251 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
251 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
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*****************************************************************
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* *
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* The Digital Gang: Rag File 1 *
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* Written by: The Cookie Monster *
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* *
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*****************************************************************
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The first time I ever heard of the Digital Gang, was on
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"Super Hires Scroller". I thought it was a pretty nice program.
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Useless, but nice. I thought The Dragon Lord and Tom E. Hawk
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were pretty cool people. They did nice work, they had a certain
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extent of originality. Over the months, they put out more and
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more software. Their originality started to fade. Every title
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page looked the same. It seemed that they had a liking for a
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particular font named "Park Avenue". But still, I respected The
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Dragon Lord and Tom E. Hawk a lot. I thought that they had to be
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pretty smart people to crack that many wares. On the other hand
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Sherlock Apple never did match up to them. He obviously only
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bought the wares. He had money but no talent. As the months
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progressed, I kept trying to get something decent to crack. I
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had found over cracking a lot of software and staying up late
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swearing at my computer,that I could crack most any software that
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could come out for the Apple. Finally, I got a call from my
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friend The Owl. He said he had been trying to reach me for the
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past two weeks (you see, I have a social life too), and that he
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had a hot new ware for me to try and crack. I thought it was
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another old one. Something like Dinosaur Dig that had more
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challenge in putting a title page on than in cracking it. Well,
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I was sort of right. It was an incredibly easy crack. It was
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also called "Raid Over Moscow". It was the best game that had
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come out for a long time. The Raven helped me distribute it, in
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exchange for having his name on the page. I thought this was
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cool especially since I wasn't on very many out of state boards
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and he was. So I let him do it. It was uploaded everywhere.
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All of a sudden, we were popular, everyone wanted us on their
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boards. I didn't call everyone's board, but I did do something I
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had wanted to do for a very long time. The Raven and I talked
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with The Dragon Lord. He was stupider than I thought. The whole
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time we talked with him, he shouted at the TV set. I thought he
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wasn't playing with a full deck, but Raven told me that he was
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over enthusiastic about sports. I never did get him to talk
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technical with me. Then there was time that he sang "Shot In The
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Dark" by Ozzy Ozbourne over the phone to Raven, this made Raven
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wonder if I was right about TDL's mental state. We never did get
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close to the reclusive Tom E. Hawk. I wondered if there was more
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than everyone knew and believed about Digital Gang, but I never
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bothered to ask....
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A couple of months later, we met up with some more people.
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They were basically unknowns. But we didn't care, just as long
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as they weren't imbeciles. We met a person named Apple Spy. He
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had something to tell us. I don't think he would have ever come
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to us if it hadn't been for Digital Gang's idiocy. There is a
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board called The Haven. I knew that several of Digital Gang's
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members were on there, but I had never called it. Raven told me
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a lot about it though. Apparently, someone had stolen part of
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Micro Nut's exclusive BBS software and Digital Gang was using it
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in their other BBS, Apple Trade Center. Micro Nut accused them
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of stealing (which is a ridiculous concept for pirates anyway)
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and Dragon Lord and Schmucklock Apple got upset. They called for
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a boycott and they got about 12 people to participate. The
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people who did participate were losers anyway, so there wasn't
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any real loss. DG even had the gall to say the Raven
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participated, even though he still calls The Haven occasionally.
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They had done more than ask for a boycott though. They attacked
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Apple Spy in the rudest form I can even imagine. Apple Spy had
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recently had a heart-attack. Dragging Whore and Schmucklock
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Apple had thought this was funny (in their own sick way) and
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decided to rag on Apple Spy for it. They sent him E-Mail that
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said "Apple Spy will die!!" and several other things not worth
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mentioning.
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I couldn't believe it. I had never heard of pirates being
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so inhumane. Well Apple Spy told us more. He told us that
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Dragging Whore never could crack. He once spent 10 hours trying
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to crack "Fuzzywomp", which isrX very simple DOS 3.3 crack. He
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told us that the only thing that Dragging Whore had ever cracked
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on his own was something called "Decimal Sheet". Then the
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question came; Then who does crack their stuff? Apple Spy told
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us... Tom E. Hawk. He said that TEH never was into the fame and
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glory game and that he cracked just for the challenge. So
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Dragging Whore would just get the cracked software from Tom E.
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Hawk and slap a title page on proclaiming that he had actually
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cracked it. With a nice little "Thanks Tom E. Hawk" down at the
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bottom. Tom never protested, so there wasn't a problem.
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Dragging Whore was destined for the pirate hall of fame (I don't
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know where it is, but I suspect that it is on some lame BBS
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screaming for users). I asked Apple Spy about "Super Hires
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Scroller", what was TDL's contribution to that? The title pages
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were all that he did.
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Well, at this point, I was only slightly upset. It wasn't
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because they were lying to every damn pirate in the nation, it
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was because once, I had looked up to these guys. I still did
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look up to TEH and continue to do so. Even if he did "steal" his
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code from EOA for his booter. It still is an incredible booter.
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Soon, I became furious... Apple Spy continued to tell us
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about our own ware "Raid Over Moscow". The night that it was
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distributed, Dragging Whore picked up a copy from someone (I
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imagine it was Schmucklock). He called Apple Spy and told him
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about this awesome new action game. He said that he wanted to
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release it. After all, who had heard of The Bunnymen before
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this? He told Apple Spy that they had already put a new title
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page on it (cracked by you know who). Dragging Whore wanted
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Apple Spy to call up The Haven and remove our crack so their
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version could be uploaded. Apple Spy then told Dragging Whore
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the news. He already had it and he had been playing all day...
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At this point Dragging Whore got very upset. If Apple Spy had
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it, then everyone probably everyone had it. If they released it,
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then everyone would rag on them for a double release (another
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stupid concept). So Dragging Whore held back and didn't touch
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it. Raven and I once talked to Dragging Whore about "Raid Over
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Moscow". This was before we even knew about what he had tried to
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do with our title page. He explained to us that it was already
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in the stores up in Canada and that they had plans to release it,
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but they were too busy (right). Access Software is about 10
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miles from my house. To this date, they still haven't released
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"Raid Over Moscow".
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Our next big release was "Intrigue". It was also a great
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piece of software. We had been offered garbage like "Glidepath"
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(a real tough Applesoft crack, Martyr, you stupid ass-kisser),
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but we turned it down. We had also gotten "Universe II". We had
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it for about two months. I had never bothered to look at it,
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because I had just gotten my Amiga and was enjoying it entirely.
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Raven didn't care either, his copy was buried in his room. We
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let Dr. Encinitas look at it, he screamed at its complexity (no
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offense Dr. E.), so I realized that I probably didn't have time
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to screw with it. Besides, I would rather go see "Lords of The
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New Church" with two voluptuous females than stay home and crack
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"warezz". So we let it pass.. The news came later that Digital
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Gang was planning to release "Universe II" very soon. Raven
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requested for me to look at it. I finally said OK. I went over
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to his house and he told me that he had just gotten "Intrigue".
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I read the review and I decided that it looked better than
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"Universe", so I did it. It took about 15 minutes to crack.
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There was a small problem with the code for the safe. I told
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Raven that I didn't have time to screw with it. He told me that
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was fine and that he would make sure that all the codes to the
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safe were included on the dox. I asked if I could leave, but he
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reminded me about "Universe II". He asked to me to take a look
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at it at Alley Cat's house if I had time. Right now I have no
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idea where that disk is. Raven frequently jokes with me about
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returning the disk. After getting the disk from him, I then
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walked out the door and saw "Ferris Bueler's Day Off" (I
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thoroughly recommend to any DG member who hasn't been out of his
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room for three years).
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The next day, Raven told me that "Intrigue" had been
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distributed everywhere with the dox. He also told me that a new
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member Mr. Slick had just cracked "Universe II". He said that we
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had to hurry and release it. He told me that Rick Rocker had
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informed him that Digital Gang was planning to release it the
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next day. I told him that I really didn't care. He told me
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that all I needed to do was to go down to Alley Cat's house and
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fix the booter. Ahhh, the booter. Yes, it was true, we had
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gotten a hold of Tom E. Hawk Boot. Although the person who gave
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it to us shall remain unidentified, we were probably the only
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people outside of DG who had a copy. I realized that it would
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probably piss them off quite a bit if we left it as "Tom E. Hawk
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Boot". So I simply changed the encoding and put "The Bunnymen"
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in the center of the screen. I had done this by patching it by
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hand on "Intrigue", but The Raven didn't know how to do this. So
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I simply patched the booter and told him how to do it over the
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phone. It was only obvious to anyone who knew anything about
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disk access that we had stolen the booter. Tom E. Hawk sent mail
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to Lord Sauron (on The Haven of all places) saying that it was OK
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if we used the booter, but he wanted credit. Later we released
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"Continents and Countries". Not only did we have the "Hulk
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Bunny" crushing that stupid DG logo, but we changed the booter to
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"Bun E. Boot". This pissed off Tom. He said that we had no idea
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of how it worked, so we shouldn't be using it. Well, Tom the
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only thing I can say to that is I do. It would have been no big
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deal to steal it right off of any disk that you guys have put
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out. You place the track and sector numbers in pairs right after
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your name, which is "encoded" by EORing it with a $69. If you
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want me to Sourcerize it and comment it I will. But realize that
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if I do that, I won't just give you the source code (you don't
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need it), I'll give it to every damn person in the free-world (I
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wonder if that includes Canada?). Then your precious booter
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won't mean a thing. Besides, did you give EOA credit?
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Later, Schmucklock began to scream about "Intrigue". He
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stated that it was a bad crack, simply because we didn't bother
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with fixing the safe. So he had that awesome cracker The Sheik
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fix it. Little did he know that on CPU (801) 277-3200, Alley
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Cat already had fixed it. Alley Cat is the little brother of a
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good friend of mine. He is in 8th grade and he already knows
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more than 90% of Digital Gang. What the patch consisted of was
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changing track: $03, sector: $03, byte: $C6, from a $12 to a $11.
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That sounds like it is about your speed Trojan (whoops, I meant
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Sheik), you don't even change one byte, you change one bit. I
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haven't looked at your patch, but I imagine that uses about a
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dozen NOPs. From what I have heard from the Talisman, you didn't
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even crack "Neven Ending Story" by yourself. Maybe you should
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re-read your "Digital Dictionary" (What's next? Real Pirate
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Guide IX?) and look under "ignorent" (ig' ner ent (the e's are
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phonetic schwas), not pronounced "ig-ne-rent", you dumb
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ass-wipes). Should I even mention that "Incompetent" is
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pronounced "in kom' pi tent" (the e is also a schwa) and not
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"in-kam-pet-ent". Do you often kick yourself in the face Trojan
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or is this a new thing? Or was Triton and High Voltage
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responsible for your "incompetence"?
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Schmucklock later declared that I didn't crack "Raid Over
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Moscow" by myself. He said I used "Disk Jockey Kracks II". I
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don't even own that disk. I don't even have "DJ Kracks I". If I
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am such a lousy cracker, how did I do "Intrigue"? Oh yeah, I
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forgot, bad crack. Everything that comes out of an assembly
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language genius such as yourself Schmucklock has to be truth.
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You later ragged us because "Universe II" was an "old ware". Why
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were you planning to release it the day after? You want "old
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wares"? Look at "Instant Pascal". You also said that "Intrigue"
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was a stupid "mail-order ware". Ohh, I am so hurt by such a
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strong accusation.
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Today, Raven told me that someone had put out a text file
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called "Bunnymen Trivia". Apparently it was a sack of lies
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written by someone who was so guttless that they didn't even sign
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their name. Obviously another closet-case Digital Gang member.
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The file said that we had millions of members... Here is the
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member list as of today: Me, Raven, Lord Sauron, Cyborg,
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Marauder, Pac-Rat and Alley Cat. These are the people that
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actually do something. <DATA LOSS>
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We don't define our members as only
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being able to distribute. Our distributors give us input on what
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needs to be done and they are respected for the job they do. We
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have about four of them. I don't want to name any of them,
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because I am not sure if they want to be included. I am sure
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that each and every group has just as many distributors as us.
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Well, that about summs it up. Everything you wanted to ever
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know about Digital Gang, but were afraid to ask. Recently, a
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boycott has been called against the Apple Trade Center. I fully
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support it. I never did call Apple Trade Center and I never
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will. I hear that have some pretty good Amiga wares up. I laugh
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at that. I have and will always have more Amiga wares than you
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Triton. Your friend Admiral Ackbar has learned that fact and now
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he is benefiting from it. You are so stupid, you probably don't
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even sleep right. You don't even have a prayer with the Amiga
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pirates. The Digital Gang may put out their "Bunnymen Trivia"
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and their "Digital Dictionaries" and their "Dragging Whore's
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Guide To Good Cooking", but always realize this. They don't know
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the first thing about me. I never talked with any of them on a
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friendly basis. So they can go ahead and ask their ass-kissers
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(ie: Punisher, The Watcher, and Pieces of Eight), to write all
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they want. I personally don't give a damn.
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Finally, I am asking everyone, not to just boycott Apple
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Trade Center, but everything Digital Gang does. If they upload
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something to your board, delete it. If a member signs on your
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board, don't let them on. The Bunnymen, First Class, and LSD can
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supply your every software need.
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Typed July 13, 1986, on an Amiga, by The Cookie Monster, user #34
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on <C><P><U> (801) 277-3200.
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With thanks for advising to The Raven, user #65.
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Our apologies to Apple Spy.
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