131 lines
6.9 KiB
Plaintext
131 lines
6.9 KiB
Plaintext
Things That Go 'BOOM' and Other Stuff That Rulez
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Issue Four
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Written by
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High Wizard Cerberus
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Count Zero
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Shroud of Deception
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Gut Shoveler (Gutz)
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616.775.2945
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4-14-94
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WARNING: Don't try this at home. If you're stupid enough to try any of this
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shit, we're not responsible. We aren't gonna pay your hospital bills because
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you blew off your thumb. We'll just laugh at you. WE AREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR
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ANY DAMAGES CAUSED BY USE OF ANY OF THE MATERIAL PRESENTED IN THIS FILE.
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No, you don't have to go to an occult board to find information on casting
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AD&D (tm) spells. We are now going to reveal some of the greatest secrets
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unknown to mortal men for so very very many milenium. This issue of BOOM
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is dedicated to teaching you apprentice fire elementalists a few spells.
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Remember, if the gods don't like you and cause your spells to backfire, it
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ain't our fault.
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Magic Missile (Wizard 1st level):
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This idea is from Sophere who sugested it as a replacement for the rockets
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used in 'Pin the Rocket on the Moron' (issue 3). We really don't think
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you should do that. But, you can if you want to. Remember, if you get hurt
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it ain't our fault.
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Spell Components:
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1 multi-staged rocket engine
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some gunpowder
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some good duck tape
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1 rocket igniter
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Directions:
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Take the mulit-staged rocket engine and put gunpowder in the end opposite to
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the one you ignite. Now, cover the end you put the gun powder in with duck
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tape. Ignite the engine and run.
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A Brief Lesson on Rocket Engines:
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Rocket engines come in two kinds: one stage and multi-stage. One stage
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engines just run out of power and die. Multi-stage engines run out of fuel
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and then set off a small explosion design to start the next engine (or for
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this experiment, the gun powder). This is why you need a multi-stage
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engine. Rocket engines also have different sizes: A, B, C, and D are the
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most common and most easily accessable. Some small companies also produce
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larger (E, F, and G) engines. For this project we recommend A's and B's.
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The larger engines would make the rocket travel too far before exploding.
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Burning Hands (Wizard 1st level):
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This spell is most definitely NOT recommended for novice spell casters.
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Only high level casters are able to cast this spell without injuring
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themselves.
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Spell Components:
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lots of holy fire water (gasoline)
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1 disposable magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo variety)
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Directions:
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Dip your hand into the holy fire water. This is to purify your hand so it
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can recieve the gift of fire from the magic fire wand. After your hand has
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been purified, light the magic fire wand and touch it to your palm. Your
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hand now has the power to start small fires. If you are only a novice spell
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caster, you will now feel some slight discomfort. This is why this spell is
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only recommended for experienced fire elementalists.
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Flaming Sphere (Wizard 2nd level):
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The Flaming Sphere spell creates a burning globe within ten yards of the
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caster (usually right next to him/her). Flammable substances are set afire
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by contact with the sphere.
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Spell Components:
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1 large ball of cotton (or other fabric)
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some vasoline
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1 disposable magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo variety)
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Directions:
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Depending on the size of the sphere you wish to create, you may wish to
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soak the fabric in holy fire water before beginning. Afterwards, you cover
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the fabric (soaked or not) in vasoline. Make sure you have lots of vasoline
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as this is what controls the spell duration. Then, add holy fire water
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and/or holy fire powder to taste. Light the sphere with your magic fire
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wand and run (or fly away on your magic carpet).
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Flame Arrow (Wizard 3rd level):
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This spell enables the wizard to turn normal arrows or crossbow bolts into
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magical flaming missiles.
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Spell Components:
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1 arrow (or crossbow bolt)
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some of which ever mixture you choose (see list below)
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1 disposable magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo variety)
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Directions:
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Cover the arrow (or crossbow bolt) with the mixture you elect to use. Then,
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light the tip of the arrow with your magic fire wand. Afterwards, load up
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the arrow and fire it. Watch out though, this spell has one wierd side
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effect. Whoever you hit (if you're lucky enough to hit anyone) will be very
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pissed off at you. This spell has been known to cause frenzy and/or raise
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the target's morale to 20. In other words, get ready to run the hell away.
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Mixtures:
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1. Chud (issue 1): Chud and it's varients have long been used by wizards for
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spells such as this. It doesn't stick quite as well as the other
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mixtures, but it's flammability is high.
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2. C & C Hellfire Mix (issue 2): C & C Hellfire Mix serves an important
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purpose. It allows magicians who cast Flame Arrow to save their arrows
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for later use. However, mages using C & C Hellfire Mix do give up some
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flammability.
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3. Holy Vasoline Mixture (this issue): The vasoline and holy fire water mix
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listed under Wall of Fire in this issue also works well in the Flame
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Arrow spell. It is quite possibly the best mixture of flammability and
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sticking power that can be achieved.
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4. Straight Holy Fire Water: Yes, you can just use holy fire water for this
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spell. However, the spell duration is cut short. Therefore, it is not
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recommended.
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Wall of Fire (Wizard 4th level):
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Here are the instructions for the 4th level wizard spell 'Wall of Fire.'
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It is recommended that you have a quick escape route (car, magic carpet,
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ect.) from where ever you cast this spell.
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Spell Components:
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1 part holy fire water (gasoline)
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2 parts vasoline
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1 disposable magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo variety)
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Directions:
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Mix the gasoline and vasoline together in your enchanted kettle. Make sure
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to stir them up real good. If you don't, the spell will not function
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correctly. Now, put the mixture on a wall (or other solid object). The
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vasoline causes the gasoline to stay in place. After you cover the wall
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with the mixture, light your disposable magic fire wand and throw it at the
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wall. Be sure to say the magic words "Fire, Fire, Fire!" as you throw the
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wand.
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Beware, further issues to come...
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