97 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
/----------------------------------------------------------\
|
||
|o| |o|
|
||
|o| How not to Make Friends & Annoy People |o|
|
||
|o| |o|
|
||
|o| By: |o|
|
||
|o| |o|
|
||
|o| ]> The Razor <[ |o|
|
||
|o| |o|
|
||
\----------------------------------------------------------/
|
||
|
||
/-----------\
|
||
| Teenagers |
|
||
\-----------/
|
||
|
||
Now to keep this straight, this section is to describe to
|
||
teenagers how not to make friends & annoy people.
|
||
|
||
1) When meeting a new friend's parents, ask your friend what
|
||
their first names are and then call his parents by them from
|
||
that point on.
|
||
2) Before going out on a really heavy date, eat a pepperoni,
|
||
onion, garlic, & sprinkled with red & green peppers pizza.
|
||
3) Invite your friends over, and then charge them rent per
|
||
hour. If they make phone calls charge them 20 cents each.
|
||
4) Start to flirt with your best friend's girlfriend.
|
||
5) At a Sweet-Sixteen party hand out pamphlets about stopping
|
||
abortions, also spike the punch with Vodka.
|
||
6) If you find that your worst neighbor's dog has escaped
|
||
on a very hot day, chain him to a tree and put a bowl of
|
||
water a few inches out of its reach. You may also chain it
|
||
to a tree in someone else's yard.
|
||
7) Spread around rumors that there will be a free beer-bash at
|
||
your neighbors house. You should hand out pamphlets also to
|
||
attract a larger crowd.
|
||
8) If your neighbors have an outdoor phone jack, then plug in
|
||
your phone and make all the long-distance phone calls you
|
||
like. You won't get traced either. You may also do this with
|
||
electrical outlets also.
|
||
9) Beat and tie up your neighbor's pet, then call the Humane
|
||
Society.
|
||
10) If your neighbors have gone on vacation, then turn on all
|
||
their outdoor faucets on full blast.
|
||
11) If you are lucky enough to get in your neighbor's house,
|
||
remove a light-bulb, take a hyperdermic needle full of
|
||
gasoline and then squeeze the gas into the light-bulb, and
|
||
replace it. Get out of the room quick.
|
||
12) Put some Sugar in your neighbor's gas tank of their car.
|
||
13) Put a "For Sale" sign in front of their house while they are
|
||
on vacation. Remember to put your phone number to make the
|
||
sale.
|
||
14) Put an advertisement in the newspaper for a brand new
|
||
Porsche 911 with all the options for $5,000.
|
||
|
||
|
||
/--------\
|
||
| Adults |
|
||
\--------/
|
||
|
||
1) Hire a group of the neighborhood brats to annoy your
|
||
neighbors by lighting off fireworks, playing ding-dong
|
||
ditch, and throwing various items at your neighbors house.
|
||
One dollar per each child on a weekly basis.
|
||
2) Hire a hooker to go to your neighbor's house while he and
|
||
his spouse are present at the time.
|
||
3) Get your neighbor's credit card number and charge all you
|
||
can to it in only one week.
|
||
4) Make signs that say "Flea Market" and "Garage Sale" and
|
||
point them at your neighbor's house.
|
||
5) Set their bushes on fire and claim they were trying to get
|
||
their insurance money for the house.<2E>
|
||
6) If your neighbor's have a pool, then make a life-size
|
||
replica of their daughter, and put it in the pool (Dead-Man
|
||
Float Style) and put some cherry Kool-Aid in also.
|
||
7) Sneak into your neighbor's house and put panties in the
|
||
master bedroom, and smear lipstick on the husband's collar.
|
||
8) When their child is asleep, sneak into their house, and put
|
||
a teddy bear head at the foot of his bed.
|
||
9) Stock your neighbor's toilets and pool with goldfish.
|
||
10) Make holes in your neighbor's roof all the way through.
|
||
11) Make a replica of their 2 year old baby and put a tape
|
||
recorder with screams on it, and set it behind a tire of
|
||
their car when their garage door opens.
|
||
12) Pass out pamphlets that say there is a "KKK" meeting at
|
||
your neighbor's address.
|
||
13) Take your 5 year-old son to learn to play golf on your
|
||
neighbor's land.
|
||
14) Take your neighbor's son, and tell his father that you are
|
||
going to see Dumbo and take hime out to see all the violent
|
||
and most profanic movies that are playing around you.
|
||
|
||
/---------------------\
|
||
| The End of Volume I |
|
||
\---------------------/
|
||
|
||
|