147 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
147 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
WAYS TO HAVE A CHEAP THRILL... AT THE
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EXPENSE OF LAW-ABIDING AMERICAN
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CITIZENS:
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1) ORDER A BB MACHINE GUN. THEY GO FOR
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ABOUT $10 IF YOU SHOP AROUND, AND ARE
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CAPABLE OF WREAKING TOTAL HAVOC. THEY
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CAN HOLD AROUND 1000 BB'S, ARE LIGHT-
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WEIGHT (PLASTIC, PVC) COME WITH
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SHOULDER STOCK, AND CAN BE POWERED WITH
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A STANDARD FREPON CAN, OR COMPRESSOR.
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2) ASSEMBLE SOME HOME-BREW MX MISSILES.
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GO OUT AND BUY A DOZEN SMALL ESTES
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ROCKETS - ONE STAGE, NO CHUTE NECESSARY
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(NOSE CONE SHOULD BE REMOVABLE) AND
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PREFERABLY ONE WITH A HOLLOW, PLASTIC
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NOSE PIECE. THEY COST AROUND 3 DOLLARS
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A THROW. ARM THESE WITH M-80'S (OR ANY
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OTHER DEATH DEVICE) TIGHTLY PACKED
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IN THE NOSE CONE. USE A C-ENGINE WITH
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A FUSE OR ELECTRIC LAUNCHER. THE KICK-
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BACK FROM THE ENGINE SHOULD, IF THE
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BODY IS SHORT AND YOU DON'T USE WADDING,
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IGNITE THE FUSE. I'VE FOUND
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BEST SPORT IS TO FIRE THESE BUGGERS AT
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PASSING BOATS AND SHIPS FROM THE WEST
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SIDE (DESERTED) ELEVATED HIGHWAY AT
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NIGHT. USE ABOUT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE FOR
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OPTIMUM BANG-FOR-THE-BUCK
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3) ONE OF THE BEST THINGS TO DO TO A
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PHONE BOOTH WITH A WHITE PAGES BOOK
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ATTACHED TO IT, IS TO USE A TORCH TO
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MELT THE BACK OF THE HANDSET AND WELD
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IT TO THE PLASTIC COVER OF THE BOOK
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4) PHONE PHUN - IF YOU ARE BORED OF
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CHEATING GM EXECS OUT OF DOUGH BY USING
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THEIR ACCOUNTS ON TRAVEL NET AND
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CALLING OUTER MONGOLIA, TRY SOME >REAL<
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PHONE PHUN. BE IMAGINATIVE. ASK
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KEDORG ABOUT THE TIME HE GOT A WOMAN TO
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CUT OFF HER PHONE'S GREEN (RECEIVING)
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WIRE... HE EVEN HAS A TAPE OF THE
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SESSION THE NICE THING ABOUT PHONE PHUN
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IS THAT IT IS ABSOLUTELY ALMOST FREE.
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YOU CAN ALSO DO SOME AWESOME STUFF IF
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YOU HAVE MULTIPLE LINES. TRY CALLING
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DIAL A PRAYER AND CONNECTING IT WITH
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SOME POOR SLOB. HE'LL THINK DIAL A
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PRAYER MADE THE CALL.... OR IF YOU
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WANNA SEE FEATHERS FLY, AND CHICKENS
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SQUABBLE, CALL TWO OPERATORS AND PATCH
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'EM IN TOGETHER.
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5) BB GUN FUN - IF YOU HAVE A GOOD BB
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GUN WITH A SCOPE, YOU CAN DO SOME
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AMAZING DAMAGE. I HAVE A CROSSMAN 766
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WITH A BUSHNELL 4X SCOPE WHICH ALLOWS
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ME TO USE .177 CAL. PELLETS, OR 5 BB
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ROUNDS SHOT-GUN STYLE. KILLINGEONS IS
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FUN
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WHAT WAS I UP TO? 6? ANYWAY, A GOOD BB
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GUN WITH PELLETS AT 650-700 FPS CAN
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KNOCK OUT A GOOD PLATE WINDOW FROM 100
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YARDS OR SO. DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF
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POINT THE PELLET HAS, YOU CAN MAKE
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PUNCTURE HOLES, OR SMASH THE ENTIRE
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WINDOW
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8) WRIST ROCKETS - OK, SO YOU'RE TOO
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CHEAP TO BUY A RIFLE... THEN GO OUT
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AND GET A WRIST ROCKET. ALTHOUGH THEY
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ARE SUBSTANTIALLY LESS POWERFUL, THEY
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CAN BE EFFECTIVELY EMPLOYED AS TERROR
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INSTRUMENTS. IF YOU'RE STRONG, YOU CAN
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KNOCK OUT MOST NORMAL WINDOWS AT 100
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YARDS. SEE IF YOU CAN KNOCK OUT A BUS
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WINDOW... I SWEAR TO GOD, THOSE NEW GM
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BUSES HAVE WINDOWS MADE OF TITANIUM OR
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SOMETHING.
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8) YOU CAN WREAK MUCH HAVOC OFF A GOOD
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ROOF AS WELL. ASK MR. DEATH ABOUT
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THAT! IN GENERAL, YOU WANT TO BE ON AS
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HIGH A ROOF AS POSSIBLE WHICH WILL
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ALLOW ACCURATE BOMBARDMENT. THIS WAY,
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ESPECIALLY IF THE BUILDING HAS SEVERAL
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APTS. AND TERRACES, YOUR TARGET WILL BE
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UNABLE TO LOCATE YOU. FIREWORKS
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DROPPED FROM ROOVES IS ALWAYS
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ENTERTAINING. EGGING IS AN EXCELLENT
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WAY TO PASS SOME TIME TOO. DURING
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PARADES AND SHIT YOU CAN REALLY WREAK
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TREMENDOUS DISRUPTION BY THROWING EGGS
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BY THE DOZEN INTO THE CROWD. THE
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FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN WAS MR.
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DEATH EGGING A WOMAN IN THE WEST
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VILLAGE HALLOWEEN PARADE WHO DRESSED AS
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A CLOWN... THE EGG JUST LANDED OIN HER
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TECHNICOLOR AFRO-WIG AND SHOWERED HER.
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9) PIGEON FUN - THIS IS REALLY A
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SEPARATE CATAGORY FOR YOU PIGEON
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DIE-HARDS OUT THERE. I MENTIONED
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PLUGGING THEM WITH BB'S... YOU CAN ALSO
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TRY: TYING THEIR LEGS TOGETHER... JUST
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WATCH THES TRY TO LAND ON A LEDGE;
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TYING M-80S TO THEIR FEET... WHAT A
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TRIP! TYING STRING AROUND THEIR BODY
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SO THEY CAN'T USE THEIR WINGS AND
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DROPPING THEM OFF A BUILDING, AND MY
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ALL TIME FAVORITE, STRAPPING THEM TO AN
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ESTES HOME-BREW MX MISSILE, AND
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WATCHING THE FEATHERS FLY.
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10) FLY FUN - THIS IS MY LATEST HOBBY.
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MY HOUSE WAS RECENTLY INVADED BY A
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SWORM OF SICKLY HUGE (I MEAN >HUGE<)
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FLIES, AND I HAVE BEEN DEVISING
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CONSTRUCT- IVE WAYS OF TERMINATING
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THEM... AND I HAVE COME UP WITH SEVERAL
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EFFECTIVE AND ENTERTAINING MEANS.
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MY FAVORITE WAY IS TO SHOOT THEM WITH
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RUBBER BANDS (THICK, STRONG). REMEMBER
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TO HAVE A VACUUM HANDY THOUGH, SINCE
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THEY USUALLY BREAK UP INTO ITY-BITY
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PIECES. TRY SWATTING THEM IN MID-AIR.
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IF YOU HIT THEM HARD ENOUGH, YOU CAN
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HEAR THEM GO "CLICK" AND SAIL ACROSS
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THE ROOM... THEM FIND THEM AND DISPOSE
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OF THEM. ALTERNATIVELY, IF YOU FIND
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THEM AND THEY ARE ONLY STUNNED, TAKE A
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SPOOL OF THREAD AND TIE THE END AROUND
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ITS NECK. LEAVE THE SPOOL WITH SOME
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SLACK IN A VISIBLE PLACE, AND YOU HAVE
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AN INSTANT CONVERSATION PIECE! JUST
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IMAGINE WHAT YOUR FRIENDS WILL THINK!
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THIS IS NOT ADVISABLE WITH NYC FLIES...
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YOU WILL PROBABLY CONTRACT A TERRIBLE
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DISEASE AND DIE A FIERY DEATH. FLY'S
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REVENGE.
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BY: MISTER YANSU.
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