222 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
222 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
AND TARGET FUN
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.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;
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The Complete Guide
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to
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Kmart and Target
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Fun
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by:
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the Hysterical One
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and
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Breeon
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March 10th, 1988
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;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.
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Many a person has departed from his employment with past secrets of the
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company he worked for. When those secrets can benefit others, it's
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logical to pass those on. As past employees of those incredible culture
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centers of flashing blue lights and red vests, we felt it necessary to let
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the world know about the information. Have fun!
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__________
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/ /
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/ Kmart /
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/_________/
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Kmart, the home of the flashing blue light, provides much fun and
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opportunity for financial gain.
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TYFSOK (pronounced tife-sock). This cute little acronym is the little
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saying that we all get sick of whenever we visit Kmart. It stands for
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"Thank you for shopping our Kmart." If you leave, and are not told TYFSOK
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by the checkout individual, immediately go to the service desk and ask for
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the manager. Explain to him that the checkout person did not say the
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TYFSOK crap, and you will be rewarded with a $10 gift certificate. TYFSOK
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is a way of life for the Kmart Checkout operator.
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Shoplifting. Kmart has had a large share of shoplifting. The security
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systems in all the stores I have visited are very state-of-the-art. The
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important lookout for the number of cameras scanning is to look for large
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black-plexiglass covers just above the top level of shelving in the
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stores. These "windows" house either a person watching, or a camera
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scanning.
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Although they don't want you to know it, Kmart very rarely has the
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"pseudo-customer." Usually this person is hired during the Christmas
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season. Be on the lookout for a 30-40 year old man or woman, dressed in
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average clothing for the area you are in. Be watchful for friendliness
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with working store clerks, and if you aren't sure, follow that person
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around. The average "Kmart psuedo-customer" looks fairly obvious, when
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you spend 2 hours in a store and don't purchase a thing.
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The important notation: Say you are in the sporting goods department,
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and you just stashed softball glove, or fishing reel, or something in your
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jacket and are about to make a hasty getaway. If you hear the wonderful
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call "Three-hundred and a half from sporting goods, three-hundred and a
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half from sporting goods..." in a nice calm tone, you have been spotted.
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Get out of the store as fast as possible if you are going to get away.
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Kmart employees are instructed to follow you as far as possible. Many
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Kmarts are in Mall areas, so that person will usually stash his name tag
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in his pocket, and follow you. Be wary, if you take the risk.
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Fires: If you hear over the P.A. system..." Caroline to the Garden Shop,
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Caroline to the Garden Shop," there is a fire alarm going off in the
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Garden Shop. Almost always it is a false alarm, usually arising with
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someone trying to go out of a door they aren't supposed to.
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The Blue Light. The Blue light runs off of a car battery, is on wheels,
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is never in storage, and there are usually 3-4 at most stores, with two
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being the minimum number. The blue light charges all night with a 6 amp
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trickle charger for car batteries. Generally, someone who "looks" like a
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Kmart employee can take one and move it around without saying anything,
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although I have yet to meet anyone with the balls to steal one.
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Nevertheless, it would provide a VERY nice addition to the college dorm
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room decoration.
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Other calls: Using the intercom on an in-store Kmart phone usually means
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hitting a button labeled "P.A." A call of "One-thousand to the xxx
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department, one-thousand to the xxx department" is a call for assistance
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in the xxx department. The only use of this to you might be for you to go
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ahead and call for assistance yourself, or to check and see if the person
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on duty in that department is around. "Three-ten to the xxx department,
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three-ten to the xxx department" is a call for the manager to go to
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whichever department. This is not and emergency call, it's for customer
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asstance, or to void a cash register operation, etc... All these calls
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are repeated twice.
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Returning merchandise: Although they don't advertise it, most Kmarts have
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a no-receipt-necessary refund policy. They boast about the ease in
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returning merchandise at any Kmart, regardless of where it was purchased.
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What this means, is that you can pretty much return anything to Kmart, if
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it is sold at Kmart. You will receive the current price in of that
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merchandise in the store. So, if you return something that is on sale,
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you will get the sale price. If you wait until after the sale, you will
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get the regular price. In fact, should you be so lucky as to get into the
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Kmart garbage room, you can get broken merchandise (although it is usually
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destroyed, sometimes you get lucky), and return it for a full refund.
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Refunds mean that you will have your name and home address and phone
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number recorded, but they don't require identification, so you can leave
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any kind of data. Exchanges require no recording.
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Bogus Credit Card booklets: Every cashier has one of the booklets issued
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by credit card companies, listing their stolen credit cards. The employee
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or the store gets a $50 bonus for retrieving stolen credit cards. I have
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found it quite easy, however, to take off with one of these books, because
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they just lie around on top of the cash register within full reach.
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___________
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/ /
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/ Target /
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/__________/
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Target, the land of the red vests, doesn't have as many opportunities as
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Kmart, but nevertheless, some.
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Shoplifting: Target has on duty at all times at lease one
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"pseudo-customer." They are of all ages, but most don't push shopping
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carts around. The men usually walk around with a compact disc while the
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women usually have clothing of some sort. Frequently the security people
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are rotated among the stores in the district, so the Target employees
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don't even know who the "pseudo-customers" are. Of course, there are
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usually more at Christmas.
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If you see someone peeking around the end of an aisle at you, or following
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you around, they are watching you. If you are approaching the door with
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stolen merchandise, and you are a person that looks like an obvious
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trouble maker, you will hear a "Manager on duty nine nine nine" repeated
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twice, you soon see a lot of excited young men in red vests rapidly
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approaching the front doors. If you already outside the doors, you better
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kick it in the ass; Target employees will follow you, even pursue you in
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cars, through swamps, woods. If you ditch the merchandise, they will hunt
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that stuff down too, so they can nail you for it. If you are not out of
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the doors yet, leave the merchandise in a cart and walk out the door
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without it. You have to have the stuff out of the door before they can
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get you for shoplifting.
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As far as cameras, their ceiling panels have holes in them, and the
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cameras are hidden above. It is nearly impossible to determine where the
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cameras are, or where they are recording. They will watch the employees
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also; there are cameras in employee areas. Occasionally, there are
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two-way mirros in the store, but they aren't often used and are less
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effective than cameras.
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Fires: If you run out of a fire door, an alarm will sound and an employee
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will be there as soon as possible, and another employee will either call
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"Security" if they see someone running from the door (theft suspicion) or
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call "Manager on duty" if the door opening was an accident. If you hear
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"Code Red xxx department" repeated 3 or 4 times, there is a fire in the
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xxx department. If you want to see another large group of excited young
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men in red vests rapidly approaching a department with fire extinguishers,
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just go up to any in-store phone, dial 4 to get the intercom and say the
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above page. To dial out on an in-store phone, dial 9, and if you get
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another dial tone, you have an outside line, and if you get a busy signal,
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then you can not dial out of that phone.
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Returns of merchandise: When returning any merchandise without a receipt,
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Target will give you the last sale price of that merchandise instead of
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the sale price. If you return something without a receipt valued over
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$100, they will record your name and keep the record for a month, for
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comparison purposes (i.e. you are returning a lot of merchandise).
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Identification is required if a refund is issued for an item over $100.
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Exchanges can be made for the same item, for any reason (you can't
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exchange shoes for bowling balls, etc...).
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_______________
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/ /
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/ In closing /
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/______________/
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In closing we would like to add several things. Both of these stores have
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very good security, and theft and mischief is a hell of a lot easier in
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other stores. Nevertheless, people will try. Of course, this information
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will change if too many people know about it. As far as any personal
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reasons for making this file, we said "What the phuck..." Ha ha ha....
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_ _____
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\ | | | | / \ | ___> /
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| the >-< ysterical | | ne | & | |______> r e e o n |
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/ | | |_| \ / \
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Typed March 10th, 1988 at 8:29:39 pm.
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Call the Temples of Syrinx....3/12/2400 baud...40 Megs......
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/701/237/5439
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Ask about access to the hidden elite section, the Altar.
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.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;.,;
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This has been a What-the-Phuck production
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;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.;,.
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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The Salted Slug Strange 408-454-9368
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510-527-1662
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Tomorrow's 0rder of Magnitude Finger_Man 415-961-9315
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My Dog Bit Jesus Suzanne D'Fault 510-658-8078
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New Dork Sublime Demented Pimiento 415-566-0126
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