103 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
103 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
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Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 10 Num. 66
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=======================================
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("Quid coniuratio est?")
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Enraged Feminists Demand
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"SEX ATTACKS BY SPACE ALIENS MUST STOP!"
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========================================
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(Source for the following is "The Weekly World News" (WWN),
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available at fine grocery stores everywhere. Due to the nature
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of the source, readers are advised to take that into
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consideration when they evaluate what follows.)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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"We're fed up with space aliens abducting women and subjecting
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them to filthy attacks," said Anita Kless, 42, head of an action
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group called Earth Women Against Alien Brutality. (WWN, 5/27/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Tokyo -- Japanese employers are allegedly killing some of their
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unproductive workers. Here is how the "termination" process is
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said to work: Workers get evaluated every six months. If their
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rating is too low, they are put on probation. If a subsequent
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rating remains sub-standard, the employee is summoned to a
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special office. It is suggested to him that the "honorable" act
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he must do is jump out the window, to his death. If he refuses
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to cooperate, security guards are summoned and, reportedly, he is
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thrown out the window. (WWN, 5/27/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Satanic forces are allegedly taking over the music business,
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"just like there are evil people who try to influence other
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businesses all over the world." (WWN, 5/27/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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"Monkeypox," a virus reported to have a long incubation period
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(carriers at first difficult to detect) may soon spread from
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Africa to the United States. The disease is reportedly deadly.
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(WWN, 5/27/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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News of an anti-gravity machine comes from London, where
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scientists say they have used an extremely powerful magnetic
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field to levitate a frog. Nottingham University physics
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professor Peter Main claims the magnetic field counteracts
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gravity. (WWN, 6/3/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Latest yuppie craze is reportedly paying $5 entrance fee to watch
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public executions -- beheadings -- in Saudi Arabia. (WWN, 6/3/97)
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Cloning has allegedly been used to replicate an alien, using
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cells taken from an extraterrestrial killed in the 1947 UFO crash
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near Roswell, New Mexico. UFO researcher Adrian McCourt
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reportedly learned of the project from a source inside the Area
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51 facility in Nevada. (WWN, 6/3/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Gang members in the Bronx, New York, are reportedly heavily
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armed, with weapons said to include Uzi submachine guns,
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bazookas, and grenade launchers. (WWN, 6/3/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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In Los Angeles, some parents are reportedly using electronic
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collars to restrict their children. The device goes around the
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child's neck. If he or she tries to cross an invisible
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electronic perimeter, an electric shock is received. (WWN,
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6/10/97)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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A strange disease being reported in Africa softens hipbones until
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victims cannot stand upright. The disease, at present, is
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confined locally, amongst the Zulu tribe. "It is one of the
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greatest medical mysteries I know of," claims Dr. Hannes Both of
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Cape Town. (WWN, 6/10/97)
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Reports of space aliens sighted at the former Heaven's Gate
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headquarters in San Diego, site of the alleged "mass suicide."
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Law enforcement officials reportedly have been "besieged with
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calls telling of low-flying spacecraft" in the area. (WWN,
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6/10/97)
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Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those
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of Conspiracy Nation, nor of its Editor in Chief.
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Aperi os tuum muto, et causis omnium filiorum qui pertranseunt.
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Aperi os tuum, decerne quod justum est, et judica inopem et
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pauperem. -- Liber Proverbiorum XXXI: 8-9
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