252 lines
9.7 KiB
Plaintext
252 lines
9.7 KiB
Plaintext
CALL:
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THE RAINBOW'S END (203) 453-1089
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THE EXCELSIOR (203) 934-5998
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/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
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\\///\/\\ HOW TO //\/\\\//
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//\ HIJACK A SCHOOL BUS \\
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\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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DONATED BY: THE LEPRECHAUN
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BEFORE I START, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO CLARIFY A FEW POINTS. FIRST, THIS
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SCHEME HAS ONLY BEEN TRIED ON THE BLUE JAY SERIES OF YELLOW BUSSES...I CANNOT
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GUARANTEE THAT IT WILL WORK ON OTHER TYPES OF SCHOOL BUSES. THE SECOND POINT
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IS THAT THIS SYSTEM RELIES ON THE FACT THAT OPENING THE EMERGENCY DOOR OF A
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SCHOOL BUS WILL SET OF AN ALARM. IN ORDER TO THWART THIS SCHEME, MANY BUS
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DRIVERS HAVE DISABLED THIS. BE SURE THAT THEY HAVE NOT DONE SO BEFORE YOU
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START.
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THE FIRST STEP IN HIJACKING A SCHOOL BUS IS TO GET TO THE BUS YARD, UN-
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NOTICED ON THE BUS, AFTER EVERYONE ELSE HAS GOTTEN OFF. IN ORDER TO DO THIS,
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SLIP QUIETLY ONTO THE BUS, SNEAK BACK TO THE LAST SEAT, AND DUCK DOWN. DO NOT
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BE NOTICED!! THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!! NEXT, WAIT UNTIL THE BUS GETS TO THE
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BUS YARD. WHEN, AND ONLY WHEN IT DOES, MAKE SURE THE BUS DRIVER IS LOOKING THE
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OTHER WAY, AND QUIETLY STAND UP. WITH ONE SWIFT MOTION, OPEN THE EMERGENCY
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EXIT AND LEAP OUT. WITH LUCK, THE BUS DRIVER WILL NOT LOOK BACK UNTIL YOU ARE
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OUT OF SIGHT. THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT STEP. IF POSSIBLE, FIND SOMEONE WHO
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IS WILLING TO LET YOU PRACTICE ON THERE SCHOOL BUS... WHEN YOU ARE OUT OF THE
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BUS, CROUCH OVER AND WALK UNDER THE BUS TOWARD THE FRONT. WHEN YOU GET TO THE
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FRONT, WAIT UNTIL THE BUS DRIVER GOES TO THE BACK, AND JUMPS OUT OF THE BUS
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LOOKING FOR YOU. IF HE DOES NOT DO SO, THROW SOMETHING THAT WILL ATTRACT HIS
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ATTENTION OUT FROM UNDER BUS, LIKE A SPARE TIRE (WHICH CAN BE HIDDEN ON YOUR
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PERSON). WHEN HE IS OUT OF THE BUS, QUICKLY CLIMB IN THE FRONT (IT IS VERY
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EASY TO PRY THE FRONT DOOR OPEN...) AND DRIVE AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. YOU
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KNOW OWN A SCHOOL BUS, HAVE PHUN!
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NOTE: THE ABOVE PROCEDURE RELIES ON THE FACT THAT THE AVERAGE SCHOOL BUS
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DRIVER HAS AN I.Q. LOWER THAT THE SCHOOL BUS NUMBER. IF THE DRIVERS ARE ON
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STRIKE, AND THE PRINCIPAL IS DRIVING YOUR BUS, WAIT! REMEMBER, PATIENCE IS A
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VIRTUE...
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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SEE PART 1, BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE HAS, AND YOU FEEL LEFT OUT AND STUPID....
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AND NOW, THE FILE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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((((((HOW TO HIJACK A SCHOOL BUS))))))
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***************PART II****************
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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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DONATED BY THE LEPRECHAUN
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MY PREVIOUS FILE HAS BEEN THE SUB- JECT OF SEVERAL KEY QUESTIONS. I WILL
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ATTEMPT TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS. BUT FIRST, IN ORDER TO ANNOY YOU, THE
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READER, AND UNDERMINE THE FLOW AND RHYTHM OF THIS FILE, I PRESENT THE FOLLOWING
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DISCLAIMER:
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+------------------------------------+
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\ THIS FILE, AND THE PREVIOUS FILE \
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\ OF THE SAME NAME ARE NOT THE RE- \
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\ SPONIBILITY OF THE AUTHOR, NOR \
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\ WAS I IN CONTROL OF MY ACTIONS ON \
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\ THE SATURDAY NIGHT THAT I WROTE \
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\ THEM. ANY IDIOT WHO IS ACTUALLY \
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\ STUPID ENOUGH TO TRY THIS BELONGS \
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\ EITHER IN FLOWERY HILLS INSTITUTE \
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\ FOR THE CHRONICALLY ASSININE, OR \
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\ ON THE EXCELSIOR BBS! \
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\ \
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\ IF EITHER FILE CONTAINS ANY REF- \
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\ ERENCE TO ANY ILLEGAL ACTION, \
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\ DON'T BOTHER ME! CHEW YOUR FIN- \
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\ GERS OFF AND DIE FOR ALL I CARE! \
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\ AND REMEMBER: \
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\ \
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\ LIFE IS A HARD ROAD... \
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+------------------------------------+
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ANYWAY, BACK TO THE MAIN FEATURE...
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THE FIRST QUESTION I RECEIVED WAS:
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"WHAT DO I DO WITH THE SCHOOL BUS ONCE I HAVE IT?"
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I OFFER THE FOLLOWING SUGGESTION:
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1) PAINT IT HOT PINK AND SELL IT TO CINDY LAUPER.
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2) WATERPROOF IT AND SELL IT TO PAUL MCCARTNEY.
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3) CUT OFF THE WHEELS AND SELL IT TO THE NYC DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION.
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ANY MORE SUGGESTION? MAIL ME...
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THE NEXT MOST ASKED QUESTION WAS:
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"WHAT ACTUAL ILLEGAL DRUGS WERE YOU UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF WHEN YOU WROTE THE
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FILE?"
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WELL, I O.D.ED ON HOT CHOCOLATE! I WAS COLD AND IT WAS HOT, SO WHAT CAN I
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SAY?
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SORRY, BUT WE'RE OUT OF ROOM FOR NOW.
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TUNE IN NEXT TIME I GET MY ASS INTO THE TEXT EDITOR FOR:
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HOW TO HIJACK A SCHOOL BUS, PART III IN 3D!
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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DEDICATED TO THE P.L.O.: THEY TAKE BUSES THE OLD FASHION WAY...
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BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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/---------------------/
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/_____________________/!
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! ! !
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! HOW TO HIJACK A ! !
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! SCHOOL BUS ! !
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! ! !
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! PART III ! !
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! (IN 3D) ! !
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!____________________!/
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DONATED BY: THE LEPRECHAUN
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ALTHOUGH PART I OF THIS SERIES WAS PERFECTLY FINE FOR 90% OF ITS READERS,
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THERE WAS THAT 10% WHO WANTED TO TAKE IT THAT ONE STEP FURTHER: THEY WANTED
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HOSTAGES. SEVERAL REASONS WERE GIVEN FOR THIS:
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A) I CAN'T STAND THE KID WHO SITS BEHIND ME, AND I WANT _HIM_ IN THE BUS WHEN
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I PUSH IT OVER A CLIFF... B) I FEEL LONELY WITHOUT PEOPLE THROW- ING
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SPITBALLS AROUND AND DUMPING UNDERCLASSMEN OUT THE WINDOW... C) THERE'S
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THIS GIRL ON MY BUS, AND I WON'T SLEEP UNTIL SHE PUTS HER HAND ON...
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OOPS! I FORGOT! THIS IS A FAMILY FILE! PLEASE IGNORE REASON C ABOVE...
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THE ART OF TAKING HOSTAGES IS ONE OF THE MOST STUDIED, AND ADDS A SIG-
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NIFICANT AMMOUNT OF DIFFICULTY TO THE PROCEDURE...THEREFORE I MUST AGAIN URGE
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YOU: DO NOT TRY THIS ON MONDAYS! ITS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT _THAT_!
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THE FIRST STEP IS IN TAKING HOST- AGES IS TO GET THE HOSTAGES INTO A STATE IN
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WHICH THEY WON'T CARE IF YOU KIDNAP THEM. UNFORTUNATELY, MOST MATERIALS THAT
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COME TO MIND ARE FROWN- ED ON BY THE POLICE (AND WHO WANTS A BUSLOAD OF STONED
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HIGH SCHOOL KIDS?), AND HOT CHOCOLATE JUST DOESN'T HAVE THAT MAGIC EFFECT ON
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EVERYONE, SO I RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING MIXTURE:
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TWELVE (12) PARTS NIQUIL
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FOUR (4) PARTS LAUGHING GAS
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TWO (2) TAPE RECORDINGS OF RONALD REAGAN
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AND A PINCH OF SAND FOR GOOD LUCK...
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GRIND THE INCREDIENTS TO A POWDER AND MIX INTO A BOWL OF KOOL AID (OTHER
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FRUIT JUICES OR SODA CAN BE SUBSTITUTED--DO NOT USE COFFEE!)...
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NOW TAKE YOUR CONCOCTION TO SCHOOL. IN THE AFTERNOON, WHEN YOU LEAVE SCHOOL,
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TELL THE BUS DRIVER THAT IT IS YOUR AUNT'S BIRTHDAY (OR ANY SPECIAL
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OCCASION--NATIONAL HOLIDAY, HOWARD COSELL WAS KILLED IN AN AUTO ACCIDENT,
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ETC.). THEN GIVE A CUP OF PUNCH TO EACH PERSON ON THE BUS. NO MATTER HOW GOOD
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IT LOOKS, DO NOT DRINK IT YOURSELF: SAND GETS CAUGHT IN YOUR BRACES! IN 3-5
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MINUTES THE WHOLE BUS SHOULD BE IN SLUMBERLAND, STEP ON THE GAS AND GO
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SOMEWHERE SAFE.
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YOU NOW HAVE A SCHOOL BUS AND 45 SLEEPING KIDS, WHO WILL WAKE UP IN 2-3
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HOURS...
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NOTE: TIE UP THE DRIVER, AND LEAVE HIM SOMEWHERE...MOST DON'T LIKE KIDS WHO
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KIDNAP THEM...
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=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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MANY A COMPLAINT HAS ENTERED MY MAILBOX DUE TO THE FACT THAT MY PREVIOUS
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FILES HAVE NEVER ADDRESSED THE QUESTION OF HOW TO HIJACK A SCHOOL BUS WITH A
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COMPUTER! HACKERS AND PHREAKERS ALIKE WERE DISGUSTED WITH THE IDEA OF CRAWLING
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UNDER A BUS, AND POSSIBLE _DIRTYING THEIR NEW CORDS!_ (THIS FEAR WAS PREVELANT
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AMONG HOPKIN'S STUDENTS...). AND SO, AS AN ADDITION TO THE GROWING BASE OF
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HIJACKING FILES I PRESENT:
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+----------------------------+
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+-+ +-+ +-+-+ + +-+ +-+ +--+
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! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !1! ! !
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+-+ +-+ +-+ +-+ +-+ +-+ +--+
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! HOW HIJACK A SCHOOL BUS +------+
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+===================================!
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! PART IV (THE FINAL CHAPTER) !
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+-----------------------------------+
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\____/ \____/
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DONATED BY: THE LEPRECHAUN
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CALL THE RAINBOW'S END: (203)-453-1089
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IN ORDER TO USE YOUR COMPUTER TO HIJACK A SCHOOL BUS, YOU MUST FIRST LOCATE A
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SCHOOL BUS WHOSE NAVIGATIONS ARE CONTROLLED BY A COMPUTER, WHICH IS HOOKED UP
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TO A MODEM AND A WORKING PORTABLE TELEPHONE. THESE ARE FEW AND FAR
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BETWEEN...IN ORDER TO FIND A SYSTEM, I RECOMMEND A SCAN OF THE FOLLOWING AREA
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CODES:
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001
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002
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003
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004
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005
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006
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007
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008
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009
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010
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011
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..ETC.
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I KNOW THIS IS A LOT OF WORK, BUT I HAVE SPENT ALL OF MY COMPUTER TIME UP
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'TIL NOW SCANNING (AND ELIMINATING) THE TWO DIGIT AREA CODES...
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THIS MAY TAKE A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF TIME, AND I SUGGEST THAT YOU GET A FEW
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PEOPLE TO HELP U, WITH A COMBINED EFFORT OF 10-12 PEOPLE THE TASK SHOULD ONLY
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TAKE A MATTER OF WEEKS...
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ONCE YOU HAVE FOUND A WORKING SYSTEM, YOU MUST PENETRATE ITS DEFENSES.
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BECAUSE OF THE LOW AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE OF BUS DRIVERS, MOST BUS CONTROLLED BBS
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SYSTEMS USE THE NET- WORKS BBS SOFTWARE. FIND OUT HOW TO CRASH THIS
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ELSEWHERE...
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ONCE YOU HAVE ENTERED THE BBS YOU MUST USE THE (B)US CONTROL COMMAND TO
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DIRECT THE BUS TO YOUR LOCATION. THE LONGITUDE AND LATITUDE OF YOUR HOUSE CAN
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BE FOUND IN ANY LOCAL LIBRARY, OR CALL:
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1-800-LATITUDE
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HOPE THIS HELPS...
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NOTE: DUE TO A SHORT CIRCUIT IN MY WORD PROCESSOR, I WILL BE UNABLE TO GIVE
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A FOOL-PROOF MEDTHOD OF TAKING HOSTAGES WITH YOUR COMPUTER...SORRY!
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TUNE IN NEXT TIME THE FULL MOON RISES FOR HOW TO HIJACK A SCHOOL BUS PART V,
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THE FINAL CHAPTER, PART 2...
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===============================================================================
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==============================================================================
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___ ___
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(___><___) .....And if you enjoyed this TextFile, call The Works, 914's
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_\ =========
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