried to keep my own checks on my body. One of the
hardest things was actually trying to figure out of I was breathing.
I couldn't actually feel myself breathing, but there was a vague
sound somewhere that did sound familiar, I equated that to the sound
of my own breathing. Audio had taken the back seat, and all other 
sensations (taste - couldn't taste any vomit although I hadn't cleaned
my teeth [now THAT would've been wierd!!!], smell likewise, and I couldn't
feel anything, which is why I had so much trouble trying to do the stuff
on the toilet and also finding the edge of the toilet roll) had gone.
Audio was basically annoying, I couldn't correlate anything between the
audio and visuals, and next time I intend to investigate this further
(ie, some nice, loud Stone Roses might do the trick!). And since
I'd met Nick and Chris that very same night, their voices sounded alien
and distant. I could pick out Jodie's voice very easily, talking in
the hall (interesting to note, the first thing Chris said to Jodie was
"I'm just waiting to throw up"...), but Nick and Chris and my paranoia
made them sound like police, neighbours, outsiders. While they were in
the same room though, they were fine, and comfortable to be with.

	Regarding the OEVs, there was a lot of "seashell noise". This is the
term I've given to the endless visual noise that didn't necessarily
dominate the OEVs, but did take the confusion up a level. The seashell
noise looked like everything had seashells under them. The walls, Nick's
face, my hands. Everything looked as though it was made of a flexible
membrane (single colour, of course), and that there were all these moving
seashells underneath the surface.

	While sitting in my favourite chair, I had the clear container
in my lap, all prepared for anything that may happen. I'd look down at
it, it'd be there for a second, then it would disappear in a flash of
green luminous light, and beyond that I knew there should be things
that should've been very familiar (ie my legs), but weren't. That bucket
was really confusing! But I'd still prefer it over a solid red one that
Chris was yakking into. It was less distracting.

	I found that blank, white surfaces were pretty annoying, because as
soon as I'd look at one the visuals would appear, and then I'd start
off the CEV part of the cycle. It was as though the mind was bored, so
it made up things to fill in the "uninteresting" parts of my field of 
vision.

	The carpet at my place was pretty incredible too. It's an antique
looking floral pattern, reasonable complex. I looked at it, and decided
not to look at it again. It was just too much to look at. I can't remember
exactly what happened, or what I saw, but I just remember being overwhelmed
and thinking "yeah, right. Whatever you reckon. I'm not looking at you
again unless you start behaving at least remotely like carpet".

	I guess the only problem with the trip was the amount of giggling
that Chris was doing. It was pretty loud (I thought so anyway, and
seeing as it was 3:30am I didn't want to get anyone to call the cops
etc - although later Jodie told me it was just at the talking level,
but I always thought Chris' yakking was extremely loud, and he seemed
to do it often...). The next trip I have will be at dawn, just as the sun
comes up, or during the day. I wonder how light will change things. We
were confined indoors, with artificial light. How wonderful it would be
to see products of nature (I'm a big tree fan), in their natural light.
I wonder what the hallucinations would be like.

	The visuals themselves were very, very geometric, although like nothing
ever contructed by humans before. Space hangers seemed very common, 
although I'm not really a space hanger man. Roads, buildings, wierd
constructions. Those little munchkin things. But throughout the whole
things, not a single element of chaos. No fractals, nothing irregular.
Everything perfect and geometric. I wonder what it'd be like to see
a tree under DMT. Being a fractal person, I'm doing the next trip during
the day, where I can try and interpret nature.

	Nothing short of the most amazing and intense experience of my life
to date.

===================================================================

Jeremy

=============================================================================

Newsgroups: alt.drugs
From: Jeremy
Subject: DMT/harmaline reports (long)
Date: Thu, 29 Jul 1993 02:05:10 GMT

I am posting these reports about the effects of oral DMT following
oral harmaline ingestion for a friend. The DMT source was Acacia 
phlebophylla, the harmaline source Peganum harmala. I had nothing
to do with the experiments, and so can't answer detailed questions
about them.

Jeremy

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
	                      ENTER THE DMT ROOM.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

	This article describes the visuals seen during 3 seperate DMT sessions 
using ayahuasca and harmaline. To date, with the exception of marijuana
and nitrous oxide, DMT is the only true psychadelic I have tried.

	Details of the first session can be found in an article called 
"Dr DMT (or how I learned to stop reality and love psychadelics)". The
second session was nowhere near as intense as the first, but did produce
some astounding (and more memorable) visuals. The third session was
done on a small amount of ayahuasca, combined with marijuana and nitrous
oxide.

	The visuals are grouped together in stages of trip intensity. These
are:

	1. First noticable effects,
	2. Entering the DMT room,
	3. The DMT room,
	4. The DMT universe, and
	5. DMT reality.

NB OEVs refers to Open Eye Visuals, and CEVs are Closed Eye Visuals.

1.  First noticable effects.
----------------------------

(OEVs)

	The first noticable effect of the DMT was an indescribable oddness
in the air. The room looked different, but I couldn't quite put my
finger on it. After staring at near and far objects, glancing back and
forth, I noticed that there were subtle changes in perspective. Whilst
looking at a distant object, objects close to me seemed to move closer, 
and when I looked at the objects moving closer, the distant objects moved
further away.

	While looking around the room I also noticed that the lights seemed
brighter. I kept staring into the lights and noticed them moving slightly,
although others in the room insisted that they were still. The total
intensity of the room seemed to be constantly changing, although there 
was no natural light (all DMT to date has been taken after 10pm).

	Most of the movement in the room seemed to be out of the corner of
my eye, for instance, I'd look at something on the left side of the mantlepiece
and I was sure the things on the right side were moving, but when I looked
across they'd stopped.

(CEVs)

	The CEVs I saw were comparable to my marijuana visuals. Geometry
came and went, in the form of moving lines and polygons. There were no
intense colours or definitions, and I couldn't make out any particular
objects in amongst the haze.

2.	Entering the DMT room.

(OEVs)

	When the DMT effects moved up a level, a colour change took place.
Fine textures (shirt fabric, for instance) were replaced by a single,
flat colour, as though my eyesight was rendered through a computer capable 
of only 16 colours. All scratches, dents and marks were removed from all
objects, giving them a new look. The new colours are bright, intense
and exciting to look at. All "boring" colour seem to disappear.

	Objects began shimmering, waving about as if they were made of thin
plastic and moving to invisible air currents. Objects with long, straight
lines would bend. Walls breathed. If I stared at an object, it would
either start breathing or melt into something else entirely. Once I 
realised what was happening it would quickly snap back to its original
form, only to start moving again when I resumed staring at it.

	Shadows on the walls seemed to rise up and form three dimensional
plataeus, then disappear again into the wall. I also noticed an effect
where panning my head around the room would result in a flickering of
my vision, as though I was looking through a fractured prism.

(CEVs)

	The geometry floating around in my head turned into definate shapes.
A corridor was formed, and I had the feeling that I was at one end and
wanted to make it through to the other. Objects formed out of the walls
of the corridor, the corridor spun around with me in it, doors opened
and closed. Roads and corridors have always seemed common in my
DMT trips. There was a definate sense of travel within me, I knew I
was going to go somewhere.

3.	The DMT room.

(OEVs)

	The subtle changes from reality to the DMT room finally stopped.
Nothing was subtle anymore. Everything was changing. The room was still 
recognisable, but everything in it was moving, all the walls were breathing, 
and all of this was happening constantly. I'd look at an object, and it
would either move, change or disappear. Objects that were close together
would blend into a new object; first by forming pseudopodia and then by
moving closer together and enveloping eachother with them. 

	Objects basically still stayed where they were, and only objects 
that were close together tried to form new objects by mating with their
neighbours. I had no control over what was happening, I could only
sit back and watch. I did try to control what I hallucinated, but was
usually unsuccessful with one exception.

	I held a mirror in front of my face and watched my beard magically
lengthen, then shrink back. I tried to make my nose grow longer, and after
a few seconds, I was amazed to see it happen. It didn't grow by more than
a centimetre, but it did happen.

	I asked for several handfuls of pistaccio nuts, which I placed in
my lap. They felt odd to touch. They were soft and smooth, instead of
hard and sharp. I stared at them for a while, and the edges of the shells
turned into mouths, and suddenly I was staring into a collection of
eyeless grinning creatures. I smiled back. They seemed happy.

	My hands fascinated me for minutes. I'd look at them and then realise 
that there were objects moving underneath the surface. Large white bone
type objects were rising from the depths of my arm until they were just
under the surface, stretching the skin. The hair on my forearms looked
like sea kelp, moving to invisible currents. A change of perspective
followed that made the hairs on my arm seem two metres long, and I was
staring at real sea kelp, life size, coming out of my gigantic arm.

	My fingers changed in length constantly, and my knuckles moved so 
that the part of my fingers that could bend seemed to be changing.

	I looked at the back of my hand, and spread my fingers apart. Webbing
magically appeared and joined the gaps between my fingers, and then the
colour of my hands changed to a deep orange, similar to the colour of
cooked duck's feet. 

	As I moved my eyes down my arm, I saw printed circuit board tracks
materialize on my skin, then run down my arm. Underneath the skin I
could see mechanical contraptions that moved everything.

	I found regular geometric patterns almost intolerable by this stage.
I prefered to close my eyes and see geometry there, rather than
open my eyes and experience total confusion. Even though I still realised
where I was, I was too confused by the moving of once familiar objects
to stay in the DMT room open eyed for too long.

(CEVs)

	The shapes increased in complexity, the rooms got larger and more
crowded with wierd machines and contraptions, and the activity that was
going on seemed to intensify. Things were coming out of "walls" in these
virtual "rooms" with an odd regularity in their timing.

	Amongst a million other visuals, I remember

	- A huge dinosaur made of Lego bricks lift out of the right hand side 
	  wall of a room and melt into the ceiling.

	- An incredibly wierd machine, perhaps as large as a coal excavator,
	  moving slowly from one side of an enormous building to another,
	  prompting the quote "Who the f*ck would design something that
	  looks like that!" Others in the room asked "What?", and I replied
	  with "A spaceship that looks like Mick Jagger".

	- A being made of chocolate milk drops playing the keys of an invisible
	  piano. No music or sound occured in any of these visuals, but I did
	  recognise it as a piano.

	- A cubic room full of black and white tiles, with the corner of each tile
	  holding an eye. The room changed to some trapezoidal shape, and out of 
	  the far wall came two large cubic objects, still covered in tiles, 
	  with beckoning arms. The two large objects on the far wall split apart 
	  to join with the left and right walls, revealing a door on the far side. 
	  The door opened, but I couldn't go through and this frustrated me at 
	  the time. 

	All the visuals seemed real. I felt as though I could reach out and
touch them. Some of the more insane and fun visuals I experienced while
closing my eyes, and watching what the DMT did with the afterimage.

	I looked at Christian (one of the people present while I was tripping),
and then closed my eyes. The afterimage was so real that I thought I 
still had my eyes opened. All of a sudden, a small 2 inch square trapdoor
opened up in his forehead, and I could see into his brain. His brain looked
like the red leather of a football (Australian Rules). I knew that the
trapdoor had mechanisms which opened it, and I thought about what mechanisms
(hydraulics, servo motors, whatever) they were. They were not visible, but
I knew where they were and how they worked.

	Another similar visual also involved Christian. In his afterimage, I saw
his lips and face peel away, exposing his teeth and jaw. A circular metal
ring came out of the back of his neck, crossed the front of his face, and
joined with the other side of his neck. The metal ring was similar to
headgear worn by people with braces on their teeth. His teeth 
then started snapping out at the ring, withdrawing back into his mouth
like Alien.

	The next time I did this, each of Christian's eyes split into 8, and then
violently bulged out of his head, hanging by their optic nerves, and finally
rested somewhere near his chin.

	Watching "Dark Star" on video was also quite entertaining. I glanced
at the TV, then closed my eyes. All of the objects on the screen at the time
materialised out of the TV image and fell into a black void that lived 
somewhere near the foot of the TV trolley.
	
4.	The DMT universe.

(OEVs)

	Open Eye Visuals at this stage of the trip were too complicated
and too distracting for me. I am unsure of whether I have ever kept
my eyes open during this period. I don't think I could remember anyway.

(CEVs)

	As with OEVs, the CEVs at this stage became very difficult to describe
exactly, but I did spend more time in the CEVs when I was at this stage
of a DMT trip. I saw alien beings with elipsoid bodies running around
the insane roads, rooms and corridors that seemed to dominate my visuals.
They were looking at me constantly. I didn't feel threatened by their
presence, I just accepted it and watched them with a curious look.

	At this stage of the CEVs I had completely forgotten that I had a 
body. My mind had detached itself from it and become a point in virtual
brainspace. My field of vision increased significantly, and I believe the
reason for not being able to remember a majority of these visuals is that
there was just too much information to remember; it was too detailed, too
intense and was arriving at a frightening rate.

	I have only been at this stage once, and that was during my first
ever psychadelic experience. I intended to place myself here again on 
subsequent trips, but never managed to. All I remember from this stage
is the alien beings, staring at me, examining me, and allowing me to
examine them.

5.	DMT reality.

NB I have never reached DMT reality, but I believe I have an idea of what
it may be like for me.

(OEVs)

Forget it. I'm not even going to try.

(CEVs)

	In the DMT universe, I believe the alien beings exist. I also believe,
and from listening to other people's experiences, that it may be possible
to communicate with them.  I can only imagine the next step past
the DMT universe as DMT reality, where you are freed from your body totally
and allowed to roam freely through your visuals, communicating with the
beings you meet.

	One person who took DMT twice was asked by a being during her second
trip "Why did you come back? I let you leave last time." Needless to say
this has given her second thoughts about taking DMT again.

	I find that when I am in the DMT room or universe that
I assume that everyone else in the room knows where I am, and that if
I talk about something that I am seeing then they will instantly
understand. This doesn't happen both ways, of course, so most of the
time I seem like a raving lunatic. I believe it is significant that
I have had "glimpses" of communication with the beings, and with others
in the room, yet on a different level to normal communication. I want
to re-enter the DMT universe and see where I can go from there.

=============================================================================

Message-ID: <131312Z10021994@anon.penet.fi>
Newsgroups: alt.drugs
From: an43543@anon.penet.fi (Graeme Carl)
Date: Thu, 10 Feb 1994 13:10:00 UTC
Subject: Re: AYAHUASCA!!!

Rob wrote:
> I've been reading a lot about Ayahuasca lately and must admit that I
> am anxious to experience it...I'm just wondering what kinds of
> experiences (if any) have people on the net had...Is it very difficult
> to find in the US?  I have a friend who lives on Hawaii and he says it
> can be found there, but other than that, I've never heard of it in
> the US...

> Thanks in advance to all those who reply!

Giday Rob,
Here is an experience a friend of mine had recently, unfortunately this is
not a positive report..... but you asked for it! Read on anyway:

============Included Message============
Date: Mon, 7 Feb 1994 11:37:52 +1100
From: Stefo
To: Graeme
Subject: Re: dumdideedumdideedumdumdum

> > Im back from holidays.  Im sick of work allready.  Checkerboard Blues Band
> > was great last night.  Took some acid and went to the zoo then played some
> > crazy videogames.  Im tired.
> 
> How was the party the other night?

eggshellant.  Band was good...latenight pool volleyball was fun...was a few
chicks to try and chat up -- unsuccessfully...

Tried the DMT thing on Friday.  Still really recovering.  It was a disaster.

Never, repeat, NEVER eat harmaline.  Some people might be able to hack it,
but Bear and I were sick as dogs.  Its just posion.  We might have tripped
had we drank the ayuasca goo earlier...

events:  spend 3 hours preparing the stuff.  Drink harmaline goo...not so bad.
just like very strong coffee.  Takes a while to work, so we sat around playing
chess, waiting until time to drink the really nasty stuff- ayuasca goo.  I felt
pretty ill after about 15 minutes and sort of stoned and trippy.  I thought
I would give it a few minutes to settle before drinking the other, but I
just felt worse and worse.  I chucked up most of the harmaline and that helped
but I really felt shit.  I had a nitrousy buzz going, and trip-o-vision
of a different sort to acid and mushies was going on, and I just felt really
tired and sedated and naseus like after a very heavy drinking session.
One really bad part was that some of the vomit went up my sinuses which is
worse enough at the best of times, but this vomit was composed of half ground
up little seeds which I could feel all though my nose...it burned.  I was
blowing seeds out of my nose for aboiut 10 minutes.  truly a disgusting
experience.  Finally I got sick of it and snorted water to clear everything out.

Anyway..I was in no mood to face drinking the other slop as I was sure to have
a bad trip, even if I could force down more the goo which supposedly tastes 100
times worse than the harmaline.  I just gave up and had a really unpleasant time
for about the next 5 hours.  Threw up again at some stage.  Ugh.

Bears experience was much the same except he heroically downed his ayuasca
even while feeling sick but vomited it back up again 10 minjtes later before
it could have any effect.  Christain tried to drink his but was simultanesouly
throwing it up and drinking it at the same time and had to give up.  He wasn't
as sick as me and bear on the harmaline, but he has built up quite a nice
aversion to the taste/smell/thought of ayuasca brew that I have built up
on mushies, so ....no go.  I am definaitely the same about harmaline now...no
way I could be induced to try that shit again.

Theory:  harmaline is very toxic.  I didn't eat the entire day before except
for 6 slices of toast for dinner, and then nothing else the entire day of the
supposed trip.  The crap was chugged at 6.30pm, so I must have been totally 
empty of food...It must be the harmaline that makes most people chuck.  If we 
had downed the ayuasca only 5 minutes after the harmaline, then by the time
it was time to chuck the harmaline, we may have absorbed enough DMT to have
tripped - but it would ahve been a bad trip.  Imagine trying to snort
vomitous seeds out of your nose while tripping intensely?  

ps.  You can stop laughing now, and any "I told you so`s" will be reacted
to with extreme violence...

Stefo.
======================End of included Message=================


Well, there you have it.
Please note that the opinions expressed above do not relect my own
and I have provided this for informational purposes only.

C' Ya's
Graeme.

+=======================================================================+
| The Past is but Memories,!    Graeme Carl <an43543@anon.penet.fi>     |
| The Future but Dreams.   !     Victoria Australia Earth (mostly)      |
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From: a-crotty@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Crotty Aileen E)
Newsgroups: alt.drugs
Subject: The Ayahuasca Experience
Date: 8 Feb 1994 03:25:37 GMT
Message-ID: <2j70nh$5mr@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>

[reformatted somewhat -cak]

     I have receive several requests for this, so I decided to post it.  If
you have and questions at all, please let me know.  I am very willing to
talk about all of this.  Names have been changed.

Three people were involved in the beginning:
Ayleen(me), Madalene, and Gabe.
Five people were involved by the end:
Ayleen, Madalene, Gabe, Matti, and LloydJoel.

     I began the evening by ingesting three sugar cubes coated in a normal
dose of LSD at about 10:00pm.  As the trip progressed, we noticed that it
was good and strong, yet somehow subtle.  If I thought about trails, I saw
them really well, but if I wasn't thinking about it, they really didn't
exist.  Things melted and breathed as usual.  We considered it a very subtle
trip on clean LSD.  After spending time outside in a garden/arboretum/park
type area, we went to Gabe's room.  His room was very messy and it did not
appeal to me at all, butI wanted us to stick together.  We smoked some MJ.
LloydJoel came up in conversation and I told Gabe that he and Matti were
tripping on the same LSD that we were.  Gabe called LloydJoel and we went
over about 1:30 am.  
	LloydJoel's room is very small but welcoming an comfortable to me.  
Bowls and bongs were being passed, but I didn't erally want any more pot.  
Madalene and I were both passing it up.  Matti said "Will you smoke some
more if I pack the Hookah?"  and of course we said yes because it is an
honor to smoke from that Hookah.
	LloydJoel was showing Gabe a bottle of a Yage mixture.  Gabe was
going to drink it and asked if we would watch him the next few days and help
him through it.  Madelene and I agreed.  Gabe decided that it was not a good
time to do it, so they set it aside and proceeded to pact the Hookah.
LloydJoel poured a thick liquid on the MJ and when Matti lit it, it made the
most wonderful crackling sound.  I assumed it was just hash oil, knowing
LloydJoel. After about two hits I realized that this stuff was having a
profound effect on me.  I took a 3rd and maybe even a 4th and then quit.  I
noticed I was getting rather fucked up.  Matti said something like "Howz it
goin, Ayleen?" I responded in a cocky way "Oh, it's goin.  I'm goin".  They
all looked at me.
LloydJoel asked "Are you tripping?"
"Oh yes." I answered.
"Really?" he was suprised
"Very much so.  I am really tripping."  I said.
The thought that we had smoked the Yage didn't really enter my train of
thought.
	Things all came so fast I will try hard to account for all I saw.    
LloydJoel says it often comes back to the dancer a little later, but I still
have a lot of things that I have not figured out yet.  I started to notice a
body buzz like never before.  I was extremely relaxed and a floating feelinf
was all aroung me.  I watched LloydJoel A LOT.  I guess I just stared at him
for the majority of the time.  I couldn't help it. I wanted him to tell me
things. He has studied a lot about why we trip and he knows much about
tripping.  I don't know what I wanted him to tell me.  I wanted us to
connect, which isn't uncommon in a trip.  I am always looking to connect
with people when I trip. 
	Istared a LloydJoel's hands and moved mine rhythmically thinking I 
could control what he did.  I don't think I should use the word control, 
becasue power was not a part of this.  It was a communication.  I wanted to
communicate with LloydJoel, but I didn't want to speak.  When I trip, there
are often times when I feel as if I should say very little because I feel like
I am speaking foolishly w/jumbled words.  This was especially true this night.
	I noticed patterns being very mobile and colors were odd.  I don't
thinkit's necessarily that they were intensified, but as if I was looking
through some sort of filter, though I don't know what color it would have
been.  Odd. It was at this oint that I began to think that perhaps we had
smoked Yage, but Iwas still very unsure & didn't care to think dwell on
that.  It wasn't that it was an unpleasant thought, I just didn't care.
	I felt like I was the only one experiencing this and just figured it 
was because I was the least experienced (Matti, LloydJoel, and Gabe have lost
count by now and I think I found out that Madalene and I are about            
equi-experienced meaning about 12 trips).  I didn't say anything for words were
such a strain, yet I like it when people asked me questions and I didn't have
to think what to say, I just gave the answer, which seemed to be the truth.  
Things get jumbled now.  LloydJoel asked me if I was seeing digitally and I
said yes.  He asked "When you close your eyes, are the visuals more intense?"
and I said yes.  I think his mentioning things triggered them to happen.  As
he was saying things, I was letting them happen, thinking about them, then
it felt like they had been going on all night.  LloydJoel showed me a CD case
for some reason and I said I had been seeing a pattern that was on the cover
all night.  I tried to converse, becasue the question thing was going so well.
It was difficult and I wound up just not saying anything.
	I decided to close my eyeas and indulge in in some CEV's*.  I feel
that they are 50% of the dance.  LloydJoel said for us to breathe  though the
third eye in our inner forehead and thee it was.  I said "Well sure, that 
makes so much sense". because it helped my breathing, and it shows my
inability to express my thoughts well.  
	My CEV's were weirding me out.  I felt like I was falling into a place
	where I would be not allowed to return to normal consciousness.  This
ppened several times and I would shoot my eyes open, sit up straight, and
say "Okay, now act normal". to myself and I would breathe.  Breathing helped
calm me in the beginning, but would then bring me back into a state of        
meditation.  Keeping my eyes shut was becomming more and more comfortable.
	From this point forward, I don't know what LloydJoel said and what my 
mind fabricated LloydJoel as saying.  I will explain this further in a bit. I
don't know waht would happen, but several times I felt as if I communicated
with LloydJoel w/o talking.  This was what I wanted to happen and I was so
excited. I looked at him and said "Why does that keep happening?"  He just
shrugged his shoulders and continued to dance / move.  The instance of me
asking LloydJoel and his attention to me and his shrugging is all *very
clear*.  It is one of themost vivd thing of the whole trip.  I just kept
saying how bizarre it all was. 
	At first I believed that w/o a doubt LloydJoel and I communicated.
I now realize that it probably didn't happen.  After the communication 
point, my CEV's and OEV's ** were one in the same, which I understand is
common while dancing with Yage.  I would see the same thing if my eyes were
open as if they were closed./ I would see the same scene as reality, only
intense things would happen.  I didn't know I had my eyes closed sometimes.
That is why I think I may have been CEVing the ESP type thing.    
	I felt us all connecting as a group on some other plane of existence
where no other matter existed (felt like being on a planet or something, I
don'tknow).  LloydJoel mentioned something about all of us being brought
together by tunnels of energy or something.  I saw the tunnels and they were
red.  But I thought LloydJoel said something about we 6 connecting, ans we
only numbered 5. 
  	We left LloydJoel's room and went to the quiet room where we lay on
a bed in the dark.  Madelene was outside and Matti was stillin the bedroom.
From this point on I don;t remember my visuals at all.  I remember more
feelings and shit.  I thought I would never come down.  LloydJoel and Gabe
were very good about reassuring me and I trusted them.  As I believed them,
I reminded myself that this was something to fly and dance with.  I would
smile and breathedeeply, but eventually I would fall back into the sad
slump.  In general, it was a happy trip.  The fears of not coming down did
not last long.  I thought about my family when I thought about not coming
down.  I didn't want to lose them or my friends.  And thought it is a sad
thought, it made me happy because Ihave them. 	My body just wanted to lay
down, so I did.  I shut my eyes and the room was dark so there weren't any
scenes of reality to be transformend into CEV's. I don't remember whatI
saw.  I was cold.  I was also very comotose, so I decidedto go home and lay
in my own bed.  Madalene agreed to walk back with me.  
	I thoughtnI had to throw up when I was home, but it wasn't like nausea,
it was more just a sensation.  I tried.  I almost forced.  Nothing happened.
I told myself I had to stay in bed because I didn't want to encounter people
( I live in a dorm ).  It was 7:00 am or so.  I lay in bed flying for a while.
I have no idea what I thought about.  It was mostly pleasant, I feel, though
I tossed and turned a lot.  
	I guess I fell asleep for about 2 hours.  I am not sure how I figured
out this time, but I remember telling that to people when I entered back into
society at dinner.  The entire trip lasted about 17 hours.  From 5am to7am it
is foggy.  From 7am till 3pm, (or 5pm if you count the sleeping) it is all a
blank except for I remember my rooommate talking on then phone once.
	The trip was not bad.  On the walk home, I kept telling Madalene
"Yes, I had a great time, but okay, it's time to come down now.  The game is
over".  This is where my suspicion that we smoked Yage was confirmed by
Madalene.  
	I think that Yage is a strong drug not only in the sense that it is 
intense, but more than that.  It is serious and can take the dancer places.
I now know what to expect, though I I can never expect it to be the same.
Thereis an environment created within me that will be the same and I think
it will offer a familiar comfort so I can now explore things while flying.
I guess I had too many uncertainties last time.  There WILL be a next time,
and Ayahuasca will take me somewhere.  I want to travel.  I will travel. 

(sorry this is so sloppy)

*CEV's are closed eye visuals
**OEV's are open eye visuals


Thank you for interest.  Questions?
FLY MY FRIENDS!
Ayleen Elspeth