67 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
67 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
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/BLACK SHEEP/
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Number 3 of 5 - Vol. 1
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"FUN THINGS TO DO WITH A DEAD ANIMAL"
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(Written by the Mongrel)
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You have any dead pets laying around? If so, I've got something
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for you! It is the common belief that once an animal dies, it is
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fairly useless. Well, I believe differently. If you follow the follow-
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ing directions you can have hours of family fun with your dead pet.
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(I, myself prefer cats because of their great flexibility, but most
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anything will do).
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1) HOT DEAD ANIMAL
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First, take any plain garden hose and stuff down your dead pet's
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mouth. Wait till it gets nice and fat and wiggly. Then you can invite
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your family and friends out to the backyard for an ol' fashioned game
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of "Hot Dead Animal" (A more exciting version of hot potato).
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2) THE DUSTER
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This one is fairly simple. Just fluff up your dead pet's fur
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nice and fluffy. Then just grab hold of its tail and swing it around
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any dusty area. This method is much more efficient than just the plain
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feather duster and a heck of a lot cheaper too!
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3) THE DOOR MAT
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This is another simple one. Just place your dead pet in front of
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the doorstep. Then all you have to do is get those letters you tape
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onto things (those little black ones) and stick the letters "W-E-L-C-
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O-M-E" onto it. No more mud tracked all over your nice, clean carpet!
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4) THE DART BOARD
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This method is very simple and can be done in a matter of minutes.
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Just grab four nails, a hammer, and a dead animal. Then nail your dead
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pet's four paws (assuming it has paws) to the wall, door, what have
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you, and you're ready for a great game of darts.
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SCORING: Front paws (10 pts), back paws (15 pts), head and neck
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area (25 pts), torso or body area (5 pts).
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5) THE DUFFEL BAG
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This one might take some practice, but you can do it. First, you
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must clean your dead animal out (you will need a strong pair of rubber
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gloves and a couple of full lysol air-fresheners). Then you can keep
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anything in it - clothes, money, maybe make-up and such (for you of the
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female persuasion out there).
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6) THE AIR-ODORIZER
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If you really want to shake up the family unit in your house hold,
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I've got something for you! When nobody is home, what you do is go up
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on the roof and place your dead pet up in the air conditioning. After a
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couple of long, hot days dead animals start to "odorize", if you will,
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the area in which they inhabit. But through the air-conditioning -
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PHEW! What a stench! All through the house. That'll get good ol' dad
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pissed off when he's gotta go find what's clogging it. Ha-ha-ha!
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