113 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
113 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
=====================================================================
|
|
HOW TO REALLY HAVE FUN WITH DRIVE-THRUS
|
|
=====================================================================
|
|
By: Commander Neff June, 1989
|
|
|
|
After reading several files about how to "have fun" at drive-thrus, and,
|
|
having the benifit of being an ex-fast food worker, there are a few things I
|
|
have to say.
|
|
|
|
THINGS THAT ARE POINTLESS TO DO:
|
|
------------------------------
|
|
|
|
--Yelling into the speaker. Some people seem to get a kick out of doing this,
|
|
but it is pointless as almost all drive thru systems have a volume control on
|
|
the order-takers end.
|
|
|
|
--Leaving trash from other resturants around. If someone comes into McDonalds
|
|
with a Burger King cup, who cares?
|
|
|
|
--When the order taker says something like "Anything else?", saying something
|
|
like "Did I ask for anything else" or anything to that effect is so unoriginal.
|
|
I must have heard that about 10 times a day.
|
|
|
|
--When the order taker asks for your order, saying "No thanks, I'm not hungry"
|
|
and driving off never bothered me a bit. That, too, happened about 10 times a
|
|
day.
|
|
|
|
Now, there are a few things you can do to really create anarchy. Probably
|
|
the best example of anarchy I saw was when an old fart drove thru the WRONG WAY!
|
|
Wow, that really fucked things up for awhile! Try it, as it will really congest
|
|
things...
|
|
|
|
OK, where I worked, the speaker was almost always breaking down. So, often,
|
|
customers would see a sign that said "OUT OF ORDER- PLEASE PULL THROUGH TO
|
|
WINDOW . THANK-YOU." Of course, when the speaker wasn't working, service was
|
|
about five times slower, because the food could not be prepaired while the
|
|
customer was waiting to get to the window. So, if you pull up to a drive thru
|
|
and there is nobody behind you, tape up a sign like that. People will drive up
|
|
to the window, and not order at the speaker. This will really slow things down
|
|
for awhile.
|
|
|
|
Another thing that slows things down is when, especially during a rush,
|
|
someone stalls. Wait until your the second car before the window, then turn off
|
|
your car. Get out, and pop the hood and look under it, etc... Oh no, my car
|
|
broke down again!
|
|
|
|
Well, here is something that is probably of little use, but this happenend
|
|
to me a few times. A couple of spics would come by, and, of course, couldn't
|
|
speak English. They had a hard time just saying the name of the food they
|
|
ordered, and when they got to the window, they couldn't grasp the concept of
|
|
$4.82. They also asked a few questions in Spanish. Well, I had had two years of
|
|
Spanish so I managed to communicate with them, but it was still hard. If you've
|
|
had a year or two of French or Russian or something, try pretending that you
|
|
don't speak English. Hehe, most fast food workers will be quite confused...
|
|
Order a bunch of stuff, and when they read it back to you, tell them "No,
|
|
no no it was 4 large fries, 3 small Cokes..." and say it real fast. Then when
|
|
they read it back to you again, change it around somemore... The poor cashier
|
|
will think he/she is fucking up, and will get real pissed. Then, at the end,
|
|
just say "Fuck it, give me 1 burger and 1 fry."
|
|
|
|
If it's late at night or something... After you place your order, say
|
|
something like "...And YOU, to go!" Create a little sexual inuendo. Harmless,
|
|
but fun... This happened to me several times. Some of the "conversations" got
|
|
pretty explicit...
|
|
|
|
Well, to sum it up- Drive thrus can be great fun. Just saying cute things
|
|
doesn't do to much...However, driving thru the wrong way sure does. Just keep
|
|
this in mind. If by some great chance, you happen to work at a fast food place
|
|
with a drive thru AND the attitude of the management is "We don't give a shit /
|
|
Piss off customers, great, less work for us" (like where I worked) here are a
|
|
few good things to try:
|
|
|
|
--When someone really fat comes by and orders 5 cheeseburgers, say "Better make
|
|
it two, you're too fat!" or "Better make that a DIET coke!"
|
|
|
|
--Throw their change into their car.
|
|
|
|
--"Thank you, please drive around carefully and watch for Manatees..."
|
|
|
|
--"We're closed, Fuck off and die."
|
|
|
|
--"Hello, would you like to try a taco supreme? They taste like shit, but they
|
|
only cost $.99!"
|
|
|
|
--"Would you like an order of whale penises to go with that?"
|
|
|
|
--"I'd like a taco, and a..."
|
|
|
|
"Sorry, we're out of tacos!"
|
|
"You're out of tacos?! Ok, I'll have a nacho supreme..."
|
|
"Sorry, we're out of nacho supremes..." etc.
|
|
|
|
--Find a dead bird, cat, etc. and put it on a hamburger bun. Would you like to
|
|
try our new McRoadKill?
|
|
|
|
Well, I'm sure you can think of more. But, these are all actual things that I
|
|
did or was around when they happened...
|
|
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|
|
That's just about it for now. I take no responsibility for any terror induced
|
|
hereafter...Remember- you get out of a drive thru what you put in!
|
|
|
|
One last thing:
|
|
=============
|
|
|
|
Contrary to popular belief, fast food workers do NOT spend all their spare time
|
|
spitting in the food.
|
|
________________________________
|
|
| Powerage Circus (813)-371-3498 |
|
|
--------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|