textfiles/drugs/ALT.DRUGS/alien-detachment

Here is MY story!  It was a GREAT TIME!!!!!


November 1988

Back in  the 70's I did acid  a few times,  but in the ten years since
then I  had no access to the  stuff, nor was I particularly interested
because  of other pursuits.   Recently I have  been studying cognitive
and  neural systems,  which  has  revived my   interest  in  issues of
consciousness and perception.  I was delighted therefore when a friend
offered  to share two last  hits he had  saved in the freezer from the
days of his own wild youth.  I had  vague recollections from ten years
ago  of wierd sensations  and hallucinations  and I  prepared  for the
'experiment' with  a   checklist  of questions   to  myself about   my
experiences.  The questions were in the nature of "How does the visual
world look?" "How do you experience sounds?" "can you compute 345/15?"
and the like.  I looked forward  to the experience with great interest
and curiosity.

We went  to my place  that  night and  made ourselves comfortable, and
when things started turning weird,  I pulled out my checklist.   First
of all, the notion  of having a checklist seemed  at the time to be so
hilariously funny that my friend  and  I were doubled up with laughter
for a long  long  time before I could   get to any  of  the  questions
seriously.  It was a kind of laughter that  I havent experienced since
childhood, a deep  and overwealming mirth that shook  my whole body to
the core and tears were streaming down our cheeks as we gasped happily
for breath.  Each  new  question   occasioned a  renewed  outburst  of
helpless laughter until we were thoroughly exhausted.

When I finally got  aroud  to the questions I discovered  a  fact that
leaves me  astounded  to  this   day.  I answered every   one  of  the
perceptual questions exactly as  I would have while  stone cold sober.
The reason why this was so surprising was that I was  actually feeling
very very different.   In fact I was  feeling exceeding peculiar.   In
fact words  cannot express how  strange I  was  feeling, and  yet,  my
sensations of the world  around me were  exactly as they are normally.
So, I asked myself, what is it that  is actually different?  Well, the
sights and sounds and smells were the  same.  It  was my perception of
them that was different.   This experience gave me a  new appreciation
for  the word perception.   Normally  we think  that if  we observe an
object, a  pencil in your hand  for instance, we see   exactly that, a
pencil, the real pencil,  and nothing but  the pencil.  It came to  me
that  that is not the  case.  Even when regarding as matter-of-factual
an object as a common everyday pencil, we perceive it through a filter
of our own perspective, our own  view of things.   This perspective is
normally so ordinary and unremarkable  that we are not  even  aware of
it, but it was exactly this perspective, our view of the  world around
us, that is altered by the drug.  It brought my attention to something
that I had been totally unaware of although it has been in front of me
all my life.

It is somewhat  like the experience  of  intently watching some  event
unfold before your eyes, and suddenly becoming aware of  the fact that
you are watching it  on television.  Shifting  your attention from the
event itself to the glowing   phosphor  dots on  the screen.  You  are
looking at the same thing, and you are seeing the same thing, but your
perception of  it  has altered  radically.  Well the  same  thing  was
happening to my own senses.  Suddenly I was aware of the fact that the
world around me is not the real physical world, but only a view of the
world as it impinges on my  senses.  That the image of  the  pencil is
not a pencil, but a  pattern of neural activity  in my  visual cortex.
Of course this is no new scientific revelation, I knew that all along.
But now I  could  feel it,  I could  perceive  it in  a  way  that has
permanently altered my way of thinking about consciousness.

We went outside for a little walk in the night air,  and while walking
down the street I  got a  repeat  of that  first  insight.  I had  the
feeling that instead walking down a real street,  I felt  as  if there
was a big spherical screen all around me, with an  image of the street
projected onto it,  and that as I walked  the image changed, expanding
out in front of me and collapsing back down again  behind me.  I could
look up and see an image of the sky, look down and see my feet pushing
the  sidewalk backwards.  I  was stationary, it  was the image  of the
street   that  was  moving.  Of course  when you  think about it, this
perceptual  'distortion'  is  actually  more  real than   the 'normal'
perception.  My brain, comfortably enthroned in my skull feels nothing
of  the   outside  world except through    the  pattern of activity it
receives from the senses.  It receives images, sounds, sensations, and
pastes each one    in   its proper   place  on a  sensory  sphere that
represents  the world around   me.  My perceptual  distortion was that
instead  of seeing the  outside world,  I was  now seeing this sensory
sphere, with a   sensory image of  the world   on it.  To  me  this an
extremely interesting and exciting  insight  that I will  remember for
the rest of my life.

I would see strangers approach along  the sidewalk, at first appearing
as a little insignificant dot near the  expanding  focus of my sphere.
They would grow and grow until I could see them in great detail before
they passed behind and shrank back down to nothing.  It was as if each
of us posessed  his own sensory   sphere, and  as  we  approached  the
spheres would intersect, and I would appear in his sensory world as he
appeared in mine.  We played a  little ritualistic game as  we passed,
each in turn taking a good look at  the other, then  politely averting
their eyes to allow the other to return the visual examination without
making  direct eye contact, before hurrying   on  down the street.  It
brought to mind an image of dogs presenting themselves in turn for the
other to get a good sniff.

We stopped at MacDonalds to get a bite to eat, and never did a big mac
taste so good, although it seemed to take an hour to consume it, and I
was a  little  concerned that  the other  customers might  notice  the
enormous effort I was expending in getting it  down.  I could  feel my
tongue and cheeks maneuvering the  lumps  of food into position on  my
molars, a few good chomps, then it was pushed down  the chute where my
esophagus began  an elaborate sequence of peristaltic  contractions to
persuade it down to  my  stomach.  I looked  up at my   friend between
mouthfuls, and his  face  looked  so weird,  it  is hard to  describe.
Although visually he looked exactly as  he always does, I would become
aware of individual components of  his face,  his nose, his cheek, his
eyes, which would trigger a  strong response  to my senses independant
of the rest  of the face, so that  the impression was  somewhat like a
cubist painting.

We attempted a few mathematical  exercises and found  that although we
were fundamentally capable, it was difficult to remember which part of
the problem you  were working on,  or to hold interim results  in your
head.  While walking around town I had  found it extremely challenging
to  navigate around the  familiar  streets of  my neighborhood  for  a
similar  reason; although I  could plan a  course,  I had some trouble
remembering which  part of the course we  were actually on.   We  were
never in danger of actually getting  lost, but we  did spend some time
discussing where we were  and how  to  proceed.  It  was  a  wonderful
sensation like exploring  a  fabled town that you  have read about but
have never actually visited before.

As the hours rolled on by we spent the time  playing with a slinky and
one of those electrostatic lightning machines, blissfully  absorbed in
such   simple  pursuits like  two   children  playing  with toys.  Our
conversation  disintegrated to short  meaningless  sentences.  I would
say something like "The  quality of  light is  an etherial essence" to
which  he  might   respond   "But the meaning    of existance  is  not
comprehensive" and I would reply "Yes but it is if you want it to be",
and it would go on like  this, knowing that  he  had no idea of what I
had meant, which didn't matter at all, since I didn't know myself what
I had   meant.  Often we  would just  break into  paroxisms  of mirth,
laughing and laughing until our stomachs hurt and  the tears flowed in
rivers down our cheeks.  At one point  I noticed a luminescent glow on
the slinky that I could not account for.   I  told him breathlessly of
my discovery, thinking it was a new form of  mysterious  energy,  on a
par with Newtons discovery of gravitation, and it took us at least ten
minutes to discover  that it was only  the reflection of the lightning
machine, which triggered another bout of helpless mirth.

At one point we turned  out the lights  and looked at  the patterns of
light cast on the ceiling from the street.  I cannot  begin to express
the deep beauty of those patches of  light.  I  stared and stared with
my eyes boggled out muttering "oh my God! oh my God!"  I swore I would
never   take patterns    of light  for  granted again!    I  could see
fantastically complex latticework  patterns in the  dark  which became
very vivid when I  closed my eyes.  I tried  to describe these visions
to my tape recorder because I knew I could never  remember them in all
their beauty and complexity, but  the visions rushed by  so  fast  and
furiously that I could not begin to keep up with them, even if I could
find words to  describe them.

Throughout  these experiences I  remembered an  insight I had  had ten
years ago  when I  had  last taken  LSD.    I remember thinking   that
although  the experience is  novel and  fantastic beyond   the wildest
imagination, that there is also an element of familiarity to it all, a
sense of deja vu,  that at some past  time I had  seen these kinds  of
things before.  After much thought it  came to  me.  Remember when you
were a  kid,  and could  see  patterns in clouds?  I   remember seeing
things in every random pattern.  In the linoleum of the bathroom floor
there was a man's head, and a little girl, and a horse.   In the trees
across   the street from  the house  I  could see  goofy  and the snap
crackle and pop characters.  When I first learned numbers in school, 6
was a little fat boy with a big stomach, and  7  was tall and straight
with  creased pants, while 3  and 8 were  little girls.   Now they are
just numbers to me, they have lost their fanciful connotations, but on
LSD I see images again, like I did as a young boy.  And  near  the end
of the trip  when thoughts  and  sensations become  more 'fundamental'
(how else  can I word it?)   and you feel spasms pulsing  through your
whole body and shaking you to your very foundations, it brings to mind
the convulsions of  a very young  infant, and  the boggled  eyes  with
their expression of  uncomprehending wonder  and fascination.  Is this
the reason for the familiarity?  Is this the way the world looked when
I first cast eyes on it?

If I  were an alien  intelligence come  to  visit the  earth, to get a
taste of life  among these  primitive semi-intelligent  self-important
pompous ape men,  if I wanted  to really know what  it was  like to be
human,  to have human  thoughts and perceptions and   I slipped into a
human brain and viewed the earth  through an earth  mans eyes and ears
and body, this is the  way it would look.   This is the wild distorted
narrow visioned perspective on  the world as seen  from within a human
mind, but seen with an alien detachment and objectivity.  LSD gives me
an opportunity to experience what  being human is  all about.  To step
back and see my world  from a  perspective  that cannot be gained  any
other way.  To gain deep insights into the nature of what I am.

Should  LSD  be legal?  Absolutely!  Would  I  recommend it   for just
anyone?   Absolutely not!  I am an  easy-going happy person, satisfied
with my life, so the  experience has  always been a good one  for  me.
But  the    psychedelic  experience forces you  to  face  up  to  some
fundamental issues about your own life and mind, and if you are at all
mentally unstable, unhappy with your life or yourself, if you have any
unresolved  mental   conflicts, then the  experience  could    well be
disasterous beyond your  most horrific  nightmares!  Anyone who  takes
this drug  does so at their own  risk, and it   should never  be taken
lightly or pushed on people who arn't sure  whether they want it.  For
those who are suited for it however the experience can  be so rich and
rewarding in a multitude of ways, that no man should have the right to
deny it to them.  It is a truely priceless  experience!