1072 lines
48 KiB
Plaintext
1072 lines
48 KiB
Plaintext
Subject: Desperado #3058: Every Tub on Its Own Bottom
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@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$
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DESPERADO, But Everybody Takes a Turn in the Barrel
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@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$@.>$
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CONTRIBUTIONS TO CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
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[t_parmenter@closet.enet.dec.com]
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SUBSCRIPTION REQUESTS TO COVERT::DESPERADO-REQUEST
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[desperado-request@covert.enet.dec.com]
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991 lines shy of an empty file
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Not an official publication. Forward with daring and whimsy. Circle the earth.
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Should you rip something off from here, be a sport and rip this header off too.
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So, here we are again, facing another new year. It is a leap,
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sure, but it's not a palindrome.
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=*=
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The Communists are down to their last billion people.
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=*=
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Not bought as a Christmas gift this year: American flag beach
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towel.
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=*=
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I watched only one of those "year-in-review" talking-head
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extravaganzas. That is, I watched as much as I could stand, that
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is, about ten minutes. This was on "Rod MacLeish" (he's
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Archibald's son and a "distinguished" ("old") newscaster on the
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Monitor Channel. He'd gotten together four more "distinguished"
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columnists and commentators. They were going over the August coup
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while I watched. Not a single one of these experts alluded to the
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notion that Gorbachev set the whole thing up himself. I mean,
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there he was in the Crimea, guarded, while the coup proceded. It
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failed and he emerged and "took charge", or so he thought. I have
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the strongest feeling that if the coup had succeeded. Gorby would
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have also emerged and "taken charge", giving the appearance of all
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kinds of vigorous getting rid of putschists and taking control of a
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much-strengthened central government, same as he tried to do after
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the failed coup.
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Anyway, here were these five old Washington duffers puzzling over
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why the failed coup led to Gorby's downfall when there are all
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kinds of indications that Yeltsin et cetera saw right through
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Gorby's plot and never gave him another chance to wield the scepter
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after his coup failed.
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This isn't an original theory, by the way, but the great propaganda
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machine has confined it safely to the political weeklies and thus
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kept it from the attention of readers of the New York/Washington
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Times/Post, where only approved news appears. The confusing thing
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is that the approval can come from either the outs or the ins, but
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both the outs and the ins have a vested interest in defining the
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scope (narrow), depth (shallow) and inclusiveness (keep the list
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short) of the issues.
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=*=
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These are the same folks who're all upset about Oliver Stone's
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"JFK". The premise, as above, is, "It's not nice to talk about
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things like that."
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=*=
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Another way of putting it: "Maintain the fiction."
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Gaffe = term used to designate occasions when politicians
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accidentally speak the truth.
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=*=
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By their commas, ye shall know them:
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"The commas are the most useful and usable of all the stops. It is
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highly important to put them in place as you go along. If you try
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to come back after doing a paragraph and stick them in the various
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spots that tempt you you will discover that they tend to swarm like
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minnows into all sorts of crevices whose existence you hadn't
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realized and before you know it the whole long sentence becomes
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immobilized and lashed up squirming in commas. Better to use them
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sparingly, and with affection, precisely when the need for each
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one arises, nicely, by itself."
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-- Lewis Thomas, "The Medusa and the Snail".
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BUT GRACE, THEN ANYONE WILL BE ABLE TO PROGRAM!
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From: DECWRL::"janet@bostech.com"
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To: closet::t_parmenter
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CC: Charla.Mustard-Foote@east.sun.com
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Subj: Grace Hopper -- RIP
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Tom,
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Charla said I should whip something out for desperado. So here it is.
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Admiral Grace Murray Hopper died on New Year's Day.
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I still have the nanosecond she handed out when I heard her speak at DEC in
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1983. The nanosecond is a length of wire a little over 11 inches long,
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which represents the distance the electrons travel in a nanosecond. The
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Admiral wanted people to understand graphically exactly how long a
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nanosecond is. She handed them out at all her talks.
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This woman was my hero. I grew up at the tail end of the era when
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the nuns were still telling me girls couldn't be math majors. But when
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I read an article about Grace Hopper and COBOL, I knew they were wrong.
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Being a compiler developer, I viewed Grace Hopper as THE giant of
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computing. Having the opportunity to hear her speak, and the opportunity
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to speak with her for about 30 seconds, was one of the high points of
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my life.
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About 4 years ago, she was on The David Letterman Show. I never watch
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Letterman. I'm asleep at that time and I don't have a VCR. A friend called
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me, woke me up, and said "Go to your TV now. Grace Hopper is on Letterman"
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and hung up. I ran to my TV and watched the interview. She completely
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upstaged David Letterman. She had him just absolutely wrapped around her
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little finger. She was tough, salty, blunt, just wonderful. I wish
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I had that interview on tape.
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A friend of mine who knows nothing whatsoever about computers lives
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in the same apartment complex as Admiral Hopper in Arlington, VA.
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I remember his telling me that some lady admiral who did something
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with computers lived in his building. I practically jumped out
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of my chair exclaiming "Grace Hopper lives in your building!!!!!"
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about 10 times before I settled down and explained to him who
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she was and why I was so excited.
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This woman was something.
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RIP Admiral Hopper.
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Janet
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CHRISTMAS IN JAIL
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Just as I use NEMO:: to indicate an anonymous DECnet posting (even
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though there is a real NEMO:: I was there first), I have invented
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"omen.com" to serve the same function for Internet nodes, and, no,
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I don't care if there's a real omen.com either.
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From: DECPA::"a_friend@omen.com"
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To: closet::t_parmenter
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Subj: Reply to Christmas Desperado
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Tom,
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The story of "Brother John" touched me deeply. Alcohol does a number on
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family life and it always seems more awful at Christmas time than during
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the rest of the year, just because of the contrast with the media image of
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the fairy tale happy family. What strikes me is that each person who is
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going through the gray Christmases with the drunk relatives often thinks
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he or she is the only one going through this, that the entire rest of the
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country is gathered cheerfully around the Christmas tree drinking in
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moderation and enjoying the warmth and love. I've spent enough Christmases
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tainted by alcoholism and cocaine addiction and arrests and car wrecks to
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know that addictions, their consequences on the family, and the general
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misery don't stop for Christmas or any other holiday.
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Sometimes even through the misery there's a tiny glimmer of something
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though. Last Christmas Eve my cousin Bob, a heavy duty drug addict and an
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alcoholic, was arrested for violating his parole. He was spending
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Christmas Eve in the local jail alone and feeling sorry for himself. When
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the prisoners went outside into the yard for exercise, Bob spotted another
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inmate who looked familiar but he couldn't quite place him. This other
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inmate spotted Bob, recognized him, and approached him. "Bob? Bob Mumble?"
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"Yes." "It's me, Cousin Bill." So Bob and Bill had family to spend
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Christmas Eve with after all. Bob called his Mom to tell her how happy he
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was not to be alone on Christmas Eve after all. Bob is clean and sober
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now, miraculously. I don't know about Bill.
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Reading "Everyman"'s story brought to mind many memories of family
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Christmases both pleasant and unpleasant. It also stirred up in me a very
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personal feeling of overwhelming gratitude that, aware of my family
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heritage, I woke up and quit drinking the instant that I had a clue that I
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might not be in total control.
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If you should choose to include all or part of this in desperado, please
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please please do not use my name and please change the names of my
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relatives.
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Happy Christmas.
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Virginia
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VIRTUAL CHRISTMAS IN JAPAN
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From: DECPA::"kddlab!csl.rdc.toshiba.co.jp!jan@uunet.UU.NET"
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To: closet::t_parmenter
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Subj: Virtual Christmas
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This handy device was dreamed up in order to provide to those people whose
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religion or country doesn't come equipped with Christmas with the same
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thrills year after year that most Americans have long taken for granted.
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Tokyo has been extensively retrofitted and supports 90-95% Christmas
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compatible operation, such as tree lighting, long shopping lines, consumer
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hyping, and the ever elusive Christmas special.
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Extended features bring new levels of functionality to the Christmas
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oriented concept. Hotels throughout the city have been booked up by young
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couples planning to consummate their relationship after a night on the
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town.
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A word of caution, lest the unwary observer begin feeling the Christmas
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spirit: salarymen celebrate as did Bob Cratchit by putting in a good day's
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work at the office. "Bah Humbug," say they, to all of this newfangled
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virtual nonsense.
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NO, VIRGINIA, THIS IS *NOT* THE SPECIAL CHRISTMAS ISSUE
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From: LESLIE::leslie "andy leslie" 22-NOV-1991 07:28:12.21
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To: CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
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CC:
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Subj: Christmas is coming. So is Easter. Stock up on suntan oil...
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On one of my increasingly infrequent (I know that isn't english but you get the
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drift) trips to the USA, I recently popped into a candy store and looked for
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some candy for my kids. There, as Arlo Guthrie might have said, in the middle
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of the store, not next to anything else in the store, were easter eggs.
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Now, being a Brit, I had no idea that America had Easter Eggs in November, so
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maybe they're Thanksgiving Eggs? Do such things exist? I guess there's a dearth
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of real eggs because you're all off killing birds?
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SOmehow I was unsurprised that the 24 hour CVS had suntan oil on sale. It was 3
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a.m. when I hit the joint, looking for Ibuprofen to calm my headache caused by
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hotel central heating (my story and I'm sticking to it, despite the bar bills)
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and I guess they were really busy or something because all the tills were
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closed as the two women who were there that night stood and talked for a while
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behind the counter. So I opened my diet pepsi and the advil packet and
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proceeded to nuke said headache whilst they looked on. They chatted on and it
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was only after an extremely old-fashioned look from me that I got to pay for
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what I'd just about consumed at that point.
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Strawberries in Merrimack told me the new Genesis CD was out on 19th November,
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but there it was the next day at Lechemere on sale already. Clairvoyant sale?
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So what, I hear you ask, there's stupid shops and stupid shop assistants in the
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UK too. True. Just to prove it, C&A (a local department store) just stopped
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taking American Express cards but forgot to tell all their staff, so I received
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a phone call from an embarassed employee who had looked up my name&number in
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the phone book asking me to return and use a different method of payment for my
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kids trousers.
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Hmm.
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Enough rambling
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andy
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AT LAST, THE END OF CHRISTMAS
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From: DECPA::"Phill.Kelley@aarcbr.miden.com.au" 24-DEC-1991 20:32:34.09
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To: closet::t_parmenter
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CC:
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Subj: Desperado contribution
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G'Day Tom!
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Here's a little something from my local paper that I thought might be
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enjoyed by Desperado fans around the world. No need to hold it until
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next Christmas - send it out anytime.
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Keep up the good work!
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Regards, Phill
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///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////\
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Based upon an article by Michele Phillips in "The Canberra Times" Dec 17th
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1991. Canberra is the Washington-DC of Australia and is about 3 hrs drive
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south-west of Sydney.
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A SURE RECIPE TO OVERCOME CHRISTMAS PANIC ATTACKS
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There's a Christmas ad on television at the moment and, to be honest, I
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can't remember the product it's advertising because the characters are so
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fascinating they tend to take your mind off the message.
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But it involves a huge Christmas tree, professionally decorated by an
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interior designer (just like in Real Life), and a family that looks like
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it's about to attend a reception at the White House.
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Father hasn't crawled out of bed and pulled on a pair of Stubbies with a
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hole in the crutch (later to be pointed out by a visiting niece with her
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new Garfield ruler).
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No, he's wearing a suit, tie and a smug expression because, even though
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mother's been up since 4am, she's still smiling.
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The two perfect children and not running around seeing who's best at
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spitting peanuts through the revolving blades of the ceiling fan.
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They're opening their presents very sedately and you can see from the way
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they're dressed that they're the sort of children who won't whinge if they
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get undergarments and book vouchers.
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At first this advertisement made me laugh hysterically but then I started
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to think: what if Christmases like this *really* happen and our house is
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the only one in the entire world that resembles bedlam, complete with
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staring-eyed adult inmates?
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Maybe it's completely abnormal to have panic attacks in Target and to hate
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making Christmas cakes because nobody eats them anyway.
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And I got very worried and depressed so I phoned my support group (Terry
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who lives up the road) and she came down with a cask of chardonnay and a
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photocopy of a recipe for curing Christmas.
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And it's so good, this recipe, that I'd like to share it with all those
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closet Christmas-haters that Terry assures me exist.
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You need to make it on Christmas Eve and you'll need water, butter, sugar,
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eggs, dried fruit, baking soda, salt, brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts and a
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bottle of whisky.
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* * *
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First, sample the whisky to check for quality.
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Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. Pour one level cup and drink.
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Repeat.
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Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large, fluffy
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bowl. Add one spoontea of sugar and beat again.
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Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup.
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Turn off the mixer, break two eggs into the bowl and chick in a cup of
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dried fruit. Mix on the turner.
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If the fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
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Sample the whisky again to check for tonsisticity.
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Next, sift two cups of salt or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
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Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one tbsp of drown sugar
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or whatever color you can find.
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Wix mell, grease the oven and turn the cake pan to 180 degrees.
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Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window,
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check the whisky again and go to bed.
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With any luck, you won't wake up until Boxing Day and by then the worst
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will be over.
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WILL PHANTOM BOMBS BE AMERICA'S DETERRENT?
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Albuquerque - America's nuclear arsenal of the future could consist mainly
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of "virtual bombs" that exist only as digital data in computers. Factories
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will stand by, ready to turn these designs into real bombs made from
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plutonium and metal in case of a national emergency.
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Officials at nuclear weapons laboratories in the US call the plan "Long
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Shadow". Richard Wagner, a former scientist from Lawrence Livermore
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National Laboratoriesin California, began promoting the idea while he was
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working at the Pentagon several years ago. He says that future adversaries
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will be deterred by the US's potential nuclear arsenal, rather than by
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actual nuclear weapons held on alert. "You might think of a nuclear
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factory as casting a long shadow into the future," says Wagner.
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The nuclear laboratories initially opposed the idea, he says. But after
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President Bush announced drastic reductions in the nuclear arsenal in
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September, the laboratories have "grasped it as a straw to float with".
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The laboratories are now promoting the idea because it will save money, yet
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allow them to continue their work. Under Long Shadow, they would continue
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to design successive generations of nuclear weapons, but most of the bombs
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would never be built and few would require testing. The machine tools
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required to manufacture them would stand ready for use in huge factories
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that would normally turn out only a few weapons each year.
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As part of this plan, scientists at the laboratories will no longer design
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bombs that are "the biggest and the neatest" yet nearly impossible to
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build, says Harry Saxton, director of manufacturing engineering at Sandia
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National Laboratories in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Wagner agrees: bombs of
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the future will be easy to build, reliable, and extremely safe. This means
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that in order to produce the same amount of destructive blast as today's
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bombs, the weapons will have to use more fissionalble material and wiwll be
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two to three times as heavey.
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Saxton says that the laboratories need to continue to develop new designs
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for nuclear weapons to incorporate new technology. As an example, Sandia
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is currently developing a fusing and firing mechanism for nuclear bombs
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that is based on pulses of light through optical fibres rather than
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electronics. According to Paul Robinson, Sandia's vice-president for
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laboratory development, this mechanism will be safer, because it eliminates
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the need to shield it from stray electrical current.
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Long Shadow should reduce the need to carry out nuclear tests, which are
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very expensive, says Saxton. According to Wagner, nuclear bombs could be
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desinged to be reliable for at least 50 years without further testing.
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Currently, many tests are carried out simply to make sure that bombs in the
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stockpile still work as designed.
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-- New Scientist, 7 December 1991
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=*=
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From: MAST::REISERT "Jim -- MLO3-6/B9"
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To: Desperado,blort::flamingo,dave,doug,ruth,rumor::falek
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Subj: Computer virus use cited in Gulf War
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Virus - Computer virus use cited in Gulf War
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{The Boston Globe, 12-Jan-92, p. 12}
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Several weeks before the start of the Gulf War, US intelligence agents
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inserted a computer virus into a network of Iraqi computers tied to that
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country's air defense system, a news magazine reports. US News and World
|
|
Report said the virus was designed by the supersecret National Security Agency
|
|
at Fort Meade, Md., and was intended to disable a mainframe computer. The
|
|
report, citing two unidentified senior US officials, said the virus appeared
|
|
to have worked, but it gave no details. It said the operation may have been
|
|
irrelevant, though, since the allies' overwhelming air superiority would have
|
|
ensured the same results of rendering the air defense radars and missiles
|
|
ineffective. The secret operation began when American intelligence agents
|
|
identified a French-made computer printer that was to be smuggled from Amman,
|
|
Jordan, to a military facility in Baghdad. The agents in Amman replaced a
|
|
computer chip in the printer with another microchip that contained the virus
|
|
in its electronic circuits. By attacking the Iraqi computer through the
|
|
printer, the virus was able to avoid detection by normal electronic security
|
|
procedures, the report said. "Once the virus was in the system, the US
|
|
officials explained, each time an Iraqi technician opened a 'window' on his
|
|
computer screen to access information, the contents of the screen simply
|
|
vanished," US News reported. The report is part of a book, based on 12 months
|
|
of research by US News reporters, called "Triumph without Victory: The
|
|
Unreported History of the Persian Gulf War," to be published next month.
|
|
|
|
<><><><><><><><> T h e V O G O N N e w s S e r v i c e <><><><><><><><>
|
|
|
|
Edition : 2491 Monday 13-Jan-1992 Circulation : 8084
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
From: DECWRL::"guy@odi.com"
|
|
To: closet::t_parmenter, jo@odi.com, ruth@ksr.com
|
|
Subj: along the lines of "lights on but nobody home"
|
|
|
|
I heard this while spending Christmas in the Deep South:
|
|
|
|
"He couldn't find his butt with two hands and a hound dog"
|
|
|
|
uttered by James S. Stuart, one of my old highschool buddies.
|
|
|
|
-- Guy
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
TWO SLIGHTLY DIFFERING VIEWS
|
|
ON SEEING IN STEREO
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
From: 3D::HAINSWORTH "Chia Club for Men"
|
|
To: CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
|
|
CC: HAINSWORTH
|
|
Subj: Stereo pair
|
|
|
|
Hi Tom,
|
|
|
|
I can't just look at these things and make them come into focus, but here's
|
|
what I do:
|
|
|
|
- Shut your left eye
|
|
|
|
- Hold up your index finger about 1/2 way from your eye to the screen.
|
|
|
|
- Position your finger so that the tip appears to be below the feet of the
|
|
left juggler.
|
|
|
|
- Now open your right eye and focus on the screen. You should see two images
|
|
of your finger.
|
|
|
|
- Move your finger so that the other image of it appears directly below the
|
|
right juggler, while keeping the first image directly below the left juggler.
|
|
|
|
- When both images of your finger are centered under their respective jugglers,
|
|
focus your eyes on your finger.
|
|
|
|
- Now look above your finger, where the two jugglers should be nearly merged.
|
|
It should be much easier to make them merge now.
|
|
|
|
This process works very well on regular tile patterns, too. If you don't feel
|
|
the walls closing in on you in public bathrooms, now you know how to make
|
|
them do so!
|
|
|
|
-John (who never quite grew up)
|
|
|
|
*****
|
|
|
|
Duane Starcher * o o
|
|
Memorial University S o o
|
|
St. John's, Newfoundland T o o
|
|
Canada E _ _o _ _ o
|
|
R o 0 / o 0 /
|
|
(duane@morgan.ucs.mun.ca) E _/@ _/ @
|
|
O | |
|
|
* _/ \_ _/ \_
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
From: DECWRL::"buff@pravda.cc.gatech.edu" "Richard Billington"
|
|
To: closet::t_parmenter
|
|
Subj: Seeing the jugglers ...
|
|
|
|
TECHNIQUE:
|
|
|
|
Fix your eyes on a point behind and between the two jugglers. Notice that
|
|
there are now more than two jugglers (four, actually). Move your head towards
|
|
the screen until the a set of these "unfocused" jugglers merge into one.
|
|
You'll see a 3-d juggler in the middle and the "flat" images in the periphery
|
|
(one on each side). Some people have enough control on the depth they are
|
|
focusing their eyes at that they can simply change the focal length and get
|
|
this overlapping effect. For the beginner, "pick" a focal length where the
|
|
jugglers stablize and then move your head until they merge.
|
|
|
|
(If you don't understand the first sentence in these instructions, put your
|
|
finger in front of your face and stare at it. One finger. Now look at a point
|
|
in the distance, but notice that there are now "two" fingers in your vision.)
|
|
|
|
Yea, I like it.
|
|
Duane Starcher * o o
|
|
Memorial University S o o
|
|
St. John's, Newfoundland T o o
|
|
Canada E _ _o _ _ o
|
|
R o 0 / o 0 /
|
|
(duane@morgan.ucs.mun.ca) E _/@ _/ @
|
|
O | |
|
|
* _/ \_ _/ \_
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
I like it too, but I'm still working on making it *do* it. I can
|
|
get tantalizingly close and then my mundane brain says no it's just
|
|
two pictures, stop trying to fool me, and snaps away.
|
|
|
|
While we're at it, the the master of the technical side of creating
|
|
of 3D comic books glories in the name of Ray Zone. Almost as good
|
|
as the name God gave great fly fisherman Art Flick.
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
From: CERN::JRS "John SHADE 'Attila the Nun'
|
|
To: CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
|
|
Subj: Contribution (?) to DESPERADO
|
|
|
|
Tom,
|
|
|
|
Thanks for having added me to your distribution list.
|
|
|
|
I presume that you're more interested in items of current interest, but
|
|
here's an extract from a British newspaper (I forget exactly which one
|
|
and the exact date) which, although old, is authentic.
|
|
|
|
-John
|
|
|
|
=========
|
|
|
|
The Government of Uganda recently asked the World Bank to find someone to work
|
|
in an undefined capacity for President Amin. The bank found a suitable recruit,
|
|
an Englishman, and cabled him an offer, adding: "You have a prepaid cablegram
|
|
of twenty-four letters in which to reply."
|
|
|
|
In precisely twenty-four letters his reply was: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
|
|
HA HA".
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
From: VAXUUM::CALIPH::binder "Magister dixit" 16-DEC-1991 14:49:51.99
|
|
To: vaxuum::parmenter
|
|
CC:
|
|
Subj: Re: Desperado #3056: You Do Something Stupid
|
|
|
|
> Did I read somewhere that we don't have to use those dopey state
|
|
> abbreviations anymore, MA, CA, MI, AK, CO? That it's okay to
|
|
> return to Mass, Cal (or the magisterial Calif), Mo, Ark and Colo?
|
|
|
|
Dopey state abbreviations is right. AK isn't Ark, AR is; AK is Alaska.
|
|
And MI isn't Mo, either, it's Mich. fergoshsake!
|
|
|
|
And you a former journalista, fershame.
|
|
|
|
-dick
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
Perhaps that's the point.
|
|
|
|
I wrote a bunch of checks this month with nine-digit ZIPs and
|
|
in every single case the number of the P.O. Box was the same as
|
|
the extra four ZIP digits.
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
From: DECWRL::"TINN@cgi.com" "Ryan D. Tinn"
|
|
To: closet::t_parmenter
|
|
Subj: The best quote I've heard about politics in a long time
|
|
|
|
"Cynicism, apathy and disgust is a perfectly rational
|
|
response to American politics."
|
|
|
|
- Molly Ivins
|
|
Texas Political Correspondent
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
From: DECWRL::"dlw@odi.com"
|
|
To: closet::t_parmenter
|
|
Subj: Desperado #3056: You Do Something Stupid
|
|
|
|
Everything which is created by intelligence alone is false.
|
|
|
|
Who said that one, Robert Gates?
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
From: LANDO::HAFNER
|
|
"If the opposite of CON is PRO, what's the opposite of PROGRESS???"
|
|
To: @HUMOR,BRIAN,DRIFT::WOOD,STONE,ELLEN,CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
|
|
Subj: Interesting stuff...
|
|
|
|
<The original author's name was apparently removed before I got this...>
|
|
|
|
Subject: I brought this stuff back from Ireland, and it's great!!!
|
|
|
|
Subj: For all you sophisticated brew consumers...
|
|
|
|
|
|
THIS IS NOT A COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENT
|
|
|
|
I had the good fortune to be invited to attend a very special beer happening
|
|
(am I dating myself with that term?) recently by Tom Dahldorf of the California
|
|
Celebrator. The event was Guinness' unveiling of their new product, Pub
|
|
Draught Guinness. Now, I can hear the lot of you saying to yourselves "Yeah,
|
|
yeah, another 'draft beer in a can', big deal". But this one is different.
|
|
For the most part this product actually does what it is supposed to do!
|
|
|
|
Anyone who has had Guinness Stout on draught and from a bottle knows there is a
|
|
vast difference between the two brews. The brewery makes no secret of the fact
|
|
that the recipes are different not only between the kegged version and the
|
|
bottled, but also between different bottled markets. Now the folks at Guinness
|
|
have developed a system which dispenses their stout from a can in such a way as
|
|
to rival a pub tap. They have been working on this for some 20 years and the
|
|
final method was preceded by over 100 failed attempts.
|
|
|
|
The problem has always been the fact that draught Guinness is (or should be)
|
|
dispensed with a mixture of Nitrogen and CO2 gasses rather than the
|
|
conventional CO2 alone. The nitrogen is used because it makes very fine
|
|
bubbles while it is not absorbed into the brew as the CO2 is, thus it does not
|
|
"over-carbonate" the beer. Also a special faucet is preferred which, in
|
|
combination with the gasses, creates that wonderful creamy brown head which
|
|
lasts to the bottom of the glass. The new can combines the original kegged
|
|
stout recipe with technology which creates the draught effect to a tee.
|
|
|
|
Dr. Alan Forage, creator of the technology, was on hand to explain the
|
|
mechanics of the new can. This is the way the system works: The 16.9 ounce
|
|
can (containing 14.9 ounces of beer) is fitted with a small plastic device
|
|
(Guinness calls it a "smoothifier") which sits in the bottom of the can. This
|
|
device has a pocket or cavity which is open to the atmosphere via a pin hole in
|
|
its top. The can is evacuated of oxygen and filled with beer. Prior to
|
|
sealing the can, a dose of liquid nitrogen is added to the beer. The can is
|
|
closed and as the liquid nitrogen warms a pressure is created. The pressure
|
|
forces about 1% of the beer and nitrogen into the plastic cavity. When the
|
|
can is opened, the pressure is released and the small amount of beer in the
|
|
cavity is forced back through the pinhole quite violently. The agitation
|
|
created by this "geyser" mixes the nitrogen with the beer in such a way as to
|
|
reproduce the tap handle character. Open up the first empty can you have in
|
|
order to see what the "smoothifier" looks like.
|
|
|
|
Prior to serving, the beer must be chilled. Guinness suggests a two hour stint
|
|
in a refrigerator, with a target serving temperature of 45-50 degrees (if
|
|
opened while warm, the beer gushes with excess force). This is the one area
|
|
where flavor will be variable since most American refrigerators hold their
|
|
temperatures closer to 35-40 degrees. We all know the colder the beer the less
|
|
the flavors are perceptible. Education will be the key here. The entire
|
|
contents should be emptied into a 16 ounce glass. The head which forms is
|
|
exactly like that of the draught version. And yes, it does last to the bottom
|
|
of the glass.
|
|
|
|
How does it taste? In my opinion, this is virtually the same as what you get
|
|
at a well maintained pub. The texture is right on. The flavor is wonderful.
|
|
I suspect there may be some slight differences as a result of the volume of the
|
|
package (14.9 ounces vs. 15.5 gallons) but I didn't notice any. According to
|
|
Declan Maguire, group marketing director of Guinness Import Company here in the
|
|
U.S., extensive taste comparisons were made throughout Ireland and England
|
|
during the development of the product. This includes side-by-side blind
|
|
tastings with the original version.
|
|
|
|
The cans come in packages of 4. The suggested price is $5.99. The stout is 4%
|
|
alcohol by volume. Guinness is releasing the new product in the San Francisco,
|
|
Chicago, and Baltimore/Washington D.C. areas to begin with. Locally, Safeway
|
|
stores are carrying it at $3.00/2 cans. The cans can be recycled just like
|
|
other aluminum ones. I suspect the insert is made from the same plastic which
|
|
is used to coat the inside of the can and will burn off during the recycling
|
|
process.
|
|
|
|
Congratulations to Guinness on the success of this new package.
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
Attributed to Tom Peters: "Someone in our research establlishment
|
|
once said that 'a distributed system is one where a system you've
|
|
never heard of and are not using can cause you to fail.'"
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
From: TLE::STERN "Grub first, then ethics."
|
|
To: CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
|
|
CC:
|
|
Subj: Another stupidity analogy
|
|
|
|
Akin to two bricks shy of a load (or hod):
|
|
|
|
Today's Globe (14 Nov 91) has a story about a bigamist who murdered
|
|
one of his wives. It's a bizarre story in its own write (sorry).
|
|
One of the people who knows the guy remarked that he's always been
|
|
|
|
TWO SANDWICHES SHORT OF A PICNIC.
|
|
|
|
/Geoff
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
From: STAR::DIPIRRO "I'd rather be pounding nails into my head"
|
|
To: CLOSET::T_PARMENTER
|
|
Subj: It has finally come down to this...
|
|
|
|
>From the opening of a speech by Garry Trudeau, the cartoonist, at Yale
|
|
University's Class Day last May--
|
|
|
|
"Dean Kagan, distinguished faculty, parents, friends, graduating seniors,
|
|
Secret Service agents, class agents, people of class, people of color,
|
|
colorful people, people of height, the vertically constrained, people of
|
|
hair, the differently coiffed, the optically challenged, the temporarily
|
|
sighted, the insightful, the out of sight, the out-of-towners, the
|
|
Eurocentrics, the Afrocentrics, the Afrocentrics with Eurailpasses, the
|
|
eccentrically inclined, the sexually disinclined, people of sex, sexy
|
|
people, sexist pigs, animal companions, friends of the earth, friends of
|
|
the boss, the temporarily employed, the differently employed, the
|
|
differently optioned, people with options, people with stock options, the
|
|
divestiturists, the deconstructionists, the home constructionists, the
|
|
homeboys, the homeless, the temporarily housed at home, and, God save us,
|
|
the permanently housed at home:"
|
|
|
|
=*=
|
|
|
|
From: Lang_Zerner@go.com
|
|
To: subgenius@mc.lcs.mit.edu
|
|
Subject: Yo, conspiracy theorists! Check this out...
|
|
|
|
More high wierdness...
|
|
|
|
If you enjoy conspiracy theories, check out the Spotlight. Their circular
|
|
arrived in my P.O. box yesterday, and I'm probably going to get a two-year
|
|
subscription ($66 for 104 weekly issues). With my subscription, they're going
|
|
to send me eight Spotlight special reports free. Reports 5, 6, 7, and 8 are
|
|
particularly interesting:
|
|
|
|
REPORT #1: How to Maximize Your Estate-Planning Options with a Durable
|
|
Power of Attorney.
|
|
|
|
REPORT #2: Greedy Drug Companies Profit by Limiting Your Rights to
|
|
Inexpensive Health Care.
|
|
|
|
REPORT #3: How to Probate-Proof Your Estate with a Revocable Living Trust.
|
|
|
|
REPORT #4: How to Use the Taxpayers' Bill of Rights.
|
|
|
|
REPORT #5: Drugs, Banks, and Money-Laundering: the Sordid Side of the Story
|
|
that the News Media Isn't Telling You. "In this new report, you'll read
|
|
the amazing eyewitness testimony of Lt. Col. James (Bo) Gritz, America's
|
|
most highly decorated Vietnam War veteran, [who] has revealed that a
|
|
handful of top-ranking U.S. diplomats and intelligence officials are
|
|
heavily involved in the heroin trafficking trade in Southeast Asia."
|
|
|
|
REPORT #6: The Secret Plan to Uproot the U.S. Constitution. "At least one
|
|
high-ranking government official, Attorney General Richard Thornburgh, is a
|
|
member in good standing of a secretive group of intellectuals and
|
|
politicians who advocate scrapping the U.S. Constitution."
|
|
|
|
REPORT #7: How You'll be Affected by a One-World Government. "The
|
|
Establishment press hasn't told you that the newly-emerging European
|
|
Superstate is just the prelude to a long-planned `One-World Government'--a
|
|
centralized government to which the United States and all the world's
|
|
countries would eventually become subservient!"
|
|
|
|
REPORT #8: A Group of Billionaires Meet Annually to Plan Your Future. "The
|
|
Bilderbergers are a secret group of powerful financiers, wealthy corporate
|
|
luminaries, handpicked politicos--and newscasters and journalists--from
|
|
around the world who meet quietly in some out-of-the-way luxury hotel to
|
|
plan the economic and political policies of the so-called `free' world.
|
|
...solid, documented proof of these meetings, and who attends them."
|
|
|
|
The flier also boasts that the Spotlight was the first to report "how
|
|
computerized voting machines are being manipulated to fix elections around the
|
|
country," first to reveal in early 1989 the existence of the plan to invade
|
|
Panama to get Noriega out, first to reveal "the truth about the burgeoning
|
|
BCCI banking and drug money laundering scandal." They also report that U.S.,
|
|
Canadian, and British military organizations have dumped "hundreds of
|
|
thousands of tons of deadly chemical weapons (including nerve gas) just off
|
|
U.S. and European coasts, and the deadly chemicals are already beginning to
|
|
bubble to the surface near the coast of Washington state."
|
|
|
|
However, the paper isn't completely out on the fringe (as is, for example,
|
|
Fortean Times). They've won two journalism awards this year from Project
|
|
Censored, a journalists' advocacy project at Sonoma State University. What's
|
|
more (this should send you running to get a subscription), while a senator,
|
|
Vice President J. Danforth Quayle had this to say about the Spotlight: "I
|
|
liked the stories on the NRA. I thought they were pretty good."
|
|
|
|
The Spotlight, 300 Independence Ave. SE, Washington, DC 20003. Weekly. Two
|
|
years (104 issues), $66; all eight special reports included. One year (53
|
|
issues), $36; choose two reports. 30-issue trial, $22.50; choose one report.
|
|
|
|
Be seeing you...
|
|
--The Rt. Rev. K'houtek Hypen-Dache
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
DEPARTMENT OF IRRESPONSIBLE EXPLOSIONS
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
From: grege@gold.gvg.tek.com (Gregory Ebert)
|
|
Newsgroups: rec.pyrotechnics
|
|
Subject: Re: RE: Lightshow a la Microwave
|
|
Organization: Grass Valley Group, Grass Valley, CA
|
|
Lines: 100
|
|
|
|
The Effect of 2.45Ghz Electromagnetic Energy on Various
|
|
Illumination Devices.
|
|
|
|
Technical Report # 4Q2-69-PYRO
|
|
|
|
Dated 30 May 1991
|
|
|
|
By Gregory J. Ebert, Sr. Pyro-destructor (ret)
|
|
|
|
Abstract: The effects of 2.45 Mhz E-M energy on various light
|
|
producing devices has been investigated and is presented here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
The investigation was initiated at approximately 20:22 PDT
|
|
on 29 May 1991 at the request of a fellow netlander.
|
|
|
|
Specimen number one is a conventional incandescent bulb
|
|
manufactured by General Electric and rated at 75 Watts at
|
|
120 volts RMS. Said item was placed into a household
|
|
microwave oven rated at 660 watts. Upon energizing, there
|
|
was approximately 0.75 to 1.0 seconds during which no
|
|
observable effect was noted. The investigation comittee
|
|
concluded that this period of time was the result of
|
|
equipment warm-up. The observable effects produced energy
|
|
in the luminous, audible, and thermal regions. Considerable
|
|
pulsating light primarily located in the violet section of the
|
|
visible light spectrum was observed. After 10 seconds of
|
|
exposure, said specimen was removed from test chamber and was
|
|
observed to be quite hot.
|
|
|
|
Specimen number two is a handful of NE-2 type neon lamps with
|
|
connecting wires of variuos lengths and shapes. Said specimens
|
|
were placed on an expenable dinner plate and placed into the
|
|
test chamber and exposed. All lamps produced orangish-pink
|
|
light at intensity levels approximately 20-30 times higher
|
|
than when used in-circuit per manufacturers specified lamp
|
|
current. Also observaed were sporadic electrical discharges
|
|
between device interconnect wires and audible popping. The
|
|
wife of the pricipal investigator was in the adjacent room
|
|
monitoring television broadcasts and concluded that popcorn
|
|
was being produced. A unanimous vote by the investigation
|
|
committee deferred further experimentation until said
|
|
experiments could be conducted discreetly.
|
|
|
|
Adjournment.
|
|
|
|
Principal investigator's wife was absent on the morning of
|
|
30 May 1991; committee voted unanimously to reconvene and
|
|
finish experiments.
|
|
|
|
Experimentation continued with specimen number two. Four devices
|
|
were selected at random, and placed upon an non-expendable dish
|
|
and inserted into test chamber. Exposure produced intense
|
|
orange-pink light (as expected), but electrical discharge
|
|
activity was notable reduced. After approximately 30 seconds
|
|
of total integrated exposure, on of the four specimens ceased
|
|
to produce luminous energy. Said specimen was examined
|
|
thoroughly and was found to have a hole through its enclosure.
|
|
It was postulated that arcing melted the glass, whereupon the
|
|
neon gas escaped. Adjacent to the hole was noticeable
|
|
black scarring of the non-expendable dish. Said dish was
|
|
rinsed then placed on the bottom of the stack with the belief
|
|
prinicpal investigator's wife would be least likely to notice
|
|
the damaged dish.
|
|
|
|
The remaining three functional units were subsequently
|
|
immersed in a glass of water and exposed to 2.45 Ghz e-m energy.
|
|
Orange-pink light was produced at previous intensity level,
|
|
but no discharges were observed. After 15 seconds of
|
|
exposure, bubbling was observed, followed by vigorous boiling
|
|
of the water.
|
|
|
|
Specimen number three was a group of red light-emitting diodes
|
|
(LEDs). After several seconds of exposure, no effects were
|
|
seen. Device leads were bent to form dipole antennae, and then
|
|
exposed. Only one subject produced a very short red flash.
|
|
Several subjects were cascaded to produce a dipole antenna which
|
|
had peak absorbtion nearer to the 2.45Ghz excitation. Upon
|
|
exposure, 2 subjects produced brilliant red flashes, then
|
|
exploded. Experimentation was stopped.
|
|
|
|
Specimen #1 was placed inside a blast shield fabricated from a
|
|
a container constructed of polymerized hydrocarbons to
|
|
hold a product of bovine lactation. Subject was exposed for
|
|
approximately 20 seconds and in addition to violet light, also
|
|
produced greenish and occaisionally white visible light.
|
|
Thermal activity reduced effectivity of blast shield, hence
|
|
experimentation was paused. Specimen was placed into a lamp
|
|
socket and energized with 120 volts AC at 60 Hz (sinusoidal),
|
|
and ceased producing light after 0.5 seconds. Subject was then
|
|
re-exposed to 2.45Ghz e-m radiation and continued to produce
|
|
violet visible-light emissions.
|
|
|
|
Due to logistical intricacies, the effects of 2.45Ghz e-m excitation
|
|
on a 48" long fluorescent tube could not be investigated inside
|
|
the approximately 1 cubic-foot test chamber. The committee offers
|
|
its apologies to the reader.
|
|
|
|
Conclusion: It was bitchin', man !
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
I'M REALLY SQUIRTING NOW!
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
I'll explain that headline next issue. But this new production
|
|
system is peachy and also keen. Computers: great slaves, lousy
|
|
masters.
|
|
|
|
Here's a few more of those unattributed quotes to round it out.
|
|
|
|
It's a double pleasure to deceive the deceiver.
|
|
|
|
If a wise man contends with a foolish man, whether he rage or
|
|
laugh, there is no rest.
|
|
|
|
The ideal is but the truth at a distance.
|
|
|
|
Every tub on its own bottom, but everybody takes a turn in the
|
|
barrel.
|
|
|
|
Yr. bdy,
|
|
|
|
Tom Parmenter
|
|
|
|
xxx
|
|
|
|
%%% overflow headers %%%
|
|
Apparently-To: romkey@asylum.sf.ca.us, donw%cognos.uucp@cunews.carleton.ca,
|
|
rowe@ll.mit.edu, doughty@ileaf.com, bill@bostech.com,
|
|
barry_goldstein@crd.lotus.com, goldy@capitol.ucar.edu,
|
|
nelson@cheetah.ece.clarkson.edu, jclosson@bbn.com, rsalz@bbn.com,
|
|
malis@bbn.com, kgk@rasna.com, kurt_kremer@mentorg.com, jrb@idx.com,
|
|
reti@riverside.scrc.symbolics.com, gate-desperado@dmc.com,
|
|
patman@lotus.com, mike@SLC.SLAC.Stanford.EDU, neilb@dcs.leeds.ac.uk,
|
|
booker@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu, chuckdp@hpulpcu3.cup.hp.com,
|
|
desperado@ontologic.com, desperado-local@think.com, simon_bate@go.com,
|
|
roger@dcs.leeds.ac.uk, lang_zerner@go.com, ezf@osf.org,
|
|
crimson@wpi.wpi.edu, erich@eye.com, ph@duticg.tudelft.nl,
|
|
cgay@phloem.uoregon.edu, sgk8887@venus.tamu.edu, rad@think.com,
|
|
amirault@csd4.csd.uwm.edu, coopers!mark@think.com, koolish@bbn.com,
|
|
drewry@cayenne.com, sueann@wri.com, kent@parc.xerox.com,
|
|
dfranklin@bbn.com, simons@think.com, bhoward@citi.umich.edu,
|
|
hman@violet.berkeley.edu, vanmeule@cup.portal.com, ajones@ccr2.bbn.com,
|
|
70673.515@compuserve.com, chf@lcs.mit.edu,
|
|
kimberly_michael@other.wri.com, nrt@watson.ibm.com,
|
|
mwk!kleinberger@menudo.uh.edu, adam@paix.sw.stratus.com,
|
|
autodesk!desk!mlb@fernwood.mpk.ca.us, neil@progress.com, seb3@gte.com,
|
|
s3536685@tethys.ucc.umass.edu, maxwebb@cse.ogi.edu,
|
|
slt@mace.cc.purdue.edu, annd@wri.com, cmaeda@cs.cmu.edu,
|
|
0003678587@mcimail.com, fritzson@prc.unisys.com, buff@cc.gatech.edu,
|
|
bywater!scifi!njs@uunet.uu.net, mspencer@quasar.sba.dal.ca,
|
|
spaf@cs.purdue.edu, desperado@list.prime.com, sao@athena.mit.edu,
|
|
mwilensky@hbs.hbs.harvard.edu, lparks@rnd.stern.nyu.edu,
|
|
bostech!watters@ai.mit.edu, mcohen@nmr-r.mgh.harvard.edu,
|
|
enoent@reed.bitnet, ssi!plj@uunet.uu.net, pb1p+@andrew.cmu.edu,
|
|
wonko@end.tufts.edu, munoz@oberon.com, akucer@bowdoin.edu,
|
|
dab@bat.gsfc.nasa.gov, jbilotti@ulowell.ulowell.edu,
|
|
ers@psyche.mit.edu, cks@hawkwind.utcs.toronto.edu,
|
|
karen.l.sluzenski@mac.dartmouth.edu, ocms@vax.oxford.ac.uk,
|
|
ddgarcia@sprite.berkeley.edu, jan@csl.rdc.toshiba.co.jp,
|
|
bailey%cy@otto.ycc.yale.edu, ward@intellicorp.com,
|
|
moon@cambridge.apple.com, janet@bostech.com, hhersh@east.sun.com,
|
|
lisa@cmi.com, mcclure@craycos.com, jbarker@jade.tufts.edu,
|
|
skaye@dawn.hampshire.edu, eliot@dg-rtp.dg.com,
|
|
catherin@psych.toronto.edu, ghsvax!oasys!jeanne@uunet.uu.net,
|
|
psawyer@east.sun.com, visual!rwh@uunet.uu.net, spicer@tci.bell-atl.com,
|
|
charla@east.sun.com, wilkon@flood.ml.csiro.au,
|
|
gtillotson@hbs.hbs.harvard.edu, tanner@ki4pv.compu.com,
|
|
dgil@pa.reuter.com, gkn@sds.sdsc.edu, tycast@bcrvmpc1.iinus1.ibm.com,
|
|
markr@hpwapr.wal.hp.com, billms@dip.eecs.umich.edu, jr@bostech.com,
|
|
majk@lotatg.lotus.com, mattk@eddie.mit.edu, cook@unixland.natick.ma.us,
|
|
decvax!motbos!mcdbos!remanco!chuck, capek@yktvmt.bitnet,
|
|
desperado-lovers@ksr.com, chucko@charon.arc.nasa.gov,
|
|
david@bgunve.bitnet, ebm@ibm.com, bywater!scifi!nrtpc!nrt@uunet.uu.net,
|
|
apache!fgk@uu.psi.com, jleah@athena.mit.edu, fitz@wang.com,
|
|
dubin@ilog.fr, joseph@laputa.com, rsl@MAX-FLEISCHER.SF.DIALNET.ILA.com,
|
|
rubin@media-lab.media.mit.edu, tk@life.ai.mit.edu,
|
|
mis@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU, cally@lucid.com,
|
|
incoming-desperado@cisco.com, abeals@autodesk.com
|
|
%%% end overflow headers %%%
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
|
|
|
|
Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
|
|
|
|
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
|
|
Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
|
|
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
|
|
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
|
|
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
|
|
|
|
Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
|
|
arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
|
|
insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
|
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|
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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|
|
|
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
|
|
|
|
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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