332 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
332 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
[ 80 COLUMNS; LOWERCASE ]
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[>--------------------------------<]
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[> <]
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[> Malformed Genitals <]
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[> <]
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[> Written by The Ramsacker <]
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[> <]
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[> A Pieces of Eight Production <]
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[> <]
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[>--------------------------------<]
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In lieu of the many "loser" files that have been put out throughout the
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years, I thought I would voice my own opinion on people I refer to as
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"Malformed Genitals": that all too common breed of loser who thinks he's
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God's gift to the computer world. These are people who either are or have
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malformed genitals, and more often than not, both.
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What constitutes a Malformed Genital? There are many characteristics,
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the most prominent being an outright display of disgusting stupidity. By no
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means does this apply to the ignorance of new users to the modem world;
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everybody has to start somewhere. I'm talking about losers who persist to
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believe that they are an awesomely elite individual with nobody superior to
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them and who go about trying to make it clear to other people who couldn't
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give a constipated diarrhea. Losers who cannot crack, hack, phreak, or
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perform any other note-worthy task. Losers who know little more than a few
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elementary BASIC commands (like "PR#6" and "BRUN CHOPLIFTER"). Losers who
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don't belong in the modem world yet by some unfortunate circumstance obtained
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a modem and had enough brain capacity to call a bulletin board and follow the
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prompts through until they opened an account on a system. This set the seed
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for them to gain access to more and more systems until they considered
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themselves "elite". What encourages these losers are all the contemptible
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"GBBS" boards (almost always run by Malformed Genitals) that don't require
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any feedback to gain access to, let alone any mental ability. Anyone who
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can operate a term program gets access the first call, and are usually
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validated by the next call because the "sysop" desperately needs new losers
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on his awesome system.
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Among the many fruitful activities you'll find Malformed Genitals
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engaged in are bragging, ragging, leeching, and wasting disk space with their
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pathetically unintelligible messages. They rag on other users who are new to
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modeming, even though they made even more stupid mistakes when they first
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started modeming. They think they are being impressive by posting messages
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about their belligerent treatment of 7-11 employees ("I threw a comic book at
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her which made her spill a slurpee all over a customer! Ha! Ha!", an actual
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example), and their high tales of phreaking using numbers they found on a
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local Commodore board. They think they will gain respect by ragging all over
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a guy who doesn't set his terminal characteristics to 80-columns, even
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though he may be using a 40-column computer. Unfortunately, they are free
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to act retarded because the sysop lacks the initiative to delete them, for
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he feels that everybody has a right to voice their opinion, even when he is
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ragged on by the loser.
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On the opposite end, there are Malformed Genitals who, by virtue of
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having a modem, a phone line, and a copy of GBBS, attain the status of
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"sysop". These are among the worst of the deformed dicks because they
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rapidly deteriorate the spirit of the true modem world. Their only reason
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for putting up a BBS in the first place was to attain as many wares as their
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insatiable pussies could hold. The power they feel as a sysop goes to their
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head and all of a sudden they feel as though they are at the same level as
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world leaders. They will sometimes rag on users, but when a user rags on
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another they will be quick to enforce their "no ragging" policy. They feel
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threatened by intelligent users and will find a reason to rid their board of
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them so that the only people they have on their system are a select group of
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dejected losers. They will only keep the ass-kissers, the ones they can have complete control over.
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As the number of respectable boards and pirates gradually diminishes,
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more and more rejectable losers and GBBS cesspools sprout up in their place.
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It's no reason why there are no more good cracks coming out and no good
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boards to distribute them. Groups are being formed whose members consist of
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one person who can crack and about 15 others who claim to be "distributors".
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As the losers eventually take over, they will slowly destroy themselves and
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finally bring to an end a legacy turned flawed. This can be avoided, but it
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will take the efforts of the few remaining respectable individuals in the
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modem world as well as their cooperation with each other.
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Now, as these files usually go, I will discuss more aspects of
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Malformed Genitals. The following was written using a special technique
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called "Word Processing". That's where you boot up a word processor and
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type.
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/// Onwards!!! ///
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!\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/!
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! !
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! Malformed Genitals !
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! !
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!/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\!
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[ General ]
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Malformed Genitals can't spell worth shit. Here is an example of a
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Malformed Genital's grammar:
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=============================================================================
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Actual segment taken from a textfile entitled "Krack-marks"
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Written by The Box
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Lets get started once that ware is on normal DOS not necessarily 3.3 just
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something you can edit with normal default of your sector editor. Next you
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should figure out weather it is normal 3.3 or modified DOS that usely takes a
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good ten seconds if that long. Read sector 0 track 0 look at starting at 801
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does it end somewhere like this 6C FD 08 then maybe you should look at
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8FD.8FE TO SEE where it JMP's to if it is 8FD:0 B6 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
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THEN IT IS JMP'ING to B700 and is no prob. to put krack-marks! Just put a JSR
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in place of the JSR B793 to a JSR to where ever you want to put to like B6B6
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that is what i use sometimes.
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=============================================================================
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That's not only the mark of Malformed Genital, but also of a rodent, a
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loser, and a person who should have never been given a computer to start
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with. He is also a perfect example of the intelligence level possessed by
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Malformed Genitals. I can just imagine how he came up with such a clever
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handle: one day while pondering what to call himself he must have seen an
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old cardboard box sitting in a trashcan and thought, "Duh! Golly geeeeee!
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Dat would be a way rad handle!!". Surprisingly, he didn't think of using
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"The Trashcan", but then again, it's too big of a word for his vocabulary.
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Malformed Genitals think they are rad because they know a lot about
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cars.
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Malformed Genitals try to be rad by pretending they know a lot about
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cars.
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Malformed Genitals pretend a lot.
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Malformed Genitals have rad computer systems that their parents bought
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for them.
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Malformed Genitals have a liking for: Oliver North, Geraldo Rivera,
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Morton Downey Jr., Tiffany, Prince, and any Jewish leader.
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Malformed Genitals believe in God.
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[ Music ]
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Malformed Genitals don't listen to Rock.
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Malformed Genitals listen to faggot Glam groups like Poison and Ratt.
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Malformed Genitals think Rap is the epitome of musical perfection.
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Malformed Genitals refuse to acknowledge that Led Zeppelin was and will
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always be the most awesome collaboration in modern day musical history.
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[ Education ]
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Malformed Genitals achieve a grade point average below 1.7.
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Malformed Genitals fail shop classes.
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Malformed Genitals think getting a 'C' on a report card is a spectacular
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feat.
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Malformed Genitals worry about their grades.
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Malformed Genitals think that today's educational system will get them
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somewhere.
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[ Computer Hacking ]
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Malformed Genitals don't know that "hacking" originally meant writing a
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cool program and distributing it for free.
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Malformed Genitals forget that "hacking" means "programming a computer
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in a superior fashion" before it means "breaking into computer systems".
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Malformed Genitals don't really know machine language.
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Malformed Genitals try to learn machine language when they don't even
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have a solid knowledge of BASIC or even LOGO for that matter.
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[ Cracking ]
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Malformed Genitals need fifteen other pirates to help them crack
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something.
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Malformed Genitals learn all of their techniques and secrets from
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someone else and never come up with an original idea themselves, but
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are quick to take credit for them.
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Malformed Genitals take credit for cracking something even though they
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used a procedure from Computist or the like.
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Malformed Genitals think putting their name on an unprotected ware
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establishes that they cracked it.
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[ Telecommunications ]
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Malformed Genitals have so called "elite" systems that only support 300
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baud.
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Malformed Genitals have disgustingly stupid handles like The Cookie
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Monster, Cecil P. Turtle, The Snotty Nosed Kid, The Boy!, etcetera,
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etcetera.
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Malformed Genitals are over 21 years old, have no job, and are still
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involved in modeming.
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Malformed Genitals will go out of their way to start discussions with
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female users.
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Malformed Genitals put up sparsely modded GBBS systems.
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Malformed Genitals put up GBBS systems because they lack the ability to
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write their own software.
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[ In Closing... ]
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Malformed Genitals will read this file and laugh because they are too
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stupid to realize that it's addressed to them.
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=:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:=
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The pendulum is swinging, but it's going the wrong way. Hopefully, it
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won't get stuck in the "Malformed Genitals Dominate" position and swing
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back to the respectable days of old when Malformed Genitals didn't exist. It
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all depends on you, the reader (unless of course you are a Malformed Genital
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in which case I would advise you to seriously consider committing suicide).
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Dedications:
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--------------
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From my experience in the modem world and what I have seen go on, I
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have concluded that all the following people deserve recognition as being the
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"Hall-of-Famers" in the field of Malformed Genetilia (in no particular order
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as they are all losers alike). Some you may have heard of and others may be
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unknown to you, but they all exist (unfortunately).
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Legendary Malformed Genitals
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The Dark Cavalier, Valsidur Elvenking, The Skeleton, Cecil P. Turtle,
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The Dark Knight, The Spectre, The Cookie Monster, The Crasher, The Shadow
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Master, most of Coast to Coast, The Serial Kracker, Maxia Fariina, Johnny
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Appleseed, all of The Bunnymen, Le Yar, The Punisher, The Outland, The Boy!,
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The Box, The Snotty Nosed Kid, most of USAlliance, and Sir Sultan.
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You may not agree with my opinion, but what do you know? You may even
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be one of the losers mentioned. And if you challenge my views then you may
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as well be on the list yourself. At any rate, my opinions are just
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that...opinions, so don't take them personally. It is just my view that the
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people I mentioned have done something in some way that made me disgusted
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with them.
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This letter is especially dedicated to Eric Rasal (aka The Serial
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Kracker) who is, you guessed it, a Malformed Genital. Just imagine a dick
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tied in a knot and you will have an idea of what this guy is like.
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[> Eric Rasal.........(818) 988-7952 <]
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I'd like to say one more thing. This is addressed to the president of:
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The Society of Dedicated Losers
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- The Edge -
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(aka Byte Boy)
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(also Cecil P. Turtle)
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You have proven yourself to be among the greatest losers of our time. A
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14 year old, fat-assed rodent with a modem who leeches everything he can get
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his grimy, fat hands on, and who has to change his handle every so often so
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that the people he screws over won't know who he really is. All losers hail
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you! Be proud on this day.
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Make his day...give him a call:
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[> Manoj S. Khiani....(818) 368-4191 <]
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\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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We at Pieces of Eight Kracking welcome any retorts, retaliations,
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rebukes, or responses you may have. If you do, please contact The Ramsacker
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and he will have it taken care of. If you rag on us or any one of our
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affiliates well after we have retired from the computer world then you are
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just showing that you are a Malformed Genital so don't even bother.
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/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
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/------------------------------------\
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! !
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! This presentation of Malformed !
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! Genitals was brought to you by !
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! Pieces of Eight Kracking. Look !
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! for more quality PO8K textfile !
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! entertainment on a BBS in your !
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! area. This file: Copyright (C) !
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! 1988 by The Ramsacker and PO8K !
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! !
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\--------- August 10th 1988 ---------/
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The Ramsacker
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August 10, 1988
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9:09 PM
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P.S. The word for the day is "legs". Spread the word.
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