142 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
142 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
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> < > PRESENTS <
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> < > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= <
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> = DR. SMUT'S = <
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> = PRESCRIPTION TO = <
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> = SYSOPS FOR = <
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> = TERRORIZIN/ABUSIN = <
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> = LOOSER USERS = <
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> = AND LEECHES = <
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> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= <
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> = PART ONE = <
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> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= <
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> Converted to 80 col. by <
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> The Azure Mage <
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> CALL <
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> THE PIRATE ZONE AT (402) 333-1733 <
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> Asgard (313) 876-5524 <
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> <
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\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%/
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OK, LISTEN SYSOPS...PUT UP WITH ENOUGHT LOOSERS AND LEECHES ON YOUR SYSTEM?
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I'LL BET YOU HAVE. WELL, CUT THE TOLERANCE SHIT OUT ALREADY! IT'S YOUR
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BOARD, AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY WHO GETS ON AND WHO DOES AND GETS
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>>> H E L L ! <<<
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( THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT TO BE USED ON ANYONE OVER 15 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!! )
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-=+> IF THEY DON'T TYPE FAST ENOUGH >HANG UP<
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-=+> HAVE A LETTER WAITING IN THEIR MAIL BOX EVERY TIME THEY LOG-ON
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THREATENING THEM WITH DELETION, HUMILIATION, AND/OR MURDER.
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-=+> EDIT ANY ANONNYMOUS POST THEY MAKE AND SIGN THEIR NAME AT THE END
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SAYING SOMETHING LIKE...
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" I'M SORRY! I CONFESS! I WROTE IT! "
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(WHIMPER, CRY, BAWL, GO TO MOMMY, ECT.)
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-=+> BRIBE A BIG LOCAL USERS GROUP TO 'GIVE A FEW LECTURES' ON ALL MAJOR
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BOARDS ACROSS THE NATION, ABOUT HOW NOT TO BE LIKE CERTAIN USERS AND
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HAVE THEM (ACCIDENTALY OF COURSE) DROP A TELEPHONE # AT THE END OF THE
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LECTURES...
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-=+> TELL THE LOOSER HOW GREAT HE/SHE IS AND THEN (OUT OF THE KINDNESS
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OF YOUR HEART) GIVE THAT USER AE ACCESS.
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(AS SOON AS HE UPLOADS SOME MAJOR SHIT MAKE SURE YOU DELETE HIM............!)
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-=+> SET UP A 'TORTURE CHAMBER' MESSAGE BASE, WHICH CHANGES TORTUREES
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EVERY WEEK, AND HAVE EVERYONE TAKE POT-SHOTS AT THE VICTIM OF THE WEEK.
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(BY THE WAY, MAKE SURE YOU ARE EITHER OUT-OF-TOWN FOR A MONTH, OR ARE
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>SLIGHTLY< ABSENT-MINDED...........!)
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-=+> TELL THE LEECH THAT IF HE POSTS 1 MESSAGE ON ALL MESSAGE BASES
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EVERY DAY, FOR 2 FULL MONTHS, THAT HE WILL GET AN EXTRA LEVEL.
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(THEN, >ACCIDENTALLY AGAIN<, FORGET AND D E L E T E H I M ! ! ! ! ! ! )
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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/%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\
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> <
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> THE UNITED STATES WAREZ FORCE <
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> [TUSWF] <
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> <
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> PRESENTS <
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> <
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> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= <
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> = DR. SMUT'S = <
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> = PRESCRIPTION TO = <
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> = SYSOPS FOR = <
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> = TERRORIZIN/ABUSIN = <
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> = LOOSER USERS = <
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> = AND LEECHES = <
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> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= <
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> = PART TW0 = <
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> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= <
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> <
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> CALL <
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> THE PIRATE ZONE AT (402) 333-1733 <
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> <
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\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%/
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WELL SINCE THE LAST ONE WORKED OUT SO WELL, I HAVE DECIDED TO CONTINUE
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YET ANOTHER PHILE DEDICATED TO THE DESTRUCTION OF LEACHES!
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THIS PART 2 WILL MAINLY DEAL WITH METHODS THAT YOU CAN USE ON LEACHES
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ONCE YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON THE LITTLE SHITS.
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-=+> SLOWLY RIP OUT EVERY HAIR ON HIS HEAD AND THEN GIVE HIM A 'SWIRLY' IN
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A TOILET FULL OF HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.
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-=+> KNOCK OUT THE LITTLE SHIT'S TEETH WITH A SWIFT KICK TO THE JAW AND LET
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HIM BLEED FOR A WHILE. THEN FORCE HIM TO SWISH RUBBING ALCOHOL AROUND IN
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HIS MOUTH TILL HE FAINTS FROM THE PAIN.
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-=+> CUT OFF THE LEACH'S EYELIDS WITH A SURGICAL KNIFE AND DRAG HIM OVER TO
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THE LOCAL FISH STORE AND SHOVE HIS HEAD IN (MAKE SURE HE CAN SEE THIS
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BY THE WAY) A FISH TANK FULL OF STARVING PIRAHNAS!! (BE SURE THE CUTE
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LITTLE FISHIES AREN'T WASTEFUL AND LEAVE A CHEEK FLOATIN ON TOP OR
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ANYTHING)
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-=+> TAKE A PAIR OF PLIERS AND SLOWLY PULL OUT HIS FINGERNAILS. THEN PLACE
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A PELLET GUN TO HIS FINGERTIPS AND ERASE HIS FINGERPRINTS! (ALONG WITH
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THE FINGER AT HAND (GET IT?))
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-=+> CAREFULLY TEAR HIS TONGUE DOWN THE CENTER AND STAPLE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF
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HIS MOUTH. NEXT, MAKE SURE HE HASN'T EATEN IN AT LEAST 3 DAYS AND PUT A
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BURGER KING BACON DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER RIGHT IN HIS LIPS, AND WATCH
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STAPLES (AND PEICES OF TONGUE!) GO FLYING ALL OVER!
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-=+> LIGHT A CANDLE AND TURN HIS HEAD TO THE SIDE. THEN TIP THE CANDLE SIDEWAYS AND ALLOW THE HOT WAX TO POUR INTO THE EAR SOCKETS.
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-=+> TIP HIS HEAD BACK AND POUR FRESH PAINT THINNER DOWN HIS SENSITIVE
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NOSTRILS. (ALSO, BE SURE HE CAN'T SWALLOW...)
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-=+> STUFF M-60'S IN (WHAT'S LEFT OF) HIS EAR CANALS AND BLOW THE CANDLE WAX
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OUT. THEN SEE IF HE'S O.K. BY >YELLING< INTO HIS EAR AS LOUD AS
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POSSIBLE.
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-=+> STICK A NEEDLE SYRINGE(SP?) A LITTLE WAYS UP HIS ASS THEN TELL HIM TO
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>SIT ON IT!<
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*** THE GRAND FINALLE ***
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-=+> STRIP HIS PANTS DOWN AND SPREAD HIS LEGS OUT. THEN TAKE A BRAND NEW
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RAZOR BLADE AND RUN IT ACROSS THE UNDERSIDE OF HIS BALLS-SACK.
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(SCROTUM FOR YOU SCIENCE MAJORS). THEN LET HIS BALLS DROP OUT BY THE
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FORCE OF GRAVITY AND HAVE YOUR NEIGHBOR'S CAT COME OVER AND START
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GNAWING ON HIS BLOODY NUTS! (OUGH!!! ARGG!! EEEK!!)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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P.S. IF THE LEACH ISN'T DED BY THIS TIME, YOU CAN ALWAYS DELETE HIM! HAHAH!
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BE WATCHING FOR PART 3 TO COME FROM DR. SMUT AND THE PIRATE ZONE ELITE!
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[ THE PRECEDING PHILE HAS BEEN A ZONE COMMUNICATIONS/TUSWF PRODUCTION ]
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[ THANX CRUE COMMANDER & ARABIAN KNIGHT FOR THE PSYCHOTIC IDEAS DUDEZ! ]
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