263 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
263 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
FFFF RRR EEEE EEEE BBB A GGG EEEE 22222
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F R R E E B B A A G E 2 2
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FFF RRR EEE EEE BBB AAAAA G GG EEE 2222
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F R R E E B B A A G G E 2
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F R R EEEE EEEE BBB A A GGG EEEE 2222222
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**** Professional Bernsteining ****
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April 19, 1989 by DISMA
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Y 12:00p.m.
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Hello again! Welcome to part 2 of the Freebage series. I
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hope you have read Freebage Part 1: A Beginner's Guide to
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Bernsteining. If you haven't, locate that file and read it
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before you read this. It describes some basic Bernsteining
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techniques and gives some definitions to the terms used in this
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series. Part 1 dealt with hoarking in places such as bars, and
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grocery stores. In this issue I will talk about more challenging
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targets, such as amusement parks,
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oncert events. Actually,
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these places can be quite easy to get into, with some brains, and
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a little luck.
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******************************************************
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Chilling toaster ovens and unidentified pizza rolls...
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******************************************************
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Alrighty kiddies, let's begin. Suppose you hit the weekend
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without a cent in your pocket. No worries. You know that you
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can do things that an ordinary person would not dare. If you
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have any kind of amusement park, or theme park
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where you
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live, it is very much possible to spend the day there without
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spending money, and without having to climb over a fence. All
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you need to do it is some intelligence, and a good knack for
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bullshitting. Try not to look too much like a scum ball. Look
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like a tourist.
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If you are going to do it at Disney World, wear a Mickey
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Mouse shirt, etc. You have to realize that most all of the people
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who work at these places are teenagers and young people in
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general. They aren't too concerned of being reall
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y strict, just
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to stand in place and grab tickets from people filing by. Now,
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you have arrived at the park, and are at the front gate. What
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you must do is wait for a large group of tourist looking people
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to be going in. The larger, the better.
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The best groups are ones with a lot of handicapped or
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mentally retarded people. In groups such as these, the tickets
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for the entire group are handled by one or two people. If you
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see something like this happening, go towards the entrance. As
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they start
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le in, blend in with them. If only one of this
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group has the tickets, you are in luck. Try to act either really
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excited, or emotional about entering the park. If you are with
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retarded people, act a little slow, it isn't hard to do. Make
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sure you are in the middle of the group. Even the group
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shouldn't notice you until you are well inside, and by then you
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should be separated from them. If you want, put your arm around
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someone in the group as you pass through the gate. Say out loud
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"Isn't it great to g
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o see Mickey!!!" Make sure that the person
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you have your arm around gets excited, but doesn't freak out.
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They should thing that you are just someone having a really good
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time. Sometimes they really enjoy this.
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Now, you've been sitting around the park entrance for an
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hour, and no group has come. Well, there is usually a large line
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of people entering the park. If you see that the line is moving
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in a fairly fast stream, this is good. Get in line. When you
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get up to the ticket person, act reta
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whatever you think
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will work and mutter to the employee, "he's (or she's) got my
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tickets," as you gesture behind you. By the time you squeeze
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through the gates and are inside far enough away, they will
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realize that there is one ticket missing from the whole deal, but
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most of the people who work at these places won't care.
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Sometimes when I have done this, the people in back of be have
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been refused entrance. I like when that happens. If you were
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lucky and got in this way, good. There isn't too much to w
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orry
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about, as long as you weren't in sight when they discovered what
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was going on. If you put on a good mentally retarded act, you
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shouldn't be questioned.
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Alright, what if there are no lines at all, or next to no
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lines. This is when bullshitting is your only tool to get in.
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Check out the people taking tickets. If it is slow they will be
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talking amongst themselves. Look for the person who is the
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"outcast" or not talking to the others. This may mean that they
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are shy, or new. Slowly walk to
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their line. If you have a
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hat, mash it down onto your head. When you get to them talk
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slowly and softly. Tell them that you were in the park with your
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mother and got lost. If you are older than a kid that would be
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with his mother, act retarded. Drool a bit. Tell them that you
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were with your mother and you got separated. You got really
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scared that she left, so you went out to the car, which was the
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only place that you knew how to get to for sure. When you got to
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the car you remembered her telling you
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before you went in that
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morning, "if we get separated meet me at the xxxxxx." Fill in
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with something that you know is in the park. If they ask you for
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a stub or something, act like you don't understand.
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If they tell you that you can't go in without a ticket,
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start to cry. Stick to the story. If they get someone like a
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manager, stay with the story. Get more and more flustered and
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whiny the more they question you. Get them tears flowing!! It's
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good theatrics, and really fun to see how these
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react to
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you. Tell them all you want to do is get to the place your
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mother told you to meet her at and wait there for her. You might
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have an employee escort you to the spot. This has happened to me
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once, and that experience will be told about in Sportsage. If
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they find a person to escort you to the fictitious meeting place,
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seem relieved that you are there. Of course, your mother will be
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no where around. Tell them that you will have to wait there for
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her. After a few minutes of waiting they will eit
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her leave you
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alone there to wait, making you promise that you won't go
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anywhere, or they will ask you to leave. One thing, this method
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only works when you are alone. It would be hard to do this with
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more than 1 person. If they leave you alone, make sure they
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aren't going to be back in a while, then take off. You might
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want to wait until they come back to check up on you, that way
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they will really thing you are waiting for your mother. This
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method takes a long time to complete, but you feel really good
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when you successfully pull it off.
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There are other ways like these that I have described, it's
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all up to your creative abilities. If you come up with any that
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work well, let me know, I will gladly put them in a future issue
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of Freebage.
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Other notes... besides retarded people, you can grab onto
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old people too. They often come to theme parks in large groups,
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so they are a good target too! If you are stopped inside and
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accused of sneaking in, tell them you had a ticket and tell them
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to prove that
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you didn't. I don't think that there is a park
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that requires you to always carry a stub around proving that you
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paid to get in.
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The only time I have been questioned at a park was when I
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used to hop the fence at Busch Gardens. If they see you enter
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like this they will most definitely go after you. Going in the
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front way is a lot better because the most they can make you do
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is get out of the way.
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If you are stuck at the gate, and they are asking for a
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ticket, and you told them that the peopl
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you had it, and
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it gets fouled up somehow, act like the people you pointed to
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weren't the people that you meant. Say something like "holy cow,
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the people I were with are gone! They were right behind me!"
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This won't get you in, but it will keep you out of trouble. When
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this happens, leave the gate area and act pissed off that your
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friends left you, and try to get in later. It helps if there is
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more than one entrance. Also, if you are going with friends, go
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in separately. Unless you can squeeze in with
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a large group of
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tourists, it isn't advisable to be together. Have a meeting
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place arranged beforehand so that you can get back together once
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inside.
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This all sounds real complicated, but it's almost too easy!
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As I said before, most of the people who work at these places are
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kids, and don't want to be bothered chasing after someone who
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squeezes through their line. So! Try this out and see what
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happens!
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***********************************************
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Excruciating Flatulence and Live Zen Worshi
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***********************************************
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Taking the things I have talked about in hand, you
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adapt them towards other things, such as getting into concerts.
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There are a few things that are concert specific, though. A
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crowd at a concert is much different from one at an amusement
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park. It is a lot harder to sneak into a concert than a park,
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because there are not "tourist groups" to blend into. Also, you
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usually get frisked.
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One method that has been used is fairly simple. You just
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have t
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d a ticket stub. If you can get one, get it. You may
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have to wait for someone leaving the show to give you their's.
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Or, if you know someone who has paid, have them hand you the stub
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through a gate, or some place that you can "intersect" around the
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place where the concert is held.
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If you are more daring, try this method... go to the place
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of the show early in the day. Try to get around to where the
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equipment is being loaded into the arena, or whatever the place
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is. If you can, slip in and find a pla
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ce to hide out until the
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show starts. This can be hard, and takes a lot of patience.
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Again, if you can, use the skills taught in the last chapter.
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Another good ploy is the wheelchair method. A big show
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should have a separate handicapped entrance. Have a friend wheel
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you to it. Be covered with blankets, and have on a lot of the
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band's junk, like shirts, hats, etc, so that you look like a real
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fan. The best kind of handicapped person to be is one that can't
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talk, that just sits and does nothi
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.
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Now, let me get something straight with you, I am not
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prejudiced against handicapped people, this is simply a method
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used to enter places for free. I am sure that anyone handicapped
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in this way who reads this will find it moderately amusing.
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Enough said.
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Okay, you are at the handicapped entrance, and they ask for
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your tickets. You, of course, can't talk. Drool a little. If
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you had a friend bring you in, they should say something like "oh
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they are with the rest of the guys who are in anoth
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e."
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Have him ask the ticket takers to let you and your wheelchair sit
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inside so you won't get into any trouble. When he goes off,
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slowly wheel yourself to a good spot, and when they ticket takers
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aren't looking, slide in.
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A wheelchair is also a real good way of smuggling things
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into a concert, be it drugs, cameras, or tape decks. The topic
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of tape decks and cameras will be dealt with in the file
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"Bootleggage". Look for it soon, heh. So, with all this, and a
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little flavor of your own, you will be
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e to Hoark with the
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best.
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*****************
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Finale, Finalo...
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*****************
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Well, that does it for this issue of Freebage. Look for
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Sportsage coming soon. Sportsage is a story about me and two
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friends getting into the Super Bowl. I was going to make it a
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chapter in Freebage 2, but it's going to be quite a large file.
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Also, as mentioned before, look for Bootleggage, a guide to
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taping, filming, and bootlegging concerts.
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And, as usual, please don't mess up the file. If you want
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to distribute
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like that, but if you do, don't change anything.
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Any additions that you think should be made, write yourself into
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a separate file, and get to me. It will be included in a future
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addition of Freebage. Hopefully I can get some people to write
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up a few things and put out a regular Tri or Bi monthly Freebage.
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If you have any suggestions, please address them to me, DISMAY.
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I can currently be reached at...um...well..probably wherever you
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found this file. Heh heh.
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Until next time, may your Hoarking be go
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d and Bernstein
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your way to hell.
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